Not single by status - currently been in a relationship for 8 months. But feeling single in my relationship. Issue is, I will have a baby before we even reach our 1 year anniversary. Of course, our relationship changed drastically - and probably naturally. The excitement of the first three months of a relationship wore off, and while I should have been prepared for the nitty gritty stage of really getting to know someone, I was focused on having the perfect family for my child. Reality has set in, and I realize that my choice to keep this child was probably not the best for the stage of our relationship. It has definitely caused a strain, albeit, my "boyfriend" wants to continue our relationship, move in, and be a family.
My issue is although this is what I previously wanted (before the reality of the stage of my relationship set in), I am not sure if this is what I want. Having this child has fast-forwarded the physical realm of our relationship, but emotionally and mentally, I know that we are only on the beginning stage of our relationship. I don't want moving in with him to place us in a space that causes even more strain because our relationship simply is not ready for it. I want us to be together because that is what we both genuinely want - not just to give our child a proper family. When we talk about it, his reply is of course I want to be with my child. I'm just afraid that in a year or two we would break-up because we moved way too fast.
The decision to have the child has been made. I can not turn back no matter how wrong I feel this decision was now. And I don't regret my baby or have negative feelings toward her. I just don't know how to move forward in a healthy way, to nurture our relationship in a natural way - if that is even at all possible considering we jumped so many paces. My stance is to try and just focus on me and my child and forget that I'm even in a relationship, and let our relationship progress the way it naturally "should/would" have. But of course its hard!! Because as a pregnant woman in a relationship I naturally want to feel that I am in a loving relationship .
I don't even know what I'm asking. Sigh. Thoughts and opinions?
Re: Pregnant Too Soon - thoughts and venting
Throwing leaves
The reality for me set in because his actions were not corresponding with the way I feel for him and the way I thought he felt about me. He told me he didn't love me and that killed me, because I felt like I was bringing my child into a loveless relationship. He does tell me that he appreciates me, that hes not going anywhere, that that's just where we are in the relationship.
I was hesitant (still a little) to move in with him because months ago the plan was for him to move in with me. That hasn't happened because he said after that he wasn't ready for such a big move with my kids. He didn't feel he was ready to be around them so much. This came about because he started talking to me about how he was looking into buying a house. From his original description of the house I could tell he hadn't factored in me and my kids being there (size of house). A week after that he's offering for me to stay at one of the apartments on the house. That was my flag. I want to be in his house with him as one family. I appreciated the gesture. But no.
However, he now is constantly talking about the house and how we are all going to be together (do renovations and make the house and apartment one big house for all of us). I feel much better about it now. Especially with how much he talks about it. But I still just want to be sure its all for the right reasons. I don't want him to feel pressured by me. I do hope what I have said has helped him come to the decsion - but because hr genuinely sees it for his future. Not just what I prefer.
Thanks for your responses ladies
Your memes made me laugh! Thank you.
Yes - major red flag. That is actually what had me write this post. Honestly, the whole conversation about the house/living situation transpired only over a period of a week or two (with me). I don't know how long he was considering buying a house prior to mentioning (although I did know of this house shortly after he was considering purchasing it) and when his mind changed about moving in with me. I know that he was excited to get my roommate out the house so he could move in, and then two months had gone by and he hadn't moved in. (he IS assisting financially with the payments however). As far as what made him consider us really move in together - I don't know. I did talk to him about giving our child a family, how not living together wasn't assisting us financially, how my kids would adjust to his presence if he was actually around more, etc. Then I dropped it. Soon after he took me out to see the house and gave his proposal - me and my kids living in the apartment downstairs, or putting stairs in to join the two. I simply told him the only way I was coming was if we were together - and ever since his plan has been to put the stairs in.
I have discussed it with him more. Letting him know that I only want to be there if that is what he truly wants. He insists its what he wants. I also let him know that I try not to think about it, and I find comfort in knowing that it will be a number of months between now and the house actually being ready for us to move in - and that anything can happen between now and then. As far as help with the baby, he has long said that he would stay with me (not move in entirely) when the baby comes. As you have said, I think he does understand that we do not need to live together to give our child a happy home - I think that was more my idea of family, as my parents have been together my whole life - and I lived in the same home until I had my own children.
As far as the whole I don't love you, I appreciate you thing goes - I don't really know myself. I have read a bunch of relationship articles and found comfort that it takes males 1 - 3 years before "falling in love". So I will just give it time. I feel like had I not been pregnant, I would be more comfortable with where we are in our relationship. Both of us agreeing to have this child made me think we had more than I guess we do. I have questioned him repeatedly about why we are staying in the relationship, why he is with me. Again, he says its what he wants. He's not leaving, doesn't plan on leaving. He appreciates me. He likes the stability, and that I am his child's mother.