Co-sleeping

malonc2 · February 2015

So my husband and I went a little crazy yesterday with our registry at Buy Buy Baby (first child!) and I'm stuck on whether or not to purchase a co-sleeper or bassinet. My SIL has one we can use so it's not really whether to purchase one, but my real question is should we have baby sleep in our room for the first few months? Some of our friends did this and said it made breastfeeding much easier, other friends actually had baby sleep in bed with them, and others used the crib right from day one. What are your experiences/plans with co-sleeping? Thanks!

ammc07 · February 2015

I attempted to cosleep with dd in bed but it didn't work for us. She slept in the bassinet in our room for about 2 months. This time my goal is to just start the baby in their crib. The room is right across the hall so keeping her in a bassinet in our room or in her crib, isn't a big difference distance wise.

SidraJedi · February 2015

I think it depends on the baby/parents.

We had a crib, a co sleeper and we researched/prepared for bedsharing. After trying the first two a couple of times it just ended up best for us to bedshare. However I have heard of parents planning to bedshare and then finding out LO sleeps better in a crib. I think one might just keep an open mind then that way if it isn't working you aren't tearing your hair out trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

Lalala2326 · February 2015

I can't imagine bfing the first few months without baby in room personally. DD had horrible reflux also, and I was constantly having to pick her up cause she would have choking fits while trying to sleep at night until we got her medication right. I would have been a wreck with her in another room. She would never side-lie nurse or sleep flat next to me (cause of the reflux I assume), but she slept in various things next to the bed (eventually a rock n play cause the incline really helped the reflux).

CaliforniaDream87 · February 2015

I do not plan to co sleep. We will have a bassinet in our room and baby will be there for 3 months. We will then transition into the crib around 3 1/2-4 months.

Miz_Liz · February 2015

We will have this baby in our room in a pack and play for a few months before transitioning her to her own room/crib. We did this with DS too and it was SO much easier on us at night. If you are going to have the baby sleep in the actual bed with you, I would strongly advise you get a co-sleeper or something that creates a "barrier" at least at first. In the beginning you are suffering from sheer exhaustion and unfortunately parents have suffocated their own babies by falling asleep and rolling onto them accidentally without realizing it. When DS was born my Dr actually strongly advised against BF'ing in bed for this exact reason; however I broke down and fed him in bed - sadly for the exact reason they cautioned me, I was beyond exhausted.

jesicabrennan · February 2015

We co-slept for the first 6 months. I had actually planned to have him in the bed with us until about a year BUT around 4 months he started waking up every 2 hours to nurse and by 5.5 months it was every 90 minutes. At that point co-sleeping was no longer working and we moved him to his crib. Worked wonderfully in the beginning, especially the first 3 months, let me get MUCH more sleep as I barely woke up to feed him in those first few months. I will be doing the same with this one but with plans to move him/her as soon as she goes through that 4 month sleep regression and starts waking every 2 hours!

KLB2T · February 2015

DD slept in a rock n play next to our bed for the first 6 weeks, then we moved her to her own crib in her own room.

dkizz82 · February 2015

FTM here and we have bought a bassinet. The nursery is across the house from our room so I feel like it will be easier for breastfeeding. We will see though.

MamaMcBride · February 2015

We found the bassinet to be the biggest waste of $200 ever (between both girls). Both our girls spent the first six months in our bed, my only regret is that we fought bringing DD1 in our bed for so long and I let myself get so burnt out. We co-slept DD2 from Day 1 and it was the bomb

baileymomma · February 2015

I had my first sleep in my room until she was 6 months old and it worked out great. I loved getting to late night cuddles and it made feeding a lot easier. She would either sleep in her bassinet by the bed or in my bed. I plan on doing the same with my second. I may not keep them in my room for as long but definitely the first few months.

