Okay, so how bad is the post-birth stuff

jerseygirl227 · January 2015

Hi ladies! Here I am with some more dumb, FTM questions, lol.

So, I've been reading about what happens after childbirth and I'm kinda freaking out a little bit here. I didn't know about the bleeding for weeks afterward and all this other stuff. Silly me, I just thought you went home happy with your baby, lol. Guess me and the fiance are in for a crazier ride than we anticipated.

So, not to get too personal, but how bad is it? How tough are those first few weeks? And the sex thing... how long does it take to get back in the swing of things? (I anticipate a few months and I know everyone is different, but I just wanna kinda get a feel. We have a good thing going, lol, and I don't want to lose it, lol.)

My fiance wanted to take a trip six-weeks after the baby comes. (I nixed that immediately since I'm not quite THAT dumb.) Still, I need to know what I'm in for. Sorry for my naive, silly, personal questions!

KateLouise · January 2015

Hi there,

there are no dumb questions when it comes to childbirth and motherhood. Although obviously there is no definitive answer because everyone's experience is different.

I've had two straight forward vaginal births. The first required two stitches. The second required none, just to give you a little background.

Bleeding - I bled for around 4 - 5 weeks with my first. Heavy the first couple of days, and then like a medium period that tailed off. I wasn't leaking or making a huge mess all the time, so it was all very manageable. With my first I stopped bleeding within 2 weeks.

Pain - the first was a bit painful because of the stitches, but only really when I went to pee. We were having sex after 6 weeks with no issues.

With number 2 It took 4 or 5 times before sex was comfortable even though I didn't have stitches. I don't know what that was about.

For me, it's always been tiredness that has gotten in the way of sex, not the recovery from childbirth itself.

Travel - I would absolutely plan a trip with a 6 weeks old baby, but I've had other babies so I have a good handle on how things are for me at 6 weeks. I wouldn't book and pay for anything expensive like flights to Paris because you do have to be prepared for anything could happen, like a c-section.

However, I would happily plan a few days away somewhere that's not too far away, that you can book once things are settled in. In fact the idea of a long weekend away in a hotel where someone else is doing my cleaning, and eating out, or take-out in the hotel, and strolls on a beach, sounds lovely.

The idea of a big flight, to sleep on someone's couch, and have people critiquing my new mothering skills sounds horrifying. So it really does depend on what kind of trip you had in mind.

Other things - I was really surprised at how useless my stomach muscles were. In hindsight it makes complete sense that your muscles have been stretched for months, and have lost all strength. Be prepared not to be able to roll over in bed, or pull yourself up from lying down on your back.

Breastfeeding - not sure if you plan to, but if you do, get the latch right. Get every person who walks past your door to have a look and make suggestions. Have the cleaner watch you feed if you must. Do not suffer in silence, because a bad latch will only get worse and it's hard to battle back from, and the pain is excruciating.

I can't think of anything else off the top of my head. But best wishes to you, it's a very exciting time. I wish you all the joy possible with your wee one.

topaz7777 · January 2015

I had a vaginal birth with a 2nd degree tear (a few stitches). First I'll say that after delivery and the pain of that is over, there are still quite a few other challenges. You continue to have contractions and they are very uncomfortable like really bad period pains. I had them for easily a week afterward possibly two. They come from your uterus trying to shrink back down and your cervix trying to close. I had most of my contractions during nursing which I made sure to do while sitting on a towel or something because the gushing gets a bit out of control.

Doing anything in the bathroom is agony. Peeing burns any tearing you had like pouring alcohol on a cut. I had to use the sitz bath to pee at all because it burned and brought tears to my eyes otherwise. Also, bowel movements are a new level of hell for a while. Your stomach muscles are very sore, your intestines are trying to get back to where they belong, and pushing anything past those swollen lady parts just makes you want to scream. Make sure you don't forget those stool softeners... you will still want to die even with them, but I can't imagine doing it without them!!! Speaking of which, I'm not allowing my doctor to give me ANYTHING during delivery that might have a side effect of constipation this time. No Percocet or Phenergan or Zofran or anything... That was a mistake for me.

