Husband has no understanding

mct91414 · February 2015

I don't know if anyone else has this problem with their so but my husband doesn't seem to understand what I'm going through ( how tired I am, how emotional and hormonal I am. . . . ) "Being pregnant is not an excuse" to be "nasty" to him. I ask him to shovel the porch steps so I don't fall but he doesn't get how important it is that I don't fall down the stairs.

I'm so frustrated with his lack of understanding and worry he won't help me the farther I go along when I really need his help.

saradel · February 2015

I feel for you. My husband still seems to think that my routine should be "normal" or at least what it used to be. I'm exhausted all the time, super emotional, and feel like I might vomit at any moment. They don't get it... Makes me feel alone.

Knottie00400192 · February 2015

Yeah mines doesn't get it at all. Some days I think that he understands and then when he's reached his limit he gets pissed off! Today he told me that he doesn't like how I'm treating him. Whet??! After he complained all day about the wait at the doctors office and told me that I am an opportunist because I like to make sure I am getting the best deal and I gave him attitude. Ugh it's so frustrating, like do you not understand that I have a human being developing and growing inside of me. I'm so on edge right now and irritated I just can't even deal with him.

jayomakim · February 2015

Wow sounds like I'm not the only with on and off frustration with hubby. Sometimes he's perfect and other times we are talking about his feelings more than mine. Uh?

we can do this ladies!! Patience and prayer/meditation

wooshaa!

Ali+Cee · February 2015

Yeah mine needs a big smack upside the head! He doesn't understand the fatigue or hormones either. This isn't his first rodeo, as we have a daughter. He still doesn't get it. He whines about how tiring his job is when I need help with something. Um yeah, let me know when you're forming a placenta and baby in your belly and then complain to me about being tired! I feel kinda bad for getting so mad at him, but at the same time his senseless comments deserve some sort of sarcastic response. Like complaining about feeling "fat" after working out at 4am every morning. Give me a break! You're the last person I want to hear this from, especially as I sit her bloated when you're not fat at all. I could rant forever, but will save some space on this post. He is very loving and a good husband and dad so I have to give him some credit

stacey609 · February 2015

Mine is the exact other way!! According to him if I'm going to get enough rest I should really be in bed by 10 or so every night... And he may be right. Guess I don't know how lucky I am... The only thing I have to get used to is the chores he has taken over like cat litter and anything involving bleach products(which I typically took care of that the Drs tell me I now should not be doing) that on occasion don't get done on a schedul that I'd like them to. Other than that I know he has my back. , he is there helping with chores and dd (or offering help) and telling me how much he loves me every step of the way. I'm so sorry that you aren't having a similar experience.

annie6773 · February 2015

Mine is as clueless with this one as he was with DS and that was only ten months ago! I begged him to read articles I'd send but no go. Humph.

mrscate88 · February 2015

mct91414 said:
I don't know if anyone else has this problem with their so but my husband doesn't seem to understand what I'm going through ( how tired I am, how emotional and hormonal I am. . . . ) "Being pregnant is not an excuse" to be "nasty" to him. I ask him to shovel the porch steps so I don't fall but he doesn't get how important it is that I don't fall down the stairs.
I'm so frustrated with his lack of understanding and worry he won't help me the farther I go along when I really need his help.

Hi ladies. I know it's super frustrating that our guys can be total insensitive goofs with no common sense sometimes. It's frustrating dealing with our new limits and trying to rely on someone else to pick up the slack. Try just telling him that straight out, respectively of course. We may be the ones that are uncomfortable, frustrated, tired, moody, and hungry, but he's the one that is completely lost, out of the loop, doesn't understand, and doesn't know how to make it okay. Don't stop asking for help (he needs to help), but maybe try adjusting the way you ask. Each guy responds differently to different approaches, so you have to find the one that hits him right. Maybe tell him that your brain is a little fuzzy lately and you think it would be helpful to have a chore board on the fridge with things you both need to accomplish that week. Then ask him if it's okay with him that you write out the list and he can decide if it's fair. I have found that if my hub feels included, he behaves so much better. Hope this helps!!

