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September 2015 Moms
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Am I just being hormonal?

berticus87berticus87 member
in September 2015 Moms
I've been talking with a girl I know lately about our infertility issues. Both of us have been trying for over 2 years so we found comfort in talking with each other. Yesterday I announced on FB about our pregnancy and while I assumed it would hurt her I thought she would still be supportive about it. Instead she tells me "I'll pray that it sticks. Nothing is worse than trying for so long only to miscarry." I'm extremely hurt by this comment and found it to be very insensitive. I know she is hurting, but I thought if you have nothing nice to say not to say anything at all? Am I reading into this too much? It's eating away at me when I should be overwhelming happy!
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Re: Am I just being hormonal?

  • chale3209chale3209 member
    She shouldn't have said that. Maybe jealousy is what she's feeling although its not your fault.
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  • ccook83ccook83 member
    Totally not the right thing to say.  I would be very hurt if it was me.
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  • berticus87berticus87 member
    barrelocarol said:

    I have a few thoughts on this.

    First, I'm sorry this is hurting you and eating at you.

    Yes, it's possible your friend is hurting. It's also possible she just has no idea what to say and this is her only way of being supportive.

    I think it would be unfair to assume exactly what she meant by this statement. It's an odd statement, that's for sure, but pain makes people say the weirdest stuff that doesn't always reflect their true intentions and motives.

    I wonder if she could use some support from you? Maybe you could kill two birds with one stone: Reach out to her telling her you could see how much pain she is in and ask if she needs your support. You'll be able to provide care to her while also voicing that this comment struck you in such a way.

    Asking her what she meant or telling her this hurt you may leave her defensive, as she may just have no idea what she was saying.

    Also, when it comes to pregnancy, people say the weirdest crap!! Funny, sometimes, but weird! People have asked me how it happened (having sex?) and other odd things.

    It just brings out the weirdness.

    Thank you for this perspective. I tried to answer her questions without being insensitive to her situation because I've been there and I know it hurts. I told her that I was thinking about her and praying for her but I don't think that really helped anything. :(
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  • mybabynumber2mybabynumber2 member
    @amberulrich, she's jealous and I think that was a very insensitive thing to say after everything you've been through. I know she has to but there was no need for that. I think it's really insulting actually and if it was me I would have prob slapped her the next time I saw her! But hey that's me, crazy hormonal woman!

    On a lighter note....
    Your pregnant! Congratulations! Smile and be happy.
    Don't dwell on what she said and don't feel like you have to justify yourself to her by being pregnant.

    Congratulations once again >:D< xx
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  • WheresTheGlowWheresTheGlow member
     @amberulrich  'Never let someone dim your light, simply because it's shining in their eyes'  You have every right to be happy, don't think to much into this.  Some people have their own way of working through a dark space.  That's their journey, not yours.  Continue to be a friend and keep in mind how she is feeling without taking offense.  

    BabyFetus Ticker
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  • melfuttymelfutty member
    edited February 2015

    My dear friend and I have struggled with infertility together too. She is at 4 years and waiting on babe, and it took my husband and I 2 1/2 years and we just recently found out I am pregnant... FINALLY!

    When I told her, I was very gentle and her response was congratulations! I know in her voice though she was hurting.

    I would say, be honest and open with her. You won't ever forget the feeling of infertility. The many months of longing and all of the tears shed waiting for your little one. Your heart is still just as sensitive to it now as it was before babe.

    I do feel it's perfectly acceptable for her to be hurt, though I don't think her response was fair. I remember so many friends telling me they were pregnant, and if I am being completely honest, my response outwardly may have been congratulations, but my heart ached and jealousy reared it's ugly head.  Maybe just forgive and forget on this one. Let it pass. She acted out of emotion. And continue to show her love and grace and compassion. She will come around.

    And you, Mama, enjoy every single moment of this! What a blessing! You deserve this happiness. :)

     

    Much love and many prayers,

    Melissa

     

     

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  • excited2bmommy09excited2bmommy09 member
    I would say take it in the most positive way possible and realize that any underlying negativity has nothing to do with you. She is just hurting due to her own circumstances. I realize it doesn't make it right or fair for her to say what she said and if it becomes a trend you may have to say something in the future. 

    Congrats on being pregnant! :)
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  • va74momof2va74momof2 member
    I'm not sure that she meant that badly at all! I think she really did mean that as support. It might be a little backwards, but sometimes when you are experiencing something difficult, your perspective of support is a little backwards! I have a similar relationship with one of my best friends...we both have been trying, but she is having a harder time fertilizing/implanting, but I have also had two MCs. While I am...cross my fingers...going to deliver successfully this time, I know that she really wishes me the best...despite her own sadness! Congrats on your baby! Stay positive by making everything around you positive no matter how hard it is!
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  • WDDCHWDDCH member
    Was this a text or message? If so you can't hear her tone. I would have read that and thought she wants me to succeed and praying our baby lives/sticks. She knows you've been trying a LONG time and doesn't want you to lose your baby.

    I think maybe you misunderstood her intention?
    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • berticus87berticus87 member
    This was through a private message but I guess the reason I took it to seem harsh was because all of her other responses were very short. It was clear that she really didn't want to talk about it (she messaged me first however). Let me say also that I am not angry with her because I do know that it hurts I guess I just felt that maybe that wasn't the most appropriate thing to say to someone who has also been trying and struggling. But ladies thank you so much for your kind words and advice. I certainly needed the pick me up!
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  • melewenmelewen member
    She was definitely trying to level you back down to her issues in my mind. She is losing you as a sort of partner in the trenches because you're pregnant AND when we know someone to fall pregnant and we are still struggling, "what is wrong with ME?!" resounds. It was very rude of her to say but I truly truly wouldn't take it personally. It's personal to her... Not to you and/or your body's ability to carry a beautiful baby to term! I would just kindly tell her that that hurt you and you know what she's going through (you do!) and let her know you won't talk about it with her if it upsets her. Of course that will put it into perspective a bit for her I think. My $0.02 :)
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  • MiromiMMiromiM member
    This year I started at a new job and decided after two failed IUIs, I was ready to take the IVF leap. Two days later another new coworker announced she was pregnant (after trying her first time). I told her I also hoped to be pregant this year through ART. I thought I would be jealous. But she was so positive about my procedures. I talked about how things were progressing with me (meds, injections, side effects). She talked about how things were going with her (fears, worries, side effects). We talked about our "one days" assuming I too would be pregnant. She never once shut me down.

    Yes. What your friend said was hurtful but remember she too is going througha hormal ride via RE treatments.(And having gone through a bunch, I can say that this whole pregnancy thing is almost... comfertable) In time I'm sure she will realize what she said was wrong.
    *Siggy Warning*

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