Another Girl... (Gender dissapoinment)

rockitmomma · March 2015

So yeah...yesterday we found out its a girl! As a first time mom I am happy just to know what it is. However it's not DH's first time. In fact, he is the father of 3 girls (including a set of twins). So he wasn't exactly elated when we found out the gender.
It didn't help that his daughters pointed and laughed at him when they found out. That seemed to upset him even more.
I asked him yesterday if he was dissapointed and he admitted he was. I figured he would be a little but he is still not acting like himself after over 24 hours of knowing and it's starting to upset me a little. I want my husband back.
Does anyone else have a similar experience? Any advice on how to help him cope?

*My husband is a great father to his girls and loves them deeply. He just really wanted the experience of raising a son of his own. I know without a shadow of a doubt that when I have her and he lays eyes on her that he will be the happiest man alive. We just need help getting through what is happening right now.

jadetree1080 · March 2015

No advice for you, but I feel for you. I just found out today that I'm having a boy. Me and my hubs were hoping for a girl. This is my first, but not my husbands, he has two young boys (and raised 2 step-sons). He says he is not disappointed, and isn't acting disappointed, but he isn't excited either. I'm disappointed... I will admit it. I wanted a girl for him, not to mention a little sister for the boys. I have heard it is really common to have gender disappointment, and of course it goes away, but I feel you, and I'm sorry.

Baby2HG · March 2015

Just give him time.

*My OB once asked me if I wanted a boy or girl. So I said boy. She asked what did my husband want, I said boy. I also added that no matter what sex, we'll be happy with a healthy baby. She then said that she feels God has everything written already, that in time he reveles to us our story in its due time.

mrsalston84 · March 2015

jadetree1080 said:
No advice for you, but I feel for you. I just found out today that I'm having a boy. Me and my hubs were hoping for a girl. This is my first, but not my husbands, he has two young boys (and raised 2 step-sons). He says he is not disappointed, and isn't acting disappointed, but he isn't excited either. I'm disappointed... I will admit it. I wanted a girl for him, not to mention a little sister for the boys. I have heard it is really common to have gender disappointment, and of course it goes away, but I feel you, and I'm sorry.

I am experiencing the same thing well similar my husband has 2 boys and 1 girl and he really wanted our baby to be a girl but its a boy so i could see the disappointment in his face but after the day of the ultrasound he got over it still not a whole bunch of excitement but then again he's not tht type to just show his emotions. I really wanted a girl for him cuz i knw he really wanted a girl....but in my mind i didn't care either way I am just excited to be pregnant with my first baby. So totally understand.

And as for any advice i am so sorry that I dnt have any but i would say just give him some space and time to process it and stuff i just think his hopes were blown and he's gotta snap back on his own.

williamsmm2 · March 2015

My fiancé is really disappointed that we are having a girl. This is the first for both of us. I was really concerned at first, because it seemed like he wasn't as excited about choosing a name or a nursery theme. But we talked about it and he explained that he just always pictured having a boy and he now has to change his thinking. I of course looked it up to see if it's normal for a parent to feel disappointed, and apparently it is! Every day he seems to warm up to it more. I think your husband will come around too

chavemann10 · March 2015

We found out yesterday too that we are having another girl. I'm really disappointed, and DH is too slightly, but we know its all for a reason. My heart goes out to both of you, and know you are not alone.

leyla10 · March 2015

Leave him be, he just needs to process not having a son. Had nothing to do with the girl, it's just knowing it's not a boy.

I was the same way, I'm having my 5th boy. And I needed a little time cuz I knew I wouldn't have that relationship with a daughter. It's no diff for a guy. Pls I think men are so disconnected until the baby arrives, then they are putty

JessandJeremy · March 2015

It just takes time! I don't think it will take this long... But as soon as he sees his baby he won't care!

Miz_Liz · March 2015

JessandJeremy said:
It just takes time! I don't think it will take this long... But as soon as he sees his baby he won't care!

This. I feel like this is the one downside to finding out the sex before the baby arrives - if anyone is hoping one way or another I think that it allows them to feel more disappointed vs. if the baby was physically in front of them and they found out the sex when I think they would just be so excited they wouldn't care. I could be wrong though, but that's just my thought on it.

rockitmomma · March 2015

DH was so excited about having a baby he just had to tell everyone right away. He loves babies so I didn't expect such dissapointment or didn't really think about how he would react to another girl.
If I would have known he would react this way I would Have waited to until she was born to find out the gender.

