Just kind of sad...

babyhannigan615 · February 2015

Hello all! Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this... I developed a thyroid condition about 4 years ago now and gained a significant amount of weight. And when I say significant, I mean it. I went from a 4/6, 130 lbs to a 16, 235 lbs. It's awful. Needless to say I'm not so happy with my body and planned on losing a significant amount of weight before we ever planned on having kids...well the universe rarely aligns with your plans and we were blessed with this first pregnancy unexpectedly. I am without a doubt thrilled to be a mommy, but I've been so sad because I haven't been able to experience what "skinny" mom's go through. On top of being high risk because of my weight and Gestational Diabetes, I haven't taken a single "bump" picture and I'm almost 23 weeks pregnant. I'm just so unhappy with how my body looks and I feel like my bump just looks like an overweight tummy. It really bums me out and kind of scares me. If I'm already this sad, how am I going to handle postpartum?? Any advice?

ElRuby · February 2015

Sorry to hear you are going through this.... Best advice would be to start working with a licensed therapist now so that you are better equipped to handle whatever emotions you feel after baby is born.

kmama2013 · February 2015

I agree with PP, definitely start talking to someone! It can do a world of good.

finchfeeder80 · February 2015

I'm a fatty and just decided to embrace the experience. Then again, I've been fat for 2/3rds of my life. But the maternity pants really just make my fat look like a bump. You should start taking pictures. You'll be amazed by how much you really change, I was.

finchfeeder80 · February 2015

P.S. It does bum me out that I'm missing of the normal sized girl stuff, and the clothes selection isn't as good, but there's definitely still fun to be had!

And there's definitely no shame in talking to someone if it will help. Therapy is a phenomenal tool.

AmyCee · February 2015

Try to enjoy the pregnancy and start eating better now - but allowing yourself to splurge a bit...I gained 65 lbs last pregnancy and lost 75 by 11 months (nursing, eating right and exercise - but allowed inducement if/when I wanted!)

Now is not the time to start dieting - so just enjoy the growing belly knowing its a baby in there and when you're ready to start slow with walking "playdates" with other moms - instead of just having the babies lay on the floor they can rest in strollers. That was key to my c-section recovery and jump-starting weight loss.

For what it's worth I was smaller after my first than I was in high school...and maintained it (save a few pounds) for 4.5 years.

Please don't be that hard on yourself. Happy, healthy babies are the main goal here - happy healthy mamas are number two

kendallapp · February 2015

I just want to say I am feeling for you. I haven't been through a thyroid issue or GD, but want to assure you I think it's totally normal, even without all of the tough things you are going through, to struggle bit with body image through pregnancy. I also frequently just look like I've gained a lot of weight and don't look pregnant, and after weeks of obsessing and feeling bad, decided that I have been wayyyyyyyy influenced by all the "celeb" pregnancies. There seems to be a huge emphasis on what these people look like, are wearing, etc through pregnancy. I have been trying to focus on the fact that my body is growing a human and all of the amazing things that are happening internally instead of what I look like while pregnant, and I have been enjoying pregnancy much more.

Hang in there Momma, pregnancy is challenging and so is motherhood, and we will have plenty to worry/feel guilty about. Try not to be hard on yourself or wish things were different, your body is doing some awesome stuff

balderasmama · February 2015

Im so sorry you're feeling this way

It must have been hard to have a complete body change that was out of your control due to a health problem
I read this article awhile ago which changed how I felt about being in pictures when I felt less then perfect about my body.
https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1926073

momtobeobrien · February 2015

In the same boat, but I gained all my weight after experiencing a loss in the family. I was a size 10 140 lbs (if it wasn't for my hips I would have been a size 6! ) when I first met my husband. I was up to 200 when I found out I was expecting. Im now at 240, and I feel like a blimp. I am so excited but still cry all the time because I am ashamed of my body. It dosent help my husband is tall, thin, and handsom (and not just saying that because I love him). He tells me I am the most beautiful woman hes ever met, which makes me smile every time. I know once the little one is here I can get back on the right track it just sucks to set on that scale.

CateOfChicago · February 2015

I hate my body too. I didn't take any pics with my first except at my shower and one the night before delivery. Take few just for yourself. I didn't take any hospital pics with the baby either and I regret that too.

Samsmommy6515 · February 2015

I wish I had advice, but all I have is sympathy.

I've only taken one picture and only shared it with a sister who can't come visit, but only did that with an accompanying joke about how I just look fat.