Huler · February 2015

We had a bassinet in our room for #1, same for #2, but whenever baby woke for the first feeding, I'd grab 'em and take him to our loft to feed him, closing the door behind me so DH could sleep. Had a bouncer in the loft which worked best since both had reflux and slept better at a major angle, and I'd pump and snooze on the couch next to them until the next feeding. (Both were preemies and had some bfing issues, and our routine was usually boob, bottle, pump, rest, repeat ever 2-3 hours) DH would get up earlier than usual and take one "shift" with the bottle so I could get a solid 4 hours of sleep. I found that co-sleeping with DH in the room does nobody any favors, it makes much more sense to let one of us sleep than keep both of us up and exhausted. He was the one that had to go to work, and I was the one with the boobs, so that's how it worked for us.

Starynightsky24 · February 2015

I'm going to do whatever this baby needs. I have a co sleeper and a rock n play that DS used. He was in our bed for almost a year and sleeps great in his crib. We never had any transition issues.

cleblanc18 · February 2015

Just knowing how my husband and I sleep (I'm 5'10 and he's 6'2) the baby will never sleep with us in the bed, we both spread out. We will have a bassinet near by the bed. And after two-three months the baby will be sleeping in her crib. I refuse to be one of those parents that let's their children sleep with them in their bed until their way older.

kjandericka · February 2015

I'm a FTM too and I plan on having baby sleep in the bassinet in our room for the first 2 months or so. I'm a still sleeper but DH is 6'5" and 280lbs and tosses and turns all night so I definitely don't feel comfortable with the baby sleeping with us. We have two La-Z-Boys in our room and I plan to use one for BFing during the night. I hope to transition baby into his room around 2 months but I'm flexible and know that babies are unpredictable. We will go with whatever works for our baby boy!

lilana1011 · February 2015

We have a bassinet that babe sleeps next to us for the first two weeks or so. After that it's in bed with us the whole year. We co sleep until about a year and then start to transition to crib. Naps during the day are in crib so when we transition it makes it much easier.

SassetteSmurfling · February 2015

We had the baby in the newborn napper (part of the pack and play) for at least 6 weeks if I'm remembering correctly. Just made it easier at the beginning when they were waking up so much. I would still go to the nursery to feed and change them, but sometimes they just needed a paci popped back into their mouth or for me to turn the vibration or white noise back on and I could do that without even sitting up in bed if they were right there!

malonc2 · February 2015

Lots of great advice! I think we will borrow the co-sleeper from my SIL and use it for the first few months (depending on the baby) in our room since the nursery is down the hall.

jlsweets · February 2015

etc35173 said:

Personally, I found having DS in the room with us made the first few months so much easier and we will do the same with this LO. Having him right there gave me piece of mind and made it easier to change and feed him during the night. We moved DS to his own crib when he was 14 or 15 weeks old, we had almost no issues with the transition and now he sleeps and naps great in his crib every night.

This- we had our son in a bassinet in our room until 4 months when we moved him into his crib, no problems with transition- it was nice to have him right at my bedside for breastfeeding and for first time mom worries

jilladelario · February 2015

With my daughter we bought a rocknplay to keep next to the bed but she ended up sleeping next to me. We did end up buying a Cal king bed right after she was born so we had plenty of room in bed for her. I liked not having to get up to nurse her. I would literally fall asleep nursing the baby and wake up 2 hours later to her still sucking away (passed out but still latched). I swear they can smell breast milk and it wakes them up though. When we put her in her crib she didn't wake up as often.

She slept with us until about 6 months (husband was trying to kick her out long before that though). Full transition to the crib included a lot of tears but she's fine now.

sarahsmith86 · February 2015

Just a reminder, do not ever bring the baby into bed with you. My best friend of 17 years brought her 3 week old daughter into bed with her to feed her, and she accidentally fell asleep while sitting up/holding her. Her daughter ended up under some blankets and asphyxiated. Do not do it.

