In laws

hayyhaylee · February 2015

I am 22 years old, and 20 weeks pregnant. I graduate school in May with a bachelor degree, but still will need about a year left of school in an accelerated program. My boyfriend, currently is in minor league system and is gone may-sep. It gets more complicated because he lives in jersey ( where I go to school currently) while I am from California.. The real problem is his mother. When she found out I was pregnant she immediate thought I needed an abortion. Very hypocritical because her church donates to the clinic ( pro life) I was going to. She still 4 months later refuses to speak to me. He leaves for spring training in a little over a month and once he leaves any chance of me seeing her goes out the window. I pretend it doesn't bother me but it really does. Everyone keeps saying once baby is born she'll be happy and change her mind, but at this point I don't even think so. I try lied to reach out to her but she said she is " still very hurt" I don't understand because now I'm almost 5 months pregnant. I should be the hurt one, it's our life ultimately affected. Has anyone else had issues that turned out better at the end? What should I do?

HoosOnFirst · February 2015

If she's hurt, perhaps she should take some of that out on her son. I'm presuming he was there when it happened! Also, what does he say about all of this? It's unclear, are you in Jersey where he and his mom are, or are you in CA? If you don't need to see her, and she's not in support of the baby, then she can really screw off. This is her issue, not yours. But your boyfriend should get some balls (no baseball pun intended!) and address it.

hayyhaylee · February 2015

He just tells me that's how his mom is and there's nothing he can do about. And that she is a ticking time bomb. I am in jersey where his mom is, they live 20 mins away from my school. Before this happened I went to Puerto Rico with their family for the sisters wedding, I would go over to their house for dinner etc. so it's wierd. Im going back to California when I grad may, baby due end of June. I know it's her loss but it just makes me so angry at the same time

jbatch · February 2015

I agree what does your BF says? I would hope he stands up for you. Any life is precious and she should be able to understand you wanting to keep the baby. I would stop trying to fix things for the time being. When she is ready hopefully she will come around.

mamahawk12 · February 2015

What exactly is she "hurt" by?? The fact that you wouldn't follow her instruction to kill your unborn child?? Fuck her. Sounds like she'll be a gem of a grandmother... probably better off without having to deal with her anyways.

WifeDeAngel · February 2015

I'm assuming, if she's Christian (a hypocrital one) she's hurt because you two were fornicating. And since her baby boy is in some version of pro-baseball, she's changed her thinking about you, and might be thinking you're a cleat chaser. I know her actions are hurtful now, but once the baby gets here and she can see you and your BF are solid, she'll come around.

thelittlestbee · February 2015

Your mother in law sounds like a horrible, selfish person. I am so sorry that you have someone like that in your life. I understand why this bothers you so much, but at the end of the day the only person she is hurting is herself. She is going to lose out on having a relationship with her grandchild because of her bad behavior. Hopefully things change after the baby is born, but if they don't, there is nothing you can do. You can't force someone to be a part of your child's life.

I'll share my own personal experience with you, although it's not quite as bad. When my DH and I told my MIL that I was pregnant, she started crying hysterically. She made so many rude comments basically implying that I tricked her son and was ruining his life by getting pregnant. We had been together for 9 years and married for 5 months when I got pregnant. We are both 29 years old. We live on our own, have good jobs, excellent health insurance, money in savings, and we are completely financially independent. Our baby was very much wanted and planned for. I was LIVID and it took me a while to forgive her for being such a bitch about my pregnancy. She has since come around (because we're having a girl and she always wanted a granddaughter) but the damage is already done. I'm not going to keep her away from my baby, but I can pretty much guarantee that she will never babysit for us and that my mom will be the favorite grandma...

Long story short, your child will be loved and that's all that matters. If she wants to lose out on loving your little blessing- that's her loss and her loss alone.

ksimo6 · February 2015

Here's the thing - she's entitled to feel any way she wants to feel. You will not be able to change that. She will most certainly be at a loss if she chooses to remain distant.

If I were you, I would send her an e-mail and just tell her that you understand that she is hurt, but that you and your BF would still like her to be a part of the child's life... when she's ready, the door will be open. Then leave it at that. If she replies with nasty messages, just delete them and move on.

Extend your olive branch and then try to focus on the babe. It's all you can do.

lilitaliangirl · February 2015

Are you close to his sibling(s) that maybe you can talk with them. They might be able to help. All you can do is continue to try and take the high road. It may not get you anywhere, but at least you know you have put forth the effort.

MrsCaliRN · February 2015

I haven't been through this personally, but I watched my friend and her husband go through it.

My friend was 25 when she got pregnant with her now-husband who was 31. They are both musicians and had a somewhat unstable life arrangement, but were renting a house together and making it work. My friend wanted to have a child and her SO went along with it, a month later they're pregnant. As soon as her SO's mom found out, all hell broke loose. SO's mom felt she should have an abortion but would never outright say it (being the Christian woman she is) but made statements such as, "You're going to miscarry that child" or "I hope you lose the baby" that later morphed into, "Your child is of the devil" etc. When they got married (~2 months before their daughter was born), his mother, and a lot of his family for that matter, didn't attend the wedding nor the baby shower after that.

After her child was born, the only people that came to visit in the hospital were her father and my DH and I (who are the godparents). Flash-forward almost 3 years and she could not have a better relationship with her MIL. Their daughter has bridged so many gaps and repaired so many relationships, some taking more time than others, because nobody, especially blood-related, would want to miss out on seeing a child grow up and being a part of that.

In short, it will get better. Maybe not immediately, but time passes a lot quicker than you'd think. Just focus on yourself, your relationship, and your LO on the way and when he/she is here and before you know it, you'd be surprised at how much the once-strained relationships you had have improved immensely.

hayyhaylee · February 2015

Thank you so much, all your comments were helpful

nicolec3 · February 2015

I hope everything works out. I think seeing her grandchild will change her heart. Who doesn't love a baby!

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