Shower selfishness?

zoeyny · March 2015

So I have been here since September but have never started a discussion. My mother wants to throw a baby shower after the baby is born. We will have to travel by car 6 hours to get there. Driving with a newborn seems like a nightmare, plus I plan on bf so that would include more stops on the way. I doubt I can ask everyone to get a tdap shot, so that adds to the stress of the situation. I think my mother wants to show of her grand baby to her family and isn't considering how I feel. I don't want to appear selfish, but this shower sounds like a nightmare!!!!! Thoughts ladies?

lisalisanorgren · March 2015

Maybe wait until the baby is 2 months and has had their first round of shots and is a little easier to manage? My other suggestion at the party (my MIL wants to do something similar) is to keep the baby in a tight carrier so that people can look but not touch so much. When they ask to hold the baby just say "baby is happy in here!"

lola2bee · March 2015

I would say no thank you to this. No amount of presents could get me in a car for 6 hours with my newborn. :-/

jerseymommatobe · March 2015

I am having a meet and greet after the baby but it's not a 6 hour drive away. That seems really difficult! As far as everyone being vaccinated, that's definitely a judgement call but I do not plan on offering my baby to be held by others and plan on just me,husband or grandparents to hold the baby.

xxyourstrulyxo · March 2015

@zoeyny My mom literally wants to do the same exact thing!!! Throw a get together to see the baby for all of our family and friends that are all out of state in Michigan in the summer after the baby is born. We know nobody here in Illinois where I'm living now, so I'm not having a shower, and I guess this is what she has decided would be a good alternate. In my mind I can't think of anything but awful idea! Traveling and family is stress enough, let alone to throw a newborn into the mix!! I'm thinking the same, she just wants the opportunity to show off the baby as this will be her first grandchild as well. How funny we're not alone, lol!

tots325 · March 2015

I won't be having a shower after the baby is born but like you, we don t want to expose the baby to anyone who hasn't gotten their tdap shot. Otherwise they all will wait until the baby is 2 months or at the christening. Just stand your ground, you will be so tired and being in the car for that long won't help either. Just nicely tell your mom wait a llittle bit until the baby is vaccinated. She may be upset and want to show off the baby, but she should understand where your are coming from as she once had a new born herself. Good luck.

beaseg · March 2015

Yeah, my friend's MIL did this too. They went when the baby was 4 weeks old and it was a 4 hour drive. At that age, a lot of newborns actually sleep pretty great. They usually stop sleeping that great around 8-12 weeks. Well, that's a huge generalization. Sorry. Every baby is different. But my kid and the ones I nanny for all did that.

I am not going to be able to get everyone vaccinated but I have mentioned it. I think my parents and my in laws just sort of roll their eyes behind my back and will say some bs "Yeah, we've been vaccinated". Yeah. In 1970....

But my dh doesn't really support me on this (baby will be vaccinated and all immediate family members will, but he thinks I'm overboard to request everyone else).

But if I were you- I'd say thanks, but no thanks. She does want to show off the grandbaby, and that will include making you and baby uncomfortable/stressed for the trip, you will be tired and nursing is exhausting, and on top of that- people will expect to be able to hold the baby. They just will. And your mom will probably think it's rude if you don't let all these people that cared enough to spend money on your kid not hold the baby. So I'd save yourself the drama and stress and say thanks but no thanks.

saric83 · March 2015

I would politely decline just simply based on you don't know how you or baby will be feeling.

curlylaura617 · March 2015

6 hours in a car with a newborn would not be something I'd do. I'd also decline.

ldmw · March 2015

Thanks but no thanks.

ekaeb · March 2015

Do what u feel is rite for urself and baby! I would not do this I am on my third child and for my first one my sister in law did a surprise one of these meet things I was so uncomfortable with anyone holding my baby and then being sick or anything like that

zoeyny · March 2015

Thanks ladies for all the wonderful feedback.. I'm either say no thanks or wait 2 months. I feel a lot better knowing what kind of response to give my mom.

TBsquared · March 2015

With my first daughter, born June 1st, I had a baby shower in August and it was an 8 hour drive. I exclusively breastfed as well, no bottles at all. It was fine. I'll be doing the exact same thing this summer with my new baby, driving 8 hours back home to be in a wedding in August. Baby usually eats every 3 hrs. So in a 6 hour drive that's only 2 stops, which isn't muchh, hubby can grab a snack and some gas while you nurse, change the diaper and your on your way again! Honestly I thought it was going to be hell but it was totally
Fine! Good luck!

MommaMacri · March 2015

I will tell you from experience of the meet and greats you will have people constantly trying to touch the baby. They may not all ask to hold them but I see people constantly trying to touch, kiss, ect.. at showers like that. I would definitely advise against one of these till all shots have been received.

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