Knottie00400192 · February 2015

He's been reading and reading and looking at tons of articles and he'll get it...and be be best hubby man...and then WHAM he'll forget everything and get frustrated with me. Sigh. Just when I'm about to kind of feel like having sex, I'm over it because of his attitude lol. Lord have mercy!!

lopezroke · February 2015

Im in the same boat. He doesnt get it. The more i explain the more frustrated i get that i need to explain so damn much. We already have a 2 1/2 year old that can be exhausting on its own but now add all this hormone and debilitating fatigue its a mess. I try to tell him oh sorry i didnt get to this or that i wasnt feeli ng well and hes totally like oh dont worry just rest. But WILL NOT lifta finger to do anything around here. And i know a lot of ppl say men dont do anything but ever since ive been staying home he wont lift a finger here at home. And it just pisses me off hes ok with living in filth because im too tired and he just doesnt want to. I could scream at the top of my lungs!!!!!

missmandah · February 2015

I'd start knocking heads together. My honey has been through this before and maybe I'm lucky because of that. I haven't had to shovel snow or lift anything remotely heavy. Yes sometimes he is a giant pain in my butt but he is a man lol I still do my regular chores between naps and going to work.

indogbeersiveonlyhadone · February 2015

I really don't have too much to rant about my DH. So far he's been amazing and supportive, however him getting use to me not being able to do everything I use to be able to do has been a transistion to say the least. It took him hearing the dr say (this was after a threatened miscarriage) "she can't lift anything heavier then a 1 gallon Milk Jug, she can't use cleaning supplies that contain bleach or in closed rooms, she can... Blah blah blah" for it to really sink in that I need help. However I do have to "remind" him numerous times to help me wih things. Like brig the clean laundry basket up from the basement, I'll say it once, he'll forget, go crazy all over he house looking for a piece of clothing and I'll say "it's down in the basket I asked you to bring up 2 days ago" he'll say "oh baby I'm so sorry I forgot" but it keeps happening. I've just gotten use to the fact he gets around to shit when he needs to LOL it doesn't effect me because basically all my clothes I hang dry anyway LOL
Just hang in there and figure out what makes him tick that will light a fire under his butt to help you.

heatherlee0900 · February 2015

I'm 10 weeks now but around week 7 he literally asked me why I was so tired... I was like oh I don't know, could be because I'm making kidneys this week, what have you been doing?
He's gotten better but we are still bickering non stop due to his man brain- I lost it the other day when I came home and he was using my decorative hand towel to scrub a casserole dish!!! I over reacted and then he started huffing and puffing about how he was just trying to help.
Ohhhhh we can't win! Lol god willing my second trimester gives me more patience

ashorkey · February 2015

I swear my husband has been just as moody as me, if not worse! I think because he doesn't understand what I'm going through. Last night we went out for dinner and by the time we got home at 9pm he was asking me why I was so tired. My only response was "um maybe because I'm growing you a human right now!" He immediately backed down. He's also been nagging me to go skiing with him and I keep telling him I'm not going bc I'm not going to risk falling. He doesn't understand that even that falling early on can be bad!

Sometimes I find it funny the things women know and men don't about certain things almost naturally. (And vice versa of course!)

MadiRose95 · February 2015

I always tell my fiancé I GREW AN ARM TODAY! WHAT DID YOU DO? Lol that usually softens him up

iamk4y · February 2015

I posted a few days ago about my SO being the same.
I was getting so fed up with with explaining and asking and not getting anything back.
It literally took me to go super hormonal crazy ass on him! I sat on the floor and sobbed about how my body feels, how I feel ect.
And I really think it finally sunk in! I mean, I probably got myself far too worked up which I probably shouldn't have done for baby's sake, but now he asks me if I need anything from the shop, If I want a drink, anything to eat or if any chores need doing.

My point is, maybe try doing the crazy thing. There's only so many times you can ask or shout at them.

Big hugs girl! Stay strong xx

snikai · February 2015

My so was like that at first until I made my point very clear. Last night I told my so that I am on strike and made him take me and the kids out for dinner. I hope your dh comes around too. Maybe he needs to hear it from a third party who is knowledgeable, like your doctor or his mom or credible online sources.

beansideirae · February 2015

my DH has been pretty understanding about most stuff (altho he grumbles every week when it's time to do the cat litter), but he refuses to accept my food aversions and cravings. today I felt like I was gonna hurl and the only thing that could stop it was ice cream, (sounds silly but I'm serious haha), he thought I was just making stuff up to get him to go buy ice cream. he told me to just eat a freezer pop, which didn't feel like it would help at all. well I started crying and he finally went and got some, but not til after I threw up. sigh.

