Anyone dealing with eight grandparents-to-be?

saric83 · February 2015

I vented about this a bit during the weekly post, but I wanted to see if any of you other ladies are in a similar situation and how you're handling it with baby-plans.

We have four sets of parents. My two sets live about 45 minutes away, and his two sets live about five hours away. They're all very well-intentioned people who very much want to be involved with their grandson, but as with any parents, they can get extremely grating and annoying as hell, and within each set, there is one VERY pushy parent. So we get a lot of, "Well, you do that with X and X. Why not us?" So making things "fair" has always been a struggle, and I'm over it.

We've discussed our parameters for first few months but haven't told any of the parents yet. And I'm just avoiding any holiday discussions because they're already asking and driving me nuts. So my hubby is planning to tell his parents that they can visit but cannot stay with us for three months. (Both of his sets expect to stay with us anytime they're in town, which is about five times a year, because neither of my BILs here have extra bedrooms.) Both sets aren't the type of people who would be helpful with baby in any way shape or form.

And we're planning on not telling anyone until after we're out of the hospital and maybe ask for no visitors for a week, so as to avoid eight people bombarding us at the hospital and right away at home. But because of that, I do feel a little bad for my parents that they're getting shut out a bit in an effort to keep the out-of-town parents away until we're settled.

I feel like DH is going to be playing role of referee way too much during those first few weeks when I want him to be able to relax and try to settle into our new routines. Frankly, I don't give a shit about hurting any of their feelings. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to manage them and set expectations to keep our lives sane.

How are you guys handling something like this?

mrshall1027 · February 2015

Both our sets of parents are still married and together, so I don't know exactly what you're going through. My only advice is to start telling them now what you're expectations are when baby comes. There's nothing wrong with wanting privacy and alone time to get adjusted, but I think it would be wrong of you to say your parents can be there, but his can't. That's just asking for problems down the road. But, that's just my opinion, and you need to make the decision you think is best for you and your family.

canadianmom89 · February 2015

I feel your pain. Although both my parents and dh parents are still together, his parents get extremely jealous that my parents live 10 mins away from us ( they live about 4-5 hours away) and that we do so much with my parents. we have actually asked my mom to stay with us the week the baby is born but we have set a rule of no other visitors ... Needless to say my mil is not happy. But there is A LOT of tension in our relationship and I know from experience my mil would be absolutely no help and only stress me out majorly. Part of me feels bad but I know for my own sanity and my comfort level of learning to breastfeed, ect. I am just by comfortable with them there. It has to be what's going to work best for new family.

lisajines · February 2015

I have three sets of grand parents to be. But they are also in three different parts of the country and praise God are reasonable sensible people. Now here is the thing: your parents will always be your parents. They love you and even though it may seem misguided- they want to share in a wonderful time in your life. They were there when you entered in and it would bless them beyond belief if you open that door for them to be there for the birth of your child. Boundaries are good. You already discussed it with your spouse so make real, attainable boundaries for your family. The reality check is you are going to want SOMEONE else there during that first week- how about just your mom and your husbands mom. If the step parents are mad- oh well. Make it clear that if your moms are going to be there you are going to need their help. You need to rest up, eat, take a shower- and that's where they come in. If they cannt do that... Well. You make the big girl decision on what to do.

Reeslyne14 · February 2015

I have three sets of grand parents to be.. I feel the struggle. My SOs parents are not as bad, but his mother is pushy and expects and feels she is entitled to everything.. they live 6 hours away and don't visit as often, thank the Lord, but it becomes hard to handle because they want us to make these trips up there.. I agree that being open and up front with them is the only way to go.. better off now while you have the strength to deal with it, then loose your cool later and have it turn into a bigger mess than it needs to be.. good luck and congrats!

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