Community› The Bump Month Clubs› June 2015 Moms
June 2015 Moms
New Discussion

I don't want a 3rd shower!

NikelizabethNikelizabeth member
in June 2015 Moms
Ok here's my story. I have 2 children from a previous marriage ages 5 & 6. I had two showers for them. My new mother in law wants to throw me a shower for this baby and I really don't want it. I am not trying to seem ungrateful in anyway, I just don't really relate to them and have spoken to her maybe 10 times? I've never had lunch or anything with her. I don't even know her. I'm a loner and she's super busy, it's not like we hate eachother. Anyway, she's asked and I've politely declined and she keeps pushing it. How can I get her to back off? This would be her first baby shower for her grandchild so I feel bad, but I would be terribly uncomfortable the entire time around his family that I barely know, accepting gifts from them. And this is my third child so I know what I need and what I can do without, so I don't need much! Please help!
Report Reply to Post

Re: I don't want a 3rd shower!

  • walshbunniewalshbunnie member
    Politely explain to her that it is against proper etiquette to have a baby shower for your third child and offer to have her host a meet the baby event after the birth of your child.
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • kej0004kej0004 member
    Just let her throw you a baby shower and suck it up and smile for a few hours. Depriving her of the chance to share her excitement about her FIRST GRANDCHILD with her family/friends is incredibly selfish of you. Plus, unless you don't want to know her/your family better (which seems like a bad idea since obviously they'll all care for your child very much), this is a great way to grow your relationship with her/them.
    CW + KJ: 8.10.2013
    1st Baby W Due: 6.25.2015
    BabyFruit Ticker

    photo e2a5dc19-be96-4d99-b2d6-da7922f6c601_zps08cbe34a.jpg photo 319d419c-5eb1-4d11-a435-225e0a3417f3_zps1ea6c8b4.jpg
    Report Reply
  • NikelizabethNikelizabeth member
    walshbunnie said:

    Politely explain to her that it is against proper etiquette to have a baby shower for your third child and offer to have her host a meet the baby event after the birth of your child.


    This would be much more my style, that way her son and grandson will be there next to me and I won't feel awkward! Thanks :)
    Report Reply
  • kej0004kej0004 member
    Also, if you're in to the etiquette thing, according to Emily Post it's actually not against proper etiquette to have a shower for a baby after your first.
    CW + KJ: 8.10.2013
    1st Baby W Due: 6.25.2015
    BabyFruit Ticker

    photo e2a5dc19-be96-4d99-b2d6-da7922f6c601_zps08cbe34a.jpg photo 319d419c-5eb1-4d11-a435-225e0a3417f3_zps1ea6c8b4.jpg
    Report Reply
  • NikelizabethNikelizabeth member
    kej0004 said:

    Just let her throw you a baby shower and suck it up and smile for a few hours. Depriving her of the chance to share her excitement about her FIRST GRANDCHILD with her family/friends is incredibly selfish of you. Plus, unless you don't want to know her/your family better (which seems like a bad idea since obviously they'll all care for your child very much), this is a great way to grow your relationship with her/them.

    I was afraid I was coming off as being selfish or rude :( I hope I can figure something out to make us all happy! Thanks!
    Report Reply
  • delujm0delujm0 member
    Assuming this is your husband's first child, it would not be against etiquette to have a shower provided that ONLY his family (and your mom/sister if they're interested) is invited. No one else that attended your showers for previous children should be included.

    Also Emily Post herself was a source on etiquette. Anything released since her death by the Emily Post Institute is rubbish. Miss Manners is the current leading etiquette source.
    Report Reply
  • thelittlestbeethelittlestbee member
    I'm not a fan of showers after the first baby. However when it is the father's first child, I think that is the general exception that makes it OK. If you're really uncomfortable with having a shower, then politely decline and have a meet the baby (sip n see) party after the baby is born. 

    My honest opinion is that you should probably just let her throw you the shower. This is a good opportunity for you to spend time with your DH's family (who will be your baby's family too). 

    I can't stand my MIL but I remind myself everyday that she is going to be my daughter's grandmother, whether I like it or not... So I just try my absolute best to tolerate her. 

    Pregnancy Ticker
    Report Reply
  • lalarooolalarooo member
    Let her shower you and enjoy it! You deserve it! !
    Report Reply
  • SportzchckSportzchck member
    Is this your husband's first and/or her first grandchild? It's exciting for them as well and they want to celebrate as much if not more than you since it could be their first. I would suck it up and do it for her. It can be smaller and you don't really need to register for anything, but allow them to celebrate it.
    Report Reply
  • nicolec3nicolec3 member
    With my dd it was my 2nd but my dh's first. My sil wanted to throw it for us. I had my DH come and open most of the presents made me feel less uncomfortable.
    Report Reply
  • laurendutchlaurendutch member
    My FILs aunt always throws a baby/wedding shower for those in the family. Everyone in the family is invited (guys, girls and kids). It's more of a family dinner/BBQ. It's always so much fun and I think the guys all love it! Could this be an option? Maybe a Daddy shower (you know things that are feared for the Dads...man pack, bottles, etc).

    I think you should be happy that your MIL wants to be involved and throw a shower. There is another post where the MIL wants the girl to get an abortion!
    Report Reply
  • laurendutchlaurendutch member
    Geared
    Report Reply
  • Penwater1Penwater1 member
    Maybe find middle ground like a gender reveal party.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"