What was your tipping point?

[Deleted User] · February 2015

Hello all!

I'm brand new here. My husband and I are about to celebrate our 1 year anniversary. I always said that I wanted to be married for a year prior to TTC so that I could really enjoy being a newly wed. With less than a week left of being a newlywed I am starting to think about growing our family. It's such a huge decision. We definitely both want children (hopefully 2), but I'm not sure when to begin. I've heard time and time again that there is no good time to have children. That makes sense to me - I get it. But there has to be "preferable" times.

So I'd love to hear stories from you. What was your tipping point? When did the positives of having children outweigh your fears? Was it a specific event, birthday, or did you just decide to throw caution to the wind?

Thanks

jessderbs21 · February 2015

I don't have any children yet but my husband and I want to start TTC very soon. The big thing for me was when a coworker told me, "If you think you're even close to being ready, go for it". A little background on her, she waited to TTC for several years and then after trying for a few years, found out she couldn't conceive. Therefore she started the adoption process and finally has her baby. I think the big thing for me is not wanting to wait until "all my ducks are in a row" because they may never be. And I'm worried if I wait too long, I will have missed my chance. Hopefully that makes sense... :-/

[Deleted User] · February 2015

jessderbs21 said:

I don't have any children yet but my husband and I want to start TTC very soon. The big thing for me was when a coworker told me, "If you think you're even close to being ready, go for it". A little background on her, she waited to TTC for several years and then after trying for a few years, found out she couldn't conceive. Therefore she started the adoption process and finally has her baby. I think the big thing for me is not wanting to wait until "all my ducks are in a row" because they may never be. And I'm worried if I wait too long, I will have missed my chance. Hopefully that makes sense... :-/

Yeah! This is such a crazy balancing act. My husband and I have discussed having a deadline. Like if we felt ready prior to it then we could start, but when the deadline comes we HAVE to start. i'm not sure if this is a great idea...

n1tewolf · February 2015

My husband and I moved from NY to Seattle a few months ago for better career options and the (slightly) lower cost of living, with the intention of starting a family. There's a long list of things we don't have yet that I think would make the time more "perfect", but we don't want to wait another five years for all our ducks to be in a row just to find out we waited too long and now need a medical intervention to get pregnant. We have good jobs and good health insurance now and we can afford a higher rent for a bigger place. The tipping came from a coworker for me also, she told me the catalyst for her was her mom's sudden diagnosis and passing from cancer when she was only sixty. Last year my husband's mother was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer and needed surgery and radiation. She is cancer free today, but after hearing my colleague's story I realized that our parents are getting older and they won't be around forever. Even though we don't live nearby anymore we still want our future children to know their grandparents, and not remember them just as very sick elderly people.

mrs riva · February 2015

It's definitely a tough balance. If it were purely about how we felt, my H and I would have started TTC months ago, but we're waiting a little bit longer so that we can buy a house. Sure, if we had a baby now, we could rent a bigger apartment, but we're trying to plan for the long haul.

xxkberxx · February 2015

I think this is a great discussion question and something I have been teetering on. While DH and I had finally agreed to start TTC baby #1 January 2016, I can't help but question if that is the right timing or if we should wait a little longer. Part of me really wants to have all student loan debt gone before trying but I'm also worried that will take a lot longer than I would like before trying for our first child. While I still have time in terms of age (26), DH and I have also been married 6.5 years and together for 11.5, which makes me feel like we are ready (relationship wise) to move forward. I'm interested to read others responses to learn what helped them decide.

kayla2536 · February 2015

My husband and I have been together for 7 years (today, actually!) and married for just under a year and a half. I have had babies on the brain on-and-off for about a year now. I'm in the same boat as you - everyone says there's no "right" time to have a baby, there will always be things going on and nothing will ever be perfect. You'll get pregnant and it'll work out in the end. It's always stressful but wonderful at the same time. I'm a week away from my 25th birthday so I have plenty of time (in theory at least!). We do want our first child before we are 27, which is rapidly approaching!

