What would you do?

MusicGirl630 · January 2015

First, Please excuse my missing signature... I bump only on mobile and I can't figure out how to make one.
I'm having difficulty putting together a list of invitees to give to my SIL who is throwing DH and I a shower. The problem is my mother. She is a difficult person to get along with and is estranged from most of her sisters. Although I love my mom, I still have a relationship with some of the aunts who will no longer speak to her. The ones who I speak to have made it clear that they love and miss me and their anger with my mother has nothing to do with me. That being said...there are two more aunts with whom I have no contact at all. Am I asking for trouble by inviting these aunts to a shower, knowing my mother with be there? And what about the ones who I have no contact with? Would I do more harm by inviting them or hurting their feelings by leaving them of the list? Do I invite all of the aunts or just the ones who I keep in touch with?
Any opinion would be very much appreciated. Thanks!
Edited because bad grammar

VOR · January 2015

Invite the ones you are in touch with. You have a relationship with them. If your mom has a problem with this, she can opt not to come. But no - don't invite people you have no relationship with. While I know this isn't your intent, that's gift- grabbing at it's finest. "Hi- I know we have no relationship what so ever, but because I'm about to have a kid, NOW I'll reach out and you can buy me a gift. Thanks!".

MusicGirl630 · January 2015

@VOR‌ I agree. After some thought, I left them off the list. You're right, not my intent to gift grab, but that is how it would come across. Thanks.

marthah05 · January 2015

I would tell my mother that she needs to be on her best behavior or stay the hell home and if she doesn't have anything nice to say to anyone she is more than welcome to keep it to herself. Invite people you are in contact with, let it be their decision if they wish to attend. I also would send all your aunts and uncles a birth announcement, just to be polite whether you are or are not in contact with them since the new baby is their family as well.

I have a problem with the way my mother speaks to people as well, and I have told her many of times that she is being rude and embarrassed her. I just never understood growing up if I had nothing nice to say I had to say nothing but she didn't.

NagaWater · January 2015

marthah05 said:
I would tell my mother that she needs to be on her best behavior or stay the hell home and if she doesn't have anything nice to say to anyone she is more than welcome to keep it to herself.

This. And the same goes for your aunts.
If they are adults they will understand that this is a day to celebrate you becoming a mother and will leave the problems at the door for a few hours.
They don't have to socialize, or even acknowledge each other. They do have to behave like adults.

Mamamads · February 2015

Invite your mother and aunts, they are big girls they will figure it out. I would like pps said warn your mother in advance so she isn't blindsided if they come.

Parenturownway · February 2015

Warn your mother, but invite all those you are close with. It isn't your problem that they are not talking, and they should want to come to your shower. They are big girls and should suck it up and celebrate the coming of your baby with you.

karlimonster · February 2015

Invite who you are close to and warn your mother. I had to give my mother a warning about her behavior and she chose not to come to my shower. It was her choice and there was so much less drama. If these people love and support you they will suck it up for the day.

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