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May 2015 Moms
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Sad, no shower. Anyone else?

xxyourstrulyxoxxyourstrulyxo member
in May 2015 Moms
So just as the title says, I'm not having a shower. I'm not originally from the area I'm now in and don't have many (well, any) friends at all. My DH has lots of family here but they are all so unorganized they could never get it together enough to have a shower or do anything for us. I'm not expecting anything from any of them.

My mom is in the area and wanted to throw me a shower (I am her only child and this is her first grandchild!) :) but like I said, there is just no one to invite.

I guess I'm just a little sad and disappointed as this is my first baby and I feel like she isn't getting the shower or welcoming / "celebration" party in honor of her that I would have liked.

I know I probably sound silly and I know she will always have birthdays to celebrate, but still. I just feel like a baby shower would have been a fun thing to do. I have gone to my fair my share of showers and now I'm just a little bothered that I'll never get to experience the joy of my own.

And before anybody says it, yes, I know a baby shower isn't something any of us are "entitled" to and that's not what this is about at all. Who doesn't just love the idea of a party to celebrate their upcoming bundle of joy?
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Re: Sad, no shower. Anyone else?

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  • xxyourstrulyxoxxyourstrulyxo member
    lol... that's funny. That's all I every do anymore, haha. Gotta love that retail therapy!! :) I have already spoiled this baby so much I am definitely not in need of a shower. Like I said it's just the thought of one though =( so no showers in the UK?? I didn't know that!
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  • leelee72leelee72 member
    I am having a very small shower it is just immediate family and very close friends it's about 20 people I'm sure your mom could do the same for you just keeping it simple just a small gathering to celebrate the baby
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  • BabyShirahBabyShirah member
    I'm not having one either, but it was my choice. I don't have any family in the area so I just registered online!
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  • catrudkincatrudkin member
    I'm sorry :( I don't have anyone to throw me one either. I'm going against tradition and hostin my own. Maybe it's lame, but I could really use the extras baby supplies! :)
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  • beasegbeaseg member
    awww. that really sucks. I'm sorry!! Do you think you could just have a sprinkle and just like invite 3-4 of dh's family you KNOW would show and have mom host it? Or they wouldn't even show?

    That really sucks. I'm sorry. Pregnancy and motherhood can be isolating at times so it's so much harder being new to the area. I hope you can find a really awesome new mom meetup group and form some strong, fun bonds!
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  • sbride68sbride68 member
    I am sorry. I am sort of in the same boat. DH's family doesn't want to get together and have a shower for me even after they said they would. So a friend took over and is planning a shower which was going to be friends and family on DH's side but his family threw a fit even when it was a party they weren't planning so I just decided to not even invite them if they are going to act like that. Maybe let your mom throw a small shower for you and invite the few you know would show up.
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  • sugar9277sugar9277 member
    I totally understand. I had a very small wedding (immediate family only) so did not have a shower. But, several people told me to go ahead and make a registry just in case. I was so surprised at the wedding gifts sent by people not even invited to the wedding! So nice of them. So, I would say go on and make a registry, even if it's just a few things, so that if there are people who want to send something, they know what you'd like.

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  • lola2beelola2bee member
    The good news is that you'll find having a baby is a great way to meet new friends in the area. Play dates and activities will introduce you to tons of other moms and soon you'll have lots of MNOs if that's something you're interested in. I understand wanting to have a shower because you're so excited but you'll have other wonderful celebrations soon!!!
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  • sassymama15sassymama15 member
    So have a small one with just family! I don't really have any friends where I live either but my family is here and they are throwing me a small one. Initially I was against it bc it's my 3rd, I have a 14yr old and a 3 yr old. But they insist and say it's also because this will be the first girl grandchild out of many in 14 years. I don't need much I bought pretty much everything we need myself, so I asked them to please note on the invites that gifts are optional. I wanted this to be more of a baby celebration not a traditional shower. Either way it's just family but I am totally fine with that!
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  • TBsquaredTBsquared member
    No one has planned one for me yet, although this is my second baby and another girl, so I'm not expecting one at all!! However, in my moms group a lot of us recently had babies and we've thrown a small shower for each of them after the baby is born just to do a meet and greet and everyone just throws $20 in a card so they have a bit of extra money for diapers, wipes etc. So I'm assuming they will do the same for me as well! 