Lately, I am absolutely head over heels with the idea of being pregnant and we thought that we'd wait until early next year/late this year to start TTC but baby fever is getting worse and worse by the day - even when I see my boss' "threenager" throwing temper tantrums and bouncing off the walls. So I feel that I'm almost at my "tipping point"

I am curious to see what everyone else has to say!

[Deleted User] · February 2015

kayla2536 said:

My husband and I have been together for 7 years (today, actually!) and married for just under a year and a half. I have had babies on the brain on-and-off for about a year now. I'm in the same boat as you - everyone says there's no "right" time to have a baby, there will always be things going on and nothing will ever be perfect. You'll get pregnant and it'll work out in the end. It's always stressful but wonderful at the same time. I'm a week away from my 25th birthday so I have plenty of time (in theory at least!). We do want our first child before we are 27, which is rapidly approaching!

Lately, I am absolutely head over heels with the idea of being pregnant and we thought that we'd wait until early next year/late this year to start TTC but baby fever is getting worse and worse by the day - even when I see my boss' "threenager" throwing temper tantrums and bouncing off the walls. So I feel that I'm almost at my "tipping point"

I am curious to see what everyone else has to say!

Happy anniversary!

When I was young I used to say "I definitely want to have a kid by the time I'm 27 or 28" Now with my 27th birthday next week I'm amazed at how different life is compared to how you think it will be. With our new ideas of time line I will be closer to 29 by the time I actually HAVE the baby. When I said that out loud to my friend I paused and kind of freaked out - it's amazing how quickly time goes by!

jnnfrrose6 · February 2015

I didn't have a "tipping point" or any fears that needed to be overcome about having children with my husband. We did have goals we wanted to achieve first that we agreed on together, and once we did, it was go time. These included moving from NYC back to closer to where I grew up, DH getting settled into a new job after that move, and some travel. We took one last "hurrah" trip for just the 2 of us to India and Nepal, and came home and started trying.

bmo88 · February 2015

We don't have any children yet, but will likely TTC in the next few years. Our "tipping point" is/will be a combination of financial stability, career stability and life accomplishments. Will all of our ducks be in a row at that point? Heck no. In a perfect world, we would have zero debt (no mortgage either), have traveled the world multiple times and own a business. But we won't be waiting that long.

For us, financial stability means eliminating our student loans, car loan and saving up a decent amount ($15,000) in our savings. It's freeing up a good chunk of monthly income to put toward child care/expenses.

Career stability means being in our respective jobs for a few years. For DH, he is getting closer to that. He wants a more consistent work schedule and do something related to his master's degree. For me, I want to advance a little further. Unfortunately, this will likely mean a more demanding schedule/hours. So DH wants to be more available.

Life accomplishments is related to our desire to do some traveling, pursue some interests and spend meaningful time together to enjoy our marriage. We are only 26 (almost 27) and 28. So, we want to enjoy our 20's and spend them together. Becoming a parent is a sacrifice, and we know we are not ready for it quite yet (though baby fever has started to set in).

I recognize this may seem like a lot of "planning" or "getting ducks in a row" to some, but for us it's our plan. If it doesn't work out this way, we will reassess and go from there.

brela11 · February 2015

I am feeling the same way. I always wanted children but now that my husband and I can (we have been together 11 1/2 years married 8 months) it's such a scary step to take! I know it will change everything but my fears are becoming more excitement and my husband is more and more encouraging so I just got on prenatal vitamins this week. The dr told me to go off birth control for at least two months before trying to conceive and to try to be on prenatal vitamins at least three months...so here we go!

LauraSmarterSpam · February 2015

DH and I sarted dating when I was 14. Married when I was 21, and I always said I'd probably be ready when I was 25. That happened to be the age I was when we conceived DS. We made sure all debts were fully paid except our house and vehicles, and we had enough savings to last us at least 6 months if we both lost ours jobs.

