3.5 yo trashes my house/ out of control

Re: 3.5 yo trashes my house/ out of control

• brachysira member

  December 2014

  I agree with pps, but I also think maybe you could do some baby-proofing.  Like, if you only let him play in x part of the house part of the time, then you can work on the rules about closets, etc. when you have the energy to chase him and deal, which should be some parts of each day.  I would also work with him to find new ways to play if he's just doing this out of boredom.  More park time, a new activity like stickers, etc.

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• neverblushed member

  December 2014

  Honestly, as a discipline tool, I think time outs are a total waste of time.  They're fine for calming down a toddler or preschooler who is on the verge of a meltdown, but they suck as a consequence.

  
  

  Your child needs firm limits and consistency.  He needs consequences for his actions.  The consequences need to make sense given whatever he's done.  Honestly, you may be in a situation where you can't leave him unsupervised until you successfully train him that he can't get "into" everything he wants, that there are limits on his actions.  He's running roughshod over you right now!  You've got to make this a priority.

  
  

  First of all, you need to communicate common sense limits to him ahead of time.  When he's getting ready to play, you need to tell him what he can and can't do, because he doesn't really know.  For instance, you might say, "Okay, I have to clean up the kitchen now.  Why don't you play in the kitchen while I work?  What toy would you like to bring into the kitchen?  Your cars?  Great.  While I'm cleaning, you may play with your cars on the floor.  You can go anywhere in the kitchen.  You can make your cars go on the floor.  You may not get things out of the cabinets or the refrigerator.  You may not leave the kitchen and go to another room. If you want to do something else, you can ask me."

  
  

  I think you'll find that telling him what he CAN do, followed by telling him what the limits are in a given situation will help a lot.  

  
  

  Then, if he violates your limits, you can take the cars away.  When my kids were that age, I would tell them, "It's your choice, you can either play nicely while I work or I can give you a job to do.  If you can't play nicely and follow the rules, you'll have to help me with my cleaning."  If he does something inappropriate, you can use this as a warning.  For instance, "No -- you can't bang your cars on the cabinet doors like that.  Cars stay on the floor.  If you can't keep your cars on the floor, I will have to put them away, and I'll give you a cleaning job."

  
  

  Then, if he messes up, HE takes the cars and put him away.  HE gets a spray bottle of windex, or water, or whatever, and a paper towel, and he "cleans" stuff until you are satisfied.  If he won't do it, just tell him he can either sit like a lump or help clean up, but no more playing -- he couldn't play nicely, so he lost that option.  He may choose to sit like a lump -- fine.  He's basically given himself a time-out without you having to enforce it.  When he's ready to help clean, he'll let you know, but NO FUN until he's completed his consequence.

  
  

  If your 3.5 year old is taking stuff out of the cabinets and sassing you, you've got to get this under control asap.  Most kids this age have already begun to recognize that they can't just get "into" whatever they want any time they want.  My sense is that you're a little behind the curve with this, I'm sorry to say.  The good news is that you can totally turn this around with some focus and consistency on your part.  Just keep at him, letting him know what he can and can't do, and enforce limits!

  High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

  
  

  DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade

  DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade

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• XCrissCrossX member

  December 2014

  Agree with PPs.
  The time he spends doing what he wants gets shortened when you have to clean up his messes "we don't have time to finish Bubble Guppies, because we had to put all the things back in the closet" or "now we can't go to the park because we have to clean up this very big mess"
  You definitely need to give lots of praise when he's behaving.
  Also, kids respond well to emotions. He hits you (or slams the door on your arm)- you put him down if you're holding him, step back so there is obvious distance, and tell him that he hurt you and you don't want to hold him/ be close to him. If he yells, tell him it hurts your ears and your feelings. He says something mean, tell him it hurts your feelings.
  

  
  
  

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• jamieandwill member

  February 2015

  He sounds bored, honestly. Try to engage him with a work (i.e. coloring, putting together a puzzle, legos, working on cutting with child safe scissors), or go outside. If DS starts to get rambunctious and destroy stuff it is always 100% of the time because he is bored.

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