My husband has a 9yr old from a previous relationship. I am 7mos preg now w our first & last night he admitted that after seeing his kid being born he couldn't look at his ex the same again. No kissing, no sex. She would want it & he would get grossed out. It was pretty much the end of it for them after that so now I am worried it will happen again. He says he hopes it doesn't but he's worried too. His ex got really big w her pregnancy & has still not lost the weight so I asked if it was that & he said it's not. He said watching a baby come out made him never want to touch her again. I have stayed thin, just belly & I will have the baby weight gone within a month so atleast I have that to my advantage. & I think our relationship is great. Idk what to do to prevent this though. Should I tell him he doesn't have to be there at the delivery?? & he works a lot so maybe I wouldn't have much trouble pumping & nursing in front of him. I'm not worried about him not wanting sex, it's more about him never looking at me the same way again & eventually he just decides we have nothing of a relationship. He says this happens to lots of guys. I have never heard of this. I have lots of friends with kids too & never heard anyone say it was an issue. Has this happened to anyone? Tips to prevent it please. Is there a name for this I can google for info maybe?
Re: Guys?? Labor/breastfeeding turns husband off sex
Does he want to watch the baby come out? I have a really hard time with medical stuff so I stayed in the room with my wife, but tried my hardest to not see anything. I wonder if he can do the same.
Other than that it sounds like you both are communicating and that's a big step. I have heard of guys who don't care about sex anymore after having children, but they usually don't say why or at least don't know why. At least you know the reason and are talking about it.
Tips to prevent it. I think a lot of it is up to your husband. I would agree that sex is pretty gross, but during the act it's fine. I would try to talk him into at least trying when it's time to start having sex again and go from there.
I sat by my wife's head and would just focus on her and try to pretend the other stuff going on wasn't there. I lost focus once and saw the placenta for a split second, but it was on a table so I didn't connect it to my wife. Being in the room and not seeing anything is hard, but it can be done.
Does your husband have any suggestions on how to prevent it?
I think its unfair for people to judge the man as selfish or anything else. Men are human he is allowed to have certain views and its much better to be very honest about them from the beginning than to hide them because oh its not kosher to say anything like that and then ruin a perfectly good relationship. If its a true issue for the woman unless she has absolutely no one else who can be there for her it should be a compromise between both just as with any other thing. I'm in the odd place that with my ex she had a c-section and I watched them cut her open and as they were sewing her up I watched and that caused me no discomfort at all as I was used to seeing the human body opened up but the idea of seeing childbirth is not at all appealing. I saw live birth in iraq from sheep and it was nauseating. Its hard to explain to anyone if you're not on the guys side. From some of the guys I know from when I was in most of them didn't want to see the birth either its not very easy to describe why because I don't think we fully understand why we feel that way. Its certainly not because we care any less about our partners its just idk my best guess is that after seeing a child born it would almost just be hard to not imagine that every time you were about to have sex which would be an incredible turn off of course.
My point is, I wouldn't want to be in labour, and need some physical aid from my husband and feel anxious about his feelings. The reality is him having to deliver baby is unlikely, but have you got plans for another support person at the hospital? Someone who could hold your leg, or get a bit more up close and you not feel worried about. That way your partner is free to hold your hand and fetch water?
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
More than that, I had a miscarriage last year (I actually had two last year but only saw one). I went to the bathroom and in my underwear was the sac and everything. I stood up, freaked out as it was, felt "something," looked again and the chord was there. I had nightmares for months. I couldn't think of a lot of things the same after that. If it affected me that badly and 1. I didn't even see it coming out directly and 2. I never have to see my own body during sex, how much worse would actual birth be for him to watch..? I made sure he didn't see when I had the miscarriage because it freaked me out so badly I almost passed out (again), and I'm glad he didn't have to deal with it. But I can't exactly just go through this alone just because it might damage his view of me. He's not the one who's practically going to be ripped in half, after all..
Married 4/13/13
Loss at 6 weeks 5/4/2013
Loss at 9 weeks 12/2013
Healthy baby boy 7/12/15
Due 1/6/18
So far he seems like he is doing ok w it all. He hasn't acted any different towards me. It's still another couple wks before we can have sex so we'll see.
But no, there are zero resources about this stuff. I looked & looked before posting here & asking guys at work their thoughts.
@phoenixryuu My husband doesn't get grossed out by much and wanted to be very involved, holding the baby right away and helping me breast feed, even helped change my postpartum pads when I was too light-headed to do so and didn't want to bother my nurse since he said he would. He had heard one of his friends talk about how seeing his baby born changed sex for him and the way he saw his wife as less of a sex kitten and more of a vessel and mother...since then he didn't want to take the risk. In staying by my head, he also missed the postpartum hemorrhage that would've made him panic.
So it's been a few weeks & even though when my husband gets home from work I am usually feeding, changing, or sleeping, we have managed to find a few nights that we were able to get the baby sleeping early so we had some alone time & everything has been great. He's been an awesome dad & husband. I got lucky.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
Case in Point: sometimes we don't have time to process & something we didn't initially want ultimately ends up being the best experience of your life!
but guys are easy...you just have to know what they really like. Something will light a fire under his ass - and you probably know what it is.
My wife knows me better than I know myself so if she ever really wants me to do something, she knows exactly what to do