Infertility Veterans

Overwhelmed and Sad

Hey ladies,

Hope you don't mind if I vent here.
Next wk is my KK appt and the reality that I'm going to have to face this part of my life again is freaking me out.

I'm mostly nervous that she will recommend ivig and I don't think it's going to be an option for us. My husband is not on board with paying OOP for 'experimental' treatments on top of DE and DS and I get it. He's right.

This is just getting to be too much money and time and energy to have nothing to show for any of it.

I really don't know what to do or where to go after this and I'm really upset and I think my husband wants to be done.

He is open to cycling 1 more time, but I'm not sure what the point would be, given my elevated nk cell results from SIRM.

I don't know what this post was for other than to get your thoughts and advice on this. Im very sad about the whole situation.

Me (32) DOR, elevated NK Cells/ 2 copies of MTHFR mutation/ MH (35) azoo/high DFI   (TTC#1 since 2009)

IVFs#1-4: (4/10-2/12) all BFN

Surprise Bfp (9/11) - c/p

DS IUI#1-2 (9/12, 10/12) - BFN

DS IVF: (11/12) - BFN

DE/DS IVF#1: (10/13) - 2 day 3 embies transferred-BFFN

FET of 2 day 6 blasts: (12/13) - c/p

DE/DS IVF #2: (4/14) - 1 day 5 blast transferred...BFFN...again.

FET 5/14: 1 day 5 hatching blast transferred...another BFFN

Repeat SHG 6/14-normal / Endometrial Receptivity Array biopsy 7/14-Receptive Uterus

New RE, additional testing reveals elevated NK Cells

FET of 1 day 5 blast (RE recommends transferring 1 due to elevated NK cells) with lovenox, steroids & intralipids in October

 

 

 

Re: Overwhelmed and Sad

  • I am so sorry you're having such a rough time! I wish I had advice, but when I just thought about looking into RI treatments I got overwhelmed!! It seems like it would be an extra ton of stress on top of the regular IF stress. I'm sending you huge hugs and T&Ps that something will work out for you to have success.

    ***signature & ticker warning***


    Me: 30 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
    AMH .97 as of 4/2012! ~ AMH 1.63 as of 4/2013!?!

    Him: 29 ~ perfect swimmers

    Laparotomy w/partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo.
    Stopped BCP 4/2010.
    Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
    IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN

    IVF:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embryos txfrd. ~ BFN
    BCP to manage endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
    FET w/donor embryos #1: 10/2013 Cancelled
    FET w/donor embryos #1.2: 11/2013
    ~ ET of 2 beautiful blasts on 11/27.
    Beta 1: 503(12dp5dt) Beta 2: 1035(14dpt) Beta 3: 3001(16dpt)
    Beta 4: 8503(19dpt)
    Twins with an EDD of 8/15/14! Team Purple
    G&B born 6/30/14 at 33w3d via emergency c/s.


    If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus!


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  • Everything about this process is sucks!!  From what I have heard Dr. KK's staff is really good with working with insurance companies to get treatments like ivig covered.  Hang in there.  I hope after your apt things will be more clear and hopefully Dr. KK is able to provide you with some answers.

    (((Hugs)))
    ::: Married June 2003:::
    TTC #1 since: Aug. 2008
    Me: 34, DOR, MTHFR-A1298C (heterozygous), decreased blood flow to uterus, Mild Endo
    DH: 38, Balanced translocation 5&10, unexplained MFI, normal SA and SCSA
    Tx History: IUI 1&2= BFN
    IVF# 1 W/ICSI= BFN
    IVF# 2: cancelled d/t no response
    IVF# 3= 1 egg retrieved=immature/not viable
    IVF# 4= c/p
    ***CCRM ODWU***
    Found DHs BT and Me-decreased blood flow to uterus
    Recommended DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. Decided to cycle locally
    ***New RE***
    DE IVF# 1(cycle #6) w/pgd, (freeze all): 30R, 23M, 15F, slow/poor embryo development, 4 biopsied, 1 Normal "Norm"; DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. 
    IVF# 6: (OE/DS) cancelled
    IVF# 7: (OE/DS) 1R, 1M, 1F, arrested day 5
    Plan-DE IVF# 2 (cycle #8): DE/DS in May 2015


