Pity Party

NeonNoon · March 2015

Use this thread to whine about your symptoms, life, the universe.. etc.

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AFM, my misanthropic tendencies are being tremendously reinforced. My parents have only been visiting for a few days and I've had my fill many times over. There is a near constant barrage of, "we don't want to be a burden, we're here to help," all while they track dirt all over the house, drop crumbs everywhere, and make a bigger mess when they try to 'help'. Now some of this is due to disability, so I don't blame them for those aspects, but it doesn't reduce any of the burden on me. Let alone I'm still left planning/cooking the meals, in spite of their, "don't worry about our food". Well if I don't, who will? They can't get the groceries and barely cook. Then there's the constant, "don't squat, don't lift that.. etc," while not offering to do the squatting, lifting for me. How do they think I spent the previous 38 weeks of my pregnancy?

Then there's the re-litigation of my dietary choices. I started making changes about 3 years ago due to poor health. They know exactly why I made each change and how much it's helped me. But my mom still wants to 'help' by feeding me things that make me ill. And wants to argue with me when I refuse. (I went out of my way to stock foods they might want to eat that I don't.)

DH is looking for new work, so he's stressed on and off and drags me into his stress. Luckily, we don't have $$ problems or it would be much worse.

Did I mention my dad arrived nursing a cough? Yeah, he thought it was reasonable to expose a pregnant woman and/or a newborn to a cough. I'm not sick yet, but if LO or I do get sick, I'll be quite angry.

My mom also asks me if I'm in pain at random moments through the day. I wish it were out of authentic concern. She's just being impatient about me going into labor.

So, yeah, I just want to get in the truck and go hide in the woods and deliver this baby in peace. Thankfully, they move to a hotel next Sunday. But then I have my lovely in-laws to look forward to. My MIL broke her arm just before Christmas, but insisted on 'helping' while they visited over the holidays instead of canceling the trip. It was a disaster, needless to say. Her arm hasn't healed properly yet and she has developed numbness in her legs due to a pinched nerve. I'll spare you the details about my FIL except to say that he's the worst of the bunch. They're all going to be in the same hotel and hopefully not our problem. I'm glad we only have to put up with them for a few weeks.

Is there a pregnant version of bridezilla? It might be time to unleash pregnantzilla. I feel better already

KaLikeAWind · March 2015

I'm having mad parental annoyance, and my dad isn't even in my house, and I'm not even near your stage in pregnancy! Just... Hugs. Cause I already want to shout at people, and by comparison you've got it worse than I do.

AmommyB · March 2015

It sounds like you need a vacation! The only thing I'm dealing with now is "you need a boy" bs and names being constantly thrown at me. We are also TRYING to update our home before baby's arrival and hubby is swamped at work so I'm feeling impatient. I'm sorry your folks are stressing you out, maybe you could go out with some girlfriends one night? Mine always manage to cheer me up...even though they are constantly handling my belly lol! Best wishes

niknak1208 · March 2015

Ooh I love this thread already.

I have several complaints. lol

I'm getting really pissed off at our director at work who feels the constant need to look me up and down in judgement. yes, I am fat. I am almost 27 weeks pregnant lady! So excuse me if I don't join you in your wheat grass shots and 11 flights of stairs at lunch time. Seriously. Not to mention that fact that she seems to have something against me this year in general and feels the need to say shitty things to me in front of our entire department. I actually had a coworker pull aside another member of my team and tell them that I'm clearly being bullied and that someone on my team needs to do something about it. My team member went to our manager about it who got weapy about it and said she didn't know what to do. Well the truth is that this director doesn't respect my manager either so my manager complaining to her about it probably won't do a damn thing! I'm glad that other people notice that she's acting that way toward me.. at least I know I'm not crazy and taking things too personally.. but it's irritating for sure.

DH is driving me a tad bit nuts as well. Yesterday I cleaned ALL day. Literally from 8am until about 4pm.. I cleaned. Moving furniture to vacuum under it. Washing walls. Doing a crap ton of laundry. Wiping down cabinetry. Organizing closets. Nesting to the fullest. We have slip covers on our couches and I took those off and threw them through the wash.. I like to wash them every couple of months. They needed it. They are the expensive sure fit kind and they're super awkward to get back on. So while I'm standing there.. struggling to get the covers back onto the big chair.. he's just laying on the couch.. watching me.. doing nothing. While I'm carrying loads of laundry up the stairs.. and my loads are huge because I hate putting clothes away so I tend to mound the baskets up way too high.. not once does he offer to carry them up the stairs for me. Then I'm in our bedroom trying to get DD to nap.. DS is out in the living room with DH and then comes barging into the bedroom to say that daddy's asleep can I lay in here.. great.. so then DD never went to sleep. No one went to sleep except daddy! really irritated me.

