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Disappointed my SIL is due two weeks after me. Advice....

ttaylor959ttaylor959 member
edited February 2015 in September 2015 Moms
So I am 10 weeks along with my first. We are so excited! We found out as soon as I missed my period at 4 weeks with a + test. We told our parents but are waiting til 12 weeks to tell everyone else. Well two weeks ago my SIL annoucunced she was pregnant with her second. She is just two weeks behind me. I am just a bit sad about it. First they didn't tell ANYONE before posting it on FB. They literally posted ten minutes after getting a +. Plus I know they aren't in a good place to be having any more children right now. They for sure can't afford it. I am just so sad to tell people now because I feel like I am "hopping on the bandwagon" with her even though I am further along. Anyone been in a similar situation?
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Re: Disappointed my SIL is due two weeks after me. Advice....

  • lovesgummieslovesgummies member
    Not me. But idk if I would let it bother me in the least. It's not like people won't be happy for you because someone else just announced their pregnancy.
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  • rablissfulrablissful member
    My sister is due about 3 weeks before me, and for my mom's birthday I was going to announce it and had wrote it on her birthday card and what not. Well, mom gave my sister and her hubby a 5 year anniversary present BEFORE she opened her birthday presents. My sister announced hers then so I was just like "Oh yeah we are too!". They felt SO bad since we had a whole announcement planned out (plus it's their second and our first). At first I was peeved but now I'm ecstatic to have a preggo buddy, plus our LOs will be close in age like her first \and my other sister's LO (who are 8 months apart).

    I wouldn't let it get you down. My mom was like the most excited person on the planet that night. Everyone will still be happy for you regardless of her also being pregnant! Besides, it's one thing if you guys are a month or two apart, but only a couple weeks... can't really join a "bandwagon" pregnancy wise that way since there's no way to know that early.
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  • TeamHayesTeamHayes member
    I wouldn't let it bother you Be happy both babies will be close in age and made for life friends
    Kellen 4.27.12 Miller 6.30.13 Baby #3 edd 9.7.15
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  • saybaby97saybaby97 member
    When I was expecting my first, my SIL conceived twins via IVF, so we all knew pretty early that the babies "stuck", even though she was 3 months behind me.  I definitely had my moments where I felt like she was stealing all the attention.  She was a total drama queen about her whole pregnancy. But it wasn't the end of the world, or as bad as I feared it would be.  I'd say since they announced so early, you let a few weeks pass and do your announcement as originally planned.  When you do, you'll have so much to be excited about because you'll be farther along and confident with your healthy pregnancy, not just as positive hpt.
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  • excited2bmommy09excited2bmommy09 member
    I'm kinda jealous of you actually! I would love to have a pregnancy buddy and then have cousins that are so close in age! I don't know your family's history or details, but it might turn out to be a really cool thing :)
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  • Melzig76Melzig76 member
    My sister in law and I were pregnant a together. We didn't tell anyone till 20 weeks & I was a solid 12 weeks ahead of her. They told everyone at 7 weeks & I felt the same way, I was hoping on the bandwagon.

    It's important to not feel outshined by other people, so if you're planning a announcement, still do it!! It's an each to their own lady!!
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  • nattnnattn member
    I'm 6 weeks behind my SIL. We were trying for awhile, months before them and it just happened to work out this way. This is my 3rd and her 1st and possibly only child due to all the fertility treatments they went through. I'm ecstatic that my baby will have a close cousin, but I get the feeling she's feeling the same way you're feeling. It makes me a little sad that now that she knows, she pretty much stopped talking about pregnancy stuff around us. I couldn't be happier for her and I feel like she's only hurting herself by having hurt feelings or whatever it is.
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  • MrsPyrowizMrsPyrowiz member
    haven't been in the exact situation, but I'm on the other side, I'm expecting first, my SIL is due with her fourth in June, and my sister is due next month with her second. When my SIL announced a couple months ago, my sister wouldn't even say congratulations because Alli "stole her thunder" and because her and my brother's house is "too small" for four kids. I don't even want to tell her I'm pregnant now. She can find out on Facebook for all I care. Or I'll call her husband and he can tell her.
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  • MufflerloveMufflerlove member
    Try not to be upset. She didn't know you were pregnant when they got pregnant and by the sounds of it she didn't know when she announced either. It's still your first so it will be special for you and special for your families
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  • Bamamamma123Bamamamma123 member
    My ex husbands wife is 2 weeks ahead of me so my son has two siblings on the way. This is super weird for me but I'll get over it! Lol
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  • ttaylor959ttaylor959 member
    I completely agree with not sharing with anyone. The only other person who knows is my husband because he feels the same. That is why I posted on here to get some advice! I guess it doesn't help the situation that me and my husband didn't get along with his brother and wife in the first place. I really appreciate being able to talk about this! I feel like it has been eating me alive! I just want to feel like people will be excited about my baby too. I am sure they will be but since we haven't announced yet it is hard. :)
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  • irenejeanirenejean member
    Yes, I totally understand how hard that would be! At least you got to announce to your parents first, and I'm sure they appreciated hearing it from you and not on Facebook. :)
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  • apayne0731apayne0731 member
    Bamamamma123 said:

    My ex husbands wife is 2 weeks ahead of me so my son has two siblings on the way. This is super weird for me but I'll get over it! Lol

    This happened to my SIL, her boyfriend's ex (to whom he was still legally married to) was 4 weeks behind her, the boyfriend and ex already had a 5 yr old son together. She said it was definately awkward.
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  • babybaker2015babybaker2015 member
    My DS and his cousin are a week apart. We had no way of knowing both of us were trying and at first I felt like you did. After they were born, it has been a wonderful thing. It's like a built in best friend. You will also have someone going thru the same things as you. I know it seems hard, but try to see the bright side of things
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  • cjstats87cjstats87 member
    My sister and I were 3 weeks apart with our firsts...I told my parents and siblings early (6 weeks) so my sister (who lives out of town) could hear before she left...and my sister who was pregnant waited until 12 weeks to tell us...I was only 9...and we were elated to "have the first grand baby!" Until she announced she was farther along. I think it took a good 6 months to accept that she was a jerk. I still think it was an ahole move to not even just tell me and I cringe every time I think back to their family announcement of "we are expecting! 12 weeks now! But we were actually trying". Now the kiddos are best friends! And our 2nds are 10 months apart and buddy's too!
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  • tigerfish227tigerfish227 member
    My SO and I were trying and the cycle before we conceived was very tough for me because I felt like a failure. With his ex he had one shoot a month and conceived very easily with both of his boys. With me were much more active in our efforts and after 3 months of it not happening (I know it isn't that big of a deal to those of you that tried for much longer so please understand that this is only my feelings here) after knowing how easy it was for her, made me feel very down. To top that off my cousin and his wife, who conceived their 10mo old (at the time) by accident then announced that they are expecting #2. They announced at around 4-5 weeks on FB and I couldn't help being jealous and thinking that everyone would think I got PG because they were. I know that isn't what anyone was thinking when I announced my baby. It was just an emotional response. I got over it after the initial shock and now that I have talked to my cousin about our babies being so close in age I'm actually so incredibly excited about the timing.

    I know it can be tough because emotions can run high especially with all our hormones but try to look at the positive side. You have someone close to you that you can share all your experiences with. All your weird symptoms and joys and fears. Plus your babies can be playmates and hopefully can grow up to be best friends. Yay!!
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  • tlc11934tlc11934 member
    I agree with the other posters, it will be nice in the long run. You probably won't remember this even bothered you come September when you're holding your precious baby!
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  • mrscate88mrscate88 member
    edited February 2015
    I would just focus on my pregnancy joy and not worry about her. In my situation, my husband's aunt found out she was pregnant two weeks before me and then acted like we were completely stealing her thunder when we told the family our news. From my perspective, I just thought that wasn't fair. We're both having a baby! It's a joyous time to celebrate and no one should be thinking that you're hopping on the band wagon or stealing their attention. Let your baby joy be your own and don't worry about her situation, whether or not she can afford a baby, etc. When you announce your baby news, everyone will be ecstatic and it's going to be SUPER exciting for you because this is your first baby! Just enjoy it and don't let other people get to you. My best friend told me that pregnancy is the time to grow thick skin because you're gonna need it, and oh my goodness, was she right! Good luck
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  • siobhand16siobhand16 member
    I'm in the exact same situation. My SIL do not get on, at all. I found out I was pregnant on New Year's Day, and we haven't told my partners parents yet, going to wait until 12 week u/s to make sure everything is good before we tell. On the other hand she literally took a home test about three weeks ago and all of my partners family knew straight away and now everybody is all over her like a rash. I'm not upset that she's pregnant, but like you I feel like when I announce it will look like it's me jumping on the bandwagon, when I was pregnant first I just know how to keep my mouth shut for a bit longer lol. She's a huge attention seeker though so I'm not even surprised...
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  • acg5acg5 member
    This happened with my first. My SIL told me she was pregnant (and they had been trying for years) and two days later my husband and I found out we were also having a baby (not at all trying!) and we were due only a month later. I was nervous they thought we were "copying" them or would feel like we stole their thunder. So we let her tell the family then a month later we told them and then the rest of his family. This happened with our weddings being only a year apart too. That is life though! Now she is due in July with her second and we are due in September but I know my Husband's family is going to be like "oh just following in his brothers footsteps!" Which is annoying but it is what it is. So everyone goes through this and just let the comments roll off you and just enjoy that you have someone to be pregnant with and two cousins who will be close in age!
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  • mariessa02mariessa02 member
    edited February 2015
    Pregnancy shouldn't be a competition. It is sometimes planned and sometimes unplanned and everyone is very different when it comes to when they announce their pregnancy. Also when pregnancies are separated by only a few weeks how could that logically be "jumping on the bandwagon"? You all didn't call each other and say lets have sex w/ our SOs a lot this month :wink: You can't control many of these elements. It's so important to focus on the beauty of your own pregnancy - each pregnancy is a completely unique experience. And if the person you're upset about is family, and you have a good/decent relationship with them, eventually the feelings will pass and it would be regretful to let those feelings play a negative role in your own pregnancy.
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  • victoriah1516victoriah1516 member
    My SIL is due 2 days after me...her 4th, our 1st. I have looked at it as getting to go through the process with a seasoned pro. Sure, it's normal to have a mix of emotions, but in the end you don't get to choose whether she is pregnant or not but you do get to choose how you are going to view that(and feel aabout it)
    Also, one of my cousins is a couple weeks older than I and it was great having someone the same age as me!!

