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Thursday, Family/In Law vents!

MissRissx3MissRissx3 member
in May 2015 Moms
What's been getting under your skin lately?
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Re: Thursday, Family/In Law vents!

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  • BeccaE27BeccaE27 member
    My MIL insists on calling my LO Diva Ziva. That is the most irritating thing to me. I will not be raising a little diva, it's not cute KNOCK IT OFF!! Also my SIL texted her about my shower to see who she wants to invite and she ghost all dramatic about not being asked to contribute. My SIL told her several times we are just starting to plan, this is us asking you to contributor. Might i just point out that my MIL lives 2 hours away, doesn't drive and is broker then dirt. She did eventually calm down. So because I feel bad I bought her a digital photo frame that i can email or text pictures to. Hopefully she won't feel so left out if she can get pictures ask the time.
    Me: Becca 31
    DH: Mike 33
    TTC for 3yrs before our BFP in August. 
    Pregnant with #1


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  • blankenbakerhblankenbakerh member
    @MissRissx3‌ I completely understand where you are coming from. My DH is also a super helpful guy, we both are actually. He does building for a living and gets calls all the time from people needing help. While it's not necessarily our in laws , it can get overwhelming at times. It used to be that all our free time was spent helping people with stuff or him doing side jobs. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being helpful and serving others. I was just as guilty though about always saying yes. However we have both learned that despite how much we love helping others we sometimes just have to say no! We make sure now especially since we have children that quality time as a family comes first. We still help and serve others but we also know we can't always say yes either. Maybe try talking to DH and just let him know how you are feeling. Just explain to him that while you are proud of him for being a helpful person that you also need him to help you prepare for LO. Tell him you miss him and need some time for just the two of you. Tell him it's ok to say no sometimes and that he might have to say no sometimes especially once LO is here.
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  • MissRissx3MissRissx3 member
    BeccaE27 said:

    My MIL insists on calling my LO Diva Ziva. That is the most irritating thing to me. I will not be raising a little diva, it's not cute KNOCK IT OFF!! Also my SIL texted her about my shower to see who she wants to invite and she ghost all dramatic about not being asked to contribute. My SIL told her several times we are just starting to plan, this is us asking you to contributor. Might i just point out that my MIL lives 2 hours away, doesn't drive and is broker then dirt. She did eventually calm down. So because I feel bad I bought her a digital photo frame that i can email or text pictures to. Hopefully she won't feel so left out if she can get pictures ask the time.

    I utterly hate the diva thing .. I don't blame you!
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  • SassFrassSassFrass member
    It doesn't really pertain directly to me, or affect me in any way... lol but I get sick of hearing my MIL bitch about how she isnt profiting very much income right now... she owns her own delicatessen... 1. we live in BFE 2. her hours are never consistent, people never know when she will be there and when she won't. Her hours change DAILY!  3. she does nothing to advertise... Im not a business major, bbuuuuuuttt uhhhhm it doesnt take rocket science to figure out why her business is going south... and it is constantly bitch bitch bitch bitch... STFU already! 

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  • MissRissx3MissRissx3 member
    SassFrass said:

    It doesn't really pertain directly to me, or affect me in any way... lol but I get sick of hearing my MIL bitch about how she isnt profiting very much income right now... she owns her own delicatessen... 1. we live in BFE 2. her hours are never consistent, people never know when she will be there and when she won't. Her hours change DAILY!  3. she does nothing to advertise... Im not a business major, bbuuuuuuttt uhhhhm it doesnt take rocket science to figure out why her business is going south... and it is constantly bitch bitch bitch bitch... STFU already! 

    Yep! That's all I heard from my MIL when she didn't have as many houses to clean. She was constantly yapping about how her life is over and how she feels useless. Welp, like she always told me "do something about it!" Make flyers, post advertisments etc." But no let's just sit here and sulk. Gr lol
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  • louloutte87louloutte87 member
    You might remember my looooovely MIL who likes to control everything. Well, we bought a pram, got a text saying "oh, I got you one" (yeah, right). Said we would happily accept the cash instead. No cash. Bought a changing table... "Oh, I've got you one, I'll take this back" (yeah, right). Said we would happily have the cash. Can you see a pattern?