KMBC2552 · February 2015

The baby will sleep in the rock n play next to our bed for the first couple months. Makes middle of the night BFing sessions easier.

lafsalot · February 2015

We thought we were going to use a bassinet, but DD would never sleep in it, co-sleeping made DH nervous and after giving birth I couldn't sleep in bed, I tried, so I slept in a recliner with DD on my chest for 4 months. We finally bought a rock n play and started transitioning her to it. (Yes, I know it is not recommended to sleep in a sofa of recliner with a child- but it worked for us and I am a still sleep and wake up to reposition, I also slept differently during those months and many months following because mom ears and senses are heightened so I knew if she made a peep or if her breath was different, she never was sick because she had so much time close to me the first 4 months. Colds are minor and she had ear aches with lower teeth since them... So she is very healthy. She is a tummy sleeper so her on me was better for us than alone in a crib on her belly.) once she could roll both directions we started transitioning to her crib and it wasn't easy but at 15 months she is a great sleeper. You will find that you will adapt and change your mind about a lot of things in parenting that you thought you would never do... I was against co-sleeping until I had to find a way to sleep and my infant sleep comfortably. Just be easy on yourself, there is a lot if time before they get here... And they change your mind on a lot of things.

xsunshinelady15 · February 2015

We will NOT be co-sleeping for safety reasons, but baby will be in our room for the first few months until he sleeps through the night. It was 3 months with our first so I am hoping for a similar time frame with #2

jesicabrennan · February 2015

sarahsmith86 said:
Just a reminder, do not ever bring the baby into bed with you. My best friend of 17 years brought her 3 week old daughter into bed with her to feed her, and she accidentally fell asleep while sitting up/holding her. Her daughter ended up under some blankets and asphyxiated. Do not do it.

While I'm sorry this happened to your friend it's actually very uncommon for a breastfeeding baby in bed with a mother who has taken no drugs and had no alcohol to be in danger in any way. Your body is VERY in tune with baby and your body know exactly where baby is. There are ways to sleep safely with the baby in bed with you. Baby stays next to moms breast just under her arm, below the pillow. Blankets stay at about waist level, NEVER pulled up. Please don't tell women they shouldn't sleep in bed with their babies, if you're doing it safely it lets both mom and baby get more sleep at night.

Miz_Liz · February 2015

jesicabrennan said:

Just a reminder, do not ever bring the baby into bed with you. My best friend of 17 years brought her 3 week old daughter into bed with her to feed her, and she accidentally fell asleep while sitting up/holding her. Her daughter ended up under some blankets and asphyxiated. Do not do it.
While I'm sorry this happened to your friend it's actually very uncommon for a breastfeeding baby in bed with a mother who has taken no drugs and had no alcohol to be in danger in any way. Your body is VERY in tune with baby and your body know exactly where baby is. There are ways to sleep safely with the baby in bed with you. Baby stays next to moms breast just under her arm, below the pillow. Blankets stay at about waist level, NEVER pulled up. Please don't tell women they shouldn't sleep in bed with their babies, if you're doing it safely it lets both mom and baby get more sleep at night.

Actually the government and many doctors advise against it. While I agree that you do sleep different when you become a parent, you aren't necessarily going to wake up when an infant making no noise is in danger - especially in those first few weeks when you are suffering from severe exhaustion. My U/S tech has gone to NUMEROUS funerals for children who died due to their parents accidentally rolling over on them while they were sleeping - to include one set of parents that the mother was a nurse and the father was an EMT. The sad truth is, it can happen to anyone. It is no different than the bumpers in a crib - there are just too many variables that make it extremely dangerous when an infant is so young and cannot roll over, push things away, or verbalize that they are in trouble. https://www.cpsc.gov/en/Newsroom/News-Releases/1999/CPSC-Warns-Against-Placing-Babies-in-Adult-Beds-Study-finds-64-deaths-each-year-from-suffocation-and-strangulation/

SassetteSmurfling · February 2015

xsunshinelady15 said:
We will NOT be co-sleeping for safety reasons, but baby will be in our room for the first few months until he sleeps through the night. It was 3 months with our first so I am hoping for a similar time frame with #2

Baby being is your room IS co-sleeping. Co-sleeping and bedsharing are different things. The terms are not interchangeable.

khsamios32 · February 2015

Please do not put the baby in the bed with you. As a medic, I have seen 5 dead newborns in the past 3 years due to co-sleeping with mom and dad. Such a sad situation and absolutely preventable.