I know we can't always get our ducks in a row, but we actually pulled it all off. After DS was born we were thinking one and done, but then we sat and discussed our wants last year. The big thing was we both realized we wanted to have another child, and DS said he wanted a sibling. I'll be 30 this year.
The goals before trying to conceive our 2nd child (we already hit most of them): Move into our new place, enough savings to last at least a year, me stop working for the most part (I love my job so I couldn't completely quit), get a secondary vehicle, and set DS up with a speech therapist.
It was a lot to do, and We probably would've started trying to conceive even if we didn't hit most of our goals. Our goals just make it easy for us if DH were to leave his job since I am not working full time or much of part time anymore.

Then we spoke to my OB, and all I needed to do was take my prenatals, and I wanted to be off of birth control for at least a month before trying. February would've been our first month of actively trying had I not been sick and on antibiotics. We were still hoping maybe I could've been pregnant, but AF arrived.
So we are now actively trying.

What we've been told is true, if you wait until you are truly ready, it'll never happen. But being prepared really does reduce stress.

Good luck!!

4N6s · March 2015

I think you can be financially, emotionally and physically prepared for a baby. My husband and I both graduated college, have careers, got married and bought a house. After 3 years of marriage, we started TTC.

ashallieP · March 2015

@4N6s
Well said! My DH and I are at the exact same mind frame as you guys!
Everything in our life is as ready as it can be. Married 3.5 years. Its just taking that leap of faith knowing yes, things will change but we are ready for the change and we will embrace it together!
We love our time together and some weekends (much like this) doing absolutely nothing besides sleeping in, watching movies and hanging with friends. But we are ready for whatever may happen in the months to come.....
This is our first month TTC..... and so the fun begins!

Best of luck ladies!

704bride · March 2015

I really wanted to start after a year of being married, but DH disagreed, so my tipping point was when I could finally convince him, which was after almost 3 years of marriage. Think about how you would feel if you found out you were pregnant tomorrow. If you're thought is excited, but a little nervous, go for it, because that's how you'll feel even if you wait.

princesspriscilla · March 2015

It's so wonderful to hear someone say that they are unsure of when they should start TTC. I am 27 and my DH is 29 - we both work FT and are in school. DH graduates this fall and will be getting his "big break" he's been waiting for awhile - he's been in school the past couple of years earning his degree. DH will be earning additional income following graduation with an internship lined up. I'm also currently in school working on a Master's degree but am willing to push the pause button on that to begin a family. The things I've considered recently are that we have good health insurance, are financially stable, and have built a solid relationship in our marriage after 7 years together and 4 years married. We've decided that we are mentally, emotionally, and financially ready to TTC and are just waiting now. I've realized this is a journey and should not be a stressful one - I'm trying to just enjoy the ride and hope that children are meant to be in our life story.

ClaireBear90 · March 2015

I was hopping around board to board and stumbled onto this one. We're expecting our third, but prior to getting pregnant the first time we had decided to wait until being married for a year and then discuss. But, after only 8 months, I got pregnant. And even though it hadn't been "planned" by us, it all worked out so beautifully. I didn't have health insurance, we moved near the end, things were a little crazy, but we made it work. I am really thankful that my first baby was a surprise because I don't think I would have had the guts to "try" for a baby. I might only be expecting our first now or not even TTC yet. There is no way I thought I was ready for motherhood, but I quickly realized that feeling ready and being ready (or able to get ready) are very different things. Thank goodness for those nine months!

The second time around we "planned" to get pregnant and honestly it was harder in the sense that I had to make a decision if I was ready for another one or not! But knowing how everything worked out the first time and how our lives were blessed by becoming parents, it was easier to let go. There really is never going to be a "perfect" time for any baby, where all your fears magically vanish, whether it is number 1 or number 5.

