People staying at your house when you come home from hospital

CurlyMom78 · February 2015

Is selfish of me to have my DH ask his parents to stay in a hotel if they come up for the birth? I'm not sure if I want people staying with us when we bring her home from the hospital, plus we have to introduce our dog to her. He thinks it's rude and he can't do that. They can afford it. I'm thinking it will be stressful.

ElRuby · February 2015

Personally, I agree with your husband. But if you would be too stressed with them there perhaps it may be better to ask them to wait a couple of weeks to come visit when you have a chance to adjust to life after baby.

sideboth · February 2015

My MIL was with us for two months. That is not happening again. I have already put my foot down and said...Hotel and only after a week or two of the baby being born. My due date is one big secret. Not selfish and I'm sorry I didn't listen to my instincts the first time around.

KaLikeAWind · February 2015

My mom and stepfather will be coming up for a couple of days and they will stay with us, but they aren't going to come until a little while after LO comes. My dad wants to come at some time too, and he will also stay with us. Really bugs me out cause I hate having people in my space. If I could insist either of them stay in a hotel, I would. But I know neither of them could really afford it. For your situation, if you speak with them at all, maybe you could drop a few polite hints about how crowded it is with extra people in the house, and how hard its going to be with new baby just adjusting. Or maybe you and hubby can compromise by having them stay a night in the hotel around the middle of their stay, as a break, like

bossybluejay · February 2015

There is LITERALLY no way in hell my inlaws are staying at our house after I give birth. Eff that times a thousand. I would pay for the hotel room myself before that happened. My husband was warned well in advance that the only person allowed to stay at our house is my mom.

devyns2nd · February 2015

If my granny (my version of a mom) offers to stay with me my husband wouldn't dare say no. If your husband is close with them I would consider his feelings as much as you can.I would remind him that tension would be high with the new baby.

I know I personally will not be tolerating my MIL very well. That feeling is also mutual though.

Knottie64157109 · February 2015

Trust me. They need to stay away. Personal experience with this and I have great in laws. Hormones are a little nutty after birth, your tired, and it's about you bonding; not entertaining others.

CurlyMom78 · February 2015

They are great people and we get along, I'm just not sure if I want them there the day and moment we get home.

jaxonsmommyy · February 2015

I totally agree with you, the first few days the baby is home is something special and also going to be hard. Don't need more stress.

akmhbm924 · February 2015

If ever there was a time to be selfish, this is definitely it! Don't feel bad about wanting/needing time to adjust with your new LO once you get home. Perhaps they could come a few days to a week after you come home from the hospital? I understand family wanting to meet and spend time with the new baby, but there's plenty of time for that AFTER you've settled in at home! It's ultimately your body, your delivery, your baby...and YOUR rules!

ChrisLipstick · February 2015

My mom came and stayed with us for 3 weeks after my first was born. She was super helpful - cooking, cleaning, holding baby, letting me get a bit more sleep. BUT I did also have to get over having any type of privacy as I was always breastfeeding and with sore nipples which, FYI, they recommend that you leave your shirt off and let them air dry. I feel like I was topless for the first month continuously. It was also seriously hot so if she came in our room in the early morning or I had to get something from the living room for LO, I was basically walking around in my underwear. It was fine and I am really glad she was there, but you really need to be aware of the loss of privacy (and you don't want to hide in your bedroom the whole time).

This time around we are thinking of having my MIL come instead. I don't really want someone there this time and I am not sure she is good with babies; however, we need someone to stay with DS during the delivery. I know she will help with cooking, cleaning and entertaining DS so I think it will work out.

ElRuby · February 2015

I think more information about your relationship with them would be helpful.... My family on both sides live close so they would never need to stay.. Have a conversation with DH now about boundaries because staying at a hotel may not help the situation of them being there all day...will they be helpful with cooking and cleaning and respect your privacy when needed? If not, then it is good idea to consider alternatives. Is thee another relative to stay with?

MamaBish · February 2015

I have already explained to DH that I don't want anyone staying at our house for the first couple weeks, I don't care who they are. People can come over during the day, but I am not going to be able to deal with the stress of having houseguests (many of whom would be obnoxious!). Luckily, my MIL is able to stay with my SIL when she comes up but I would also be willing to pay for a hotel for her just so she doesn't stay with us. She is rude and selfish (DH would agree with me!) and I can't even imagine what she would do/say about how we care for LO.

alcrimmins · February 2015

My mom is staying for a couple of days once my DH goes back to work. She will have her own living space in the basement where the guest room is so we can get a little space. She knows and understands that I can't handle house guests longer than 2-3 days before I go nuts.

gilder40 · February 2015

My parents are most likely coming for delivery, and I know my mom will be staying with us. If my dad and brother come (he has autism and can't stay alone), they've talked about pulling their camper up. It'll either park in the driveway and hook up outside, or they'll take it to the local state park. I'm fine with whichever they want to do. I'll be grateful for the extra help.

ksimo6 · February 2015

I agree with you. They should stay elsewhere. The first few days at home are an adjustment period and, if you're planning to breastfeed, you will want the freedom to do so openly in your own home. I would just explain to them that you would like time in the first few days at home to adjust and that, while you would love to have them, house guests would be overwhelming. Your MIL is a mother and has been through this... hopefully, she "gets" it.

