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Potty Training
Soon 2 be Lockhart
member
Help!!! I am at a loss on this potty training thing
Soon 2 be Lockhart
member
I am not sure what to do… My DD is 30 months old and completely ready to potty train except she wants nothing to do with sittingon any potty chair. She tells me when she is going to go poop, and then she will sit on the floor by the couch and go (she doeshave pooping issues that are much better with her meds but we still have to do an enema every week or two) when she goes pee, unless she is too busy playing she will tell me and I have to change her diaper right after she finishes as she does not like soiled diapers. When I ask her if she would like to go potty on herpotty she says no. If I try to put her on she cries like it is the end of the world. I want potty training to be a positive experience so I do not force her to sit, just ask and if she says no I let it go. I have tried rewards from candy all the way to a power wheel she wants but once I tell her she has to sit on the potty to get it she says ummm no, pee pee diaper. I have also taken her to the store to pick out her potty and she just says piggpy potty (her stuffed pig) when I say no Carly’s potty she saysdon’t want it, diaper. I have had her watch her friends go potty on her potty but still wants nothing to do with it. I have thought about letting her just go in undies all day and let pee in them since I know it is something she would not like, but I knowshe will refuse to where undies ever again. I was told to put her in the tub so she could relax to go poop (since she has pooping issues) I did this and she pooped in the tub and freaked out,to the point of refusing to take baths or showers fought me every day for two weeks kicking and screaming for her diaper with me having to hold her in the tub to wash her. I finally purchasedsome swimmy diapers hoping it would get her to like to have baths again and it worked slowly, she started off by just standing in the tub holding her bum saying poopy but no crying with me reassuring her it was ok to go poopy. She now loves baths but has to have a swimmy diaper on, this all started 4 months ago and I have been trying to slowly stop using the swimmy diaper and we have come as far as removing it at the end of the bath to wash her and rinse without her crying too much, she still will not sit in the tub without the swimmy diaper. I really don’t mind changing her diaper, but I know it is best for her to not be in diapers anymore as she has a fused labia that becomes very irritated and hurts her and the only way to help with this irritation is tobe diaper less or surgery (which is still not an option per herpedi and the surgeon) Also, she refuses to be naked since she pooped in the tub as I know she fears she will poop outside of a diaper again, so airing her out like I used to is not an option.My thought is to have her in undies all day, and have her tell me when she needs to go pee/poop so I can put a diaper on her. This way she is only in a diaper for a few minutes at a time except for naps and night time. My fear is that I am enablingher tothink you only go poop/pee in a diaper and that it will be an even bigger struggle to get her to go in the potty. Also she is starting to have UTI’s and I really need a way to get her to sit on the potty so I can gether urine collections because I really do not want to have her cathetered as it is traumatic for her plus in the end they are not always able to get it in due to her condition. So I guess I am stuck and really not sure what todo.
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Re: Help!!! I am at a loss on this potty training thing
I'm having a hard time gauging your daughter's maturity level from your story, but it seems like she understands all the logistics around pottying and it has really just turned into a power struggle that she is winning.
If I were you, I would commit to the underwear and say goodbye to diapers completely. That means not offering her a diaper when she tells you she needs to go. That means directing her to the potty and reminding her that pee pee and poo poo go in the potty. Period. End of story. In your case, I might add that it is healthier for her body to wear underwear that lets her skin breathe. As in, tell her that, in words that she can understand.
It seems to me you have a way bigger issue than potty training. I think she has some emotional issues that she may have either by birth or by creation. Coming from another very sensitive woman, sometimes we have to be taught how to handle our emotions, we have more than most people so when a sensitive persons emotions are misdirected it's a way bigger deal. I cried all the time as a kid. If someone looked at me wrong I cried. I later realized that all my issues were really anger and distrust about other things. Is there anything in your life that could be affecting her? My parents didn't realize the real issues until I was a lot older and I didn't let them try to help me.
I think you are enabling her and this behavior won't just affect her potty training but her whole life. This behavior has snowballed into a way bigger deal because it's been collected more and more as it goes down hill. Trust me you won't be happy when she gets older and thinks she is the boss. Force your child to do things. You won't kill her. Make her sit in the bath tub show her she won't poop in it. Tell her she can't have a diaper. Make her deal with it. Eventually she will get over it. As an adult she won't be have issues because u didn't let her poop in a diaper, she will if u let her have her way just because she throws a little tantrum.