sarahsmith86 · February 2015

jesicabrennan said:

sarahsmith86 said:
Just a reminder, do not ever bring the baby into bed with you. My best friend of 17 years brought her 3 week old daughter into bed with her to feed her, and she accidentally fell asleep while sitting up/holding her. Her daughter ended up under some blankets and asphyxiated. Do not do it.
While I'm sorry this happened to your friend it's actually very uncommon for a breastfeeding baby in bed with a mother who has taken no drugs and had no alcohol to be in danger in any way. Your body is VERY in tune with baby and your body know exactly where baby is. There are ways to sleep safely with the baby in bed with you. Baby stays next to moms breast just under her arm, below the pillow. Blankets stay at about waist level, NEVER pulled up. Please don't tell women they shouldn't sleep in bed with their babies, if you're doing it safely it lets both mom and baby get more sleep at night.

It actually isn't uncommon at all. As you can see from the other posts below yours, it does happen. Neither drugs nor alcohol were a factor here, merely a new, first time mother who was completely exhausted. I can tell you from this experience that baby funerals are devastating to all those in attendance. Never bring a baby into bed with you.

jesicabrennan · February 2015

Miz_Liz said:

jesicabrennan said:

Just a reminder, do not ever bring the baby into bed with you. My best friend of 17 years brought her 3 week old daughter into bed with her to feed her, and she accidentally fell asleep while sitting up/holding her. Her daughter ended up under some blankets and asphyxiated. Do not do it.
While I'm sorry this happened to your friend it's actually very uncommon for a breastfeeding baby in bed with a mother who has taken no drugs and had no alcohol to be in danger in any way. Your body is VERY in tune with baby and your body know exactly where baby is. There are ways to sleep safely with the baby in bed with you. Baby stays next to moms breast just under her arm, below the pillow. Blankets stay at about waist level, NEVER pulled up. Please don't tell women they shouldn't sleep in bed with their babies, if you're doing it safely it lets both mom and baby get more sleep at night.

Actually the government and many doctors advise against it. While I agree that you do sleep different when you become a parent, you aren't necessarily going to wake up when an infant making no noise is in danger - especially in those first few weeks when you are suffering from severe exhaustion. My U/S tech has gone to NUMEROUS funerals for children who died due to their parents accidentally rolling over on them while they were sleeping - to include one set of parents that the mother was a nurse and the father was an EMT. The sad truth is, it can happen to anyone. It is no different than the bumpers in a crib - there are just too many variables that make it extremely dangerous when an infant is so young and cannot roll over, push things away, or verbalize that they are in trouble. https://www.cpsc.gov/en/Newsroom/News-Releases/1999/CPSC-Warns-Against-Placing-Babies-in-Adult-Beds-Study-finds-64-deaths-each-year-from-suffocation-and-strangulation/

The problem is we're asking severely sleep deprived mamas to get up, breastfeed their baby then stay awake long enough to put them back in their own beds 4 or 5 times a night and when they attempt to do this we end up with mamas accidentally falling asleep with baby on the couch, in an armchair or unsafely in bed because they didn't mean to be sleeping there with the baby. If you are planning to have the baby in bed with you and again, do it safely, the danger is much less than if you fall asleep with baby on the couch while you try to stay awake. I agree that not everyone should co-sleep and the ONLY people who should is a breastfeeding mama and baby should be with her and no one else. The huge huge number of women end up with the baby in bed with them at some point because they're so damn tired and I think rather than trying to convince them their baby is going to die if they do this and making them feel bad about it we should educate them on how to do it safely.