My mom came and stayed with us when DD was two weeks old. She would show up on Sunday night and leave Thursday morning... and it was awesome. We had enough time to figure out our rhythem as a family and then my mom came to support me when my husband went back to work.

staceyfern · February 2015

My husband thinks I'm crazy because I told him that I am making my parents stay at a hotel. They are helpless and I cannot take care of a new baby and deal with them all day and night. I am going to need breaks from them. Also I believe that when the baby comes home is time for my husband, me and my stepson. I am fine with people in and out but want to make sure I have time for the four of us to have our time.

annatta79 · February 2015

My mom stayed when DS1 was born. We live in the same town, but she came and stayed for a few days. Totally cleaned and organized my house. DH was not thrilled about it because she put him to work and he just wanted to hang with the baby. I'm guessing that if I told him I wanted her to come and stay after DS2 gets here, he would object. And I would need to respect that objection and we would need to find a compromise.

If you object to his family being in your house, he should respect that and you will need to reach a compromise. Perhaps the hotel idea. Perhaps they get to come and stay at the house, but only after so many days have passed. I wouldn't make it about the dog, that is a minor issue (it might not seem like it now, but it is). Also, be ready for you to change your mind. You may be getting ready to head home and realize you want nothing more than to have another woman there who has done this before. You aren't being selfish and if your in-laws think it is rude, I'm guessing they will get over it.

Harperdawn · February 2015

My fiance is going to start his new job the same day of my c section so my friend and mom are coming to stay. My mom will keep my daughter at my house and my friend will stay at the hospital with me. As much as im not thrilled to have people around a lot afterbbut ill need it since he goes to work and we cant risk saying no to help!

nicolec3 · February 2015

If they are going to actually help out I wouldn't mind. My mil lives right by us and I have older kids so we will have plenty of help already. I wouldn't have minded when I had my dd help with meals and cleaning.

karaelaine1991 · February 2015

I think my sister will be staying with us - she's planning to come out to be there during the delivery, and will be the only person other than my husband who's welcome there, since she's studying to be an OB nurse and I think her presence will calm me. I'm not sure when the rest of my family will be coming, but they won't be staying with us because there are WAY too many of them for our apartment! My in-laws will likely be in the area, but will probably stay with my MIL's mother, as she's much better able to accommodate them than we are. I'm a bit worried that I'm going to be expected to entertain people all day every day in the weeks after DD's arrival, but I'm hoping DH will realize that she and I need peace and quiet. We discussed having one of his friends come visit us at the hospital the other night and DH wasn't really getting the whole "I'll have just given birth and will not want to see people when I'm tired/bloody/gross/sore/bonding with my new baby" thing...

kailanick · February 2015

I am in a similar boat. It's been so hard to decide, but I think there will just be so much going on with bringing home a baby, introducing our dog to her, hormones and BFing, and who knows what else! My sense is that while it would be SO GREAT to have help, it's also something that might be easier and less stressful if you have a few days or so to adjust to your new normal and allow your dog to do the same.

I can't wait to have my mom and MIL up here, and they will stay with us when they come, but I think that first week is just going to be me and DH. So much less stressful if I can adjust and have my space for a little bit first.

I don't think it's selfish at all of you. This is your experience and shouldn't be dictated to you or forced on you.

Good luck!

queequeg09256 · February 2015

This is NOT selfish! My dh tried to make me feel bad when I told him before we even got pregnant that no one was allowed to come up. My mom tried to guilt me, no is my answer. My kid my way. I don't have any other kids only a furry one who is going to stay with our friends. The last thing I want is someone there telling me everything I'm doing wrong and trying to be 'helpful'. My in laws are very nice people but they already come and visit and stay way too long. You need to do this not just for you but to bond with the lo.

sabett · February 2015

I don't think it's totally unreasonable. I guess it kind of depends on whether or not they typically stay with you or at a hotel? Our in-laws are visiting in April and we've asked them to stay at a bed and breakfast or hotel nearby (and sent details). We also hinted that the same would be true when the baby comes. However, we live in a small 2 bedroom apartment and don't actually have somewhere for them to sleep other than an air mattress in our second bedroom / office. So I think we'd ask them to stay elsewhere for their comfort as much as ours even if there wasn't a new baby involved.

HoosOnFirst · February 2015

Both sets of grandparents are about 2 hours away, so I think we can get away positioning this as a fairness issue. Ideally family can come and see me in the hospital but I'm not interested in hosting anyone. DH and I are on same page about figuring it out together for the first few weeks. I do think I'll lobby to have my mom come and stay for my first week after DH goes back to work. I don't think he will be super thrilled, but I think I'll want the help. We like each others parents a lot, but we are both private people who like our space.

btm013 · February 2015

It is not selfish at all and don't let others guilt you into changing your mind. You have every right to feel the way you do. We have already told my in-laws that no one will be staying at the house for several weeks after I give birth. We are first time parents and I don't think I want an audience to bear witness to that or quietly judge! They understood although I can sense they aren't happy about having to pay for a hotel. We tried to soften the blow by getting them a gift card to a nearby hotel.

klkonwi · February 2015

I struggle with this decision as well but from what everyone tells me I'm going to want help those first 2 weeks ....... So I'm letting my sister and her husband only come and stay for 1 week..... Then others are only allowed like a weekend...... Nothing too long. It's hard to know what's exactly going to be right for you: also depends on how much space you have: we have a full basement and bedroom down there.

CateOfChicago · February 2015

I would just explain that you want time to bond as a family, figure out what your doing, etc. the can either stay at a hotel or come after a month.

Zeuskay01 · February 2015

My in laws are coming and they have yet to say how long they are staying for. I am just NOT looking forward to this. I'm a FTM and I'm sure I'll make mistakes, but just knowing someone is going to be probably breathing down my neck the whole time makes me worried. HOPEFULLY it doesn't go too bad (I got high hopes here lol)

To add on to that...I don't think its rude, I definitely agree with you and see why you feel that way. I personally am just going to let it slide because that's an argument I just don't feel like dealing with.

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