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Friend just named her daughter the name we had picked out

ahersheahershe member
in June 2015 Moms
I need advice! A good friend of mine just had her baby girl last night. She named her Hazel which is a name I discovered last weekend and the name we have been calling our LO ever since. We see these friends on a regular basis (once a week) and we have a lot of mutual friends. So, do I need to let go of Hazel and move on to our number 2 option? Or does it matter? I am so heartbroken! I thought I was choosing a name that no one else would think of!
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Re: Friend just named her daughter the name we had picked out

  • BabyListBabyList member
    If it were me I think I would choose a different name. I could see it being very confusing in the future since you have mutual friends.
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  • lilitaliangirllilitaliangirl member
    That's a tough one. Hopefully she didn't know, but my opinion is to go with option #2 if this is that close of a friend. Maybe use Hazel for a middle name
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  • laurendutchlaurendutch member
    I would go with a different name since you are close.
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  • ahersheahershe member
    I just want to cry. We didn't breath a word about the name to anyone. And we have bonded with the name. It's so weird because we had Harper picked out and we were happy to go with that one but when I mentioned Hazel, it just clicked. And we've been calling her Hazel ever since. Is it dumb to be so heartbroken over a name??? I'm feeling a little pathetic.
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  • lilitaliangirllilitaliangirl member
    Not at all! I get that you have "connected" with the name. But, FWIW, I LOVE Harper. That was on the top of our girl list. If you like the name Lily, I think the name LIly Hazel is really cute :)
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  • kbbtahkbbtah member
    I would choose another name (but im not attached to any names). If you are really totally in love with the name then go with it. Just talk with your friend about it.
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  • thelittlestbeethelittlestbee member
    edited February 2015
    mathistm said:
    Hazel is much more common recently because of "The Fault In Our Stars". Working in the hospital I have seen a boom of them. I'm sorry! That sucks and is definitely a tough choice. For what it's worth Harper is awesome too!
    I had no idea (never read the book or saw the movie) it was becoming common. But I do think Harper is a much cuter name. 

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  • ahersheahershe member
    Thanks for validating my feelings. I think that's what I appreciate the most.
    @thelittlestbee‌ it is the most strange coincidence ever. All day I've been waiting for them to announce her name because I had this weird feeling that they picked the same name. It's just really strange.
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  • enigmaticjjenigmaticjj member
    I figure keep in mind that you and your partner don't need to make any decisions either way right now.  See how time might change your feelings you're having now.  Maybe you'll become more set with the original name choice (and if so, as someone with a very common first name, its no big deal to have others with your same name...in the big picture), or maybe you and your partner will naturally become more fond of your #2 name (or who knows, even a different one).  Maybe knowing you still have time can ease some of the hard emotions you're going through now (which I'm certain I'd be feeling too if that were me).
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  • LaurenS119LaurenS119 member
    If you love the name go for it. I'm a Lauren, there were a lot of us growing up. I have a great friend now who is a Lauren, it's fun having the same name. Maybe they are just destined to be good friends. Just be prepared with a nickname and talk to your friend.
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  • walshbunniewalshbunnie member
    I would also say if you truly love it use it. We had picked out Hadley for a girl. Just thought I'd toss it out there since you like Harper and Hazel.
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  • ooopswediditagainooopswediditagain member
    I'd still go with it. I'd talk to her about if first but as a friend I wouldn't care at all if one of my friends used the same name. Literally not even a little bit. If she's a good friend she won't care either. I always find it odd that people feel territorial over names. It's bizzare.
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  • TrampslikeusTrampslikeus member
    If there is no other name you both love, talk to your friend and go with it.    But just a heads up, Hazel is one of the new IT names. There will be a whole bunch of them born over the next 6-12 months.   It WAS unique, but it won't be any more.   If you chose it thinking it was unique, that might give you some pause to reconsider.      But again, like I said, if its the only name the 2 of you both love and connected with, just stick with it. Itll all work out.

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  • starkbaby22starkbaby22 member
    Name her what you want. I have major name regret with my oldest thanks to my sister. You only get to name them once. Choose what you love and be confident in it.