And just as I was ready to try for number 3, I found out number 3 was already on the way. I wish you the best in finding your "tipping point!"

satuttle1014 · March 2015

I have no children yet but my husband and I keep talking about trying very soon. We got married Oct 2014 and I have my yearly check up end of April just to get my check up and also talk about TTC. Most likely end of summer we will start trying. I agree there is no "right" time for a baby or anything for that matter. You just have to do it and everything will work out the way it is supposed. I am 25 and turn 26 in May, my husband will be 27 in November. By the time I get pregnant and have the baby I could be 27 or 28 depending on how long it takes me. I always say you can always make money, can't always have babies.

My sister got pregnant really quick with both children, my niece is 2.5 years and my other niece is due end of April. I don't know if it will be as easy for me, I could be like her, very fetile or maybe not. I would like to also have kids in the next 2 years so my nieces have cousins relatively close in age. I always wanted 3 kids if I am blessed but I have no idea how easy it will be for me to get pregnant, I won't know until I try. I'm hoping if I'm younger it will be better but I won't know, it could take up to a year.

The only thing my husband and I need to work on is being financially stable and making sure we have a cushion in our savings. We have a house, no school debt thankfully, jobs and we do have a puppy. Our mortgage takes up most of our paychecks so that is something to consider as well. I say just go for it and see what happens, it will happen the way it is supposed to. That's what I'm saying, my husband and I love the idea of expanding our family, just will watch our money in the mean time so we have don't have to stress too too much on that aspect of our life. He always said he wanted to wait a couple of years before kids but he talks about it as well and he wants kids too earlier now. Like you said, parents are getting older, etc I want to be younger especially if I am blessed with more than 1 child so I can enjoy their years and our parents can too, even grandparents can be apart of our lives with the children.

We all stress over everything, we have to have this ready and then this. I get everybody wants to feel secure in everything but sometimes if you wait too long your "opportunity" may pass. I go off the quote, "Life happens when you are too busy making plans, if you spend your life planning what you're going to do, you'll never do it. Life's too short. If you really want to do something, do it as soon as you can, don't put it off.

chrinsky · March 2015

I don't have any children yet but my husband and I want to start TTC very soon. The big thing for me was when a coworker told me, "If you think you're even close to being ready, go for it". A little background on her, she waited to TTC for several years and then after trying for a few years, found out she couldn't conceive. Therefore she started the adoption process and finally has her baby. I think the big thing for me is not wanting to wait until "all my ducks are in a row" because they may never be. And I'm worried if I wait too long, I will have missed my chance. Hopefully that makes sense... :-/

OMG I LOVE that! "If you think you're even close to being ready, go for it." Good advice!

beccabee92 · April 2015

I'm new around here too! Thought I'd chime in.

My DH and I just got married in January. We're both still in school, though I'm finishing my degree in July and he'll be done next May. We have our own apartment, we both work in addition to school, and we have a car. We don't have as much money in the bank as we'd like, but we're mindful of that, and are working to save more. We're both young: I'm 23 and he'll be 24 in May.

Honestly, my tipping point happened about two years ago, when my maternal grandmother died. It was the first major death in my family and I definitely realized that life is short and precious! Since then, I've been thinking about babies on and off, but I knew that it wasn't the right time. But now, DH and I are married, we're comfortable, and we've got plans for the future.

So, we're TTC #1 starting in August! That way, no matter when or how quickly I get pregnant, the baby will arrive after we're both out of school. So I guess we planned a little bit, and are continuing to be mindful of our finances, but we also want kids while we are younger. There's a time for waiting, and a time for action!

Good luck on your journey!

catrb89 · April 2015

Hello! Just starting to lurk here a bit. Hubby and I have been together nearly 5 years, married, for just over 6 mos. We're looking to conceive next summer. We're saving up for a trip in July 2016 and then will discontinue BC just after that. Right now, I'm 26 and hubby is 28.