I think I had bleeding for at least 4 weeks, which was similar to heavy period bleeding. If you are one of those lucky women... (meaning unlucky) you may get your regular period right after and get a nice extended one. blah.

With my 2nd degree tear, I had a post partum exam at 6 weeks after delivery where the Dr checked to make sure my cervix was closed and at that point was given the green light for sex. Not before then. Not that I was really trying to have sex before that point. I spent a lot of time sitting on a donut pillow so that I could keep the pressure off of my lady parts when I sat. But by 6 weeks I was feeling ok.

As PP said, sex at first was uncomfortable, but I made it through, use lots of lubricant and take it slow.

My sister had a 4th degree tear... it took her 6 months to heal enough for sex. Everyone is different, you'll just have to listen to the Dr. I'd also assume there are totally different challenges when it comes to being healed enough for sex after a c-section which I'd love to hear about from experienced mama's!

niknak1208 · January 2015

No dumb questions!

It does really depend on your delivery. I can only speak for myself but for me it wasn't that bad. I tore a little bit with my son in 2008 so I think I bled a little bit more with him but still nothing major. Nothing a good pad couldn't handle. I never tore at all with my daughter so it was a little less but still bled and wore pads. I think the hardest part is that you can't use tampons after childbirth. So that part kind of stinks because you can only use pads. The hospital will give you a bag of things. You'll get a peri bottle which is like a squirt bottle that's filled with water.. usually warm. There's sitz baths that you can use. They'll send you home with giant pads and mesh undies. lol Those are loads of fun!! Once I got home.. I never used the hospital pads or mesh underwear.. I just used my own pads and my own underwear. Some people freeze their pads so that it's like an ice pack. I never did that.. just keeping the stitches wet with the peri bottle was enough for me. They usually send you home with colace and or pain meds depending on how you're feeling.

Length just kind of depends. Honestly, I think I bled the longest after our loss at 20 weeks. I swear that was like non stop! I don't remember it being anymore than 2 weeks with my son or my daughter.

Sex.. again you kind of have to go on how you feel. For me.. exhaustion played a bigger role in why we weren't having sex than my actual healing did. You definitely don't want to dive right in.. you want to give yourself a while to heal but how long kind of depends on how your delivery goes.

Boobs.. that was probably harder than bleeding!! With my son they never warned me about engorgement. It's craziness. When your milk comes in.. it REALLY comes in. Mine were like bricks they were so heavy and all you think is oh my gosh.. just give me a baby to feed!! I actually had that when we lost at 20 weeks too! I never expected that but because my body went through an actual delivery.. it didn't know the difference and my milk came in just the same.. it was awful.

superlowamh · January 2015

You got some awesome and super thorough answers already, so I'll be brief.

I had a c-section, and the c-section itself was super easy.

Then they gave me lots of painkillers, so I didn't feel all that much pain.

The worst two things were.... constipation, breastfeeding and no sleep.

I had insomnia during my whole pregnancy so I thought I was ready for the newborn. No, I was not. The first two nights I got no sleep at all, not one minute, and thought I'd lose my mind... Add to it all that hormonal revolution that is taking place in your body, and you get the picture.

My suggestion would be: make sure there is someone there for you who can really sympathize and help. My husband wasn't very sympathetic, and it was extremely difficult.

Constipation - like nothing I ever experienced before. To the point that I cried. To the point that I am thinking I'll try to take no pain medication after this birth that should also be a c-section.

And breastfeeding, well, this was the most difficult (but then, after a while, it turned into something the most beautiful imaginable, so it was definitely worth it).

But the beginnings were horrible. My DD didn't latch on properly and I didn't realize that until it was too late. I cried every time I fed her it hurt so bad and I actually felt resentful towards her, and scared when it was time for her to eat because I knew how much pain it would cause. I feel that really no words can describe how difficult that was...

