to ask others if their child is vaccinated?

tinybugsmom · February 2015

Hi,

I am wondering how parents ask other parents if their kids are vaccinated?

Due to a medical reason (after lots of research and talking to doctors) we will be opting out of one vaccine for our baby. This is such a hard decision for us, and I have had many sleepless nights over it. I'm sure I will have many more over it. But the possible risk for our baby is too high, so we've been advised and have decided we will not give her that one vaccine.

So now we will fall into the "not vaccinated due to medical reasons" category. I am seeking advice on how to ask other parents if their kids are vaccinated, because my child will be at risk. I know it is rude, but I also want to protect my child. Everyone around her (half sibs, grandparents, aunts, cousins, etc) are vaccinated and understand how important that is for our baby. But kids at playdates or even my friends' children.... how do you go about that conversation?

Thanks!

mamahawk12 · February 2015

I don't beat around the bush with this one - it's too serious. Some people feel the need to know whether or not we keep guns in the house (and that's completely within their right) and I need to know if I'm sending my kids into an unvaccinated wasteland. We choose not to associate with people who voluntarily opt out of vaccines so it's easy - we know all of our friends and family do. For new friends at school/etc, "We'd love to have a play date next week - is everyone in your home up to date on vaccinations?". It's either an immediate "absolutely" or there's a fumbling for words and explanation, which makes it easy to say "I'm sorry, that's not something we're comfortable with".

And even if it IS for medical reasons that you are choosing to opt out of vaccines, you have to be comfortable with the fact that people may still opt out of play dates, etc. In that speicifc case, it's nothing personal, it's just my choice as a parent to limit those interactions with my child.

tinybugsmom · February 2015

Thank you! That's a great way to approach it. It doesn't sound rude at all. I know I will have to develop a tough skin for my baby to make sure she is safe.

And yes, I have anticipated having to handle people not wanting their kids around her because of being unable to have the one. And I won't take it personally.

Knottie64157109 · February 2015

This will be my second and my motto is, I'm not afraid to accidentally offend anyone when it comes to the safety of my child(ren). This goes for vaccines too. If they get upset maybe they aren't the right fit. I love all of my friends kids and would never be offended.

tinybugsmom · February 2015

Would it be tacky to send a group email to friends and family before or after baby is born letting them know the circumstances and asking that they are up to date on vaccines?

karaelaine1991 · February 2015

tinybugsmom said:
Would it be tacky to send a group email to friends and family before or after baby is born letting them know the circumstances and asking that they are up to date on vaccines?

I'm a FTM so I have no personal experiences with this, but I don't think it would be tacky, especially if you explain your circumstances. You're not doing it to judge their choices, but as a mom, your baby's safety is your first priority - anyone who wouldn't understand that probably isn't a person who you want in your life anyway.

kailanick · February 2015

I'm curious what medical situation makes vaccines risky? (I truly have no idea and do not want to come across as offensive. Just inquisitive!)

I'm not talking about situations where people opt out as their right but situations where it is truly, medically risky.

mamahawk12 · February 2015

kailanick said:

I'm curious what medical situation makes vaccines risky? (I truly have no idea and do not want to come across as offensive. Just inquisitive!) I'm not talking about situations where people opt out as their right but situations where it is truly, medically risky.

I'm mostly curious about how this could have already been determined. I've known children to be vaccine-ineligible before, but it's always been determined after birth, due to side effects, allergies, or pre-existing illnesses.

bossybluejay · February 2015

I have serious food allergies which made it slightly more likely that I could have an anaphylactic reaction to one of the Hepatitis vaccinations, so with the advice of my doctor and grandpa (who worked his entire career at Eli Lilly, developing vaccinations and other medications) my parents held off on that until I was older. There are also issues with getting the MMR vaccination if you have a serious egg allergy, because the virus is grown in embryonated eggs. However, I also don't know what would cause you to know at 19-23 weeks pregnant that you have to opt out of a vaccination for the baby. Maybe a cogenital condition seen during the A/S that would cause an impaired immune system? There aren't a whole lot of legitimate medical exemptions besides an impaired immune system, allergies, or a severe reaction to vaccination in the past.

lalarooo · February 2015

Having two sons on delayed vaccine schedules I do not and would never be offended if someone wanted to avoid a play date if there were to be an outbreak. Like this current measles. Your doing what is best for your baby. No shame in that.

thelittlestbee · February 2015

I'm genuinely curious to know which vaccine you're opting out of and how you know this early on that you should do so?

ElRuby · February 2015

thelittlestbee said:
I'm genuinely curious to know which vaccine you're opting out of and how you know this early on that you should do so?

Me too.

AmyCee · February 2015

I'm just sad that this has to be a topic now - it's hard enough to make mommy friends that you actually like! I will also say that there is new research coming that shows even people with egg allergies are not at risk with the vaccines. But, I do understand hesitation. I know an entire allergy practice that will not sign off of no vaccines for allergies.

Unknown · February 2015

This content has been removed.

kherman14 · March 2015

I am in the same boat. FTM expecting a child. I have huge paranoid in vaccinations. Due to what happened to my father then a friend of mine. Even my facebook post got pretty heated I refrain myself from posting. Everyone is entitled their own opinion and I respect it. Yes you should entitled to know if your friends kid is updated, same thing as if you were baby sitting someone's pet, you want to know if it is updated vaccinated so others cannot get sick. I am still doing researching cuz a 2months old is absolutely too early...is it worth doing 17 shots in one year? Etc.

I also am allergic to some over the counter meds so that is another situation where I am concerned.

bossybluejay · March 2015

kherman14 said:
I am in the same boat. FTM expecting a child. I have huge paranoid in vaccinations. Due to what happened to my father then a friend of mine. Even my facebook post got pretty heated I refrain myself from posting. Everyone is entitled their own opinion and I respect it. Yes you should entitled to know if your friends kid is updated, same thing as if you were baby sitting someone's pet, you want to know if it is updated vaccinated so others cannot get sick. I am still doing researching cuz a 2months old is absolutely too early...is it worth doing 17 shots in one year? Etc.

I also am allergic to some over the counter meds so that is another situation where I am concerned.

Did you learn on Facebook that vaccinating a two month old is too early? How about you ask a doctor, instead of doing your own "research" and follow their advice, since they have an actual medical & scientific background.

HoosOnFirst · March 2015

@kherman14 I think I speak for most of us when I say please vaccinate your child.

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