    Needless to say, nursery is finished and we have seen NO gifts or cash, just numerous texts trying to guilt us. She's a nightmare. She's also coming round next week, so I'm going out!!!
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  • MissRissx3MissRissx3 member
    gkrenzel said:

    Made the mistake of telling MIL our name choice...she has come up with a couple of her own and has been referring to baby by those names so I thought I'd correct and share our choice. She hates the sound of it with last name, and proceeded to sound it out in a weird voice multiple times. Also, the name in general is just not good. All of her suggestions have included part of her name in them.
    Oh also, she's apparently having this baby, not me and DH.

    Why are they ALL so overbearing?!
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  • MissRissx3MissRissx3 member
    kmb0324 said:

    Mother in laws..... Ugh. Mine helps so much with my 7yr old daughter when hubby and I work so I have a hard time really voicing my opinion but.... This morning DD told me that Nana told her not to wear her new nikes to school because she's going to ruin them... Well I fully understand they are going to get dirty at school but, why the heck else would I buy her brand new shoes just to sit in the closet and look pretty?. My daughter was so worried that nana would be upset that she refused my request to wear her new shoes.. (I bought them for school) and if I buy something I should be the one who says where and when she can wear them. She's a kid things are going to get dirty lets teach her that having dirty shoes isn't the end of the world!

    Sounds silly and I know I'm on edge a lot lately but why does my child think nana is god?!? She listens to her over me and it's getting annoying!!

    Yeah that would get under my skin. You're the mom who gets to decide her outfits, including shoes. That's not up to nana. Sorry.
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  • blankenbakerhblankenbakerh member
    edited February 2015
    gkrenzel said:

    Made the mistake of telling MIL our name choice...she has come up with a couple of her own and has been referring to baby by those names so I thought I'd correct and share our choice. She hates the sound of it with last name, and proceeded to sound it out in a weird voice multiple times. Also, the name in general is just not good. All of her suggestions have included part of her name in them.
    Oh also, she's apparently having this baby, not me and DH.

    I think I would politely tell her that you are not changing the name and she better just get used to it.;)
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  • BeccaE27BeccaE27 member
    MissRissx3 said:

    BeccaE27 said:

    My MIL insists on calling my LO Diva Ziva. That is the most irritating thing to me. I will not be raising a little diva, it's not cute KNOCK IT OFF!! Also my SIL texted her about my shower to see who she wants to invite and she ghost all dramatic about not being asked to contribute. My SIL told her several times we are just starting to plan, this is us asking you to contributor. Might i just point out that my MIL lives 2 hours away, doesn't drive and is broker then dirt. She did eventually calm down. So because I feel bad I bought her a digital photo frame that i can email or text pictures to. Hopefully she won't feel so left out if she can get pictures ask the time.

    I utterly hate the diva thing .. I don't blame you!
    My Dh has even said something and she just doesn't care. I get that you're excited and that you want to give her a cute nickname but that shit just isn't going to fly!
    Me: Becca 31
    DH: Mike 33
    TTC for 3yrs before our BFP in August. 
    Pregnant with #1


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  • sakafasakafa member
    My MIL is driving me mental. Everytime we visit she states that this child means more to her then it will mean to us... Like what does that even mean. This is her third grandchild and my first baby who was highly anticipated and planned. She posts the gender and the fact we are pregnant on social media before we have a chance to tell anyone else (lesson learned for next time). She has also told me that once I have the baby she will stop by whenever she wants to see her and they will hang out in the basement away from me. All of these comments started when I told her that I was not comfortable with anyone but my husband in the delivery room, including my mom. She responded to this by saying that she intends to witness the birth of all of her grandchildren. When she watched my sil delivery she took like 100 photos of her area before and after crowning, even though my SIL told her to not take pictures. My MIL thinks that it doesn't matter because you are not aware of what's going on around you anyway. Sorry this ended up so long but I just wish she understood boundaries.
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  • thestarrynightthestarrynight member
    I have a million MIL stories. The current thing is that me and my SIL are both pregnant (my first and her second). She is due in June and they are not finding out the sex.
    I feel bad because we are having a girl and my MIL having had three boys shows huge favoritism towards girls. Out of her three current grandchildren there is only one girl and she is spoiled rotten.
    My MIL keeps telling me about how she is buying me all this stuff for our girl (though I am not allowed to know what that stuff is yet...) but she has bought nothing for my BIL & SIL's new baby because "If it is a boy they already have everything they need, and I can't just go buy girl stuff in case it is a boy."
    Like, there are gender neutral things. Even just get them a few green onesies or something. I'm feeling really guilty about it.
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  • gkrenzelgkrenzel member
    sakafa said:

    My MIL is driving me mental. Everytime we visit she states that this child means more to her then it will mean to us... Like what does that even mean. This is her third grandchild and my first baby who was highly anticipated and planned. She posts the gender and the fact we are pregnant on social media before we have a chance to tell anyone else (lesson learned for next time). She has also told me that once I have the baby she will stop by whenever she wants to see her and they will hang out in the basement away from me. All of these comments started when I told her that I was not comfortable with anyone but my husband in the delivery room, including my mom. She responded to this by saying that she intends to witness the birth of all of her grandchildren. When she watched my sil delivery she took like 100 photos of her area before and after crowning, even though my SIL told her to not take pictures. My MIL thinks that it doesn't matter because you are not aware of what's going on around you anyway. Sorry this ended up so long but I just wish she understood boundaries.

    Sounds like a handful....my MIL is the same. Talking to her doesn't help, we just ignore. I hope she realizes that her behavior isn't pleasant for anyone to be around and will result in (not maliciously on my part) her spending less time with the LO because she is so unpleasant to be with
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  • blankenbakerhblankenbakerh member
    edited February 2015
    sakafa said:

    My MIL is driving me mental. Everytime we visit she states that this child means more to her then it will mean to us... Like what does that even mean. This is her third grandchild and my first baby who was highly anticipated and planned. She posts the gender and the fact we are pregnant on social media before we have a chance to tell anyone else (lesson learned for next time). She has also told me that once I have the baby she will stop by whenever she wants to see her and they will hang out in the basement away from me. All of these comments started when I told her that I was not comfortable with anyone but my husband in the delivery room, including my mom. She responded to this by saying that she intends to witness the birth of all of her grandchildren. When she watched my sil delivery she took like 100 photos of her area before and after crowning, even though my SIL told her to not take pictures. My MIL thinks that it doesn't matter because you are not aware of what's going on around you anyway. Sorry this ended up so long but I just wish she understood boundaries.


    Wow! You need to definitely set up boundaries and let her know asap that those kind of actions will not be tolerated! If it were me I would not even let her run me over like that
    #1. I would politely tell her she is not allowed in the delivery room and that if she shows up she will be asked to leave and sit in the waiting room. All you have to do is tell your nurses that only you and DH are allowed in and they will enforce it!
    #2. I would also politely tell her that the first time she shows up announced and tries to take the baby to the basement that she will be told to leave. I would fully tell that if she continues said behavior that she will no longer be allowed to come over and that you will come to her so she can visit the baby at your convenience.

    I know this sounds kind of harsh but sometimes when it comes to overbearing people like this you have to let them know your boundaries and that you will fully enforce them. Sometimes people will purposely run you over. Don't get me wrong you can tell her your boundaries and make them clear without being hateful, rude or nasty. I say speak your mind and tell her what is and isn't acceptable. Hold firm in your choices. I would also have a conversation with DH ( I am sure you already have) and let him know you aren't not comfortable with her being the delivery room. You need to explain to him it isn't about her and what she wants but about what you will need during that time. Ask him to support you and have your back on the decision. It would probably be wise for you both to talk with her about it or let him make it know to her. Trust me you need to be as comfortable as possible in the delivery room and neither you or the LO will need added stress! When my DH and I had our first born we allowed both grandparents in right after delivery which resulted in them fighting and screaming. It was horrible!!! My DH told them both to leave, my mom and his. The nurses also made them leave. Our rule is family is outside in the waiting room if they want to be there. They can visit only after I am in recovery and have been there a few hours. Most of my family lives in another state and our friends/DH family just comes the next day because they understand we need that time to bond with the baby.
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  • BrooksManorBrooksManor member
    Mine is my FIL. Lol me and mil went out shopping to get out of the house....she doesn't work....while out her husband calls and is like that baby out yet, needs to hurry up...Ect. he's so excited...but sigh. Than he goes on facebook and gets everyone started and excited....everyone of them calling him by his middle name....it took all I had to not destroy there thunder.....no no no middle name....you have to accept what were choosing to call him.
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  • cplove2013txcplove2013tx member
    We have non-existent in-laws on one side........haven't heard hardly anything from them. Which in a way I take as a blessing, but hurts my heart for my husband.
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  • blankenbakerhblankenbakerh member
    cplove2013tx said:

