Therapist seems snarky/judgmental?

jillbabe91 · February 2015

I have problems with over-thinking snowballing things in my head which stresses me out a lot, I worry constantly. I will literally sit and worry about things in my head and situations that haven't even occurred yet. I was diagnosed with GAD in my teens. I decided to give up and see a therapist to try to help, I walk in and she is Christian, I could see crosses on her walls and scriptures. So I got a little worried from the start that she would say something to cause tention since I am not married. Although she did not talk about her religion or anything in relation to God or out front judge me, I felt like her questions were judgemental since I am 23, pregnant out of wedlock, and living at my parents house currently because I am still in school trying to finish. She asked a lot of questions about family members, asking if my parents were supportive. I told her they were and my mom is very supportive of pretty much everything about my decisions on being pregnant and my relationship with SO how were waiting to get married etc and she goes with a look "She's supportive of everything?" And she asked out of the blue when I go back to school am I getting a job along with that...? Maybe I am just being horomonal and overly sensitive, possibly even paranoid... what do you think?

erwallace089 · February 2015

You really have to shop around for a therapist that's the best fit for you. She's not the one and maybe the next one won't be either. But keep looking! Therapy is great!

stellarsoundz · February 2015

Honestly I think it matters less whether or not she is being judgmental, and more that you feel like she is. In therapy, you won't make any progress if you don't feel like you can talk with the person openly. If you don't feel like it's a good fit, move on. It won't hurt her feelings, I promise.

jillbabe91 · February 2015

Thank you @erwallace089‌ ! And @stellarsoundz‌ I think your right if I'm questioning if she is judging me than that's the real issue at hand and maybe I should find somebody else. I think I'll give her one more try/session and see since she gave me a hw/assignment type thing to do over the next few weeks and come back with it on paper. If I still feel the same then, she's probably not the right one to help.

erwallace089 · February 2015

Good luck

stellarsoundz · February 2015

Good luck!

allachkat · February 2015

@aletto30‌ that's the opposite of what a therapist should do. Their job is to be a non-judgmental third party.

jillbabe91 · February 2015

@aletto30‌ oh wow!!! Yeah that is pretty messed up and judgmental. Her personal views on you deciding that are none of her business. Having 2 incomes is a great decision to have extra money and you can save it too.

babyh310 · February 2015

As a therapist, I'm sorry to hear you had that experience. It may be that you saw the crosses and expected judgment, and then every look or statement she made that you may otherwise have overlooked or not noticed felt like confirmation that you were being judged. We call that a self fulfilling prophecy. I think it's good that you give her another try. At the same time, if you don't feel it is a safe and supportive environment, you won't be able to connect with her or receive what you need. It is her job to leave her personal opinions at the door and meet you where you're at, and help you get where you want to go by whatever means works best for you. We all have similar training, but we're also all human and so there's a personality there that has to mesh with you for it to be a good fit. Therapy is awesome and it sounds like you have a long history of anxiety that likely will only get worse as you become a mother (I know my own anxiety has been way increased these last few months as I realize how fast mommy hood is approaching!). Learning skills now that can help you be in control instead of the anxiety being in control of you will be invaluable! Don't give up on getting the help you need to be your best self for you and for your baby. Even if you have to try a few people, it's worth it!

Best wishes!!!

MrsPope1770 · February 2015

babyh310 said:
As a therapist, I'm sorry to hear you had that experience. It may be that you saw the crosses and expected judgment, and then every look or statement she made that you may otherwise have overlooked or not noticed felt like confirmation that you were being judged. We call that a self fulfilling prophecy. I think it's good that you give her another try. At the same time, if you don't feel it is a safe and supportive environment, you won't be able to connect with her or receive what you need. It is her job to leave her personal opinions at the door and meet you where you're at, and help you get where you want to go by whatever means works best for you. We all have similar training, but we're also all human and so there's a personality there that has to mesh with you for it to be a good fit. Therapy is awesome and it sounds like you have a long history of anxiety that likely will only get worse as you become a mother (I know my own anxiety has been way increased these last few months as I realize how fast mommy hood is approaching!). Learning skills now that can help you be in control instead of the anxiety being in control of you will be invaluable! Don't give up on getting the help you need to be your best self for you and for your baby. Even if you have to try a few people, it's worth it! Best wishes!!!

All of the above. I'm in school to be a therapist, too. I'm shocked to hear the other experience above--can't believe a licensed and professional therapist/counselor would act like that. That has never been my experience as a client over the years. Yes, your therapist is supposed to dig deep with you and ask you the tough questions. Therapy is not going to be rainbows and roses, and it isn't supposed to be. It is supposed to be tough and can be painful. BUT if you stick it out through the process, do the homework given, and allow yourself to be vulnerable, you WILL see a difference after a while! I find that the first few sessions of getting to know someone/laying everything out on the table are the hardest. After that, everything is out there and you can get to work.

My biggest suggestion is to be COMPLETELY honest and open with the therapist you choose---if you leave things out, you are wasting your time and money.

jacqueleen1 · February 2015

So you basically just want a therapist who agrees with everything you say instead of actually making you think about your actions. Why waste your money, just chat with your agreeing mother every week for 50 minutes for free. Being young unwed and pregnant isn't something society sees as a celebration. Maybe she is trying to get you to see that it's a gift, but it's also going to be hard and everyone being sugar coating supportive to you is not helping you prepare.

jillbabe91 · February 2015

@jacqueleen1‌ not what I said. I need a therapist to help with my anxiety and not be judgmental personally towards my situation because of her views. I have had severe anxiety since being a teen. Nobody wants that in therapy, everyone is in their own walks and situations in life. I fully understand my choices and what there is to come, nobody is sugar coating anything not even myself. I'm not paying a therapist to remind me of that or tell me that. Nobody has a right to judge anybody in their walk in life or their decisions. And I would appreciate you not talking about my mother like that, how dare you and who do you think you are? She is the most supportive person I have ever known in my life because of all the things she has been through. You don't know me or her. I would appreciate you staying off of this thread also with your disrespect.

nicolerae90 · February 2015

You got to find someone you can feel comfortable with so its easier to talk. I had therapy for stress management and she was the worst so I felt no progress. She constantly told me I was running from my problems when I was in a situation I had no control over.

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