It's a boy!

kbesser · February 2015

We found out on Feb 14th that we are having a boy!! We are so excited! But we are having issues about circumcision. I'm against it but he's not. The more research i do, the more against it I am. How should I talk to him about it?

klkonwi · February 2015

Well speaking for my 78 year old grandfather who just had to have a circumcision for medical reasons.....please do further research. There ARE medical reasons to circumcise.

BabyList · February 2015

I left the decision up to my dh. I wouldn't want him making decisions about our daughter's vagina, so I don't feel right making decisions about our son's penis. I asked that he do research and be sure of his decision, and not just agree to it because it's the "thing" to do. After watching a few older men have to go through the procedure and my own research, I feel confident in my dh's decision.

CateOfChicago · February 2015

DHs brother is not. DH is. He says we should do it so we are. I didn't ask questions.

laurendutch · February 2015

CateOfChicago said:
DHs brother is not. DH is. He says we should do it so we are. I didn't ask questions.

That's interesting how one brother is and one is not...was there a reason?

I think you need to talk to your husband and find out why he wants your son circumcised.

My DH had strong feelings about it and I took those into serious consideration when WE made the decision.

It kind of sounds like you have your mind made up and are just trying to find a way to get him on your side...

KaLikeAWind · February 2015

I have feelings about this, but right now feel the same as BabyList‌. Honestly we haven't discussed it, I think we're both avoiding it. But yes, I will research medical info on both sides of the argument to present to him, but I think I will let DH make this decision. I'm leaning towards being for it, but am not sure how big of a deal it is if DH isn't. If the nurses in the house can direct me to some quality info on this I'd appreciate it.

Frogger5 · February 2015

I think it is really silly to say that because women don't have penises the decision should be left up to the baby's father. We can all read, synthesize information, and make decisions based on our own values. Also, I'm really not a fan of this, "oh, this one guy had to be circumcised later in life and it was painful, so do it when they are babies." People go through all sorts of painful experiences as adults, some even by choice, and we are just fine. We are all staring one of the bigger painful life experiences in the face right now! There are biopsies, tooth removals, accidents resulting in injuries, etc. Besides, you can't know whether he'll need to have it circumcised later or not, but it's a very small chance.

I am having a son, and I honestly don't know what we'll end up doing. At first I thought I'd let my husband decide because I could see pros and cons on both sides, but now I think that's just because I haven't done any real research. I just know that we will decide together, and either way it will be fine because there really are pros and cons on both sides.

mccall35 · February 2015

Vent warning:

a) There is no right or wrong when it comes to this topic. There are pros and cons to both. You need to do what is right for your family.

b) Whatever decision you come to, you need to do together. I hate it when people say "I'm deferring to DH because he has a penis", take some freaking ownership over your child's healthcare and do some research. You don't need to have a penis to read up on the current research and become informed.

ElRuby · February 2015

mccall35 said:
Vent warning:

a) There is no right or wrong when it comes to this topic. There are pros and cons to both. You need to do what is right for your family.

b) Whatever decision you come to, you need to do together. I hate it when people say "I'm deferring to DH because he has a penis", take some freaking ownership over your child's healthcare and do some research. You don't need to have a penis to read up on the current research and become informed.

Yeah that logic is just ignorant.... He is your child together and you both need to be responsible for decisions for his health.

devyns2nd · February 2015

I have plenty to do with my children and TRUSTING my husband has nothing to do with my letting him take the ropes here. I didn't just say "I don't care what you do to my baby" I have a basic knowledge of the pros and cons and yes my husband has a penis so I TRUST his opinion on my sons penis. Just like he trusts me to take care of our girls as they "become woman". I'm almost certain no one meant they weren't going to "take ownership" of their sons healthcare.

My son will be circumsized for many reasons. Yes, my brother having complications has influenced my decision. My husband also voiced his opinion and I support him. If you think it isn't necessary I can see why. I completely understand a mother not wanting to have their newborn to have to endure pain. It won't make you a bad mother in any case.