    We have non-existent in-laws on one side........haven't heard hardly anything from them. Which in a way I take as a blessing, but hurts my heart for my husband.

    I have this too! My dad is MIA and pretty much has been on and off my entire life. My DH's dad doesn't have much to do with us. In some ways this good but sad. My dad is a bad influence and not very nice so it's better off he isn't around. MY DH's dad while civil doesn't really have the best relationship with my DH. In the past when we used to visit it was always uncomfortable and tense. We always had to make the drive to see them (4hrs away...with kids about 5-6 hr trip) but his dad has never come to see us except once for about an hour. ( he only came then because he was in town at DH's sister for Xmas) However he has no problem coming to see DH's sister that only lives 45 minutes away from us. There is a huge difference in how he is treated vs. his siblings. So eventually we stopped making the effort to see them. Haven't seen them since our DS was 10 months old....he is now 5yrs. Our children do not even know who DH's dad is. Kind of sad when the other grandkids mention him and they are like who is that. We tried for years but it can't be one sided. My heart definitely hurts for my DH.
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  • djm31012djm31012 member
    DS has been sick all week and we were in a big bind for childcare today. For the 2nd time in a a year and a half we called my MIL and asked her to watch him today since we were desperate. She told us she couldnt because she already committed to watching my nephew who was also sick. Totally get it-no big deal. DH and I fight it out, he winds up staying home today, but of course is mad at me for not staying home.  I text my SIL today to ask how my nephew is feeling, she said hes totally fine, hes actually not at daycare because MIL insisted on watching him today. Wait a minute. So you have one very sick grandchild and one son that really needs your help, but you prefer to hang out with the other grandchild so you lie to us instead of helping us out? Oh and then you ask to come see him this weekend for his birthday? The answer to that one is simple...NOPE. You are not coming when its convenient for you-we needed you today and you were no where....and you lied. And if you were with my other nephew who was still "sick" today...why would I want you to bring other germs into our house? Not happening.

    I have been so patient with her but right now i am livid.
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  • MissRissx3MissRissx3 member
    djm31012 said:

    DS has been sick all week and we were in a big bind for childcare today. For the 2nd time in a a year and a half we called my MIL and asked her to watch him today since we were desperate. She told us she couldnt because she already committed to watching my nephew who was also sick. Totally get it-no big deal. DH and I fight it out, he winds up staying home today, but of course is mad at me for not staying home.  I text my SIL today to ask how my nephew is feeling, she said hes totally fine, hes actually not at daycare because MIL insisted on watching him today. Wait a minute. So you have one very sick grandchild and one son that really needs your help, but you prefer to hang out with the other grandchild so you lie to us instead of helping us out? Oh and then you ask to come see him this weekend for his birthday? The answer to that one is simple...NOPE. You are not coming when its convenient for you-we needed you today and you were no where....and you lied. And if you were with my other nephew who was still "sick" today...why would I want you to bring other germs into our house? Not happening.

    I have been so patient with her but right now i am livid.

