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Wanting to try again.

kathynicholekathynichole member
in TTC After a Loss
me and my partner found out we were pregnant two weeks ago at 5 weeks, I went through a MC yesterday, at 7w1d. It is very heart breaking and hard to go through. My partner and I didn't plan this pregnancy but now that I was looking forward to it and then lost it makes me actually want to try again. I don't know what to do, I'm 19 turning 20 in a few months and I just feel like I want to try again so I can look forward to everything I was looking forward to in the last few weeks. I feel so lost because I had so many plans as a future family and first time mom. Does anyone have any advice?
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Re: Wanting to try again.

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    4N6s4N6s member
    I don't think anyone can make the decision for you... But you're young, don't stress. :)
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    lifeislove87lifeislove87 member
    It is very heartbreaking and I am sorry for your loss. I understand the emotions of wanting to try again as soon as possible. My hope was that I could get pregnant again quickly and just "skip" the grieving process and being sad. Just because the baby was not planned does not mean that you didn't love it with all your heart. Unfortunately it is hard to skip the grieving process even by getting pregnant. It is a personal decision when to try again .

    My advice is to be kind to yourself. Talk to others for support and make sure to include your partner in your choice to try again. If you do make the choice to TTC again, find a hobby not TTC related that will help you manage the emotions that come with trying after a loss.
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    kathynicholekathynichole member
    @lifeislove87‌ thank you for your kind advice. I feel so lost and depressed. I just don't understand why it has happened. I want to find a hobby but all I want to do is lay in bed and not leave the house. If you have experienced this, how did you deal with it? I'm so lost with how to get over it, I just can't stop grieving.
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    mrspippmrspipp member
    4N6s said:

    I don't think anyone can make the decision for you... But you're young, don't stress. :)

    This is offensive and minimizes OPs valid emotions.

    @kathynichole‌ I am so sorry for your loss. Make sure to take time for yourself, even though you may want to move on right away. It is completely normal to feel lost and confused following a loss. Everyone is different in regard to their grief. Did your doctor give you a time period to wait before trying again?
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    kathynicholekathynichole member
    Thank you @mrspipp‌. I'm trying to look forward and move on but its so hard when you think about what could have been. Even though this pregnancy wasn't planned, and I only knew I was pregnant for 2-3 weeks, I had already had so many plans and formed a bond.

    I havnt seen my doctor yet as my miscarriage took place in ER. So I'm planning a doctors appointment on Tuesday. I just feel so lost and now that I know what could have been shatters me into pieces. I know I'm young but once I think about having a small young family it just makes me so sad because this could have been.
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    lifeislove87lifeislove87 member
    @kathynichole my heart breaks reading that because I have been there. I cried HARD for three days straight and even after that it was easy for me to cry at anything (pregnant people, tabloid articles, tv shows). It felt like nothing mattered and that I had lost everything. My DH admitted to me months later that he was so scared for me and didn't know what to do. He was grieving too, but in a different way.

    Talking to people helped, the key was to talk to the right people (I found that it wasn't helpful to me to hear things like "it wasn't meant to be or god had other plans".I didn't tell anyone about my prgnancy so it was strange telling people about my miscarriage. Being on here, talking to people and going through the motions (day to day) things of life (washing dishes, feeding the cats)
    helped me to get me out of the dark hole I was in.

    Let yourself grieve, be sad and be angry. There is no wrong way to grieve and how you feel is so normal. Try to be kind to yourself, go for a walk, take a hot bath, see a movie, go out for dinner. I know that it's hard and right now you feel like you will never be happy again but I promise you it will get better.

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    lifeislove87lifeislove87 member
    Also, it's normal to think about what could have been. Today I would have been 8 months pregnant. It helps me to think daily about the amazing things I do have. Every day since my miscarriage I have written down three things that I am grateful for. At first it seemed impossible, but now I can do it without thinking.
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    kathynicholekathynichole member
    @lifeislove87‌ thankyou so much for taking time out to share your experience. I know right now it feels like it's not going to get better but when I hear stories from ladies like you about how you have gone through this and things start to get better, it gives me hope! I really cant see anything happy in my life right now, I'm just stuck in a dark hole. My partner keeps saying that it wasn't our fault, but I can't help but think I could have prevented it. I really hope I can get pregnant again soon, within 6 months but I just don't know if my partner is on the same page but we will have a talk about it and hopefully we agree. :( thankyou so much for sharing your experience, it helps me to know everything will get better through time, and it seems like I'm alone but I know I'm not and I am able to vent to other women who have experienced the same thing.
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    lifeislove87lifeislove87 member
    @kathynichole‌ know that your miscarriage was NOT your fault. There is nothing you could have done differently. Most miscarriages are caused by genetic abnormalities. That means if/when you both choose to try again the odds are in your favour to have a normal pregnancy. I know that probably doesn't make you feel any better, or it hurt any less.

    You are right, you are never alone in this process. You are stronger than you think.
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