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  • jerseymommatobejerseymommatobe member
    In my religion it can be viewed as superstitious to have a baby shower so I am not having one. We will have everyone over for a meet and greet open house type of party 2 weeks after the baby. Like PP, I still registered and lots of people show up with gifts. It ends up being co Ed and really nice and informal.
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  • OlgaN15OlgaN15 member
    I haven't heard anything about a shower yet for our little one. We moved here more recently and our closest family lives 7 hours away (mine 13). We have friends in the area now, but it's really awkward to just ask if a shower's being planned. We did end up asking someone if it was common, and they said they expected one would be planned, but nothing has happened as of yet. We don't necessarily need a baby shower, but it just feels as if our friends don't care, which is just kind of hard.
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  • xxyourstrulyxoxxyourstrulyxo member
    edited March 2015
    lol...

    Thanks to all who understand and can sympathize, it's nice to know I'm not just out of my tree for feeling the way I do!
    prettilee said:

    I know you said that you don't have many friends in the area, but if your mom is there and willing to throw a shower for you, and your husband has family there, then why couldn't you just have your mom throw the shower and invite DH's family?

     She was actually going to, but that plan fell through. She was going to team up with DH's mom and throw something together, since in all reality his family are the only people we would have to invite, but his mom was a little unthoughtful and didn't get a list together, let alone barely even get back to my mom when she asked for a guest list. My mom was willing to host it and pay for everything. All his mom had to do was come up with a guest list. Some people though... got better things to do I guess...
    jerseymommatobe said:

    In my religion it can be viewed as superstitious to have a baby shower so I am not having one. We will have everyone over for a meet and greet open house type of party 2 weeks after the baby. Like PP, I still registered and lots of people show up with gifts. It ends up being co Ed and really nice and informal.


    I actually really love this idea! Unfortunately the situation still arises with invites for me though, plus his family is sort of scatter-brained and can't seem to meet up for the life of them if it's not about "them." I would have liked to get important things I "need" off my registry before the baby, too, if I had to have a party or get-together at all.

    But this idea is still cute!  :)
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  • prettileeprettilee member
    @xxyourstrulyxo that is just a bummer then! Some people can really be so careless and thoughtless! Sounds like you have a good Mom though!!
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  • Mbryant9Mbryant9 member
    My situation seems similar except our family and friends are all around us. My bridesmaid originally discussed how she would throw my baby shower whenever I became pregnant, but now that we are expecting, I haven't heard a word from her. My family is unfortunately very unorganized, so I'm not expecting anything from them. My husband's family contracted us last night and mentioned they were thinking of having a shower after the baby is born, and my immediate reaction was "what am I supposed to do when the baby arrives?" Naturally, I thanked them, and said whatever they would like to do is fine by me. I just wish I could feel like I'll be prepared when our little one arrives.
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  • R0xanne1634R0xanne1634 member
    I'm the opposite, my mom and mother in law wanna throw me a shower but I don't want one...
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  • nursej519nursej519 member
    You act like it is too late.. So she didn't get the guest list to your mom... There is time. This is a May group, so I am assuming you're due in May. You have time.
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  • xxyourstrulyxoxxyourstrulyxo member
    edited March 2015
    nursej519 said:

    You act like it is too late.. So she didn't get the guest list to your mom... There is time. This is a May group, so I am assuming you're due in May. You have time.

    Unfortunately it's not that easy. My mom likes to plan way ahead, and when his mom didn't get back to my mom she sort of got a little hurt over it (me as well) and we decided it is too stressful trying to chase them down for what is supposed to be a fun, stressless event. All the restaurants and places to have a shower are booked up with brides also, nothing really left open for last-minute planning. And again, they really aren't the type of people to stick to plans. They all cancelled Christmas dinner this year the day of, even. They really just aren't people to plan a shower for.
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  • xxyourstrulyxoxxyourstrulyxo member
    Mbryant9 said:

    My husband's family contracted us last night and mentioned they were thinking of having a shower after the baby is born, and my immediate reaction was "what am I supposed to do when the baby arrives?" Naturally, I thanked them, and said whatever they would like to do is fine by me. I just wish I could feel like I'll be prepared when our little one arrives.

    Again, almost the same! Except my mom is now offering to host something out of state (I'm in Illinois and most of our family is in Michigan) for the baby and I after the baby is born. I did the same thing you did and thanked her, said whatever she wanted to do was fine... but in my mind that sounds like complete stress!! A brand new baby and she wants me to travel to a party for baby and I out of state?? I'm already probably going to be on a whacky sleep schedule and be totally thrown for a loop trying to adjust to a new life with baby, I can't imagine wanting to deal with that mess... lol.
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  • gflan425gflan425 member
    We just moved and have no family or friends in our area. Its a little disappointing but DH and I will have more time to bond over baby shopping.
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  • saric83saric83 member
    xxyourstrulyxo said:

    nursej519 said:

    You act like it is too late.. So she didn't get the guest list to your mom... There is time. This is a May group, so I am assuming you're due in May. You have time.

