TTC and sister w/ IF issues

surferP528 · February 2015

Hey guys,

My husband and I are about to start TTC and we haven't told any friends or family yet. I feel a little nervous about TTC because my older sister has been trying for several years and has not gotten pregnant. We are very close, and I share many details about my life with her, but I don't want to tell her that I'm TTC because I am afraid she's going to project her fears and obsessions onto me. I'm nervous that when I do get pregnant (if I get pregnant first), then telling her will be awkward because we didn't discuss my TTC. I know she'll be happy for me even if she doesn't have her own child by then, but I know it will also accompany other feelings for her.

I know telling people is a personal choice, but what would you do? I really don't want to hear her rehash how long it's taken her, or have her tell me about all the supplements she takes/avoids, etc. I want this to be my own joyful journey, but I don't want to seem like a mean sister either.

Wonderland438 · February 2015

I would have a private conversation with her and let her know you're trying to conceive, and that your greatest hope is that you both conceive soon, and can experience motherhood together. I would also tell her that you know its been a rough road for her, and you want to know how to best deal with it if you conceive first (does she want details? does she need time once you tell her?).

I think if you let her know you want to be sensitive to her but you hope to share joy with her, you'll avoid more hurt feelings than necessary.

awood04 · February 2015

We are ttc our second and my best friend is ttc as well. We just started last month and she has been trying for 2 years. I was honest with her and told her we were ttc. She was very happy we told her and said that just because she is having trouble doesn't mean she won't be happy for us. And that I had better not feel awkward about telling her if we do conceive.
I assume that is how it will be with your sister! Wishing you luck!!

LauraSmarterSpam · February 2015

DH and I are ready to start TTC, and my sister found out just over a year ago that she cannot have anymore children. She has one boy, and he is the most amazing little guy. She found out after having a miscarriage and almost dying from D.I.C. that she has lupus. She was told if she got pregnant again she will most likely die as these things don't really get better.
I told her that we were going to try this year, and of course she was happy. I told her about it because we are very close, and if for some reason DH and I have problems TTC our second child, she is the first person I wanted to confide in.

4N6s · February 2015

I don't think it's necessary to tell anyone no matter the circumstances that you're going to start trying to have kids.

Wonderland438 · February 2015

Its not necessary but if they are close and she chooses to give her sister some warning, it would allow her sister to get used to the idea before an "I'm pregnant" announcement.

Twinkie0612 · February 2015

It sounds like you aren't comfortable sharing with her, so I would say don't tell her. As someone dealing with infertility, it can be painful to hear about a pregnancy whether you know the couple is trying or not. I do recommend if you do get pregnant before her, tell her via text or email at a time when she will be home. It allows her to process the info in private that way if there are tears she can deal with that on her own and give you a genuinely happy reaction when she talks/sees you.

The other option is if you are only uncomfortable talking to her because you are afraid of her "advice." You could tell her and if she tries to give you advice, just let her know that you appreciate her concern, but you would rather try things your way for now.

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TTC and sister w/ IF issues

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