    http://icanhazbabyz.blogspot.com/
    imageimage image 
  • Hugs

    What your are feeling and saying was me prior to immune treatment, just hang in there a little longer! It is so worth it and perhaps she will surprise you. The money that we had to pay OOP for immune treatment was 100% worth it. If we had skipped all the prior crap RE's including SIRM we would have been better off and have more money in the bank now.

    Reproductive immunology is your last hope but remember that no dream ever succeeded without it.
    6 m/c
    Anovulatory cycles, increased Synthroid Diagnosed Sep 2010
    Natural cycle Dec 2010 BFP M/C 6 1/2 Weeks, D&E Jan 2011
    1 Clomid/Ovidrel BFN May 2011
    Natural cycle Aug 2011 BFP M/C 4 Weeks
    1 IUI Sept 2011 BFP M/c 7 weeks
    Provera Dec 2011 BFP M/C 3 Weeks
    DQ ALPHA HLA MATCH, High NK Cells Diagnosed Dec 2011
    IVF March 2012 BFP m/c 4weeks 5 days (IL, Prednisone)
    IVF#2w/DS July 2012 MEGA FAILURE BFN (IL, Dexamethasone)
    Diagnosed No real HLA Match, DQ Beta Triad, High TNF, Low NK Cells
    Oct 2012 Natural Cycle m/c 4wks (Lovenox, Prednisone) 
    Went to Beer Center- high tnf, low lad, implantation failure
    Nov/Dec 2012 LIT Treatment
    Dec 12 Humira
    Jan 2013 BFP
    Humira,LIT,Prednisone, Lovenox, IVIG, Baby Aspirin
    Miracle Born August 2013 Premature

    Yours doesn't have to be a sad story



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    Lilypie - (ugiy)


  • Thanks girls. I feel better reaching out to those who get it. I can't even convince myself that this is worth it anymore. I'm sure my friends and family think I've lost my mind.

    But at the same time I know I will always wonder what if and have regrets if I don't try.

    @luvboston - I literally burst into tears when I read your reply. While riding the T to work :| Thank you for responding.

    Me (32) DOR, elevated NK Cells/ 2 copies of MTHFR mutation/ MH (35) azoo/high DFI   (TTC#1 since 2009)

    IVFs#1-4: (4/10-2/12) all BFN

    Surprise Bfp (9/11) - c/p

    DS IUI#1-2 (9/12, 10/12) - BFN

    DS IVF: (11/12) - BFN

    DE/DS IVF#1: (10/13) - 2 day 3 embies transferred-BFFN

    FET of 2 day 6 blasts: (12/13) - c/p

    DE/DS IVF #2: (4/14) - 1 day 5 blast transferred...BFFN...again.

    FET 5/14: 1 day 5 hatching blast transferred...another BFFN

    Repeat SHG 6/14-normal / Endometrial Receptivity Array biopsy 7/14-Receptive Uterus

    New RE, additional testing reveals elevated NK Cells

    FET of 1 day 5 blast (RE recommends transferring 1 due to elevated NK cells) with lovenox, steroids & intralipids in October

     

     

     

  • I'm so sorry you are feeling overwhelmed, it was really difficult for me to mentally even want to cycle again after our break and I knew people thought I was crazy but I knew I had to try, I had no back up plan if it didn't work. I'm hoping your appointment brings you some reassurance and maybe some inspiration to get started. I also hope there is a way ivig won't be all oop-I'm sorry I don't know much about it :( Rooting for you

     


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    *******siggy/ticker warning***** 

