- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
September 2015 Moms
tylermkouns
member
Mother in-law issues?
tylermkouns
member
Is anyone else having issues with their mother in law? Ever since I've been pregnant she has tried to take over. It started off with "I'm having a nursery here, I just need to choose the theme. So anything you get double of I'm going to need." Which I'm fine with her having necessitys but I don't think she needs to have a "theme" for the room. I then said my cousin offered to watch on the weekends if we wanted a date night and she said "don't worry I'm going to be your only babysitter" and has said "any time I'm not at work I'm going to keep the baby just come and get them" umm no. I think it's disrespectful to just come take my child without asking. And she acts like my family shouldn't have anything to do with us or the baby. But today she called my husband and told him she heard of bloodwork I could get done that would tell the gender now instead of waiting. She offered to pay for it, but that's not how I want to find out. I want to see it on the ultrasound and have a moment where I see it and it becomes real. When I told my husband he gets mad and says I'm trying to keep her from having anything to do with the baby, and I know when she sees me she's gonna play it off like I hate her and use this whiny voice she has until I agree. Which I really don't hate her, it's just I've not done one thing the way I want during this pregnancy. It's always her way. How do I tell her to back off? What do I say to my husband? I really do like my mother in law I'm just so tired of this. She's stressing me out.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Mother in-law issues?
I've been in the hospital before with her there, and have seen her with other relatives. Her fussing etc drives me nuts, and I need as much peace and calm at that time as possible.
Constantly reminding my husband we need boundaries.
When I was pregnant with my first, we saw her a total of 4 times (we live 10 mins away from her). Everytime we saw her she would want to see if my butt got bigger and would grab my arm and whip me around to see, told me not to buy anything new because it is a waste of money, told me breastfeeding is awful, and that is just a few things. She asked what we would like as a baby gift and knowing that she doesn't have a ton of money, I suggested the matching change table to match the crib my mom and dad bought us. She resisted and got us 3 articles of clothing from a garage sale. She eventually got us the change table, a week before my daughter was born. She offered her help if I needed it but she can't really help until she had surgery (minor, bottom of the waiting list surgery). I personally invited her to my baby shower. She didn't come. I have heard about 4 or 5 different reasons why she couldn't come.
I told my husband that after our daughter was born I would tell him when I was ready for visitors at the hospital. I was in labour for 41 hours, didn't give birth until late that night, and she was walking in the hospital room at 8 am sharp... I wasn't even dressed yet. On top of that, the next day my FIL came to visit (they are separated and he lives 16 hours away) and she came in, first thing in the morning again and she started to ask him why he was there, when he got to town and so forth, neither one of them noticed me or the baby.
Our first day home, my hubby invited both my MIL and FIL to visit that evening. We had set a time at 5 pm, they didn't show until 9 pm and stayed until midnight. I should have closed the door in their face. She also had a habit of letting herself in when she would come over. My husband said he had discussed this with her, but I started locking the door before she came over so she can learn to knock first.
She would come over whenever she pleased and when it was convenient to her. Many of her visits were until 10pm or midnight. I had enough and gave her one day a week for 3 or 4 hours. I saw a text on my husband's phone from his FIL that my MIL calls him all the time crying because she doesn't see the baby as much as my parents (my parents also live 10 mins away but they waited for me to call them, kept their distance, and were happy to see the baby once or twice a week).
When my daughter was 6 mths old, we found out through a friend that my then 33 year old BIL and his 17 year old secret girlfriend were pregnant. My MIL knew and didn't tell my husband. My BIL is a drug user/dealer who is attracted to young girls, and blackmails anyone he can for money, so we never brought our daughter to my MIL's because he lives there. That is around the time thing between my husband and her started to become strained and we didn't see her again until my daughter's first birthday when she came for 30 mins then left. She has been out of our lives pretty much for the past 2.5 years.
