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June 2015 Moms
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Pls I need a honest opinion

isaletisalet member
in June 2015 Moms
I'm 20 years old and my bf is 19, I'm Spanish and he is from Egypt. They parents just found out that I'm pregnant and they make us get marry I'm not ready to be marry and live together in his parents house plus he don't even have a job, he like to go out get high and be out side with friends. I be at his home lonely and not comfortable. He get really mad sometimes and I feel scared. I think I'm doing the right thing for my kid to be with his father but I'm not happy any more, and idk what to do. Do I really need to stay with him? Pls help I want to go back to my house but idk what to do
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Re: Pls I need a honest opinion

  • xkxalyse08xkxalyse08 member
    I'm sure your culture is much different than mine, but if going home is what you want and it's as simple as that like it is here, then go home. Best of luck!
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  • abbiem9523abbiem9523 member
    If you feel scared and unhappy in your relationship, you have the right to voice that. If he doesn't understand then maybe its time to take a break. Men don't mature as fast as us ladies. You have to step back and think is he going to be a good father to my child? Is he going to give up getting high and become a responsible person. It might be hard but being a single mom has its wonderful rewards. :) Again if you aren't happy its time to talk, and if you are scared when he is mad at you maybe it is time to talk to someone who can really help you! I've been in that boat and its not fun.another thkng, if you aren't ready yo be married then its your decision not to get married. Being forced will just make you more unhappy. Best of luck to you. Be safe.
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  • KaLikeAWindKaLikeAWind member
    I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I would do.

    I would never marry someone if I didn't want to. Or if I'm not ready to be married. Or if marrying them would cause me to give up my happiness and identity. Marriage can always wait. I realize that in both Spanish and Egyptian cultures, a child out of wedlock is... difficult, but you have to decide if you are willing to be strong enough to stand up for your happiness (and your child's. I doubt an unhappy mother in an unhappy relationship will make for a happy child), and possibly forge a path alone, or if you want to follow the path that has been laid out before you, and let someone else lead you the whole way. I don't presume to know either way will be easy, but I would choose the path that made me happy
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  • amooraxoamooraxo member
    I'm sorry you are feeling this way-- no judgments here, but I will share with you some insight and encouragement. 

    I am American and my husband is from Qatar. I moved to Qatar to be with him and obviously due to the culture, we didn't live together before marriage (his family didn't know that we saw each other everyday either), and we got married in August of last year. After we were married, I moved from my apartment into his family house. At first I thought it would be ok-- his mom stays at home and cooks everyday, we would be saving money on rent and it would be nice. However, it's been almost 6 months now and I can tell you, it is not what I want or what I expected and it has taken a toll on our marriage because I am so unhappy here. I love my husband more than anything but being in the house with his big family (mom, dad, 2 sisters, 2 brothers) and pregnant (his aunt is also in the house all the time with her 2 kids and she is pregnant also, due in August). I want us to get our own place, he doesn't want us to. It's difficult and this is for us-- we were happy and in love and ready to be married and start a family. So just imagine your own situation, where you are younger, not ready to be married and already know you don't want to live with them. I will tell you that for your own health and happiness, do not do something that will cause you to be unhappy. Depression, stress and anxiety are so bad for your body and your growing baby. 

    Sending you positive thoughts and prayers.
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    EDD: 22 June 2015 -- updated DD: 20 June 2015

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  • nessa0603nessa0603 member
    yeah i did that same thing with my hubby . i hated it and wished it could have been better for us but i jus keept in mind that it wouldnt be permanent. and i would jus go home somtimes and then sleep sometime over at my old houes! back n frouth
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  • taboullio84taboullio84 member
    Please don't marry that man if you don't feel it to be right. Take time to make your own decision. Make the decision that is right for you and baby. You are NOT in a time crunch.
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  • isaletisalet member
    Thanks to all and I hope I'm doing the right thing. I'm thinking about moving back tomorrow.
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  • MZavakosMZavakos member
    thelittlestbee said:

    1. You are 20 years old. You are not a child, you are an adult! Time to start acting like one.

    2. No one can force you to get married or go live somewhere that you don't want to.

    3. It sounds like you want to stay home with your own family, and I think that's probably what you should do. If your boyfriend is too busy getting high with his friends to get a job, he is going to be a useless husband and father. You don't need to marry him just because you're having his baby.

    4. You're old enough to have sex and get pregnant, so you're old enough to take care of this baby on your own. It's time to put on your big girl panties and stop letting other people control your life!

    This... 100% this.
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  • dasheydogdasheydog member
    My son's father was the same way and I tried to stay for my son and I even told him how I felt and nothing changed. I decided that if I wasn't happy then my son wouldn't be happy either. We are no longer together.
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  • OhimaOhima member
    If your not happy leave. Because a sad mum makes a sadder baby. You want to raise your child in a healthy environment. Don't do anything your not ready to do. Be a mother to your baby and it can be hard when your doing it alone, but sometimes it's better that way.
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  • devyns2nddevyns2nd member
    Please go home. If he wants to be father he will, no matter who you live with. I was married and pregnant at 19. I was not happy. I should have trusted my instincts and stayed home.
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  • nicolec3nicolec3 member
    Don't do anything you are not ready for. I think you should go home.
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  • rodriyessi94rodriyessi94 member
    I had the same issue I'm Hispanic and my boyfriend Is white , our relationship is fine. But my parents believed we should get married right away, even though we both are not ready for that step. We don't want to ruin our great relationship by jumping into things. We have a lot of friends who've jumped straight into marriage because they were expecting, and ended up getting divorced within a year or less. We actually care about each other but we would rather do everything at our own pace :)
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