     Me(31). DH (31)

    DH SA normal count and motility, 1% morphology
    Me .72 AMH, Fragile X premutation carrier
    IVF #1 (6/12/13) BFN

    IVF #2 (8/16/13) BFN

    FET 10/4/13 Chemical

    IVF #3 MC 5 weeks 5 days

    IVF #4 DE 11/7 BFP, edd 7/28/15

    All Welcome

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • Hugs sweetie. I stopped talking to friends/family BC I knew they thought I was crazy to keep trying. No one knew we returned to treatment the last time. You don't have to believe in RI-- just do it. Money will not matter if it works and if it doesn't, at least you know you did everything freaking thing possible trying to make this happen. Always thinking of you. I sent you a pm yesterday as well in case you are mobile. Hang in there.

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

  • Hey McIrish!!
    I'm glad you responded. I miss you!!

    Yes, I'm mobile, so I'll check my messages when I get home. I know you're right about all of this, but I'm scared. If this doesn't work, I'll feel terrible for putting my husband through this and for all of the $, time, stress, ect. I feel selfish that I want this so badly.

    Me (32) DOR, elevated NK Cells/ 2 copies of MTHFR mutation/ MH (35) azoo/high DFI   (TTC#1 since 2009)

    IVFs#1-4: (4/10-2/12) all BFN

    Surprise Bfp (9/11) - c/p

    DS IUI#1-2 (9/12, 10/12) - BFN

    DS IVF: (11/12) - BFN

    DE/DS IVF#1: (10/13) - 2 day 3 embies transferred-BFFN

    FET of 2 day 6 blasts: (12/13) - c/p

    DE/DS IVF #2: (4/14) - 1 day 5 blast transferred...BFFN...again.

    FET 5/14: 1 day 5 hatching blast transferred...another BFFN

    Repeat SHG 6/14-normal / Endometrial Receptivity Array biopsy 7/14-Receptive Uterus

    New RE, additional testing reveals elevated NK Cells

    FET of 1 day 5 blast (RE recommends transferring 1 due to elevated NK cells) with lovenox, steroids & intralipids in October

     

     

     

  • Km672 said:

    Thanks girls. I feel better reaching out to those who get it. I can't even convince myself that this is worth it anymore. I'm sure my friends and family think I've lost my mind.

    But at the same time I know I will always wonder what if and have regrets if I don't try.

    @luvboston - I literally burst into tears when I read your reply. While riding the T to work :| Thank you for responding.

    I would burst into tears having to take the T your brave!
    I'm sending you a pm.
    6 m/c
    Anovulatory cycles, increased Synthroid Diagnosed Sep 2010
    Natural cycle Dec 2010 BFP M/C 6 1/2 Weeks, D&E Jan 2011
    1 Clomid/Ovidrel BFN May 2011
    Natural cycle Aug 2011 BFP M/C 4 Weeks
    1 IUI Sept 2011 BFP M/c 7 weeks
    Provera Dec 2011 BFP M/C 3 Weeks
    DQ ALPHA HLA MATCH, High NK Cells Diagnosed Dec 2011
    IVF March 2012 BFP m/c 4weeks 5 days (IL, Prednisone)
    IVF#2w/DS July 2012 MEGA FAILURE BFN (IL, Dexamethasone)
    Diagnosed No real HLA Match, DQ Beta Triad, High TNF, Low NK Cells
    Oct 2012 Natural Cycle m/c 4wks (Lovenox, Prednisone) 
    Went to Beer Center- high tnf, low lad, implantation failure
    Nov/Dec 2012 LIT Treatment
    Dec 12 Humira
    Jan 2013 BFP
    Humira,LIT,Prednisone, Lovenox, IVIG, Baby Aspirin
    Miracle Born August 2013 Premature

    Yours doesn't have to be a sad story



    image
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    Lilypie - (ugiy)