KaLikeAWind · February 2015

Roger that, ladies. While I want to be involved in the decision, a 'family decision' as you say, I still also think that I would get pretty bent about my hubby trying to tell me how to treat a daughters vagina. So, yes, an informed family decision, but on the other hand, I don't have a penis, so I am going to give a lot of weight to the opinion of someone who knows more about having one than I do. So long as hubby's opinion IS an informed one I'm not going to waste a lot of time discussing it

Edited to change 'hubby's decision' to 'hubby's opinion'. It sums up what I want to say better

laceymarie3 · February 2015

I work with children in the hospital and have seen the boys that come in with infections and problems from not being circumcised, of all ages. My husband defers to me when it comes to medical choices, if he absolutely disagrees then we talk and decide. We aren't finding out if we are having a girl or boy, but if it is a boy then we already have decided to have him circumcised.

The procedure itself should include cream that is put on the outside and numbs the skin, then tiny injections with more numbing medicine that numbs under the skin. With the topical cream there should be very little to no pain from the injections. And then he should be numb for a couple hours. The worst part for the infant is having his legs held. You should ask your Ob what their protocol for pain control is with the procedure.

Frogger5 · February 2015

In the vast majority of cases, your husband is only going to have experience with one option (either circumcised or not), so he isn't really "in the know" about the options. Also, what decisions are being made about girls' vaginas? I wasn't aware there were any to be made by parents at any age, so to say you get to make vagina decisions and your husband gets to make penis decisions doesn't really make sense to me.

Again, I don't think there is a right answer for everyone, but some of these arguments are just kooky.

KaLikeAWind · February 2015

I'm just sayin, if there was a decision about a vagina, I'd be bent over him trying to exert pressure on it, is all. Good point about his frame of reference being skewed one way, anyway, tho. Makes sense

thepalindromicone · February 2015

I'm in the "hub's opinion on this holds more stock than my own" camp... I'm all about researching the medical (and social for that matter) implications of this decision and joint decision making but in the end, I don't think anything compares to practical experience with having that appendage. And since my general take is you win some you lose either way (some pun intended)... I'd love to put the decision in the hubs court.

lrathbaby3 · February 2015

klkonwi said:
Well speaking for my 78 year old grandfather who just had to have a circumcision for medical reasons.....please do further research. There ARE medical reasons to circumcise.

. Just happened to my grandpa too...

jessieR358 · February 2015

We're having a boy and he's being circumcised. It wasn't really discussed, it was just a no brainer for us. Having a circumcision as an adult requires general anesthesia and that comes with all sorts of risks. I wish I hadn't seen one done during nursing school years ago bc it's just the saddest little thing, but it's over before they know it.

ngaines27 · February 2015

thepalindromicone said:
I'm in the "hub's opinion on this holds more stock than my own" camp... I'm all about researching the medical (and social for that matter) implications of this decision and joint decision making but in the end, I don't think anything compares to practical experience with having that appendage. And since my general take is you win some you lose either way (some pun intended)... I'd love to put the decision in the hubs court.

This. Exactly.

sharice111 · February 2015

I worked as a medical assistant for several years and saw around 100 circumcisions on newborns. They do in fact numb the area and the most uncomfortable part for the baby is being held down, that was the case for my son. There was never any problems with any of the circumcisions performed. I have also worked in the emergency room and seen young boys and old men come in and have urine problems and lots of pain that were related to not being curcumcised. Many ended up with partial circumcisions in the emergency room to fix the problem and then on to a urologist for a full circumcision. Seeing the two sides of the infant and then later in life has helped me make my decision to circumcise. I know many people don't get that opportunity like I did, so if part of your decision to not is because of discomfort for the baby I don't think its a valid enough decision alone. Either way in today's society I think boys can go either way. All I can say is make an informed decision with your SO. It should definitely be a decision you both make together and try to understand sides. My husband has actually seen many circumcisions also so it was an easy decision for us. I just feel bad that so many people have such a tough time deciding when this was an easy decision for us. I can totally see how it is a difficult decision though. Best wishes for your families ladies!!

sharice111 · February 2015

I also want to add I saw several babies sleep through the entire procedure as well. Literally slept through the whole thing...

it just goes to show the numbing does indeed help. My doctor said he performed them back in the day without any local anesthetic and is 100% for numbing and helps to heal faster.