If you get a great nurse and good lactation consultants, do pester them to show you a million of times and to check and recheck that you got it right...

And good luck! :-) It was really much harder than I'd even imagine but of course so worth it - the most beautiful experience in my whole life!!

topaz7777 · January 2015

superlowamh said:

You got some awesome and super thorough answers already, so I'll be brief.
I had a c-section, and the c-section itself was super easy.
Then they gave me lots of painkillers, so I didn't feel all that much pain.

The worst two things were.... constipation, breastfeeding and no sleep.

I had insomnia during my whole pregnancy so I thought I was ready for the newborn. No, I was not. The first two nights I got no sleep at all, not one minute, and thought I'd lose my mind... Add to it all that hormonal revolution that is taking place in your body, and you get the picture.
My suggestion would be: make sure there is someone there for you who can really sympathize and help. My husband wasn't very sympathetic, and it was extremely difficult.

Constipation - like nothing I ever experienced before. To the point that I cried. To the point that I am thinking I'll try to take no pain medication after this birth that should also be a c-section.

And breastfeeding, well, this was the most difficult (but then, after a while, it turned into something the most beautiful imaginable, so it was definitely worth it).
But the beginnings were horrible. My DD didn't latch on properly and I didn't realize that until it was too late. I cried every time I fed her it hurt so bad and I actually felt resentful towards her, and scared when it was time for her to eat because I knew how much pain it would cause. I feel that really no words can describe how difficult that was...
If you get a great nurse and good lactation consultants, do pester them to show you a million of times and to check and recheck that you got it right...

And good luck! :-) It was really much harder than I'd even imagine but of course so worth it - the most beautiful experience in my whole life!!

Check out the post Neonnoon posted about taking a breastfeeding class too! Lots of nursing advice there. If you decide not to nurse, I hear cold cabbage leaves really releave the boob pain. If you are nursing you won't want to do that though.

The no sleep is no joke... and it pushes your sanity to the limits. I remember feeling like I wanted to throw DD out the window and was so glad I could hand her off to DH and go take a break. I would like to suggest Happiest baby on the block... We used quite a few techniques from that. It didn't always help, but it helped sometimes and totally worth trying! There will come a point where you will be willing to try ANYTHING to get baby to stop crying... Even rediculous things... Nothing works for every baby but sometimes someone else's suggestion will work, and sometimes it's totally useless.

jerseygirl227 · January 2015

Thanks so much for your responses, ladies. It really helps!

I am not as freaked out as I was last night, lol. Guess I am in the acceptance phase.

Thanks, too, for all your tips. I know they will help. The fiance plans on staying home from work for the first week after baby comes, so I hope that will help. Of course, he could just start playing video games or going to happy hour without me and then I'll surely wanna strangle him, so I guess we'll just wait and see.

I really love this board. Thanks again.

sidey1 · January 2015

I think I'm late to post but just wanted to share too from a C-Section perspective, expect to wear a pad for at least 4 weeks following delivery even for a csection, discharge changes over time from bleeding to pinkish stuff to yellow stuff (sorry if too graphic but it is what it is and I wish someone had warned me!)

I was REALLY surprised that all the changes downstairs happen regardless if you have a vaginal or c section, obviously you don't tear but you can still have sensitivity with sex and some peeing when sneezing ect. Happy to say that all went away eventually. OB said wait 6 weeks for sex to avoid infection and then I waited another month or two because I was terrified but it really wasn't painful for me at all, different maybe, but not painful.

Finally, don't buy anything expensive for the hospital, with everything that is going on with bodily functions things get ruined easily. Comfort is more important!

supersarah77 · January 2015

I'm adding my experience for a different take, and I hope you all don't hate me! My recovery really wasn't bad and I didn't think the newborn phase was nearly as bad as everyone says. In fact, I was in so much pain from SPD and an irritable uterus during pregnancy that I felt like I could do cartwheels down the hospital hallway right after birth.