Last year I was thin for the first time in my life, but then when my period stopped, my new handsome, thin husband wanted me tp gain weight. Sure enough, it came back and now we're expecting, but I still cry myself to sleep, wishing that I'd be able to feel beautiful again and proud of my tummy. Instead i have people telling me I don't look pregnant.

babyhannigan615 · February 2015

Thank you ladies for the support. And I'm not dieting right now. I've always watched what I eat and even more so now because of my gestational diabetes. But my thyroid is what's caused all this weight gain and it's so hard because it's so out of my control. I just hate how I look. When people tell me I don't look pregnant, I feel like they mean it in a nice way, but can't help but feel they mean it in a "you're kind of big and we can't tell" way. I'll definitely consider talking to someone. I had a hard enough time during my thyroid problems let alone adding pregnancy on top of it. Thank you again for all your advice and support. ♡

babyhannigan615 · February 2015

And again, I've always eaten well. That's not an issue at all. I've actually lost weight since being pregnant and not by anything I've done differently. Because I'm so big my doctor only wants me to gain 15lbs at the most, so losing is a big win right now. But still being over 200lbs means I'm not a very "cute" mommy and just feel like I have a far tummy rather than a cute bump. Just really really disheartening.

finchfeeder80 · February 2015

@babyhannigan615 I'm so glad you checked back in. I was about to become your creepy internet stalker friend and shoot you a private message because I was worried about you. Feel free to let me know if you need any kind of support, I know it's hard sometimes. I really hope you get to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!

NicoleBurroughs12 · February 2015

I have been struggling with this a lot lately. I try to think of it as right now there is nothing I can do but just eat healthy and help my baby girl grow big and strong. Try not to let it get you down to much pregnancy goes way to fast to be sad. Someone once told me that you may think you look so gross right now but make sure to get pregnant pics bc one day you'll look back and love how u looked. And like the others said it may not hurt to look into talking to a professional about this to avoid any major depression which will make pregnancy a lot harder.

skichic · February 2015

I can not relate to the weight struggle but I do get self conscious about my belly at times because I have an ileostomy. Due to years of disease I had surgery and now my feces collects in a bag adhered to my stomach. There are times that I wish I had the "normal"pregnant belly but I also recognize that my struggles allow me to demonstrate my strength. There are the occasional comments that irk me but its just a reminder to rise above. Because of these struggles we are especially deserving to have the pregnancy experience. When we buy into a narrow view of pretty we lose sight of the beauty in an honest and strong woman. Congrats momma & best of luck!

lovethatcolosun · February 2015

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. It's a challenge to get excited about how you look, when you wish so badly you looked slimmer, or perfectly pregnant. I have struggled with my weight for most of my life. I definitely do not have the "perfect pregnant body." I honestly care, but not enough to ruin this precious time with my growing baby bump. Experiment with different selfie positions, focus the camera on your bump if you aren't liking the way other parts of you look. Use maternity pants to your advantage. They sculpt your belly.

After my first pregnancy I was at my heaviest. It took some time to loose the weight, but I don't regret one picture I took with my baby (or at my baby bump photo shoot). Weight will come and go, but you will never get these moments back. Do your best to live in the moment and find a way to love yourself no matter what your size. (((Hugs)))❤️

E&M063012 · February 2015

I am feeling the same... People that live far away keep asking me to take pics of my pregnant belly and all I want to do is cry when they ask. Today I did some major maternity clothing shopping and was so depressed bc I am an XL/1X depending on the article of clothing. I hate how I look and wish I had actually lost weight before getting pregnant like is swore I would. (I have gained and lost and gained back a lot of weight over the years.)
It is really hard being plus size and pregnant but I'm just trying to use these feelings to stay motivated to losing it all post pregnancy.

You are not alone in this!

queequeg09256 · February 2015

I feel for you op. I'm a chubby ftm too. I was 140 in high school and went up to 230, now at 235 from baby. I also have only taken one pregnant photo because I hated it. But you know what I'm at 24 weeks and you can tell I have a bump from baby and not fat, and that being said. Fat doesn't mean unhealthy it doesn't mean you don't care. Sometimes it because of what you said medical issue totally outside of your control. When I was skinny I still felt fat I never ate and I felt guilty about even thinking about eating a cookie. Life is not worth hating yourself, life is about the experiences. Losing weight is hard and tough but you are gonna need the photos as proof. Proof that food and society don't determine happiness, the people who care and love you do, and you realizing all the great things about yourself.

savalita · February 2015

Hang in there, girl! Talk to a professional if you can, and be kind to yourself. Try to trust your body -- small bodies and large bodies can be beautiful and feminine and can carry you and your baby all the way through pregnancy.

You might also check out plussizebirth.com -- it's a great site for pregnant women with larger bodies. I've gotten inspiration from it more than once.

babyhannigan615 · February 2015

Thank you everyone! It feels good to know I'm not alone in this and that I have a lot of resources and support!! Thank you again! :x

virginiaunicorn11 · February 2015

This blog post springs to mind when I'm not feeling so good about how I look: https://joannagoddard.blogspot.de/2014/11/wise-words.html

I bet you ooze way more beauty and charm than you will ever give yourself credit for.

Also, I started liking my body more after going to some bathhouses (probably a post-pregnancy activity now). Seeing so many naked women helped me realize how very different we all are, and thus how very silly it is to have only one prototype for beauty. Just my own experience - maybe something to try yourself one day.

Big hugs, lady!

klkonwi · February 2015

Love that blog @amark11 ! Beautiful quote !

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