Me or the Babysitter

at931902 · January 2015

I had my son in August and returned to work in November. My babysitter is a very nice woman....sometimes. It's nothing I can put my finger on, but there are days when she seems like she's upset with me and I can never get her to tell me what's up. She watches 2 to 3 other children under the age of 5. I'm getting tired of showing up to pick up my son and hearing that he didn't take a nap or she couldn't get him to eat. We've had 3 different conversations about whether or not she's overwhelmed with the other kids and she swears she's not. There are days when my LO has gone from 8:30 to 3:30 without a nap. There have also been days where my DH packed the diaper bag and forgot something. When this has happened, she gets very irritated even though she has a replacement that, at her request, I've left at her house. I'll tell her about something LO has done, and she'll tell me that he's already done it there. There have also been times where she will overly protective of LO and will scold me for the food choices I bring for his lunch or having him around my dogs. Am I being crazy-whacko new mom? Or is the babysitter out of line?

dal2aus · January 2015

Just reading your post made me shiver. Trust your gut. If something doesn't seem right, you have an obligation to your kid to find someone else.

alishakay · January 2015

8:30-3:30 and no nap for a 5-6 month old seems odd in itself! Sounds like she's trying to compete, actually sounds like a Lifetime movie...get out now!

themrs83 · January 2015

Trust your gut. We had a bad experience with my oldest, which is why I stay home now.

PrimRoseMama · January 2015

Sometimes kids don't nap...

Talk to your sitter. I'm on the fence about your expectations here.

JGuevara64 · January 2015

I have that same issue of my 4 month old only taking two naps a day (and they aren't that long) but if you don't feel comfortable I would either talk to her again or start look for another place to take your LO.

Patch89 · January 2015

i would go with your gut !!!

FinallyHappy84 · February 2015

As far as the naps, there's days where my LO will not nap because she's just too interested in looking around or there's too much commotion.
When it comes to her "scolding" you for your parenting choices, you and your DH need to remind who's paying her and that's the end of the that. I wouldn't tolerate that at all.
I agree with PPs though, if you're not comfortable, definitely switch daycare providers.

HouseSpouse · February 2015

I say trust your Mama instinct! I think I would have major issues with that you described.

at931902 · February 2015

Here's the fun part. I'm a teacher and she's a mother of one of my students. I'm new in town and she's been in the community for years. Very active as well. My biggest worry is that anything I say or do will make my name "mud" and possibly affect my job...

PrimRoseMama · February 2015

at931902 said:
Here's the fun part. I'm a teacher and she's a mother of one of my students. I'm new in town and she's been in the community for years. Very active as well. My biggest worry is that anything I say or do will make my name "mud" and possibly affect my job...

Can you two sit down & lay out your concerns with "I statements". I think an airing of grievances is a good way to go.

The bottom line is that you are paying her for a service. Your kid means your rules. Her methods may not match your parenting style or child's needs. That's ok. Sometimes that happens & it doesn't make either one of you bad people. Just not a good fit for your family.

If it were me I would approach it as trying to work with her as opposed to against her. Ask her what her views are & then state yours. Make it obvious that you want to meet her half way, but in the end you are the parent & she needs to respect your wishes.

It sounds like you might be better off looking for another Nanny whose philosophy better matches your own. Just let your current Nanny know that your needs have changed & that you want to go in a different direction. That's as detailed as you need to be.

ktbug3000 · February 2015

That sounds like a really squirmy situation. I would quietly look for someone else if I were you. Just make up some reason why you are switching and do it. I dont personally think having a sit-down is a thing you want to have to do with your childs care provider. She should be so good that it isnt necessary. I was lucky enough to have the excuse of going to pre-school open houses before I moved here and got to ask around there for someone good. I have gone on visits to multiple care providers for both times that I had to pick a new one and wouldnt do it any other way. I have always used a home daycare but the providers have always been licensed. Is your care provider licensed or does she just do it on the side? You shouldnt have to feel awkward about this very important relationship. Thats my two cents.

MrsStanger · February 2015

Our first sitter for our DD (almost 2) did things that make me cry to talk about. There are warning signs. You have several red flags in your post. You need to put your child first. You can gracefully get out without bad mouthing her! Im not sure where you live or the type of community. we are blessed to live near a TON of amish. look for help elsewhere. Being a school teacher you can always turn to your coworkers and see what they do with their LO

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