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July 2015 Moms
Chellz0684
member
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The joy of birth and the grief of loss in family .
Chellz0684
member
I've always heard when a baby is born someone dies to make room for that new life.
For me and my family it is all too real. When I was 3 mos pregnant with my daughter at 18. My Grandmother who raised me was diagnosed with cancer. I was hospitalized for dehydration after I found out because I cried so hard. I couldn't eat I was sick to my stomach. She hung on as long as she could to try to see my daughter born. Sadly she died at home in my arms when I was 8mos pregnant. Being so close to her It was really hard to deal with. My coping skill at that time was to sleep over all my feelings. I had a dream that my Grandfather was in a hospital bed and there was an earthquake. I remember waking up gasping. I was soo distraught. All I could think is why would I dream that about him when It was my grandma who passed away. A week after I had my daughter we got that phone call that He had a heart attack. Still not realizing how sevear the situation was.We found out he had passed away when my family arrived in a panic at the hospital. Within a couple months apart I lost 2 of the most important ppl in my life.
My Mom took over as head of the family. Now 11 years later. History is almost repeating itself. As soon as I found out I was pregnant. The fear kicked in. I immediately thought of my Mom. I was thinking oh God no please don't let anything happen to my mom. Some time passed and my daughter came home from her fathers house (I am not with him, I am in a different relationship now) Anyways she came home upset that her grandfather from her Dad's side died unexpectedly that morning. I still cried. Bc yes we didn't all get along but it was my daughter's grandfather still. My Mom was upset too bc at one time we were once close. She assured me I was safe now from my fears. that His spirit left to make room for my new baby. I was upset but bringing back that feeling of grief for loss of a family member during pregnancy. I said okay I can handle that. That wasn't too bad on my end he was in his early 90s.
Within 2mos from that point, feeling in the clear. My Mom suffered an accident which left her w/o oxygen for a little while. She was blue when someone found her. She was on life support for 2 weeks before she woke up from her coma. I was sickened by that all too real feeling. I visited her everyday. Until she woke up. That was 2wks ago. I am 18wks pregnant now. She woke up out of her coma normal. Almost miracle like. Was telling me stories of when I was a kid. Things I had totally forgot about. Within 48 hours of her being out of the coma. She had a stroke. I am now in so much inner pain. I've gone to see her and her once chubby body is skin and bones. She doesn't know who she is. She can even feed herself. One of the times I visited her she was staring out the window ripping up newspaper. I said "Hi Mom" she said "Hi" I said "Do you know who I am?" She said "Yes" I said "Who?" She said "My mother" I was like "Nooo mom your MY mother" and just looked away again ripping up the paper. Last night she thought I was my 11 year old daughter. When I ask her what her parents names are she makes a face looks at me like she doesn't know me and says "I have a headache "
This time around with this pregnancy. All I wanted was to focus on my pregnancy and enjoy my baby. Because I felt I didn't get to focus on my daughter while i was morning the losses of Loved ones. I literally fell asleep hyperventilating last night.
Has any other family gone through this birth and loss thing. As if Life isn't stressful enough.
For me and my family it is all too real. When I was 3 mos pregnant with my daughter at 18. My Grandmother who raised me was diagnosed with cancer. I was hospitalized for dehydration after I found out because I cried so hard. I couldn't eat I was sick to my stomach. She hung on as long as she could to try to see my daughter born. Sadly she died at home in my arms when I was 8mos pregnant. Being so close to her It was really hard to deal with. My coping skill at that time was to sleep over all my feelings. I had a dream that my Grandfather was in a hospital bed and there was an earthquake. I remember waking up gasping. I was soo distraught. All I could think is why would I dream that about him when It was my grandma who passed away. A week after I had my daughter we got that phone call that He had a heart attack. Still not realizing how sevear the situation was.We found out he had passed away when my family arrived in a panic at the hospital. Within a couple months apart I lost 2 of the most important ppl in my life.
My Mom took over as head of the family. Now 11 years later. History is almost repeating itself. As soon as I found out I was pregnant. The fear kicked in. I immediately thought of my Mom. I was thinking oh God no please don't let anything happen to my mom. Some time passed and my daughter came home from her fathers house (I am not with him, I am in a different relationship now) Anyways she came home upset that her grandfather from her Dad's side died unexpectedly that morning. I still cried. Bc yes we didn't all get along but it was my daughter's grandfather still. My Mom was upset too bc at one time we were once close. She assured me I was safe now from my fears. that His spirit left to make room for my new baby. I was upset but bringing back that feeling of grief for loss of a family member during pregnancy. I said okay I can handle that. That wasn't too bad on my end he was in his early 90s.
Within 2mos from that point, feeling in the clear. My Mom suffered an accident which left her w/o oxygen for a little while. She was blue when someone found her. She was on life support for 2 weeks before she woke up from her coma. I was sickened by that all too real feeling. I visited her everyday. Until she woke up. That was 2wks ago. I am 18wks pregnant now. She woke up out of her coma normal. Almost miracle like. Was telling me stories of when I was a kid. Things I had totally forgot about. Within 48 hours of her being out of the coma. She had a stroke. I am now in so much inner pain. I've gone to see her and her once chubby body is skin and bones. She doesn't know who she is. She can even feed herself. One of the times I visited her she was staring out the window ripping up newspaper. I said "Hi Mom" she said "Hi" I said "Do you know who I am?" She said "Yes" I said "Who?" She said "My mother" I was like "Nooo mom your MY mother" and just looked away again ripping up the paper. Last night she thought I was my 11 year old daughter. When I ask her what her parents names are she makes a face looks at me like she doesn't know me and says "I have a headache "
This time around with this pregnancy. All I wanted was to focus on my pregnancy and enjoy my baby. Because I felt I didn't get to focus on my daughter while i was morning the losses of Loved ones. I literally fell asleep hyperventilating last night.
Has any other family gone through this birth and loss thing. As if Life isn't stressful enough.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: The joy of birth and the grief of loss in family .
Just wanted to pass along my condolences for your grandparents, and well wishes for your mother. I know it must be tough, but we're handed things in life that we were meant to handle.
January '15 Siggy Challenge
I will keep your mom in my T & P. Sometimes a stroke can take time to heal (some longer then others). She could still recover try and keep heart.
One thing I would try and keep in mind is your mom wouldn't want you to miss out on enjoying your pregnancy (I know easier said then done). I lost someone very close to me while pregnant with my daughter and I kept thinking how much they would have been excited and shared in all of the milestones had they been there. One thought kept me going is they would want to see me happy
It's hard, it's the hardest damn thing to go through but as a PP said, our loved ones certainly would not want us to miss out on such happy times in our lives. It's so much easier said than done but try to celebrate the lives, even of those that have passed.
It's better to focus on positive things than negative.
Feel free to PM me if you need to talk more. ❤️