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  • gilder40gilder40 member
    Just a thought, your friend may have had the name picked out for a long time and may have been connected to it as you were. You guys are friends for a reason...similar taste in names or movies/books? I'd only find it odd if she had something totally different picked out for the longest time, and then changed it suddenly. If you love it, go for it. A real friend isn't going to care...unless it's like a family name of theirs or something. My sis in law had this horrible fear that my cousin would "steal" her names. I told her that she had no reason to use them, as they were family names on my dad's side, which my cousin has no relation to blood-wise. But if she did, who gave a crap?
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  • disney815disney815 member
    I'm on the same boat with PPs about just picking the name you want. If it was your sister or someone you're related to, maybe I would reconsider. But because this is a friend, you never know what may happen in years to come with your relationship, and you may really regret not picking your dream name. We love the name Zachary and have been calling baby boy that name for weeks, and if a close friend named their baby the same in the coming weeks, I would still name him that because that is his name. It just is! So if your baby girl is Hazel, then it just is!


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  • EmilywooddesignEmilywooddesign member
    That's really annoying! I wouldn't name my kid the same name as my close friends kid, everyone ( including them) will probably think you copied them even though that's not true. You still have some time to fall in love with another name.
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  • laurendutchlaurendutch member
    I do have to say that my cousin and I both named our sons the same name. We had always joked that whoever had a boy first they get the name (it's a family name based on our ancestry and not very common). Well, she named her 4th child and second son "our name". When I announced that we were pregnant with twin boys she insisted that I still use "our name". I really like it BC we connect over our "name" and our children. But I have only seen her a handful of times in the last 5 years. We are also from a very large family and each of my 30 cousins have at least 3/4 children...so we are bound to share some names.
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  • amhowell14amhowell14 member
    walshbunnie said:

    I would also say if you truly love it use it. We had picked out Hadley for a girl. Just thought I'd toss it out there since you like Harper and Hazel.

    We had Hadley on our list, but went with Harper. ;)
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  • KreslaKresla member
    I would do Harper Hazel. That way you get Hazel in there yet you won't step on your friend's toes.
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  • ahersheahershe member
    Wow. Thanks for all your comments and suggestions! Feels really great to have support on this since we are keeping the name a secret and I can't talk to my family or friends about it.
    Who knows, we may have not even thought of her name yet! We do still have 20 weeks left!
    Thank you, ladies!
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  • sarah2064sarah2064 member
    We keep our baby names a secret too, so I totally get the need to talk about them.
    I actually have a 2 year old harper. And hazel was my first pick but hubby won out with his choice :) I am actually glad because I think harper is slightly more classic and doesn't seem as trendy now that there are lots more Hazels.( I do adore the name but he has said he really doesn't so it's out for us)
    I wanted to share that I have a friend from grade school, who I only keep in contact with on facebook and see around my hometown occasionally, who was due a few months after me with my first DD. Well as I said we kept our name a secret and come to find out it was the name they had chosen and bonded over. So they were bummed and searched out and chose a different (also adorable) name for their daughter. She told me this when our girls were one and I felt horrible!
    And I also wanted to add that I wouldn't want to use the same name on close friends close in age child. :( I am really sorry that that happened BUT I am willing to bet that you will fall in love with whatever name you decide to use.
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  • sarah2064sarah2064 member
    Are you set on an H name?
    Some other names I like that I think are similar are
    Stella
    Tatum
    Piper
    Norah
    Rowan

    They're all kind of traditional but also fresh. And obviously I am very partial to Harper ♡
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  • agarrison0502agarrison0502 member
    Who cares if your baby's names are the same it's a name you picked and loved. There's lots of people with the same name. Think of how many people are named Mike or Alex or David all common names and we all know a couple of them
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  • HoosOnFirstHoosOnFirst member
    @sarah2064‌ I've been lobbying to keep Piper and Norah on our list but hubby won't bite... Right now I'm trying to warn him up to Elyse or Elise. We do have agreement on Nina and Ramona. He also dinged Pearl and June as being too obvious given the birth month. These are both more traditional. June is actually a family name so I was kinda digging the synergy!
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  • SouthMinnieAppleMamaSouthMinnieAppleMama member
    We went through the same thing with DS1. We had loved the name Calvin and hadn't said a word to anyone. Just a month before our son was born my cousin named her son Calvin. We started scrambling to find a new name and came up with Beckett. I can't imagine Beckett having any other name. It turned out for the best for us after all.

