Hubby doesn't want second baby

nolabelle10 · February 2015

So, after going through all the steps to confirm all systems are a go for baby #2 (I have to go to a reproductive endocrinologist for baby #1), my husband has now decided that it is too much work and he only wants one kid. Needless to say, I'm hurt, upset, sad, disappointed and wondering if our marriage will ever be the same. My husband and I discussed kids on date #3, so it was never a surprise that I wanted more than one. I also feel like I do most of the "work" for our daughter, plus I bring home significantly more income. What can I do? Any pearls of wisdom?

Tink112011 · February 2015

No advice, just sympathy. I'm going through the same situation with DH. We have a perfect 3 year old boy and he says he is good. No desire to add what to him would just be chaos and financial burden.

It is very tough on a marriage and I'm having a hard time letting go. I still hold out hope that one day he'll get to that place where he is ready for another, but I know that hoping is not a healthy resolution to our situation.

Abenedict2011 · February 2015

Also offering support as I am also in the same situation. I have 2 wonderful step children but have been honest from the start that I wanted 2 children of my own. DH agreed before but now has changed his mind. The step children are significantly older (10 &14).

We aren't trying or preventing. I told him I will not go back on birth control bc of my age and I didn't like the side effects. So I guess we are leaving it up to chance.

I do recommend counseling if it is affecting your marriage.

JCM285 · February 2015

I'm sorry. Its such a tough decision. I'm sort of at the opposite end. I am happy with one and am not sure whether I am "cut out" for two but DH wants two. He changes his mind from time to time though. I think the best thing is to continue talking about it. We make pro/con lists all the time. You are entitled to those feelings though and it is good for your DH to understand how you feel.

rckstr4lfe · February 2015

My husband was like that before we learned that I am pregnant again (unplanned, yet unprevented) and now he couldn't be more excited. I'm hoping maybe if you become pregnant, your husband might set aside the worries and show you the support you deserve. Men are so unsympathetic sometimes that it can hurt deeply, but if love is there, you should be able to work through the differences. Best of luck.

kristennd · February 2015

JCM285 said:

I'm sorry. Its such a tough decision. I'm sort of at the opposite end. I am happy with one and am not sure whether I am "cut out" for two but DH wants two. He changes his mind from time to time though. I think the best thing is to continue talking about it. We make pro/con lists all the time. You are entitled to those feelings though and it is good for your DH to understand how you feel.

This was our situation too. I backed out first. It's a huge change and I think it's important to be sympathetic to both sides. You never have to agree, just recognize that there can be equally strong feelings and emotional swings at either end.

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