    Unfortunately it's not that easy. My mom likes to plan way ahead, and when his mom didn't get back to my mom she sort of got a little hurt over it (me as well) and we decided it is too stressful trying to chase them down for what is supposed to be a fun, stressless event. All the restaurants and places to have a shower are booked up with brides also, nothing really left open for last-minute planning. And again, they really aren't the type of people to stick to plans. They all cancelled Christmas dinner this year the day of, even. They really just aren't people to plan a shower for.
    I know this doesn't help the overall situation, but I think you need to lower your expectations for your IL's.  If this is normal routine for them, try not to let your feelings be hurt if you know this is something they do for everything, not just something specific for you. 

    And why couldn't your DH figure out the list for his side of the family??  I didn't ask my MIL to provide a list (for the shower my mom is hosting.)  My DH provided the list, and I found everyone's address via whitepages.com or contacted them myself, and then I just ran it by her to see if we were missing anyone.  She didn't respond quickly, so we just went with what we had as-is.  

    Also, I just wanted to toss out there that showers aren't a "stressless" event.  Anyone who has ever hosted one or any other event can tell you that it can absolutely be stressful.  So the idea that it shouldn't have been would certainly be ideal but absolutely isn't realistic. :)
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  • daiseyc123daiseyc123 member
    I'm not having one, either and am a bit bummed. DH feels like showers are gift grabs (which they are to some extent) and neither my family nor his family are into it. While I do have a few friends who would like to throw me a shower, I feel guilty making them come from far away (airplanes) for an event with only 4-5 attendees.

    Instead, I'm planning on a doing a sip and see (hopefully over Memorial Day weekend) in our summer community when both family and friends should be in town for the long weekend anyway. If Baby arrives later than expected, I think we'll hold off until 4th of July weekend.
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  • tots325tots325 member
    I felt the same way, I moved to another country but hubby s family was there, didn't throw a shower, nothing, I was sad, but hubs and I just did our own shopping. Ten years later I'm back home where my family is and both my mom and sis are excited to throw one bc they couldn't the first time around. Plus, his mom is coming in and plan to do one too for us with his family. It only took a second pregnancy and 10 years to finally get one but this will be special as my first born, now 9, will be there to celebrate the coming of her little sister. Don't worry too much about it, that baby will be showered with lots of love which is what really matters. :)
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  • ashby83ashby83 member
    I am having two very small showers: one with friends and one with my side of family. I feel like I kinda forced my friend and sister to throw them because I was open with my disappointment that no one wanted to throw me a shower. I feel like they are doing it out of obligation now. So I almost wish I wasn't having them. How pathetic of me, I know.

    I know my hubby's side of the family just isn't organized or willing to throw me one so I know what you mean in terms of the disorganization.
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  • Swan22job445Swan22job445 member
    I am kind of in the same boat & had a random acquaintance offer to throw one. Here is what I am doing--I'm involved in planning & I'm inviting people that I want to come &/or think might want to come support our family. My husband will be there along with my first child & a few of her friends. We are just going to do it---wish me luck & good luck to you!
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  • hannahhassonnhannahhassonn member
    Hey. I'm totally in the same boat and had a good cry about it with my husband. This probably sounds selfish, but we just really need the gifts as this baby is coming at a financially difficult time for us. But like you, I didn't grow up here and there's no family around. So I made a registry anyway and am praying that people help us out. I got married in October so it feels like I've already had my "party" so I'm not expecting much. Husband and I are just keeping all the baby prep very simple. Baby may not have an award winning nursery but he definitely has an award winning dad, and a mom who loves him. Good luck!
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  • Bmore112Bmore112 member
    When my first daughter was born my family was going through a lot of drama and no one came to avoid each other. I found that my mom, 2 co workers, one close friend, and one cousin were plenty. We had a great time and I don't feel like I missed anything. Maybe you can just invite neighbors, co workers, and family. I would let your mom throw it and chance it. Even if it is just you and your mom there. I guarantee you will have fun with her. Make the best with what you have. Where are you located? Maybe there are more bumpies in your area.
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  • akonkleakonkle member
    Perhaps you can consider a meet the baby type of event as a kind of shower that some women now have... Maybe you'll also have met some people by then but it might make it easier to have DH 's family...
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  • madisongg92madisongg92 member
    @xxyourstrulyxo I know to an extent how you feel my parents are divorce and don't get along my mom is having a shower for me very very small tho like less than 20 people my dad's family on the other hand well I haven't heard anything about them throwing me one so I would assume there not. And I am grateful for the one I am having. But I completely understand your sadness in not having one as well as not having people to invite I felt like I was pulling people out of the woodwork to come up with the 20 people I did invite
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