Since the general consensus is to let him deal with it in his own way I will try to leave him be.

Thanks ladies. Good to know I'm not alone.

JemHolo2015 · March 2015

If my

Baby2HG said:
Just give him time.

*My OB once asked me if I wanted a boy or girl. So I said boy. She asked what did my husband want, I said boy. I also added that no matter what sex, we'll be happy with a healthy baby. She then said that she feels God has everything written already, that in time he reveles to us our story in its due time.

If my OB said this to me I would find a new OB. Seriously, I would find that kind of comment coming from a doctor to be extremely off putting.

OP - just give it time. Actual time, not 24 hours. Honestly, 24 hours is a perfectly normal amount of time to be a little glum about something like this without your wife crying that she "wants her husband back". That's a tad over dramatic. I would be prepared for his disappointment to linger for a bit, perhaps even until the birth.

cowboys2009 · March 2015

I'm sorry your DH is disappointed to the extent of pouting and not acting like himself. We are having our 2nd daughter and even if DH is bummed he has not once shown it. I think it probably helps that DD #1 was desperately hoping for a sister.

Baby2HG · March 2015

JemHolo2015 said:
If my
Baby2HG said:
Just give him time.

*My OB once asked me if I wanted a boy or girl. So I said boy. She asked what did my husband want, I said boy. I also added that no matter what sex, we'll be happy with a healthy baby. She then said that she feels God has everything written already, that in time he reveles to us our story in its due time.
If my OB said this to me I would find a new OB. Seriously, I would find that kind of comment coming from a doctor to be extremely off putting.

OP - just give it time. Actual time, not 24 hours. Honestly, 24 hours is a perfectly normal amount of time to be a little glum about something like this without your wife crying that she "wants her husband back". That's a tad over dramatic. I would be prepared for his disappointment to linger for a bit, perhaps even until the birth.

HAHAHA. Ok. No thanks.

She's amazing in my book. She's been my gyno for 10 yrs now. No way I'm leaving her.

kelseyrayay · March 2015

One of my best friends is having a baby. She had her scan they told her a girl. She was so excited but then she went for another ultrasound today... It's a boy instead! She was disappointed she wanted a girl so bad.

JemHolo2015 · March 2015

Baby2HG said:

JemHolo2015 said:
If my
Baby2HG said:
Just give him time.

*My OB once asked me if I wanted a boy or girl. So I said boy. She asked what did my husband want, I said boy. I also added that no matter what sex, we'll be happy with a healthy baby. She then said that she feels God has everything written already, that in time he reveles to us our story in its due time.
If my OB said this to me I would find a new OB. Seriously, I would find that kind of comment coming from a doctor to be extremely off putting.

OP - just give it time. Actual time, not 24 hours. Honestly, 24 hours is a perfectly normal amount of time to be a little glum about something like this without your wife crying that she "wants her husband back". That's a tad over dramatic. I would be prepared for his disappointment to linger for a bit, perhaps even until the birth.
HAHAHA. Ok. No thanks.

She's amazing in my book. She's been my gyno for 10 yrs now. No way I'm leaving her.

I'm not saying YOU should leave her. If you like her then more power to you. I was just commenting that the idea of a doctor telling me God has a plan would (as a agnostic) turn me off big time.

missmarissa711 · March 2015

Reading your post makes me so sad. I understand how your husband may have really wanted to have a boy, but I hope he snaps out of it and realizes..I am having a baby. A baby

what a blessing to be able to have babies. My good friend Rich has been goin though years of the heartache of trying different methods with his wife to be able to have a baby, and would kill for one. So i mean, A little bummed for a minute sure, but I think it's time for your husband to snap out of it and be there for YOU. This is YOUR first baby and it's terrible that he's making you feel this way. All that matters is a healthy baby. He will come around, if he doesnt..shame on him. But he will and when he meets his little sweetheart he will be so happy. He will have 4 little girls to take care of him forever!

rockitmomma · March 2015

I know he will get over it eventually. He just doesn't seem like himself and he has never not seemed like himself for this long. It's just off putting to me and being pregnant I'm hypersensitive to his feelings, I guess.