    Could you guys just start brainstorming again? You may come up with something you love even more.

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  • kailanickkailanick member
    edited February 2015
    Name your baby what you want! Friends move and change, and if Hazel is THE NAME, you will always regret not using it.

    Even if you do stay friends forever, it's completely fine to both have a Hazel. I'm seeing that name more and more, and it's no big deal.

    I went through a similar situation when my step brother announced that his baby girl (due two days before us) would be named Harper... the name we loved and had planned from the beginning. I agonized, mourned the loss of the name, tried to move on, and finally realized that this baby girl IS a Harper. It's the right name for her and the name I liked from the start, and if we changed it, it would be to something that didn't feel right. How is that fair to us or her?

    I rarely see my step brother, so it's kind of different in that regard, but still. I sent him a private message telling him we had the name picked out before, and he was totally supportive!

    Another example, my mom always loved the name Madeline, but had a similar situation with a friend naming her daughter that. So my mom chose a different name, and a year later, the couple moved! The name my mom chose instead fits my sister perfectly, but my mom is still sad she never got to use the name.

    I think you need to weigh if your baby 100% feels like a Hazel. If you are mourning the name (how I mourned Harper), and no other name you try on feels right, then Hazel is your name. Go with it. You might try going through the full name list (again?) and see if anything jumps out. My hubby and I made a list of names based on those we could maybe see (even if it's a stretch). From the longer maybe list, you can create a yes list. This is SO MUCH easier than a flat out yes or no... Some names take a second to grow on you and then you love them!

    If you stick with Hazel, hopefully your friend is mature enough to understand that you had this name picked out before you heard it from her and that it's not a big deal. (Make sure you tell her that!) it wouldn't be crazy for friends to have the same taste!

    Best of luck!!!
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  • lbwhitleylbwhitley member
    I've been trying to come up with a girls name that starts with H to go with Harper. My husband is a third and his initials are HH... We were going to try to use the same initials since won't be carrying on the name (this is our 3rd girl...). Maybe you could use Hazel Harper... I've been trying it in my head the last few weeks. Then, you can decide later which name to call her :)
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  • Kbchavez23Kbchavez23 member
    I have thought about this over and over if it happens to me and I would choose another name. I would be upset if it was the other way around. You know? By the way, I love the name Harper!
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  • ooopswediditagainooopswediditagain member
    Am I the only one who finds it bizarre when people say they think you "copied" someone with a name? You name your child what you want to name your child regardless of anyone's opinion. It would never occur to me to say I thought someone copied their kids name from someone else. Particularly a fairly normal name.
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  • hjdaniels0415hjdaniels0415 member
    I love Harper for sure.  We are team green and if our Lil D is a girl we are naming her Harper Grace- no one knows but the ladies on her, my mom and husband.  I love the name Hazel too. . . I would say maybe use it as a middle name if your friend just had a Hazel.  On the other hand if someone had a Harper right now- even if it was my sister and sister-in-law I would still use Harper.  It's up to you really.  
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  • beattykidbeattykid member
    edited February 2015
    I say use it.  You never know if you will be friends forever or just a little bit longer.  For what it's worth Hazel will be the name of my little girl if I ever have one.  I'm having a boy this time (ftm).  I haven't read that damn book (the fault in the stars one) and I don't plan to.  Everyone around me can name their daughter Hazel and it won't mean what my Hazel means.  It was my great-grandmother's name and I loved her very much.  I have literally had this name picked out for more than 10 years.  It is also the name of the protagonist in Watership Down, one of my favorite books.  I told my husband early on my first girl will be Hazel and there is no room to argue.  It turns out his grandmother's name is Helen Hazel so that works out for that side too.  It's your daughter and your choice.  

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  • tinybugsmomtinybugsmom member
    If you love the name keep it. They are friends. What happens if one of you moves far away? Then you would have given up a name for no reason.
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