KonaCoffeeBean · February 2015

I may be the only person in America who feels this way, but I just don't care. If we end up having a boy, I imagine I'll just let my husband make the decision, not because he has a penis ( as if that's ever been a reason for giving him priority for anything ), but because he has an opinion and I really don't.

laurendutch · February 2015

I know for my husband...he was really concerned about the social aspects of it. From what I understand, there was one kid uncircumcised at his high school and the kid was teased relentlessly about it. I think things have changed over the years and it's more common not to circumcise. I live in a highly religious area so I don't know if it's changed too much for my local area.

I was okay with having my boys circumcised bc of the medical aspect, social implications and my husband's opinion on the matter.

A little off topic...but it was mentioned about girls. Although, it's rare the Labia can fuse together and may require it to be surgically separated. But again it's really rare.

Addelie · February 2015

I'm from the UK and in my experience, circumsisions are only carried out for religious reasons or to treat a medical problem. Lots of my friends have boys and noone has even considered it to be an option.

I find it quite strange that in the States it seems to be a widely carried out practice. It's good to hear that many are considering the pros and cons medically speaking, as I strongly disagree with it being carried out simply for culture's sake.

Katerina&Baby · February 2015

Regardless of what you guys decide, you're going to have to come to some sort of agreement at some point. Ask him to write down all the reasons why he feels circumcision is the way to go and then do the same for your argument against circumcision - swap papers and really try to understand the other's point of view.

If you can't be swayed by his argument and he can't be swayed by yours, you're going to have to negotiate. This definitely will depend on your collective reasons for/against circumcision but, by way of example, one potential solution may be to forgo circumcision now and then, if your son wants to be circumcised later, to agree to support that decision.

HayesRN13 · February 2015

I don't want to have our son done, I'm a RN and "assist" on them all the time, however DH insists on it and there really isn't room for discussion. I agree with above pp, since he's the man, I will let him be the decision maker for this one...

henrytviii · February 2015

I am noticing that this thread is very pro circumcision. Circumcision in the mainstream approach in the US. I'm not saying that any of you are wrong but I wanted to weigh in with the alternative view. We decided as a family not to circumcise our first son, and we won't circumcise our second. Similarly I wouldn't subject a daughter to any alteration of her genitalia just because it was a societal norm (if it was in our culture), I'd research it carefully and make my own decision.

I don't know if I personally would use all of these arguments but here's a 10 point summary from the anti-circumcision movement (https://www.intactamerica.org/resources/decision). Just want this discussion to be balanced for those that want to research both sides, I am not trying to start a debate or criticize those that choose differently from us, many of my family is circumcised due to our religious heritage. It just wasn't the right choice for us.

Frogger5 · February 2015

laurendutch said:

I know for my husband...he was really concerned about the social aspects of it. From what I understand, there was one kid uncircumcised at his high school and the kid was teased relentlessly about it. I think things have changed over the years and it's more common not to circumcise. I live in a highly religious area so I don't know if it's changed too much for my local area. I was okay with having my boys circumcised bc of the medical aspect, social implications and my husband's opinion on the matter. A little off topic...but it was mentioned about girls. Although, it's rare the Labia can fuse together and may require it to be surgically separated. But again it's really rare.

Point one: Highly Jewish or Muslim religious, or Christian? Cause Christians don't have a thing for circumcision (I mean, it's not based on religion, but of course a lot of Christians happen to do it).

Point two: Yes, but that's not like an optional surgery that you might reasonably choose not to do. Is there any way that your husband would say, "eh, I don't have labia, so I don't really know if we should fix that or not, you decide, honey"? It's not really a decision in the same sense as circumcision.

Frogger5 · February 2015

HayesRN13 said:

I don't want to have our son done, I'm a RN and "assist" on them all the time, however DH insists on it and there really isn't room for discussion. I agree with above pp, since he's the man, I will let him be the decision maker for this one...

