Updates and a treatment plan, and being terrified of my calendar

Austrogermokee · February 2015

So DH and I switched fertility clinics, to a larger and better-known center (Shady Grove). I feel like we got the runaround at our old clinic, and that treatments were significantly more expensive.

The bad news is that DH had to redo his SA, and things have gone downhill a bit since last spring. He's now considered the low end of normal, whereas he was the high end of normal before. Most likely he roasted his nuts training for a marathon, so now he's under firm instructions to take it easy.

This is our last Femara and TI cycle (I'll know by Wednesday if it worked, but I don't have high hopes). Then it's two rounds of IUI (our chances are about 15-20% per cycle). If that doesn't take, we go straight to IVF with potential ICSI. Fortunately, I have good eggs, so our chances of IVF working are about 35 percent per cycle. My instructions in the meantime are to stay healthy and low-stress.

Weirdly, the science of it all doesn't stress me, and the expense doesn't stress me too badly (DH's parents offered to help, bless them). What's really stressing me out is that we have a busy spring ahead - two weddings, one of which I'm a bridesmaid in, a 40th birthday party in NYC, and loads more stuff. I want life to be as normal as possible, and I feel like it's healthy to have things to look forward to, but I also know a lot of IF treatments are doled out at the last minute. So I'm not sure how to balance, say, an out of town wedding, with an embryo retrieval. DH, however, wants me to bail on basically everything so the treatments are the top priority. I don't think that's healthy, and the thought of not being there for my friends makes me really sad.

For posters who did IUI and IVF, how much of your life did it suck up? Were you able to make plans, or did you have to bail on important events? How did you balance everything?

hooligans4 · February 2015

Good to see a post from you.
I havnt done IUI/IVF but I'm going to put my 2 cents in anyway.
I say keep all your plans. If you know you have to travel or will be busy a certain week I'm sure you can work the fertility stuff around it. It may mean delaying a month but if you want to still do all the things you have planned you have to do that.
I say don't worry about it now, desk with each event as they approach.
I'm sure it will all work out.

Austrogermokee · February 2015

Thanks! DH is refusing to even consider any delays or months off. It takes him a long time to come around to an idea (in this case, ART), but when he does, he wants it done YESTERDAY. So he'd rather we just cancel plans if they interfere with fertility treatments, which I'm refusing to even consider. ("Hey, childhood friend, I'm missing your wedding for an insemination" or, "Hey, you're gonna be down one bridesmaid, I have to get some embryos chucked into my uterus.") We're at total loggerheads. I think once we've got that first IUI under our belts, we'll have a better idea of what is involved, and we can start to compromise.

kindershlitz · February 2015

I just started the iui route this cycle. Previously, we had been TTC 18 cycles. I had not done trips due to my estimated fertile week, what if I'm pregnant, etc. I had said to myself I had to quit letting this dictate my life, however, now that we are doing iui I have let it remain top priority. Especially now adding the expense, we want it as well executed as possible. You are right, appointments are last minute pretty much, based on your AF, how quickly your follicles grow, etc. My MIL was texting me today so she can make appointments for herself (and it's nice of her to consider us) but I can't give her a straight answer. (She knows we are working with an RE but knows no details of procedures. She just asks if it hurt every time).

I'm no help but I am in the, this is priority one camp. But if it is a special occasion like a wedding, it is what it is and that cycle might be a break for us. One month won't make a difference I don't think. I don't think doing iuis in consecutive months are more beneficial than taking a break. Maybe someone else knows? We are looking at DH taking a major work trip and it looks like March we will be out based on that so life still happens even though I don't want interference.

@ladydc78 Isn't this the clinic you were working with too? Maybe you two can swap notes.

emsmama15 · February 2015

I agree with @hooligans4! Keep your plans. The problem with IUI is that it's all based on follicle growth, so I've been able to squeak it a day in either direction when need be (usually around my hubby's work schedule), but if I understand IVF correctly, don't they usually do birth control pills to suppress you first? And if they did that, wouldn't that give you a little control over timing if your plans fall around the time you're doing birth control? If the plans are when you're stimming, you may need to change since you'll need monitoring. I guess, I'd just fall on the side of not changing plans -- which isn't to say I wouldn't do it, but I tend to get a bit consumed. Good luck!!

ladydc78 · February 2015

I just started with shady grove, and while they felt to me a bit like an assembly line you have to give them credit for having multiple locations so you can get testing /procedures anytime, even on weekends. That makes me wonder if you might be able to work around your plans. canceling in advance seems hasty when you might only miss, say, the rehearsal dinner but can get a train ticket for the wedding. Train tickets that are flexible vs flights might be a compromise. Seems like my hubby can be a bit all or nothing as well, so I sympathize. We are still in the testing for probs then trying drugs first phase so I may be too optimistic, but I do know that early on when I put my life on hold for ttc it really brought me down and magnified even small disappointments.

CML11 · February 2015

***grad lurker***

My cycle in Oct got cancelled due to an out of town for a family wedding MH was in. Although the ER and ET would've been over prior to leaving, my boss made me choose between the two (she's a real bitch!). For a while after I did regret my choice, mostly because I wish I would have stuck up to my boss.
If I did it all over, I would have tried to alter my plans so that I could accommodate both things. Hindsight, the next cycle did fail, so I probably did make the right choice by choosing the wedding.

So my vote is try and do the plans you have, you don't want to regret putting your life on hold for IF. However, if you can swing both, try and make it work.

KirstenAlecia · February 2015

Im with the others who say keep the important plans!

Austrogermokee · February 2015

@ladydc78, I switched from Hopkins Fertility to the Shady Grove center in Harbor East (I live in Baltimore). That location is very small - there's just the doctor, nurse, medical assistant, and receptionist/financial adviser. So it feels a lot more personal than our previous clinic. The location is also much better for me - if DH has the car that day, I can hop a taxi or walk. Our old clinic was in the burbs and it was a pain to get there on short notice.

I kind of like the assembly line system - Hopkins kept missing important details like my tubal scarring and DH's diminished counts over the last year (ladies, do NOT let your man train for a marathon, it roasts his nuts like nothing else).

Luckily, all the events except for the 40th birthday party are within a three hour drive, and the birthday boy knows our situation and will understand if we can't make it. I feel like I should just keep the plans I have, and if things start looking bad, I'll explain it to the brides (one I've known since she was little, the other I'm her bridesmaid and she's a close friend). If they're my friends, they'll understand and try to work with me.

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Updates and a treatment plan, and being terrified of my calendar

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