The first bowel movement - I had huge fears but it was no big deal. I did take colace so it was softer. The vagina/vulva area was tender but I used Dermoplast and a peri bottle so peeing was also nbd. Even with a tear.

Sex the first few times was uncomfortable but not painful. I could feel where I tore so we were just ginger and slow. I definitely lost my libido for a while though.

The bleeding is a lot and for a long time but again it's nbd. If you can handle a period you can handle the postpartum bleeding. It's just super messy the first few days.

The sleeplessness is real but manageable in my opinion. Like I said, I remember thinking it wasn't nearly as bad as people made it out to be. You don't have to do anything else so just plan to hunker down at home for a while. The nights and days are the same until baby finds a circadian rhythm so I found it helpful to do morning things and night things. Like, I took a shower and got dressed every day, ate meals at the usual times, got in pajamas and bed at the usual times. I also made sure to leave the house every day for a walk. That really helped. I was never able to "sleep when the baby sleeps" during the day but I survived just fine. Soon baby starts sleeping longer stretches and nurses more efficiently (ie shorter periods) and life gets easier.

I wouldn't make any travel plans until after baby is born and you have a sense of your own personal comfort level.

cneiding · January 2015

I had some pretty bad tearing with my first. When I got up out of bed for the first time OMG it was so painful. There was so much pain and pressure down there. I had always heard people describe it as being "a little sore" afterwards. I was NOT prepared for what I had. I could not even lift my leg to get into the shower tub in my room without assistance it was just so painful. The really bad pain lasted for about a week I would say. I stayed tender for a couple more weeks and then it was to where I didn't notice it during normal activities. My second was even worse. I was really torn and I was so swollen and bruised afterwards that when nurses checked on my stitching which they had to do regularly because it was so bad...they would all shriek when they saw me!! that doesn't make you feel good!! I had to shuffle my feet across the floor as even walking was so painful.

HOwever, remember I have monsterous babies. My biggest was 11 lbs. That second one came out facing backward which is what made the tearing, brusing etc so much worse.

My 3rd was my smallest baby at 8lb 9 ou..quite tiny for me, and I was so surprized afterwards how great I felt. I only needed one or two stitches and really no pain. baby 4 was the biggest and again for some reason I hardly tore and felt great afterwards. 5 was good too. 6 I was quite sore afterwards...I have no idea why but it was nothing compared to the first 2. 7 was good afterwards.

The bleeding after my first was not as bad as successive ones. You will pour pretty badly for maybe 12 hours or so postbirth...like overflow their super saddle like pads. You will leak in your bed etc. After that you will bleed heavier than a period but its not quite as crazy as those first hours. After a week or so I was pretty much heavy stages of period like. Now I bled for a full 6 weeks or more every time. But I had those huge babies so my utereus was very stretched and had to do a lot to return to normal...Also my placentas are always larger than "average" too. My midwife once told me that a larger placenta can cause heavier bleeding (a bigger attachement area to heal). Also, I don't really get to take it easy post birth so I probably over due it a lot.

The cramping post birth is intense if you breastfeed. But don't let that scare you away! Also as others mentioned it will bring the shrinking contractions on stronger which makes you gush blood heavily (thats where you overflow the pad to your bed). But its a good thing because thats your utereus shrinking to normal causing that.

