Advice about mean older sibling?

Caraluvs · February 2015

I'm really staring to worry about this and if anyone has ever dealt with something like this before, I'm really curious how you handled it. I have two older boys and a newborn baby girl. They both say they love her and act sweet with her, but I worry about the older one. He doesn't treat her like a person, he treats her like a toy that would be ok to break. Let's see...once he shook her swing really violently, he pokes at her eyes, he forces her mouth open and then laughs when she cries! He is seven years old and I can't trust him alone with her for a second. This is the third time that I've had to tell him to stop touching her face (in order to hear her scream) while he was in the back of the car and she is next to him in the car seat. You would think at he would be old enough to reason with, but he doesn't even apologize with a hint of sincerity. It's not just the baby either, he treats everyone this way. We've had a lot of trouble with him treating his little brother this way also. My mom had hip surgery recently, and while she was trying to get to the bathroom on her walker, he ran by and pushed her! We had already explained to him how important it is to treat her gently and what the surgery entailed. He had no remorse. His response was: She was in my way. I'm torn because I don't want him to grow up with a mom who can't stand him, but uh...what can I say? He's so hard to live with, and he gets enjoyment from seeing others in pain, especially when he is the one who causes the pain. I feel like he just doesn't get it, like he has a mental issue? But it is so unacceptable. Ok, so any ideas?

missnacholover · February 2015

Do you give him consequences for his actions?

karleenj · February 2015

I'm a child/adolescent therapist and I 100% agree with the suggestions above. I would recommend looking for a therapist that specializes in working with children (and it would be GREAT if they had experience with conduct disorder- many of your son's behaviors point toward this diagnosis but please know I am not attempting to diagnose your child here). I agree that your son should not be left alone with the baby (or your other child for that matter). It can also be helpful to set clear limits with consistent consequences for behavior. But please, get him into therapy ASAP! So glad you are reaching out and I am sorry your family is going through this.

Caraluvs · February 2015

Thanks for such sensitive responses. I will consider it.

carried333 · February 2015

So sorry you are dealing with this. I have a very intense, very high-energy 3-year-old daughter who has no concept that the baby is a real person beyond just being teeny tiny and cute. She tries to pick her up and "play" with her. I worry about leaving her alone with her sister even for a second. It's exhausting and scary. I can't imagine dealing with it as she gets older. Hope you can get some answers and relief from your worries. Good luck!

mrsransom · February 2015

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. This is definitely not normal behavior & I agree that it sounds like behavior on the spectrum of sociopath. You most definitely need to seek a professional opinion on this, for not just your family's well being, but his own! I truly hope you seek help for him & that things will get better

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