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NBR: Vent... work.. DH...

niknak1208niknak1208 member
in Pregnant after 35
Sorry ladies..  I really would like to scream right now but I'm venting here instead so that I don't go crazy!  I am so irritated with my job.  For a little background, I've been here almost 2 years. I'm in HR for a big organization. The job was actually two separate positions when I started and then someone left and they gave both positions. Partially, it's my fault because I was too new and too green and didn't negotiate at the time for a higher salary. The job has changed tremendously since that person left and the processes are much more time consuming and involved.  Our management team frustrates me to no end because they seem to think that I'm a bottomless pit of free time. :/  One of our higher ups decided that one of the processes I did needed to be logged on a spreadsheet and kept in a central place so that all parties involved would be able to tell where something was at in the process at any given time. Ok.. I did that.. I update it literally every day.  Now she says that I need to also send emails to her team because they just aren't getting into that spreadsheet every day.  Ok.. so basically we created this log FOR YOUR TEAM who are not too lazy to open the log and now you want me to update the log that no one is using AND send them emails every single time correspondence is sent and/or received. Seriously??  I'm sorry but I do not have time to babysit your team. How about you tell them that the information is there.. and they should the shortcut to their desktop and that way it's at their fingertips whenever they need it. Ugh.. totally frustrating!!!  

DH is irritating me because he is constantly whining about sex!!!  Ok.. I get it.. you want it.. gotcha.  Here's the thing.. my OB tells me to abstain from intercourse every single time I see him.  Because of my loss in 2011 and the fact that we don't know what happened with my cervix and he doesn't want anything irritating my cervix so he says no sex. Not my fault. Not my choice.  I still do other things for him.. but not every single day.  It is SO annoying!  So this morning he texted me asking me for this stuff and I said well I don't know about tonight.. I didn't sleep at all last night.. literally about an hour and a half.. I'm completely exhausted and the kids were crazy monsters this morning and I was stressed with trying to get out of the house on time!   Sometimes I wish men could be the ones experiencing pregnancy because they have no idea how exhausting it is.  I'm 23 weeks. I have 2 little kids at home. I'm working full time. I'm doing all school/daycare drop offs and pick ups by myself.  He cooks when he's home early enough to.. occassionally he cleans but for the most part I'm doing all the housework as well.  So why is it hard to understand that I'm exhausted??  
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Re: NBR: Vent... work.. DH...

  • cneidingcneiding member
    Well I don't work so I can't really relate there....but  I totally get you on the sex thing.  I literally poured blood my whole first trimester off and on.  I had clots and bright red bleeding and figured over and over I would miscarry.  The whole time my husband did nothing but pester me about sex....and was so irritated at me for it.  He was always like...are you actively pouring blood right now this minute...no well then whats the issue?...well the issue was I was I know whenever you have bleeding pelvic rest is advised.  I was not going to lose the baby and spend the rest of my life accusing myself of not doing everything possible to keep the pregnancy going because I did not follow what I knew would be a dr's orders.  Now I am dealing with my back currently.  I can go about my day basically normally...but working through the pain.  When I get up in the morning I can not even stand up straight and walk bent in 1/2 to the bathroom each morning and spend my time in the shower getting into an upright position.  By the end of the day my back is sore to where I am very very uncomfortable.  I get to hear how unfair it is to him and how this is a major issue to him etc. 

    I would LOVE for him to experience my life and even more so pregnant life! If I even sigh or moan or complain I am so ridiculous and such an exaggerator.   He has never ever even changed a diaper.  He is well known for his comments like and I quote, "I am glad I don't have kids, they are too much work"....uhhhhhh you kinda do have kids...like a whole lot of them!!!!  And besides doing nothing for the kids, definitely does no housework.  The other day I was stuck in bed with my back in so much pain.  He came in and was looking for some article of clothing and in the process knocked a whole stack of his shorts down.  Instead of picking them up he started kicking them away so they were not all on his feet around him.  When I asked "aren't you going to pick those up" the answer "I am not the maid...its not my job"  Seriously....Well the "maid" picked them up a couple days later when I was able to get out of bed without screaming out in pain!!
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  • marijaa333marijaa333 member
    Yikes, sorry this is all happening at the same time. Laying down some boundaries may be necessary (and don't be afraid to do it, you will actually get more respect as a result).

    For example:
    1. Tell the "higher up" manager that team could get reminders more efficiently if they created shortcuts and calendar alerts; alternatively, ask one of their team members to send out the daily emails if they can't automate the process.  Ask for all this nicely, calmly, and word it in terms of their own and your manager's interest. Then write an email with clear instructions (what is where and different ways to access it, including how to create a shortcut and how to create calendar alerts).

    2. You have to talk to your husband seriously about all this. Perhaps he feels a bit removed from everything and these are his ways to get confirmation that you still love him and find him interesting/attractive. Getting him to understand and empathize with you is going to be a process. Don't get mad or raise your voice, but do let him see repeatedly how tired and sad/disappointed you are when he isn't helping. Tell him how he could help and encourage him when he does. If you've done all this, I would suggest counseling. 
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  • niknak1208niknak1208 member
    edited February 2015
    Cneiding- ugh. I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. I had sciatic pain horribly when I was pregnant with my daughter. I suspect it will return this time too. If my husband kicked clothes out of the way he would never have clean shorts again! I get so mad about that stuff. He complained once about having no clean boxers. Like in a not so nice way and I didn't do his laundry for a week. You have legs and arms-- have at it!! Grr.

    Marijaa333- thanks! I think I will do exactly that. Two things- I don't think they understand the extra work they're creating and that its duplicate work. I also don't think they get how easy it is to just open the spreadsheet!! This is concerning ADA leaves and I'm literally constantly sending out paperwork or receiving. We have 4000 employees and I handle LOA's for the entire organization!! It's so irritating.

    I finally did just that Friday with DH. I felt like he was internalizing it and making it seem about him when really the reason we are t active sexually has nothing to do with him. I reminded him that I can't actually have sex and while I know that's not ideal ..it is what it is. The thing that frustrates me the most is that he still gets sexual attention probably every couple of weeks. It's not like I completely hang up the towell. But this comes from a man who expects sex literally every other day when I'm not pregnant. Soo irritating. I am not an overly sexual person anyways but on top of that I work full time and care for our household while he's working all the time. I'm exhausted on a good day!!
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  • mindaamindaa member
    edited February 2015
    marijaa333 said:
    Then write an email with clear instructions (what is where and different ways to access it, including how to create a shortcut and how to create calendar alerts).

    This is what I would do... as someone who works with a lot people who aren't too tech savvy. I've found that a lot of the time, people are surprisingly receptive to learning new "tricks".

    Sorry life is so frustrating - vent away!


    Me-37, DH-38
    Married in 2006, TTC #1 since Jan 2012

    Baby Boy born June 1, 2015

    He settles her in her home as a happy mother of children, praise the Lord! (Psalms 113:9)
    And the peace of God, which surpasses all understand, will guard your heart and mind in Jesus Christ (Philippians 4:7)

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