I'm also super annoyed with his job. He took a new job last August and in the long run it really seemed like a good decision and they had a lot of incentives and their compensation package and benefit package was better.. etc. Well turned out that they never really honored the compensation piece so it ended up being a pretty huge paycut. soo we end up digging into our savings pretty substantially to pay bills while he's making like no money! So he decides to go back to his old job.. which he HAD to do because we seriously could not live on what he was getting paid. But the plan was to be in management. I find out last week that his boss offers him the director of transportation position.. which would have been a HUGE raise.. without even talking to me.. he turns it down. Seriously? I get that he was nervous about it.. that he wasn't sure he wanted to work that many hours.. that he wasn't sure he wanted to do the required travel.. but listen.. you're telling me that you want me to stay home after the baby is born.. I want to stay home after the baby is born.. my job has high demands and stress.. I'm already burnt out as it is with two kids.. and you just turn down a huge opportunity because you don't feel like working the hours?

mattandlora · March 2015

@neonnoon - That sounds, so, familiar. Just like when my family visits. For example, I had knee surgery a few years ago. I hobbled around behind my mom on crutches, cleaning up after her. Thanks for the "help" mom. But thankfully, DH's mother actually IS helpful. She plans on coming about 1 week before my due date. Hope the baby doesn't have plans to come earlier! Actually, I kind of hope she does, because I've reached the "SO done with this pregnancy" point now.

mattandlora · March 2015

Ok, so here is my pity party.

We are trying to transition DS to a toddler bed. He actually loves it. Why? Because he likes the option of crawling out of bed whenever the mood strikes him. DH and I do NOT like this. He is happy to lie down and go to sleep when he's tired. But when he wakes up at 3am, or 4am, raring to go, he starts crying because there's nothing to do in his room (hmmmm, like THAT wasn't by design). When we go in to check on him to see why he's crying, he says "Hi mommy (daddy). Play?" Then he tries to run past us and down the hall to his toys. Obviously we stop him. This leads to a crying meltdown and he refuses to go back to bed. He wants to play. Repeat this activity many times over for as long as we can tolerate it. Eventually we give up and put him in his crib, where he can't escape, and he cries himself back to sleep in frustration. Without the crib, he'd just run off and never go back to sleep. He hates his crib now that he knows there is a "better" option.

I've been up since 3am today because of this. Prior to the 3am wake-up, I was up to pee twice and up to clear out my sinuses twice. Each time took me another 15-30 minutes to fall asleep because I'm just huge and uncomfortable. Then DH complains that he's tired and it's MY turn to get the toddler? I don't THINK so. I said this morning that unborn DD is already keeping me up several hours per night, and he should have to deal with DS. He doesn't get it.

jerseygirl227 · March 2015

Yikes, ladies! I am so sorry to hear about your BS, especially @neonnoon and @niknak1208.

My complaints are not that big of a deal compared to the rest. I slept like crap last night, almost knocked the fiance off the bed, lol. Just couldn't get comfortable. My hips hurt all the time. Can't imagine how much worse it will be the further along I get.

My sister (who you may remember lives with us) is driving me crazy. We had a nice Saturday together, but then she started drinking and pretty much was petty and obnoxious. I've lived with her most of my entire life (even as an adult) and I just can't take it anymore. She drinks on the weekends and then lies on her ass and watches sports all day and yells at the tv. She never cleans anything in the house. She won't talk to me about the baby, but she'll tell all my family back east all about everything, like it's her pregnancy or something. I seriously can't wait to move. And she curses ... a lot. Take the Lord's name in vain all the time, but insists that she's gonna be my daughter's godmother. Really? Look, I'm no prude. I curse sometimes and, before becoming pregnant, I indulged in my share of drinks; but she is over the top. I just really want to be out of there. And the fiance doesn't always understand. He just says "that's the way she is." Well, I have lived with her for nearly 40 years (he's only had the pleasure for three), so excuse me if I have hit my limit with all the crap. We probably can't move until the fall, so I will just have to be as tolerant as I can until then.

Wow. Guess I needed to vent, lol.

niknak1208 · March 2015

mattandlora oh how I have been there!! My son is 6 but when we transitioned him into a big boy bed it was the same thing. For some reason he became a super early riser and would get up at 4-4:30am every single day. Even weekends. It didn't matter. He would be up and ready to go. He's calmed down a bit since then but I swear he still thinks he's a farmer and he's up to milk the cows at 5am. lol No idea why. DD is 2 and she's in her crib but lately she fights sleep like nobody's business! She just hates it. I rock her for a bit and we might sing songs or read books and then she'll point to her crib and tell me she wants to lay down. I put her to bed .. she says love you mamma.. goodnight. 10 minutes later. .she's screaming her head off .. yelling I don't want to go to bed. What??!! I let her cry usually but most of the time she never stops. I go in there and she has herself all in a tizzy.. snot running everywhere.. tears all over.. she's standing there blankie and pillow in hand.. saying I want to go to big bed... I want to go to big bed.. (which means our bed). I take her sometimes but when she falls back asleep I take her back to her crib. Last night she was not having it. Every single time I tried to move her back to her bed.. it was a meltdown. I finally gave up.

mindaa · March 2015

@neonnoon - I'm so sorry! That's my worst fear. We're going to have month of House Guest from both sides, but I'm blessed that family has agreed to wait until after delivery. Definitely will be happy for some time for dh and to get our bearings

supersarah77 · March 2015

@NeonNoon, oh my gosh, what a lot for you! Thank goodness everyone will be going to the hotel soon! I hope you can focus on caring for LO and not have added stress of taking care of parents on top of it.