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  • jenybatsjenybats member
    edited February 2015

    No bandwagon there, you are due first, you were pregnant first :) The due dates will show that.

    Having said that... like a PP said, you should be happy to have a buddy, within the family at that! My SIL is also pregnant and it's exciting to think that there will be a set of cousins the same age running around and growing up together!

     I was starting to get "jealous" when everyone was announcing BFP's on FB, even one posted the pregnancy test right after she had peed on it! She couldn't have been more than 5 weeks!

    I had to see all of the Valentine's announcements on facebook over the weekend, and now that I will be announcing in 2 weeks from now, I am definitely going to be old news!! Lol..


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  • thefuturemrsdanielthefuturemrsdaniel member
    So far neither one of my Sil have announced anything for this one my 2nd . The first one was totally different. I announced we were prego then 3 weeks later one of SIL announced she was pregnant and then 2 weeks after that my other SIL announced she was pregnant...with twins. To say the least our little boy got trumped. Especially since the other 3 were girls and the first girl grandchildren. Just focus on your little one. Don't worry about her. It sucks but you have a baby coming and they will bring your little family joy and that's all that matters.
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  • LoveLee85LoveLee85 member
    I wish someone in my family would be pregnant at the same time as me! Everyone else had their babies young, and I'm 29 and pregnant with my first. My oldest nephew will be 8 when the baby is born, and it hurts my heart to think he will be away at college and won't be able to make it for birthday parties later down the road! That nephew means the world to me, all of them do, but I wish they could have known each other when they were little and have the chance to grow up together! LOL I'm aware my baby isn't even born yet, but hopefully you can understand what I'm saying.
    My oldest child will be a few years younger than his/her youngest cousin. BUT that's okay, could be a larger age gap! Plus, the baby is getting some amazing hand-me-downs!! Yay!!
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  • CUN+TCUN+T member
    You're gonna have a baby.

    Pretty soon very little will be about you and a whole lot will be about your LO.

    Sounds to me like you need to get used to that.
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  • MrsPyrowizMrsPyrowiz member
    @LoveLee85‌ I was an unplanned child, and while its nice to have a lot of people to look up to, my siblings are six and eight years older and the closest cousin is seven years older (the oldest is twice my age). It can be hard. But if it's only a few years between yours and the youngest cousin, that's not too bad. They'll start playing together in a couple years. My oldest niece is eight and loves playing with her baby sister and my almost two year old nephew.
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  • LoveLee85LoveLee85 member
    @MrsPyrowiz‌ thank you for your post! It just seems so silly that I'm bummed about it, but it sounds like they can still have fun together! Maybe I'll luck out and my future children will get some great cousin role models, instead of some random pop star that's awful! Ha!
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  • snikaisnikai member
    I wish I could be noble enough to say that I would be happy, but I actually can understand how you feel. For me, it depends who is pregnant. After I had MC's I found it nearly impossible to be happy for pregnant women. I hated to feel that way, but it was hard not to. However, when a friend of mine who had horrible pregnancy experiences became pregnant I was actually happy for her and it gave me hope for myself. I feel like the feeling will pass in time for you though, once you get more and more excited about your own pregnancy. And who knows, in the end the two of you may even bond over the experience.
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  • mathesq0mathesq0 member
    I have a sil who is 3rd trimester and a sil who is 2nd trimester and I'm in my first...I don't think they took it negatively but who knows. We all get to talk about things and it's great. It just happened this way and I think we are all excited that our kids will have cousins close in age!
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  • va74momof2va74momof2 member
    I think it is so great that so many of you have someone to go thru this with...I think the shared experience will be a great bonding experience!!! If it weren't for you guys, I would have anyone else who really understands! :(
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  • chale3209chale3209 member
    My husband's ex wife is pregnant and I found out 6 weeks after she told me. So imagine how I feel. granted, I told her we were trying so its not like I intentionally got pregnant because she did.
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