Hints
Give her lots of choices
Today would u like to start potty training or tomorrow, tell her she has to pick between the two or you have to.
Let her pick out some awesome new underwear at the store and tell her that she is going to wear them. Then let her choose which to wear in the morning.
Find out what motivates her. Kids are motivated by something. I've potty trained many children for sisters and cousins. I am currently potty training my 17 month old. She wears underwear all day with few accidents. We are less than two months in. Find what motivates her. I had a nephew who realized it was dirty and much cleaner to go on the potty. A cousin that hated the way his mom freaked out about his peeing, he said she was weird and so he never wanted to. Funny once you talk it out with them. They get it
I hope this helps. I know it's really long
Update: First I would like to thank everyone for your responses. I should have explained her issues in more detail. I guess I was just looking for more things to try to help move her along vs. forcefully making her use the potty. I do not believe this is a control issue with her but more a fear of being out of her comfort zone. A child that has a fused labia with complications you do not want to force them as they will end up holding their urine and creating more complications. Same goes for pooping if I were to force her to only use underwear and sit on the potty each time she had to poop because of her fear of going outside of a diaper she would hold it and then we would have behavioral problems that are much harder to address than her chronic constipation.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
I am not the type of parent that lets her get away with things; she knows who is in charge. And at time she will test me and I will enforce when needed with redirection and time outs. An exp. is I never used baby gates to keep her out of rooms or off the stairs or had to put locks on my cabinets or doors instead I re-directed her and after a few days sometimes weeks, we would not have an issue with needing any of those things. Same goes with when she tells me no or just doesn’t not do what I ask.
I decided with the direction of my pedi, to not force her on the potty. As the poor girl has so many issues that the added stress could cause more emotional potty issues than she has (do to her fused labia and chronic constipation). And as of today, she will pee on the potty the majority of the time (with just a few accidents here and there). She still does not poop on the potty and I do ask if she will try, unfortunately I don’t think the pooping on the potty will happen for awhile.
She still does not take baths without something on her, but we have changed it to underwear. The issue with the bath is that because of her chronic constipation she always feels the need to poop, so with the warm water that sensation increases and her fear sets in that she will poop in the tub (and she has pooped or I should say released a tiny bit of poop in her underwear in the tub many times). So once we can get her constipation under control, the underwear and the tub thing should go away on its own.
As far as her constipation we are seeing a GI specialist. It is a very slow process to figure out what is causing her problems. They have stopped the suppositories/enemas now because they stopped working for her. She is still on Miralax 2x a day and they have decided to remove dairy from her diet for 2 months. We do pooping exercises with her (but so far it has not helped). Her constipation issues are not from a behavioral problem as she has had these issues since birth, not to mention she is constantly trying to poop. At first her pedi just thought it was first from her special formula she had to be on until she was close to 15 months old. After that we worked with her pedi for awhile vs putting her through a bunch of testing to see if her issues would resolve along with trying to keep her empty. When nothing worked we moved on to the GI specialist and other than doing blood test, we are re-doing some of the same stuff we tried at the pedi’s office but with completely cutting her off of dairy and a few other things, before they get more invasive with testing.
The problem we would have with him is he would not even let us know if he went, and if we asked him what was in his diaper he would say no. This past December I bought him undies and let him run around in them. He urinated and soiled them over and over again, but he would immediately acknowledge what was happening.
He still wouldn't want to go to the toilet. So we delayed it until the beginning of this month. When he would wake up, I'd ask him if he would want to wear underwear and he showed excitement about it. I would tell him he could wear underwear if he would go peepee in the toilet and he would go.
He has had a BM twice in the toilet. He used a little potty once, but definitely prefers using a regular toilet so we bought the toilet seats with attached drop-down training seats. Every time we go to the restroom we let him know we need to go peepee or poopee in the toilet.
BMs have been difficult because he would withhold leading to constipation and we'd end up having to give him suppositories. We have him on Miralax to make his bowels softer which helps.
We are making slow progress, but anytime he has an accident we have him help clean up and he stays in his wet underwear until the mess is cleaned up then we let him pick out his new pair.
I know that may not be easy with your LO, but perhaps she really isn't ready just yet.
I know I would be at my wits end worrie that he would be in diapers or pull-ups going into kindergarten. Perhaps her pediatrician can help recommend something. I'm sure there is some sort of therapy that may be offered.
I sure hope you can get the progress y'all are looking for!