2.5 years later my husband felt a need to have her in his life again. I will say that in all those years she never called, sent a card, texted, nothing. She wouldn't even return my husbands phone calls or texts to her. Since October, she has come by 3 times. Every time the visit was all about her and how bad her health is... and oh, by the way she nweds a new cell phone and can't afford one, the iphone. My husband bought her one thinking it would help them connect. Not once when she came over did she pay any attention to my daughter. And guess who is letting herself into my house like she owns the place. Me and my hubby actuallu got into a fight over it. I told him what I have been observing and that if she is just coming over to complain about her health that maybe he should visit her alone somewhere else.
Annoys me that after 2.5 years she thinks everything is the same as it was. And it is making me anxious that she is going to do the same thing with this baby. I have already been holding my tongue because it is my husband's mother, but I plan on setting some prettu strict boundries with her. I don't even want her visiting in the hospital, I plan on twlling nurses not to let her in, and she can come over after a couple weeks for 30 mins. Husband doesn't know this yet but he will. Not to sound like an awful person, but life was so good with her out. Our marriage was great, everything was great. Now that she is back, my husband is secretive, doesn't tell me any details of his communications with her, and things have been strained.
She also told me that she will babysit if we need to go to the grocery store because there are deathly ill people in public and my baby shouldn't be out there. She would even refer to my daughter as "HER baby"
Sorry if this turned into a really long rant, but I know how you feel and you need to be the bad guy if your hubby won't back you up. You need to put down boundries ASAP so you don't have to deal with her craziness when baby is here.
With #2 she was terrible about picking the name...it had to be their family name...I said f that! And we didn't tell them the name until birth..at which I had my own mother shove ( not literally) out of the hospital room while I delivered! Lol!
I hate to say she will always try to be that way but you'll learn to not answer the phone or "sleep" when she come bc baby wont remember the beginning of her nuisance! And after that it will be time for a quiet house and baby needs to nap! Lol! Good luck! Just stay strong..and don't call or answer the phone! Lol!
After reading this, I am even more nervous and scared about telling my fiancée's mother. She is already a overbearing and nosey woman! I just keep having a feeling once she knows about the pregnancy it will somehow become all about her and not me. My fiancée keeps asking when are we going to tell his family and I keep putting it off. I keep telling him after my ultrasound, well tomorrow is my 12 week ultrasound... Wish me luck! LOL
I am from a family what gives each other space and mind their own business. So when I got married my mother in law called me and said, " since you are my dil we will talk more and argue over things more." A great way to start. Instead of making it a fun joke she scared me away.
Then there was an issue with how I take care of my dog... A dog!!! He was a chow hound and had the sad/I'm starving look down to perfection. Every time she looked at him she would say how "poor" of a "soul" he is and that "he needs a snack." The snack would sometimes be larger then dinner it self! I told her that he is having weight issues and is on a diet and to stop giving him large amouth of food. Then I would measure out skoops of food and put them in bags and only brings them over. So she would buy her own food and add on to his meals. We would come back home after a weekend and Leto would be 5lbs heavier!! That is like me gaining 15-20lbs in 2 days!!!! In top of that she would lie and say that she only fed him what we have brought over. So I started cooking for him and oh boy that was another LetoWarII where my husband could not take it anymore and he had a ear full from her. "He is not a toy" she would say. And how I am a bad person. And I don't know how to take care of him. And she would try to turn my mom agents me. And I was all crying. And then--ok let me stop.
So yeah. I can't wait for the kid!
My MIL has never even offered to watch my daughter so we can have a night out just us and every time we ask her she says no. My mom passed away and my sister lives in another state. So if it's not one extreme it's the other, I don't know which I would rather have...too involved or not enough.
However, when it comes to your husband you need to tell him he needs to be on board your ship. I had this talk with mine and said that I had been having the divorce word pop into my head more and more after my daughter was born because of his mom. After I let him know that I thought divorcing him might be better than feeling no support, he quickly changed.
Good luck....but really pick and choose. Some battles are not worth it.
But fix it ASAP & if your husband gets mad he'll get over it and realize you are right. Good luck!