    X( not okay .. Smh
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  • ParenturownwayParenturownway member
    I have an honest great relationship with my MIL. I know, I'm waiting for the side eyes. She is a very simple, cheap, humble mother of 4 boys. 2 of which are grown ass men staying at home and sucking her tits and not working. And did I mention she is cheap??? I do love her. And if I ever needed her, she is here at the drop of the hat. However, I noticed that with both pregnancies the small things that wouldn't normally bug another woman highly bugs me! She comes to visit my DD every Tuesday. That's fine. When she comes, she brings a pack or two of diapers for the baby. Great right? No- they are Dollar general brand diapers. I have used store brands before, but i tried the dollar general on my first girl when she was 6 months old and it left the worst rash that looked like a pair of dark pink undies when her butt was bare. Not cool. I told her from the beginning that I wasn't going to use them because of the experience I had. She smiles and says, "you just know what's best don't you." In the most sweet but insulting way. I walked away. Next Tuesday, she comes with 5 packs of those diapers. I'm donating them to the food bank and DHHR. And...on top of that this week my DH was in the hospital in a seperate state (works away). I told his mother about it ASAP. I told her I was going to call the nurse desk to talk about his condition. She told me that was a good idea and she would call and tell me what they said. WTF no. He is a 33 year old man with a wife to take care of things. I can call for myself thanks. Let your damn boy go! As much as I love her, I am SO glad we didn't build our house on the property beside hers. No one should have to live with/near their inlaws!
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  • BatmantangosBatmantangos member
    My MIL thinks she has a say on how i will educate my child or that she will be in the delivery room with my husband and I. Oh man how many times I've tried to burst that bubble. Talking to her does no good I'll just let her think what she wants just not do whay she wants
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  • FTArmyMFTArmyM member
    I feel horrible for you all....the in law stories always amaze me.
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  • SassFrassSassFrass member
    Dd1 and I went to the dr. Yesterday and she ended up having bronchitis. About 9pm she started vomiting and it lasted til around 3am. So we wnt back to the dr thinking a possible allergice reaction to her antibiotic or maybe appendix... turns oooout, she has strep and the flu on top of bronchitis :( we spent from 945-1230 in the dr office. Had to drive half an hr to pick up her script, called my ob on the way and let them know I've been dorectly exposed to both, so they called me in antibiotics and tamiflu as well, the. We had to battle Wal-Mart cuz naturally I had no soup or soft foods on hand cuz its almost grocery shopping day.... and then had to oick up scripts and wait an extra 30 mins for mine to be done. We didn't get home til 430 this afternoon. 3 hours of sleep. DD1 IS SUPER WHINY! and I know she can't help it cuz I know she's absolutely miserable, but gosh, I'm already drained as it is. :( she can't go back to school til the 10th, so its going to be a loooooooong week.

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  • babyblue0501babyblue0501 member
    edited March 2015
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  • mamajama3mamajama3 member
    Mine is not a bad in law story but my mom did just throw me for a loop. She told me months ago that she would be there for me for the first few months and would be quitting her job, then she was laid off and said she was excited to not have to quit and get unemployment while she helped. She told me this week she met with a recruiter and that she will be there to help for 3 days after birth and then I'm on my own because "you will want alone time and not want people in your space." Maybe so, but I was really looking forward to some help (not every day for 3 months but more help then just 3 days and then she's back to work full time and can't help). I was supportive of her decision but felt really let down. She did say in the course of conversation that her mom passed before she had kids and it sounds like this is weird for her to go through this as a grandma when she didn't have her mom, and I think this is the real issue maybe- like it's too painful and awkward for her. I was bummed for a few days but feeling better now as I don't want her to do something if it is too hard. Just kinda feeling a little bummed about not having her around as much as I thought (maybe to be honest less for baby and more to just spend time with her).
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  • tk020803tk020803 member
    Mine is a FIL issue. He is older (74ish maybe) and has alot of problems with eyesight and hearing, which I understand would make anyone moped and depressed. But he gets so damn grumpy and rude to my MIL ( who is basically a saint) and no one puts him in his place and he is allowed to say whatever comes to his mind. Last weekend we did a nice birthday breakfast for my nephew and myself at a restaurant. It was icy out so my husband dropped me off at the door and went to park the car. As soon as my FIL saw me walk in the door he immediately made two comments about me getting fat. Now I have my own self-esteem weight issues but I have just stopped my gym membership at 29 weeks and everyone tells me I'm all belly and carrying really well. I let it go to not create a scene before a breakfast that lasted 90 minutes and then told my husband in the car. A few days later I told my MIL the next time he makes a remark I'm going to tell him to STFU and I won't worry about the aftermath.
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