@niknak1208 - what an awful work environment! It's nice to be validated and have people stick up for you, but sheesh, this director seems to have so much power and is awful.

@mattandlora - what you described is my worst fear for transitioning DD from the crib to a bed. And I think my DH would behave similarly, placing the burden on me, and I would just deal because it's less energy and stress than dealing with it PLUS bickering with DH. Ugh. Hugs to you!

My pity party is insomnia every freaking night (like right now) and OH MY ACHING HIPS!

niknak1208 · March 2015

supersarah77 It seems like there's always one personality in the office that is just impossible... that's her. My immediate team is great. I get along with all of them. The manager I directly report to is great. She supports me. She has faith in my work product and my knowledge/experience. She doesn't micromanage. The only problem is that she reports to this director and this director is really hard to work with. She is really good at intimidating people and pushing them into a corner and people just end up doing what she wants. Even our VP is like that with her. He's a super nice guy and still he just does whatever she says. It doesn't help that she's tall, extremely fit, and beautiful. I think that just adds a layer. lol So I often feel torn about it. Part of me wants to confront the situation because I hate sending the message that it's ok to bully me or that I'm not strong enough to stand up for myself .. neither of which is true. But on the other hand I'm 3 months away from having this baby and I'm already exhausted and overwhelmed so do I really want to deal with it right now?? I do worry about whoever will be covering my desk when I'm on maternity because I feel like she may pressure them to try to dig around and find something that could get me into some sort of trouble. I KNOW there's nothing to be found because I don't do anything that could get me in trouble. lol But I just think she wouldn't be upset if I didn't come back. It's so weird how things work out because when I started here .. I had orientation and she presented because we work in HR and HR puts on the orientation and she was so nice and so warm to me and she would walk by and rub my shoulders or just seemed to really be trying to make me feel welcome. I remember calling my mom and saying wow I really like this lady.. she seems really cool and warm and fuzzy.. wow.. what a turnaround. lol

honeydooo · March 2015

@NeonNoon, Goodness! I hope things calm down for you and your LO soon! You need peace and calm right now since your LO is due to arrive any day now!

My pity party is dealing with renovating the other side of the double that I'm living in, which is an absolute mess (Total update of bathroom-bleeding, maroon walls, crumbling mirror/medicine chest and vanity and toilet that I want to either drop a bleach bomb on or throw out completely) before my LO arrives in August. I'm also semi-freaking out at the thought of not having another job (either part-time or remote) before my current job ends at the end of this month.

marijaa333 · March 2015

@neonnoon I've told my parents they can't come in the first four weeks. We'll pay for help if we need to, but I really couldn't handle *exactly* this kind of thing. So, you're not pregnantzilla, quite the opposite: you're putting up with what i know I couldn't. Your parents are lucky to have such a patient daughter!! I am glad to hear they're moving to a hotel. That should give you some breathing room. I would also advise spelling out the rules. You don't have to be mean, but it might help if you firmly tell them what subjects and behaviors are off limits, because you need to be as stress-free as possible right now.

NeonNoon · March 2015

Thanks for all the sympathy. I hope you are all coping with your difficult circumstances!

I do have some regrets about the timing of the parental visit @marijaa333. When you're wiped out and hormonal is not the best time to test your boundary assertion skills! Surprisingly, though, after a few extra days of practice and reorientation, I think I've succeeded at not letting the bad old family dynamics reestablish themselves, and it's no longer exhausting to be assertive. I think my parents' behavior has slightly improved too as a result.

They're spending some of their time at a hotel because they broke some rules. I had agreed to host them for 2 weeks with clear dates and held the line when they tried to renegotiate several times. Then they went and bought their tickets for 3 weeks anyway and told me after the fact. This is more obnoxious than it seems because our home is also our workplace. So, I called them out on it and they offered to stay at a hotel.

The in-law visit is postponed indefinitely due to the health problems. I just hope we can keep them away around the likely peak time for LO's fussing, at 6 weeks of age.

It's quite challenging to try to be kind and allow access to the future grandkid, while being assertive and looking out for your own needs.

jerseygirl227 · March 2015

NeonNoon said:

It's quite challenging to try to be kind and allow access to the future grandkid, while being assertive and looking out for your own needs.

I bet! My fiance's mom passed away in October, and his father hasn't been a part of his life since he was little, so there is no in-law drama there. My parents live across the country, but I think they will be pretty good about things. I do have two sister-in-laws that I hope I don't tick off too much during the process.

mattandlora · March 2015

NeonNoon said:

It's quite challenging to try to be kind and allow access to the future grandkid, while being assertive and looking out for your own needs.

THIS

mindaa · March 2015

Well said. I also realized that part of my anxiety over their visits comes from knowing how important it is for the grandparents to have a positive time, and worrying that I will impede that in my tired/grouchy/hormonal state.

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