Miz_Liz · February 2015

jesicabrennan said:

Miz_Liz said:

jesicabrennan said:

Just a reminder, do not ever bring the baby into bed with you. My best friend of 17 years brought her 3 week old daughter into bed with her to feed her, and she accidentally fell asleep while sitting up/holding her. Her daughter ended up under some blankets and asphyxiated. Do not do it.
While I'm sorry this happened to your friend it's actually very uncommon for a breastfeeding baby in bed with a mother who has taken no drugs and had no alcohol to be in danger in any way. Your body is VERY in tune with baby and your body know exactly where baby is. There are ways to sleep safely with the baby in bed with you. Baby stays next to moms breast just under her arm, below the pillow. Blankets stay at about waist level, NEVER pulled up. Please don't tell women they shouldn't sleep in bed with their babies, if you're doing it safely it lets both mom and baby get more sleep at night.

Actually the government and many doctors advise against it. While I agree that you do sleep different when you become a parent, you aren't necessarily going to wake up when an infant making no noise is in danger - especially in those first few weeks when you are suffering from severe exhaustion. My U/S tech has gone to NUMEROUS funerals for children who died due to their parents accidentally rolling over on them while they were sleeping - to include one set of parents that the mother was a nurse and the father was an EMT. The sad truth is, it can happen to anyone. It is no different than the bumpers in a crib - there are just too many variables that make it extremely dangerous when an infant is so young and cannot roll over, push things away, or verbalize that they are in trouble. https://www.cpsc.gov/en/Newsroom/News-Releases/1999/CPSC-Warns-Against-Placing-Babies-in-Adult-Beds-Study-finds-64-deaths-each-year-from-suffocation-and-strangulation/

The problem is we're asking severely sleep deprived mamas to get up, breastfeed their baby then stay awake long enough to put them back in their own beds 4 or 5 times a night and when they attempt to do this we end up with mamas accidentally falling asleep with baby on the couch, in an armchair or unsafely in bed because they didn't mean to be sleeping there with the baby. If you are planning to have the baby in bed with you and again, do it safely, the danger is much less than if you fall asleep with baby on the couch while you try to stay awake. I agree that not everyone should co-sleep and the ONLY people who should is a breastfeeding mama and baby should be with her and no one else. The huge huge number of women end up with the baby in bed with them at some point because they're so damn tired and I think rather than trying to convince them their baby is going to die if they do this and making them feel bad about it we should educate them on how to do it safely.

The issue is, unfortunately there is no safe way to do it. How you fall asleep is not how you are necessarily going to stay asleep - most people toss and turn when they sleep. Also, most mothers have a spouse or partner in bed with them and they also can't control how they sleep (plus pillows, blankets, softer mattresses). Trust me, I get that it is NOT easy to stay awake to nurse and change the baby, I remember days when I knew I couldn't even drive if I needed to because I was that tired, but when I would get up to nurse at night I always remembered what my Dr and U/S tech told me and it helped me to stay awake. They also gave me great tips like get up and go to the bathroom before nursing or do something to move around a little to wake up enough. I also found I could keep my Ipad or phone near me and could play mindless games while I was nursing to help keep myself awake. I would rather that other mom's know the facts and statistics so hopefully they can find ways to stay awake too than to lie to them and tell them it is safe and God forbid they become one of the statistics. There are going to be SO many dangers in our children's lives that we cannot control, but I will do absolutely everything in my power to control the ones that I can. I can't even imagine the poor parents that have had this happen to them, I don't know how they go on, but I do understand how it happens.

sarahsmith86 · February 2015

Miz_Liz said:

jesicabrennan said:

Miz_Liz said:

jesicabrennan said:

sarahsmith86 said:
Just a reminder, do not ever bring the baby into bed with you. My best friend of 17 years brought her 3 week old daughter into bed with her to feed her, and she accidentally fell asleep while sitting up/holding her. Her daughter ended up under some blankets and asphyxiated. Do not do it.
While I'm sorry this happened to your friend it's actually very uncommon for a breastfeeding baby in bed with a mother who has taken no drugs and had no alcohol to be in danger in any way. Your body is VERY in tune with baby and your body know exactly where baby is. There are ways to sleep safely with the baby in bed with you. Baby stays next to moms breast just under her arm, below the pillow. Blankets stay at about waist level, NEVER pulled up. Please don't tell women they shouldn't sleep in bed with their babies, if you're doing it safely it lets both mom and baby get more sleep at night.