THe one thing that majorly freaked me post birth the first time was my belly. I always had a tight toned belly before and my first time getting up I touched my belly and it was no longer firm from having the baby inside but was now a big pile of goo! Jelly like squishy. I actually nearly fainted it took me so by surprize. BUT don't dispair!! it will tighten again.

cneiding · January 2015

oh be prepared...the worst thing post birth is not long after the baby and placenta are delivered...is the nurse will want to make sure your uterus is contracting. So what they do is go over to your belly and push on it like as hard as they can several times. It is really bad. It only takes a few seconds however, and once its done they don't have to do it again. But be prepared...its intense

KaLikeAWind · January 2015

Thanks to the OP for asking this, cause I am also a FTM and hubby and I have been going back and forth regarding c section vs vaginal birth (assuming everything progresses healthily and I am not forced into a c section). On the one hand, I'm afraid to get torn up down there, but on the other hand I don't really want to be dissected and taken apart in surgery either. Also, I don't like the idea of choosing Ewok's birthday (scheduled c section). So I've been following this post a lot to help me put my fears at rest either way. Since I'm only 20 weeks I still have time to decide, and maybe the decision will be taken away from me by circumstances, but all the same...

I'm really grateful to OP and to all the ladies who have replied to this thread. You have helped me a lot, too

Guennie · January 2015

Lurking. I just want to say that there is no way to know what to expect. Everyone really does have a different experience and it absolutely depends on so many many factors. I think the best advice anyone could give you is to not have any expectations, to be flexible and open to whatever your experience is going to be, and to go easy on yourself and remember there is no rush to try to get back in the saddle, with anything not just sex. I had an emergency c section and I will tell you it was close to a year before my body actually responded the way I wanted it to when we had sex. You may bounce right back and you may not. Regardless, you're going to be settling into your new roles as parents and you'll find you are bonding in new ways you never imagined. The sex part will work itself out when you're ready.

As far as pain and recovery time, and breastfeeding, that too greatly varies. Definitely have a good support system in place so that you are prepared should you need help. I wish I had tried a little longer to work with an LC on our latching issues. Having to EP ended up being really hard on my body and that affected my recovery time.

Above all, try not to stress about any of it. I know there's a lot to feel nervous about beforehand but once you are through it and home with your baby, the love you are going to feel for that little bundle of joy is going to override any other feelings you might have, and it will give you the strength to get through anything. Then before you know it, it will all be behind you and you'll be right smack in the middle of your new wonderful life!

jerseygirl227 · February 2015

Thanks again, ladies, for being so honest and candid. I really appreciate it. I'll just go with the flow when the time comes, but wanted to know what I could be in for.

maggs2015 · February 2015

I may have blacked out the first three months after delivery but honestly it wasn't so bad. The bleeding was pretty heavy like most PP's have said but tapers off at about a week.

Sex wise I definitely wasn't interested until about six weeks, more because of lack of sleep over everything else. I noticed some scar tissue the first few times but the feeling went away over time.

I put a twin bed in the baby's room the first go around which really helped the getting up and down all night. I went back to work around 9 weeks and by then he was sleeping until about 5am. (which was key) not sure if this is the norm or not.

Having a wonderfully supportive hubbie definitely helped, and while he couldn't help with the breastfeeding he was there picking up after me, taking care of the laundry and cooking dinner.

With his help postpartum was challenging but definitely doable!! I have a three year old now so I imagine that will add some extra work to the mix.

GASuzuki · February 2015

PPs really did a great job. I will just tell you I would have a hard time going on a trip after birth... With my DD, I bled for 6 weeks and was completely exhausted due to the breastfeeding schedule. I really didn't feel equipped to go out until my DD was 2 months... But moms differ and I am a wimp.

cheekatori · February 2015

About 5 weeks of post partum bleeding but it got lighter every week. By 8 weeks I was feeling better bc I think my hormones were going back to normal and baby was sleeping more. After that it was just making self care as much if a priority as I could in between everything, tho it's tough to think of that as a priority sometimes, it's so easy to get burned out if you're trying to do it all, like we all do! It's really imp to take care of yourself a little bit in some way every day.
Oh- ha, having my hair catch up w months of not losing any to a few months of going back to 'normal' was something I didn't anticipate lol, but it all evened out eventually. Good luck, follow your gut and get a few good baby books on sleep and you'll do great!!

Okay, so how bad is the post-birth stuff

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