  • ****SAIF

    I know the road has been long but I echo what the others have said about trying everything so either way you will have no regrets. I know our marriages sometimes become fragile while dealing with IF. Do all that you can to keep nourishing it. It's tough, I get it. Praying that Dr. KK will have some great ideas for you. (((HUGS))

    Me & DH (33), 3 Furbabies, TTC since October 2011
    Day 3 #’s (Dec 2012) FSH 9, AMH .77, LH 2.4, E2 31, AFC 9 

    DX: Me-DOR + No Tubes, DH-Fine

    Ectopic 2007; lost tube/2nd tube removed Dec 2011 (hydro)

    April 2012=IVF#1- EPP Antag+ICSI, 2R,0F (BFN), Now dx’d with DOR.

    June-July 2012=IVF#2- MDL+ICSI&AH, 8R,4M,3F (BFP 9dp3dt) Beta#1 at 11dp3dt=36, Beta#2 at 15dp3dt=156, Beta#3 at 19dp3dt=671, dx'd with SCH, no growth-m/c at 7wks/Lap Dec 2012 to remove small fibroid.

    Feb 2013=IVF#3-MDL, 2/1=baseline, started 10 units mdl, AFC-7, 2/3 start gonal f, self cxld cycle b/c of low e2.

    April 2013=IVF#3.5-(with new RE)AG/ANT Conv + ICSI. 4/10-4/23 bcp's, 4/20-4/27 lupron, 4/28-ganirelix until end of stimming, 5/2-600 gonal f, 5/4-add 1/2 vial menopur, 5/13-ER (9R,1M,1F), 5/17-ET, 1 beautiful 8 cell (please be my sticky baby!!!!) 5/28-BFFN.

    Oct 2013=IVF#4-LLP+ICSI &AH, 10/14 (6R, 2M, 2F), 10/17-ET, 1 seven cell & a six cell, BFP at 9dp3dt, 1st beta=56, 2nd beta=52, CP.

    Jan 2014=IVF #5-LLP, Cxld after 6 days of stims due to fast response and lead follicle. 

    March 2014=IVF 5.5-LLP, Lupron 3/10, BL 3/18, 11 days of stims, Trigger 3/29, ER 3/31. 7R, 2M, 2F. ET 4/3. Txfd one 5 cell & one 9 cell. BFP on hpt from 7dp3dt & on. Praise be to God. Beta #1 at 11dp3dt=106, #2 at 13dp3dt=239. First u/s 4/28, measuring on track & heartbeat seen. 5/5-2nd u/s, measuring on track with strong heartbeat. 5/12- 3rd u/s & released from RE. Grow baby grow, we love you! Baby G&T is a BOY! Born 12/2014 via c/s! 8lbs, 8oz & 21 inches.


     *******Ticker Warning**********

     
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers

     
    "God's Delay is not God's Denial"
  • I think the first step is to do the tests and see what they show.  I completely understand the fear of paying OOP for immune treatments, I just lost my coverage for IVIG.  It's scary, but I know I can't live with the "what if" feelings if I didn't try.  I am thinking of you and hope that your appointment goes well.

    imageimageimageimageimage

     

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    TTC #1 since August 2011

    My Blog

    September 2012: Start IF testing

    DH (32): SA is ok, slightly low morph, normal SCSA  Me (32): Slightly low progesterone, hostile CM, carrier for CF, Moderately high NKC, High TNFa, heterozyogous mutated Factor XIII, and +APA

    October 2012-May 2014: 4 failed IUIs, 3 failed IVFs, and 1 failed FETw/donor embryos

    November 2014: IVF w/ICSI #4 Agonist/Antagonist with EPP and Prednisone, Baby Aspirin, Lovenox, and IVIG for immune issues.  Converted to freeze all due to lining issues.  2 blasts frozen on day 6!

    January 2015: FET #2 Cancelled due to lining issues

    April 2015: FET #2.1


    PAIF/SAIF Welcome!

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