Intruding/ clingy mother?

Re: Intruding/ clingy mother?

• tropicbreeze member

  February 2015

  Tell your nurses you don't want anyone but your H to be in the room during delivery. They will be your biggest advocate.

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• t8keepr03 member

  February 2015

  I agree with @tropicbreeze‌. Our hospital only lets people past the locked doors on the labor and delivery hallway with a pass and a photo ID. We are given the passes to handout so we just don't hand ours out. When we get admitted they always ask who you want present or let in so we just say DH and no one else. They won't let anyone past the locked doors nor will they give any information out either.

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• haboobti member

  February 2015

  Omg my mom is the same way...she wants to be in the room and stay with me and my husband for a month or two after...I feel like I will never have alone time with my son...I know I will appriciate her help and that she is excited because this is her first grandchild but I don't want to miss out on these private moments with my new little family...I told her when I need her help I won't hesitate to call or contact her..I love my mom but she is so damn clingy...she shows up outta nowhere calls 1000 times a day to talk about nothing and won't get off the phone either ( I'm not the only child by the way, there are 7 of us) and if I turn my phone silent and try to sleep she comes and knocks on my bedroom window until I wake up!! I almost crapped myself the other day...I told her as nice as I can to just let me be for a while and she gets so offended...I don't have the heart to be mean to her but this is my first baby and I want it to be a special time for me and my husband and she wants to be there for the delivery and for months after...I told her so many times in the nicest way and she dosent get it...in fact she got into an argument with my husband the other day and told me that it should only be me and her in the delivery room...omg...we get along but had major conflicts in the past and now she wants to be front and center...(I wish she was before) but now when I need just a little space she is on top of me...I don't want to hurt her...but I want this time in my life to be special and not filled with stress...ugh any advice?

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• anxiousmommy85 member

  February 2015

  Boundaries and your nurses.

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• Ace226 member

  February 2015 edited February 2015

  haboobti said:

  Omg my mom is the same way...she wants to be in the room and stay with me and my husband for a month or two after...I feel like I will never have alone time with my son...I know I will appriciate her help and that she is excited because this is her first grandchild but I don't want to miss out on these private moments with my new little family...I told her when I need her help I won't hesitate to call or contact her..I love my mom but she is so damn clingy...she shows up outta nowhere calls 1000 times a day to talk about nothing and won't get off the phone either ( I'm not the only child by the way, there are 7 of us) and if I turn my phone silent and try to sleep she comes and knocks on my bedroom window until I wake up!! I almost crapped myself the other day...I told her as nice as I can to just let me be for a while and she gets so offended...I don't have the heart to be mean to her but this is my first baby and I want it to be a special time for me and my husband and she wants to be there for the delivery and for months after...I told her so many times in the nicest way and she dosent get it...in fact she got into an argument with my husband the other day and told me that it should only be me and her in the delivery room...omg...we get along but had major conflicts in the past and now she wants to be front and center...(I wish she was before) but now when I need just a little space she is on top of me...I don't want to hurt her...but I want this time in my life to be special and not filled with stress...ugh any advice?

  You and OP may just need to be blunt even if it hurts her feelings; she'll get over it. It's no fun, but you and baby come first for this next little bit! Maybe suggest she stays a week or two after but that's it.
  
  My parents are coming for 2 weeks (we live about a 20 hour drive away) and since we have no guest room to speak of, they're staying at a hotel. My mom said she wants to help, but not be under foot or in the way of us developing our own routine!
  

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• StephanieLBerg member

  February 2015

  I kinda feel your pain OP. My mother and I never got along when I was growing up, physical abuse and all that, though since I moved out of the house at 19 years old she and I have worked hard to rebuild our relationship. However, these last 9 months my mom has just been insufferable. Yes I know this is her first grandbaby and she's super excited, however, she is also not taking mine or my hubbys wants and choices into account either. She and I did a wonderful job on the nursery, and she's been coming over just about every day for the last couple weeks to help us get the house cleaned up and ready for baby. But, one day this last week she drops the bomb that she and my grandmother have decided that my husband and I will be staying with her for a few days after birth so she can help out. She didn't ask if that's what we wanted, she just told us it was going to happen.
  
  My husband and I have also decided that we are moving to a bigger city, about 2 hours away from home, because the super dinky small town we live in is just sucking the life out of us. But when I told her her exact response was, "your step father and I don't want you moving to ************* because I can't help you there and I don't want my grandbaby raised by someone I don't know or trust. We think **** would be a better place for you since its only an hour away and I can get to you, especially since you're dead set on not moving back home."
  
  Flabbergasted and annoyed I almost started siding with my mother just to shut her up and keep her happy. But then I had the realization that this is mine and my husbands lives. I shouldn't have to bend my life around to keep my mother happy. She is not the be all and end all in my life. I had to make a choice of providing a better life for me and my family by moving to the bigger city my hubby and I had decided on, or making my mother happy while still struggling financially and either move back home or to where she and my step dad wanted us to live. I had to set boundaries and put my foot down. Ultimately, this is MY life and this is MY child andY family. I needed to make the hard decisions that were best for us, not best for her.
  
  You need to do the same. You need to put your foot down and set some ground rules for her to follow and also let her know of the consequences if she breaks them. This is YOUR life, YOUR child, YOUR decision. Period.

  

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• jmcgra06 member

  February 2015

  Yes to the idea of boundaries and enlisting nurses, but just to play the devil's advocate... your mama likely loves you more than anything in the world and is going crazy at the idea that you will be undertaking such a major process without her. I felt the same way as you describe, OP, with my first. With our second, as my mom was going into crazy mode, I just keep thinking of how I would feel knowing DD was up against so much pain, knowing there was almost nothing I could do to help her.
  
  It's not an excuse to act crazy, but it certainly is a reason!

  

  

  
  

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