I may just be over-analyzing. He may just be acting like his normal self and my perception is off because I know how bad he wanted a boy. I don't know. Wondering if I should ask him whats wrong or not or just continue to wonder if I he is really acting weird or if its just my imagination.

Gah. I feel crazy.

rockitmomma · March 2015

Well I'm not crazy. He has been making comments here and there and I overheard him talking to a friend. I asked him about it and he is still upset. He doesn't quite know how to deal with it and it took him by surprise too. Of course I will break out in tears if I talk about it with him and I don't want to make him feel worse.

So my dad is going to stay for dinner tomorrow and talk to him while I take the girls shopping. I know that my dad will not judge him and will share his own experience and hopefully that will help.

DSculley1824 · March 2015

I hear those of you with gender disappointment. I feel like such a horrible person too. We found out yesterday we are having a boy. I'm not gonna lie we both wanted a girl so bad. I've had a name since I was 12 for a girl and we just both wanted a girl first. We went through fertility treatments so honestly any healthy baby I know I will be perfectly happy with and so will my husband. It's just the initial reaction. I guess I'm just nervous too we won't be able to have any more kids because we had such trouble conceiving this little guy. Which scares me because I eventually want a little girl. But, as time passed (even since yesterday) I just keep looking up nursery ideas and it gets me more excited. I think once we both find a boy name that we can agree on too we will be even more excited.

lilhoek · March 2015

My husband and I went through a very hard year trying to conceive our 3rd child (a miscarriage and 2 ectopics) and then found out we are having (no fertility drugs, no medical intervention, identical) TWINS!!! Complete freak-out. But we also knew, that after having 2 boys, we were going to have family symmetry and have those little girls we have been dreaming about. Big freaking nope. More boys!
I didn't ever ever ever think I wanted girls, until I realized that I am probably not going to have any. And for my husband not to have a little princess, what a punch to the gut. We have known know for almost a month that we are having boys, and we are still not over the touch of disappointment.
Big hugs to your and your sweet husband. How lucky are we that we married men that are sensitive enough to care that much about our children? And no doubt he will be wrapped around your daughter's little finger- even if he has to mourn the idea of not having a son.

CaliforniaDream87 · March 2015

While I will never understand disappointment in regards to the sex of your baby I do hope he moves on from this. Hopefully your dad can shed some light here and he can see the bigger picture.

GL OP!

rockitmomma · March 2015

We had a family dinner out yesterday before him and my dad had "the talk." And he already seemed to be feeling better about, making jokes and laughing about it. After him and my dad talked he felt even better.

It's been my experience that it always helps to talk to someone that's "been there." So it worked!

And as an added bonus him and my dad got to bond so that's great!

mamaz3 · March 2015

We found out a few weeks ago we are expecting a boy, it's my hubby's first and even though he didn't say it I suspect he secretly wanted a boy first. He is over the moon and I resent it a little bit, what if it had been a girl? Would he have been just as happy? Point is I find that personally I am a bit more emotional and sensitive now. Often, after time passes I see I was over analyzing and letting those hormones take over! Also, you probably know the bond between a girl and her father is priceless. Glad to hear things are getting better!

nininou19 · March 2015

@mamaz3 : Same for me we found out yesterday we were having a boy. Husband is so happy and I know he did not say it but I am sure he wanted a boy first. I'm glad it's a boy but would he have been as happy if it turned out to be a girl. Not sure. Anyways now it's a boy and I am glad he is happy but I will always wonder

missmarissa711 · March 2015

nininou19 said:
@mamaz3 : Same for me we found out yesterday we were having a boy. Husband is so happy and I know he did not say it but I am sure he wanted a boy first. I'm glad it's a boy but would he have been as happy if it turned out to be a girl. Not sure. Anyways now it's a boy and I am glad he is happy but I will always wonder

lol! My fiancé says he wants a boy first too but he also would love to have a daughter. He said every man wants a son deep down inside, its just a part of their nature and instinct to pass down there name.

But he also said the thought of holding his baby girl melts his heart so much he cant even think about it too much! lol! He is so sensitive I love it. Anywho, a long 20 week wait, and we find out on march 23rd! cannot wait!

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