Actually the government and many doctors advise against it. While I agree that you do sleep different when you become a parent, you aren't necessarily going to wake up when an infant making no noise is in danger - especially in those first few weeks when you are suffering from severe exhaustion. My U/S tech has gone to NUMEROUS funerals for children who died due to their parents accidentally rolling over on them while they were sleeping - to include one set of parents that the mother was a nurse and the father was an EMT. The sad truth is, it can happen to anyone. It is no different than the bumpers in a crib - there are just too many variables that make it extremely dangerous when an infant is so young and cannot roll over, push things away, or verbalize that they are in trouble.

https://www.cpsc.gov/en/Newsroom/News-Releases/1999/CPSC-Warns-Against-Placing-Babies-in-Adult-Beds-Study-finds-64-deaths-each-year-from-suffocation-and-strangulation/

The problem is we're asking severely sleep deprived mamas to get up, breastfeed their baby then stay awake long enough to put them back in their own beds 4 or 5 times a night and when they attempt to do this we end up with mamas accidentally falling asleep with baby on the couch, in an armchair or unsafely in bed because they didn't mean to be sleeping there with the baby. If you are planning to have the baby in bed with you and again, do it safely, the danger is much less than if you fall asleep with baby on the couch while you try to stay awake. I agree that not everyone should co-sleep and the ONLY people who should is a breastfeeding mama and baby should be with her and no one else. The huge huge number of women end up with the baby in bed with them at some point because they're so damn tired and I think rather than trying to convince them their baby is going to die if they do this and making them feel bad about it we should educate them on how to do it safely.

The issue is, unfortunately there is no safe way to do it. How you fall asleep is not how you are necessarily going to stay asleep - most people toss and turn when they sleep. Also, most mothers have a spouse or partner in bed with them and they also can't control how they sleep (plus pillows, blankets, softer mattresses). Trust me, I get that it is NOT easy to stay awake to nurse and change the baby, I remember days when I knew I couldn't even drive if I needed to because I was that tired, but when I would get up to nurse at night I always remembered what my Dr and U/S tech told me and it helped me to stay awake. They also gave me great tips like get up and go to the bathroom before nursing or do something to move around a little to wake up enough. I also found I could keep my Ipad or phone near me and could play mindless games while I was nursing to help keep myself awake. I would rather that other mom's know the facts and statistics so hopefully they can find ways to stay awake too than to lie to them and tell them it is safe and God forbid they become one of the statistics. There are going to be SO many dangers in our children's lives that we cannot control, but I will do absolutely everything in my power to control the ones that I can. I can't even imagine the poor parents that have had this happen to them, I don't know how they go on, but I do understand how it happens.

Well said!

taluthi · February 2015

sarahsmith86 said:
Just a reminder, do not ever bring the baby into bed with you. My best friend of 17 years brought her 3 week old daughter into bed with her to feed her, and she accidentally fell asleep while sitting up/holding her. Her daughter ended up under some blankets and asphyxiated. Do not do it.

This! Everyone who does is successfully thinks it's great and it will never happen to them. As a pediatric NP I have sadly seen this happen a couple times in my career as have my colleagues. Each of those parents said it wouldn't happen to them or that could never be too tired to fall asleep and roll on their baby. I can guarantee they now wish they had simply laid the baby in a bassinet or pack n play beside the bed. It's amazing to me how many parents take the risk. We give free pack n plays out to prevent co-sleeping and have a couple moms that speak out about their loss so luckily several parents change their mind on co-sleeping.

jesicabrennan · February 2015

Miz_Liz said:

jesicabrennan said:

Miz_Liz said:

jesicabrennan said:

Just a reminder, do not ever bring the baby into bed with you. My best friend of 17 years brought her 3 week old daughter into bed with her to feed her, and she accidentally fell asleep while sitting up/holding her. Her daughter ended up under some blankets and asphyxiated. Do not do it.
While I'm sorry this happened to your friend it's actually very uncommon for a breastfeeding baby in bed with a mother who has taken no drugs and had no alcohol to be in danger in any way. Your body is VERY in tune with baby and your body know exactly where baby is. There are ways to sleep safely with the baby in bed with you. Baby stays next to moms breast just under her arm, below the pillow. Blankets stay at about waist level, NEVER pulled up. Please don't tell women they shouldn't sleep in bed with their babies, if you're doing it safely it lets both mom and baby get more sleep at night.