Why is there no room for discussion? Boo.

laurendutch · February 2015

Frogger5 said:

laurendutch said:

I know for my husband...he was really concerned about the social aspects of it. From what I understand, there was one kid uncircumcised at his high school and the kid was teased relentlessly about it. I think things have changed over the years and it's more common not to circumcise. I live in a highly religious area so I don't know if it's changed too much for my local area.

I was okay with having my boys circumcised bc of the medical aspect, social implications and my husband's opinion on the matter.

A little off topic...but it was mentioned about girls. Although, it's rare the Labia can fuse together and may require it to be surgically separated. But again it's really rare.

Point one: Highly Jewish or Muslim religious, or Christian? Cause Christians don't have a thing for circumcision (I mean, it's not based on religion, but of course a lot of Christians happen to do it).

Point two: Yes, but that's not like an optional surgery that you might reasonably choose not to do. Is there any way that your husband would say, "eh, I don't have labia, so I don't really know if we should fix that or not, you decide, honey"? It's not really a decision in the same sense as circumcision.

That wasn't any part of our discussion with my husband...hence why I said off topic.

Frogger5 · February 2015

laurendutch said:

laurendutch said:

I know for my husband...he was really concerned about the social aspects of it. From what I understand, there was one kid uncircumcised at his high school and the kid was teased relentlessly about it. I think things have changed over the years and it's more common not to circumcise. I live in a highly religious area so I don't know if it's changed too much for my local area. I was okay with having my boys circumcised bc of the medical aspect, social implications and my husband's opinion on the matter. A little off topic...but it was mentioned about girls. Although, it's rare the Labia can fuse together and may require it to be surgically separated. But again it's really rare.

Point one: Highly Jewish or Muslim religious, or Christian? Cause Christians don't have a thing for circumcision (I mean, it's not based on religion, but of course a lot of Christians happen to do it).
Point two: Yes, but that's not like an optional surgery that you might reasonably choose not to do. Is there any way that your husband would say, "eh, I don't have labia, so I don't really know if we should fix that or not, you decide, honey"? It's not really a decision in the same sense as circumcision.
That wasn't any part of our discussion with my husband...hence why I said off topic.

You said, "it was mentioned about girls . . ." So, what was your point with that, then? It seemed like you were arguing that there are decisions to be made about girls' genitalia from time to time.

laurendutch · February 2015

.

Frogger5 said:

laurendutch said:

Frogger5 said:

laurendutch said:

I know for my husband...he was really concerned about the social aspects of it. From what I understand, there was one kid uncircumcised at his high school and the kid was teased relentlessly about it. I think things have changed over the years and it's more common not to circumcise. I live in a highly religious area so I don't know if it's changed too much for my local area.

I was okay with having my boys circumcised bc of the medical aspect, social implications and my husband's opinion on the matter.

A little off topic...but it was mentioned about girls. Although, it's rare the Labia can fuse together and may require it to be surgically separated. But again it's really rare.

Point one: Highly Jewish or Muslim religious, or Christian? Cause Christians don't have a thing for circumcision (I mean, it's not based on religion, but of course a lot of Christians happen to do it).
Point two: Yes, but that's not like an optional surgery that you might reasonably choose not to do. Is there any way that your husband would say, "eh, I don't have labia, so I don't really know if we should fix that or not, you decide, honey"? It's not really a decision in the same sense as circumcision.
That wasn't any part of our discussion with my husband...hence why I said off topic.

You said, "it was mentioned about girls . . ." So, what was your point with that, then? It seemed like you were arguing that there are decisions to be made about girls' genitalia from time to time.

Honestly, I was just mentioning it to mention it...I had no idea that it could be a possibility. But a friend just recently had to decide how she wanted to proceed when this happened to her daughter.

I feel like you are coming at me BC of an informed decision that I made with my DH. Is there a point to your questions/accusations? And anyone who lives in a highly dense religious area can tell you that there are doctrinal and cultural aspects of any religion. For the area that I live in, although it is not in doctrine, it is the cultural norm to have your son circumcised.

laurendutch · February 2015

Frogger5 said:

laurendutch said:

Frogger5 said:

laurendutch said:

I know for my husband...he was really concerned about the social aspects of it. From what I understand, there was one kid uncircumcised at his high school and the kid was teased relentlessly about it. I think things have changed over the years and it's more common not to circumcise. I live in a highly religious area so I don't know if it's changed too much for my local area.

