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new in town, newly forming friendships, baby shower guests?

EoisEois member
in Baby Showers
My MIL called last week to say she'd like to fly in for a visit and host a baby shower for me.  I'm very grateful, it is really lovely of her.  However, I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed with many of the details, #1 being the guest list.  

My husband and I just moved to a new state a few months ago.  Both of our siblings live here with their SOs and kids, but everyone else we know in the area we are just starting to form friendships with.  Met a few gals via Meetup, a few friends of siblings, but I haven't felt very socially outgoing lately with pregnancy discomforts.  And there are a handful of ladies I know from previous visits to the area, but haven't kept in touch with them very over the last few months. 

MIL wants a guest list (only guests she would know are her own daughter and my brother's wife).  So I'm wondering where to draw the line of who else to invite to a gift-giving party?  It doesn't seem like proper situation for building new friendships. And I feel slightly awkward about using a baby shower to rekindle relationships- ex. a woman who I've hung out with a few years ago, comments all the time on my FB posts, but I haven't made plans with since moving here despite the fact that she lives 15 min away.  She's super nice, I just haven't been up to it.

Other concerns not ranking as high on the list this evening, but still concerns:  MIL asking me and DH to find a venue and caterer.  I have no clue what else she has planned (or not planned) and certain my SIL (her daughter) wants nothing to do with support-hosting the event. 

Thanks for any advice or insights!

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Re: new in town, newly forming friendships, baby shower guests?

  • VORVOR member

    First, there is no problem with a small shower of just family and it can be held at your home.  Don't invite people just because you feel you need to have ## people at the shower. 

    Past that, you know these people, we don't.  Do  you actually consider them FRIENDS, people who you have a one on one relationship with?  If you do, invite them.  If you only see them because someone else coordinates a gathering and you just happen to both be there - i'd probably not invite them. 

    And I agree about not using a shower to rekindle friendships.  That one woman you mention?  Yeah... I feel that you need to make some kind of effort to see her before inviting her to your shower. 

    AND if you're too tired/busy to get together with people, the idea that you'll now have the energy to go and find a venue and caterer??  Oh boy.

    I think you need to keep the guest list small and just tell MIL that you don't have a lot of friends you feel comfortable inviting AND PLUS ALSO, you are simply too tired to search for a venue.  If you keep it small, you can do it at someone's home and keep it SIMPLE (i.e. no need for a caterer).  Your MIL may have visions of a huge shower.  Talk to her about that and about how that it just too much for you right now. 




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  • EoisEois member
    Thanks, @VOR for your response!

    I definitely don't feel like I have to have big numbers and have told the MIL that there will probably by 10 guests/invitees including her, me, the two SILs and my mom if she can make it from the east coast.  And who knows who can attend, so might just be us 5.  Only inviting gals I have hung out with 1:1 and have made lunch plans with the one I haven't seen in the past few months.  I know that being invited to the shower is something she'd really like, just don't want that to be the way we get back in touch.

    She did tell my DH she was envisioning it to be a co-ed shower.  So I have to dig a little bit more into that one.  Thankfully DH is trying to help his mother with sorting out plans and kind of being a go-between so I don't have to stress about it.  And he suggested finding an Indian restaurant that might host us so my MIL can be more in her comfort zone, or at least provide food.  Then we can let her take the reigns on that one.  


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  • MrsPDXMrsPDX member
    I can totally relate. We moved to our town recently too, and I am in the same boat. I skipped inviting any of my new friends/acquaintances. I stuck to a few college friends and family. At the lowest my shower will have 4-6 people. At the most it could have 10-15. Small showers are totally ok! At first I was totally stressed, but now I am not. My hostess is planning it to be totally low-key, so even if its just a few of us getting together and chatting it will still be fun.


    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • EoisEois member
    Thanks @MrsPDX!  I've decided to keep the invite list to 10.  I think the MIL is a little disappointed at the low number, but she also seems quite clueless about what it means to actually host the shower.  Poor DH is coaching her on sending out invites, I overheard him on the phone suggesting to google 'baby showers' so she might have a better idea of what to do.  And gentling explaining that she is the hostess and I am the guest of honor so should not have to do much legwork here.  

    PS.  I'm also in PDX!


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