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June 2015 Moms
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Helping Older Kids with New Baby

OnWayto3OnWayto3 member
in June 2015 Moms
Hey all,

I know there are tons of books out there that address this, but I'd like to hear from real women who have been there, done that. This is causing me incredible stress and I'm not sure how to deal. I have two boys-- ages 12 and 9. My 9 year old is, by all accounts, my "baby." He loves this role, and is struggling to see how we'll all cope with a new baby in the house. The other night he confided in me that there are times he wishes the baby would die. This is making me so sad on so many levels! 

Part of the issue here is that this baby was not planned and was conceived against my will. In other words, I, too, have some reservations about the whole thing. 

So my question is: How do you help an older child adjust to a new baby coming into the house? 

Thank you!
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Re: Helping Older Kids with New Baby

  • mccall35mccall35 member
    edited February 2015
    I think the first and most important thing you will have address before you will be able to help your children adjust, is any reservations you have. Kids are very smart and pick up on a lot more than we give them credit for. It will be very hard to facilitate an adjustment for your children if you are struggling as well.  

    ETA: Sorry I don't have any specific suggestions regarding your question. This baby will be #2 for me, so I will be in a similar boat!
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  • mamahawk12mamahawk12 member
    Without knowing the specific details of your situation... first, I just want to say what an incredibly brave person I think you are. I can't even imagine.

    My boys are a lot younger than yours, so it's not quite the same thing. But I've found having my oldest be as involved as humanly possible really helped with the transition. Also, consistently praising him for things he "taught" the baby. "Sweetie, he said 'mama', did you hear him say that? You've done such a good job of teaching him!" Obviously, this is how I speak to my 4 year old, so you'll need to adjust for your 9 year old, lol. I feel like it has really helped him own the "big brother" role and feel important, and not cast aside for a newer model.

    I was 8 when my baby brother was born and I was dethroned as the baby. There were definitely times when the transition was rough (I distinctly remember making him cry on purpose thinking that would make my parents like him less) but at the end of the day, I grew to be an attached, loving, fiercely protective big sister. And I have faith your son will do the same.
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