Actually the government and many doctors advise against it. While I agree that you do sleep different when you become a parent, you aren't necessarily going to wake up when an infant making no noise is in danger - especially in those first few weeks when you are suffering from severe exhaustion. My U/S tech has gone to NUMEROUS funerals for children who died due to their parents accidentally rolling over on them while they were sleeping - to include one set of parents that the mother was a nurse and the father was an EMT. The sad truth is, it can happen to anyone. It is no different than the bumpers in a crib - there are just too many variables that make it extremely dangerous when an infant is so young and cannot roll over, push things away, or verbalize that they are in trouble. https://www.cpsc.gov/en/Newsroom/News-Releases/1999/CPSC-Warns-Against-Placing-Babies-in-Adult-Beds-Study-finds-64-deaths-each-year-from-suffocation-and-strangulation/

The problem is we're asking severely sleep deprived mamas to get up, breastfeed their baby then stay awake long enough to put them back in their own beds 4 or 5 times a night and when they attempt to do this we end up with mamas accidentally falling asleep with baby on the couch, in an armchair or unsafely in bed because they didn't mean to be sleeping there with the baby. If you are planning to have the baby in bed with you and again, do it safely, the danger is much less than if you fall asleep with baby on the couch while you try to stay awake. I agree that not everyone should co-sleep and the ONLY people who should is a breastfeeding mama and baby should be with her and no one else. The huge huge number of women end up with the baby in bed with them at some point because they're so damn tired and I think rather than trying to convince them their baby is going to die if they do this and making them feel bad about it we should educate them on how to do it safely.

The issue is, unfortunately there is no safe way to do it. How you fall asleep is not how you are necessarily going to stay asleep - most people toss and turn when they sleep. Also, most mothers have a spouse or partner in bed with them and they also can't control how they sleep (plus pillows, blankets, softer mattresses). Trust me, I get that it is NOT easy to stay awake to nurse and change the baby, I remember days when I knew I couldn't even drive if I needed to because I was that tired, but when I would get up to nurse at night I always remembered what my Dr and U/S tech told me and it helped me to stay awake. They also gave me great tips like get up and go to the bathroom before nursing or do something to move around a little to wake up enough. I also found I could keep my Ipad or phone near me and could play mindless games while I was nursing to help keep myself awake. I would rather that other mom's know the facts and statistics so hopefully they can find ways to stay awake too than to lie to them and tell them it is safe and God forbid they become one of the statistics. There are going to be SO many dangers in our children's lives that we cannot control, but I will do absolutely everything in my power to control the ones that I can. I can't even imagine the poor parents that have had this happen to them, I don't know how they go on, but I do understand how it happens.

I disagree, I believe there is a safe way to do it. And if you've ever been a breastfeeding mama sleeping with her infant in bed with her, on purpose and safely, you do not change positions at all and you are ALWAYS aware of where baby is. If baby's breathing changes, you wake up, if baby starts moving, you wake up, you pretty much wake up on cue from them whenever they need you. It's actually pretty incredible and amazing and is the most natural thing in the world. It's a very strange, very new, very western notion to separate mama and baby during sleep. Again, I am in no way encouraging everyone to co-sleep but I am saying hey, if you're going to do it, don't feel bad about it, ask questions and please do it safely. This article I've linked compares our society's scare tactics to promoting abstinence in teens, we keep telling teens don't have sex, don't have sex, don't have sex, but they do it anyway and we're forgetting that we should be accepting that it's a common practice and teaching them how to have sex SAFELY and giving them an environment where they feel comfortable asking questions about sex so that they do it safely. This is how cosleeping should be viewed. Telling everyone it's unsafe isn't stopping anyone from doing it, but it is stopping women from talking to their friends about it, getting advice from their dr.s about it etc. etc. Here's the article:

https://commonhealth.wbur.org/2013/11/is-it-time-to-rethink-co-sleeping

WDDCH · February 2015

This is one if those things that you'll have to see about with your baby. I have bed-shared with four of my five babies. One of my babies had ZERO desire to sleep near anyone and went to a crib at 2-months. There are many benefits to co-sleeping but your baby may not be interested (most babies are and desire to be near their mother).