For us, there are several "tipping points": we want 6 mos savings, an updated kitchen, etc (one we'd be happy to stumble down to in the middle of the night!). So we're working on the financial side of things and I'm starting prenatal vitamins and getting my physical health under control. We're frankly in a pretty good financial place, but a lot of things that do need to be done. I'm paying off some loans for my Master's, but I've been making progress! Best of luck and good vibes to everyone! I will be learning from you all, so thank you in advance!!

KateLouise · April 2015

Hi I'm just lurking, the only other thought I wanted to add was that there's a difference between a "duck" that really matters or not. Obviously being able to pay your rent matters.

In terms of other stuff though, lots of people say they want to run a marathon/travel/do their masters before they have a baby, but if those things are just a "someday" pipe dream while you sit on the couch then I question putting off a baby for them.

If on the other hand you're in the middle of completing your masters/training for that marathon/saving for that big trip then obviously it is something that truly matters to you.

Best wishes in your decision making.

LoveIsOwlYouNeed · April 2015

When we got married, in August of 2011 we said we'd try the following spring and as spring approached we talked more about specifically when we'd try. After our son was about 18 months we started to talk about when we might try for a second, adjusted our timing because I wanted to find a new job and now we're talking about TTC #2 later this summer. I would echo what @KateLouise said. Some "ducks" are important like finances, are you both ready, job stability and some just aren't. Some are important to you might not be to others. There's never a perfect time for a new undertaking and you can always find a reason not to do something, but when you're both ready and able, you'll know and you can just start to go for it.

[Deleted User] · April 2015

KateLouise said:
Hi I'm just lurking, the only other thought I wanted to add was that there's a difference between a "duck" that really matters or not. Obviously being able to pay your rent matters.

In terms of other stuff though, lots of people say they want to run a marathon/travel/do their masters before they have a baby, but if those things are just a "someday" pipe dream while you sit on the couch then I question putting off a baby for them.

If on the other hand you're in the middle of completing your masters/training for that marathon/saving for that big trip then obviously it is something that truly matters to you.

Best wishes in your decision making.

This is fantastic, couldn't agree more. I have some ducks that are definitely less important (traveling to China), and some ducks that are absolutely essential (being able to pay for daycare - ughhh how do people do this???).

It is definitely important to recognize which ducks need more attention than others.

satuttle1014 · April 2015

beccabee92 said:
I'm new around here too! Thought I'd chime in.

My DH and I just got married in January. We're both still in school, though I'm finishing my degree in July and he'll be done next May. We have our own apartment, we both work in addition to school, and we have a car. We don't have as much money in the bank as we'd like, but we're mindful of that, and are working to save more. We're both young: I'm 23 and he'll be 24 in May.

Honestly, my tipping point happened about two years ago, when my maternal grandmother died. It was the first major death in my family and I definitely realized that life is short and precious! Since then, I've been thinking about babies on and off, but I knew that it wasn't the right time. But now, DH and I are married, we're comfortable, and we've got plans for the future.

So, we're TTC #1 starting in August! That way, no matter when or how quickly I get pregnant, the baby will arrive after we're both out of school. So I guess we planned a little bit, and are continuing to be mindful of our finances, but we also want kids while we are younger. There's a time for waiting, and a time for action!

Good luck on your journey!

I agree with this about life being too short. I will be 26 next month and my husband will be 27 in Nov. I wanted to be on the younger side because well then my parents will be younger grandparents, my kids can grow up with their cousins w/o being 10 years apart and I'm young and in hopes I have more than 1 child. My husband and I want 3 kids if we are lucky enough. We will be mindful of our finances as stated above as well. There is no right time for TTC, you just have to want children and everything will fall into place.

Whatever works for you and your husband is the way to go. Wait if you want to wait but if your bucket list is super long before kids and pushing back kids is the only way to complete your list, will any of it happen? My husband always said he wanted to travel to all of these countries or do this and that but now he wants kids earlier like I always wanted. One day you can do anything you want but you can't always have kids, that's how I look at it.

