Life

Guennie · February 2015

So I've been pretty quiet lately. I've been trying to wrap my head around everything that happened. It's starting to feel like a dream that I was even pregnant. My body is slowly returning to it's normal state and aside from some hormonal fluctuations I feel pretty decent physically.

Emotionally I'm struggling. I asked my h if he would ever consider trying again and he said no. You would think I'd be ok with this since my pregnancy was a surprise and I was going back on birth control and trying again would mean the possibility of yet another loss. But I'm realizing how very much I liked the idea that my daughter was going to have a sibling, and it's breaking my heart. I feel like I was shown how great it would be and then it was just ripped away.

I really don't know how I will resolve these feelings but I have to hope in time it will get easier. Life goes on regardless. I'm just holding on to my daughter and I'm so very grateful we were able to bring her into this world. Thank goodness she brings me such joy.

Geeps2 · February 2015

Awwww Guennie! I have been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing but wanted to give you time and space from your loss. Having had a miscarriage I know full well just how devestating it is. I know it isn't the same but as you know I understand the longing for another child. I would give anything to have a 3rd. Hubs isn't on board and now we just found out this week the small Catholic school in which he has worked for over 20 years is set to close at the end of this school year so the dream of a 3rd is even more remote than before.

I wish I had advice on how to make the yearning go away. Like you, I can only hope that in time it will get easier. It still is hard.

Thinking of you and sending some love your way.

How is that little lady of yours? What is she up to these days? My little guy has found his inner diva and can throw a fit like a pro. Good times!

Guennie · February 2015

Thank you Geeps. I'm so sorry to hear about your h losing his job, that must be so stressful trying to figure out what he will do. I hope he is able to find a new position he loves. At least you know in advance so he has time to figure things out, I guess that's the only upside if you can look at it that way.

My girl is really developing her little personality and it's so awesome. She is such a happy, curious little soul. These days she operates at warp speed. It's hard to keep up. Currently everything is "baa." She walks around saying baa all day. Loves books, loves music, and especially enjoys crawling up onto the coffee table since she figured out how to do it last weekend. Ha.

I really am lucky. We don't get very many full on meltdowns. If she's upset there is usually a good reason. She does have a strong personality though so we'll see if that changes when she hits three!

I'm just so heartbroken she won't have a sibling. She would have made such a great big sister. I hope she will always have a really close friend so she can always have someone. I worry about that, especially with us being older parents. I don't want her to ever be lonely.

QOTR · February 2015

I'm sorry Gennie. I'm sorry that your grief is compounded by your husband's unwillingness to try again. I hope that time eases your pain. I too struggle with the thought of my little guy being an only child and all the implications of that with us being older parents. I just have to hope that he will have good friends and/or partner that will help support him when he loses us.

BeckyP005 · February 2015

Sending you many hugs Guen....I can't even imagine how hard this is. Is there someone you can talk to about these feelings? I'm sorry my friend

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