The debates aside on this thread: not everyone should or will bed-share but it can be done safely for those who do choose to do it. If you're not comfortable with that then a bassinet (or similar) is a great to have.

I'm personally fine with whatever my baby is comfortable with whether it is with me, in a bassinet or their crib. Co-sleeping does make BFing much easier and you do get better rest so you're really not as exhausted. That's been my experience anyway.

So my 2 cents: have the bassinet and co-sleeper on hand and see how it goes.

cosplaymom · February 2015

Pro: easy access for nighttime nursing
Con: mommy wakes up every time baby makes a noise

I suggest getting a pack n play with a bassinet so baby can sleep in your room for the first two months if needed. Move baby to the crib asap.

Get an AngelCare monitor for the crib, for peace of mind so you know if baby cries or stops breathing.

onemoreis4 · February 2015

If you plan on nursing then keep baby in your room somehow. We did bassinet but then ended up co -sleeping. It made night times nursing a breeze but we didn't use our expensive crib at all! Our DD stopped co sleeping a few months ago (at3yrs) when we got her a "big girl" bed. This time our room is big enough to keep the crib and a rocker in it so we'll do crib. Borrow the bassinet/side sleeper to see how it works for your before spending money on one. I've been jealous of moms whose babies sleep in their own bed from the beginning but then I love waking up to DDs cuddles and sleepy face.

xsunshinelady15 · February 2015

jesicabrennan said:

sarahsmith86 said:
Just a reminder, do not ever bring the baby into bed with you. My best friend of 17 years brought her 3 week old daughter into bed with her to feed her, and she accidentally fell asleep while sitting up/holding her. Her daughter ended up under some blankets and asphyxiated. Do not do it.
While I'm sorry this happened to your friend it's actually very uncommon for a breastfeeding baby in bed with a mother who has taken no drugs and had no alcohol to be in danger in any way. Your body is VERY in tune with baby and your body know exactly where baby is. There are ways to sleep safely with the baby in bed with you. Baby stays next to moms breast just under her arm, below the pillow. Blankets stay at about waist level, NEVER pulled up. Please don't tell women they shouldn't sleep in bed with their babies, if you're doing it safely it lets both mom and baby get more sleep at night.

This is ridiculous.. your body being very in tuned with baby has nothing to do with you rolling over onto your child while exhausted and on NO medication and having a CLEAN system of drugs. Bottom line it is not recommended for a reason. If YOU choose to do it that is fine, but don't try to convince anyone else that this practice is "safe" by any means.

xsunshinelady15 · February 2015

SassetteSmurfling said:

xsunshinelady15 said:
We will NOT be co-sleeping for safety reasons, but baby will be in our room for the first few months until he sleeps through the night. It was 3 months with our first so I am hoping for a similar time frame with #2
Baby being is your room IS co-sleeping. Co-sleeping and bedsharing are different things. The terms are not interchangeable.

Is commonly used interchangeably, but thanks for YOUR opinion

koehn27 · February 2015

It's definitely easier to have baby in your room for the first few months, especially if you're breastfeeding. They wake often to eat (my daughter woke every hour for the first week and every two hours for a few weeks after that). The sleeping situation should really be based on your comfort. I co-slept with both of my babes because that is what worked for us. I'm also an extremely light sleeper and am able to co-sleep safely. There are many options for you though. There are bassinets that can be placed in your bed, an arms reach co sleeper, or a regular bassinet. We have a bassinet for the bed so that baby can sleep next to dad if I need a break (he's a heavy sleeper and wasn't comfortable with baby in the bed with him.

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