Good luck with your decision, whatever you and your husband decide will be perfect for you two.

MamaTree17 · April 2015

I'll just throw this out there from my experience - not only do you have the 9 months of pregnancy to get ready, but it could also take quite awhile to get pregnant. I was ready to TTC awhile before my husband but we waited until he felt 100%. Well then it took us 12 months to conceive and then had the obvious 9 months of pregnancy! I guess my point is it's hard to know what will happen between TTC and the baby actually arriving so if you and your significant other feel ready emotionally, I say go for it!

Designermomma · April 2015

I always wanted kids but never felt ready. For me my husband was pushing it but I didn't feel ready yet. I wanted to be at a certain point in my career. So I tried my hardest to get a promotion and then realized it wasn't gonna happen so I caved. Plus, the clock started ticking (about to turn 30) lol I have one every milestone. Ds1 when I was 30. DS2 when I was 35!

swtqtd · April 2015

We are TTC, and we knew before we got married that we wanted to TTC soon after. We feel the 'ticking time bomb' of our age kicking in.
Ha.

Good luck to you in whatever you decide!

MNturnsVA · June 2015

just out of curiosity, how are old are you? Also, during your 12 months of TTC were you using the OPK and temping? Just curious. We are just starting out ourselves, so this thread has been an interesting read

MNturnsVA · June 2015

Whoops, I thought I was replying to an individual's post, not replying to the whole topic.

but I was going to put in my 2 cents too anyways, so here goes

We have been together for almost 8 years, married for 2 of those this fall. I was totally ready to stop BC as soon as we got married, but we wanted to definitely do honeymoon first. Well, life happened, we bought a house, and our honeymoon didn't happen until almost a year and a half after we got married. Which is fine.

And now we have stopped taking BC as of May 1 and I'm on the fence. We have travel plans for early Sept and I don't necessarily want to be prego. I'm also unhappy @ work but am pretty much stuck with current employer for many reasons. Due to my current work situation I'll be going to school for some additional training Sept- Dec.

So I don't want to be too serious about trying, but I have used an OPK a few times just to kind of see where that is in comparison with my cycle days and also am going to start temping this month.

Its overwhelming for sure! I'm so ready to be prego tomorrow and on the other hand, don't want it to necessarily happen until later. Then on the other hand I know that I can not expect it happen the 1st go round so it makes me want to use an OPK every cycle.....the whole thing is overwhelming.

MixedBerries88 · June 2015

Hi all! Just stumbled across this and thought I'd chime in. DH and I have been together for 9.5 years and will celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary next year. We just uprooted our careers and home and moved back to our home area to be with family. We are both mid to late twenties. I think the move back to family paired with our impending 5th anniversary really did it for us. We're waiting to move into our new house before we really pull the goalie, but I just sense that we've had plenty of time to enjoy being just us (almost 10 years!) and I've been reminded our central family is in my life.

You all seem like a lovely group and I hope to post more here!

vampbride99 · June 2015

We don't have children yet, but we plan to TTC this September. We waited awhile because I wanted to finish college, get a better job and enjoy being married. But now we feel like we're ready to start a family. We've been married 5yrs, I've graduated from college and have gotten a better job. My tipping point really started because I realize I'm 29, and I'll be 30 by the time I'd have my first, if I don't have complications. Also, my family is getting older, and I want my kids to know their grandparents. I only really got to know one of my grandmothers growing up, and it would mean everything to me for my kids to know their grandparents. My husband's grandmother is all we have left, and I really would want my kids to spend as much time with her as possible. I never got to meet my great grandparents, so it is important to me for them to have that time with her.

There are plenty of other things I wish I would have been able to plan for before ttc, but hey, life is too short! If I spent all my time trying to plan for the "perfect" time...it would never come.

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