I was okay with having my boys circumcised bc of the medical aspect, social implications and my husband's opinion on the matter.

A little off topic...but it was mentioned about girls. Although, it's rare the Labia can fuse together and may require it to be surgically separated. But again it's really rare.

Point one: Highly Jewish or Muslim religious, or Christian? Cause Christians don't have a thing for circumcision (I mean, it's not based on religion, but of course a lot of Christians happen to do it).
Point two: Yes, but that's not like an optional surgery that you might reasonably choose not to do. Is there any way that your husband would say, "eh, I don't have labia, so I don't really know if we should fix that or not, you decide, honey"? It's not really a decision in the same sense as circumcision.
That wasn't any part of our discussion with my husband...hence why I said off topic.

You said, "it was mentioned about girls . . ." So, what was your point with that, then? It seemed like you were arguing that there are decisions to be made about girls' genitalia from time to time.

Looking back you were curious about what decisions regarding female genitalia. My friend has to decide whether to do progesterone/estrogen cream and see if it will separate on its own or to do surgery. So yes, I would consider that a medical decision regarding female genitalia.

Frogger5 · February 2015

laurendutch said:

.

laurendutch said:

laurendutch said:

I know for my husband...he was really concerned about the social aspects of it. From what I understand, there was one kid uncircumcised at his high school and the kid was teased relentlessly about it. I think things have changed over the years and it's more common not to circumcise. I live in a highly religious area so I don't know if it's changed too much for my local area. I was okay with having my boys circumcised bc of the medical aspect, social implications and my husband's opinion on the matter. A little off topic...but it was mentioned about girls. Although, it's rare the Labia can fuse together and may require it to be surgically separated. But again it's really rare.

Point one: Highly Jewish or Muslim religious, or Christian? Cause Christians don't have a thing for circumcision (I mean, it's not based on religion, but of course a lot of Christians happen to do it).
Point two: Yes, but that's not like an optional surgery that you might reasonably choose not to do. Is there any way that your husband would say, "eh, I don't have labia, so I don't really know if we should fix that or not, you decide, honey"? It's not really a decision in the same sense as circumcision.
That wasn't any part of our discussion with my husband...hence why I said off topic.

You said, "it was mentioned about girls . . ." So, what was your point with that, then? It seemed like you were arguing that there are decisions to be made about girls' genitalia from time to time.
Honestly, I was just mentioning it to mention it...I had no idea that it could be a possibility. But a friend just recently had to decide how she wanted to proceed when this happened to her daughter. I feel like you are coming at me BC of an informed decision that I made with my DH. Is there a point to your questions/accusations? And anyone who lives in a highly dense religious area can tell you that there are doctrinal and cultural aspects of any religion. For the area that I live in, although it is not in doctrine, it is the cultural norm to have your son circumcised.

I obviously don't live in the same highly dense religious area as you do, but I've never once heard a Christian say, "we're circumcising our son because we're Christian." It's a US thing. So I guess I'm coming at you because you say you made an informed decision based on an anecdote about a boy who was teased when he was in high school and religious reasons that you haven't said are actually religious, and that irritates me. There's not really a point beyond that.

laurendutch · February 2015

I also mentioned medical reasons. And sorry if you don't agree, but yes, societal and cultural norms for my area did play a factor in my decision. Although the main religion in my area do consider themselves Christians...they are very diverse from other branches of Christianity.

Frogger5 · February 2015

laurendutch said:

I also mentioned medical reasons. And sorry if you don't agree, but yes, societal and cultural norms for my area did play a factor in my decision. Although the main religion in my area do consider themselves Christians...they are very diverse from other branches of Christianity.

I'm intrigued.

laurendutch · February 2015

I live in Utah. Of the 10 or so houses surrounding mine, there are only 2 of us who don't attend church on a regular basis. Majority of my neighborhood are active members in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (aka Mormons). I didn't grow up in the religion or in this state, but my DH did. His family, and all of his friends were circumcised.

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