what to do? Help!

MyTeddyBoy · March 2015

So my husband wants his mom to be at the hospital when we have the baby, I understand he wants to share this experience with his mom but the problem is she doesn't like me. It makes me feel unconfortable thinking about her being there but I feel bad telling my hubby she can't be there. What do I do?

blankenbakerh · March 2015

If it were me I would explain to him that you just aren't comfortable with your lady bits being out there for her to see. That you really just prefer for it to be you and him. That she can wait and come in after the baby is born when you are done and more covered up. Explain to him you want that bonding time with him and the baby in those first few moments and that labor and delivery is a very intimate thing that you want shared only with him. The thing is that you need to be completely comfortable during labor or it could possibly hinder or slow your progress. Explain this to him. Not trying to sound harsh but it's about you being comfortable not about what he wants.... Hopefully if you explain this to him he will be supportive and understand. I would tell him that's what you need from him, his support. That's it's nothing personal against his mom but you prefer that time alone with him.

MyTeddyBoy · March 2015

Thank you so much. I will tell him that..

rosannewild · March 2015

My hospital allows a partner present and a support such as a doula. Grandparents are not In the birthing room during delivery. See about what your hospital allows. Maybe you can avoid a lengthy discussion altogether.

duynguyen51 · March 2015

I know you care about your hubby and his feelings but this isn't really about him. As long as he get to be in there when you give birth then that's what important. I made it very clear to my hubby that I don't want anybody else in the room when delivering baby because I need to feel relax and comfortable and he totally get it. Maybe you should have a talk with him and discuss how you feel. I'm sure he will be ok with it, and his mom could still see the baby after you delivered.

beaseg · March 2015

Agree with pp. Very sweet of you to care so much. But you're going to push a human out of your lady bits, so I think all should be done to make you as comfortable as possible.

a316b · March 2015

I totally lied and said MIL wasn't allowed in the room according to hospital policy. She was pushy about it, not my DH. That was pre-delivery.

Once I was moved and settled in new mom Wing I was more open to her visit... And then she brought friends I had never met before... And their husbands and teenagers.... WEIRD. AWKWARD. Just.. No!

By #3, we've made it quite clear that it's not cool to do that. Glad my husband is on my side- not sure what I'd do if he wasn't supportive of that.

I would just respectfully repeat "no, no, no" and then tell the labor and delivery nurse that only your husband is allowed. They're good at enforcing that sort of thing.

luna8433 · March 2015

If it is really important to your Dh I would suggest that she wait in the waiting room. That way she can still give her support and will be there when the baby is born but not be in your way.

LadyBlood · March 2015

My husband's mom and little sister are going to make the 4 hour drive when I go into labor, but if they arrive before he's born, they have to wait in the waiting room (husband agreed) until I'm ready for visitors. I see nothing wrong with immediate family being at the hospital as long as they are respectful and understand it could be a long wait.

prettilee · March 2015

To me, there is a difference in your husband wanting his mother to be at the hospital while you are in labor, and him wanting his mother to be in the delivery/labor room with you. I see no issue with anyone who wants to be there, hanging in the waiting room while you are in labor. But being in the room with you, that's another story, and you should put your foot down in as many ways as possible (telling DH, telling your OB, telling the nursing staff, your OB) that you do not wish to have anyone other than DH in the room with you. I'm pretty sure that when I go into labor, there will be a whole slew of people waiting in the waiting room for the arrival, but I am going to be pretty adamant that once labor really gets going, I only want DH to be there with me, and possibly my mom if she is there.

CateOfChicago · March 2015

Tell him to grow up. This is about the two of you starting your family. His mommy can come later.

rosannewild · March 2015

My mom and my MIL will both be at the hospital, but in the waiting room. They will come in only if I ask for them to and leave to go back to the waiting room when I need a break Or am delivering. My mom was present with my other sisters baby births but she acknowledges that I am a completely different bird. She just feels honored to be at the hospital, period.

pregohancey · March 2015

Labor is already stressful enough. Explain to him that although you respect the desire he has for his mom to be there, you really need her not to be in the delivery room so you can calmly focus on what you need to do to make this a good experience for you and the baby. Remind him how much you love him and are excited to share your little one with his mom after you've given birth and are ready to have others around you.

kristaelaine86 · March 2015

You will be amazed at how overwhelming it is to have a bunch of people in there anyway, even if you are super comfortable with her. It's hard not to be irritable when you're in that much pain and it's important to stay focused. You have to think about yourself, it's yours and DH's experience.

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