apayne0731 · February 2015

I am 10 weeks with #2... and I almost slapped my hubby in the face this am. I got this nasty head cold and I have been sick all week... but I still go to work, take care of our 3 yr old, and try to get done what needs to be done before I pass out. He decided to stay up late last night and passed out on the couch in the rec room (not my fault). Our dd was up at 6:30 as usual, and he comes back to our room and tells her that he, out of us three, needs more sleep .... really? .... An hour later he texts me... yes texts.... to ask me to make him coffee. Fine. I made him coffee. As I sat next to him with some tea, he said that he was up all night because I was coughing too loud all night... I snapped and sarcastically apologized for being sick and that if I could take something I would....like I am having the time of my life being congested, with stuffy ears, a horrible cough, and being absolutely exhausted. ... men sure can be jerks.

dewey6982 · February 2015

I love this thread! My husband can be the same way, but has been surprisingly understanding for the most part. However, he doesn't get that he's got to start helping more around the house now and in the future. It's very enlightening to see that other couples go through this stuff too, because I have friends that if I mention being frustrated, they make me out to be a terrible wife! Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that get frustrated with my husband, but I guess I'm not!

myndihallberg · February 2015

I feel like I just read my life. What's worst I'm extremely sick, and he is like "you don't need to ACT like that." ACT?!?! You're kidding me right.... I'm so exhausted drained and sick I'm growing a child. He doesn't understand at all. I totally know how you feel. All I want is to be taken care of the dishes done once in awhile, but no... so frustrating

BethAMiller · February 2015

Mines the same, I was so I'll yesterday I had to ring in work sick. Like I physically couldn't get out of bed and had to go to the hospital because of a pain in my stomach and he said 'we need the money' and 'you can't be doing this all the time' excuse me?! This baby and me are more important that some stupid job. Egghh he argues with me all the time, like on my days off he expects me to take the dog for walks, tidy the house, make him tea etc... He doesn't know how tired I am all the time. He doesn't help me at all and gets pissed off if I ask him to do something for me. Stressing out too much because of him

mrscate88 · February 2015

BethAMiller said:
Mines the same, I was so I'll yesterday I had to ring in work sick. Like I physically couldn't get out of bed and had to go to the hospital because of a pain in my stomach and he said 'we need the money' and 'you can't be doing this all the time' excuse me?! This baby and me are more important that some stupid job. Egghh he argues with me all the time, like on my days off he expects me to take the dog for walks, tidy the house, make him tea etc... He doesn't know how tired I am all the time. He doesn't help me at all and gets pissed off if I ask him to do something for me. Stressing out too much because of him

Try not to stress, it's not good for us or baby. This is a time where I think there is an ugly gap of misunderstanding between a lot of us and our significant others. I'm finding that if I include my husband in what's going on in my head and body, he understands more. I just tell him straight out, "this is one of those days and I'm really drained so I'm not going to be doing much. I'll catch up tomorrow". Take charge of your body and your decisions and he'll respect it most of the time. If he doesn't, you have to accept that he won't like or understand everything that happens on this journey, and that's okay. Best wishes to you and hope you're feeling better soon!

meilola84 · February 2015

I am almost 8 weeks and have a really bad cold too. My dh doesn't understand that I can't just go to the store and get over the counter medication to take because of my pregnancy. I beg him for help around the house all of the time and just don't get it. Normally Sunday's are our days to get things done around the house. Well he left me to do all of our house chores and laundry while he went to the junk yard to car part hunt. There are days that I could just slap him. I wish men could be the ones to grow a human inside of them so they knew how us women feel day in and day out.

jonibc1210 · February 2015

This thread makes me feel so much better... I'm glad I'm not alone. This is our first and my husband keeps telling me how lazy I am and asks why I'm not doing anything around the house and why I never want to go do anything. Makes me want to slap him. I'm sorry I'm busy growing our child. God forbid he has to do his own laundry once in a while or maybe unload the dishwasher. Ugh. I never expected him to act the way he has been.

Yiggle09 · February 2015

Mine says it's all in my head. I am no more tired than before. I'm sleeping too much and it's not healthy. I'm treating my body like crap cause I'm not exercising and I have the appetite of a bird. I may be messing my baby up with barely eating, throwing up and sleeping too much. I've tried talking it out. I've asked him to read things he refuses. I get a daily interview on what I ate. It's more exhaustive than creating this baby

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