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February 2015 Moms
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My husband is not into sex anymore...

macyameyer@yahoo.commacyameyer@yahoo.com member
in February 2015 Moms
I feel awful. Obviously, 9 months pregnant, there are not a lot of great feelings physically, but I can't get my husband to have sex with me. I feel so unattractive because of it. I've even had conversations with him about how much I miss it and how I'd like to have it and he always says he's tired or stressed.

:(
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Re: My husband is not into sex anymore...

  • StephanieLBergStephanieLBerg member
    You also have to take his hormones into account. You being pregnant and being around him all the time, your hormones begin to play off of each other. He may ne experiencing some Kuvad Syndrome, or sympathetic pregnancy symptoms, without even knowing it. Some researchers believe this is also why men tend to pack on weight with their pregnant wives, or girlfriends, because the sympathetic systems of the human body pick up on the hormones. I wouldn't take it too personally. The fact that he is stressed is most likely why he is tired. If this is your first child, it is likely your husband is nervous and afraid of the unexpected and his mind is just preoccupied with that. If I were you, I would try and talk to him about how he is feeling. Find out what's got him so stressed, maybe he just needs some reassurance. Though, I applaud you for wanting sex this late in the game. I do too, but it feels so uncomfortable right now with the baby sitting so low and pushing on everything, she seems to compressed my parts to almost nothing; so kudos to you. But like I said, don't take it personally, this time in pregnancy is the hardest on men because the reality of becoming a father becomes all the more real.

    P.s. Do change your screen name. You never know what kind of creep-tastics lurk around these boards.
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  • wittyacronymwittyacronym member
    First, slow clap for being interested this late in the game. If it is the 'release' you are looking for there is always self-pleasure. Second, men get tired and anxious too, maybe you can do something to set the mood? And lastly talk to him in a non-confrontational way and mention how it makes you feel unattractive when he turns you down. Reassure that sex is not dangerous during this time. Perhaps mention the 6 week min shut down for recovery after birth- it may motivate him.

    good luck!

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  • PeanettyGoodnessPeanettyGoodness member
    I have to agree with what the others have said. Just try to bring it up gently and maybe talk to him about how he is feeling, why he is feeling that way, etc.

    My hubby hasn't really wanted sex this whole pregnancy, while I have been, and still do. But, he's been stressed with finding work since he was unemployed when I got pregnant and now that he has a job, he's just too darn tired. It does hurt my feelings and makes me feel unattractive, as well. He apologizes, but he really can't help how he feels.
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  • mommaa1615mommaa1615 member
    Sex sounds terrible right now ughh lol
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  • Lindssk8Lindssk8 member
    Yes, talking to him about it in a non-confrontational way to dig a little deeper on his thoughts/worries/fears etc. is a good place to start. I've been wanting to more often my entire pregnancy, and my fiancé has only wanted to several times the past 2-3 months - causing animosity and me to feel unwanted and unattractive. After talking with him, I understand he's legitimately "scared" to hurt the baby/me (even though I thought "come on, suck it up" when I first heard that). No matter how many articles etc. I've read him about safely having sex in the 3rd trimester, his "phobia" hasn't lessened. He assures me this is only temporary of course and tries to comfort me in other ways (words, cuddling), but at least I understand where he's coming from and can try to remind myself it's situational... only temporary. Just know you're not alone! I have a feeling once our LOs are here sex will be the furthest thing from our minds for awhile ;)
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  • lpinuplpinup member
    Ahhhhh @Xoxolicia‌ I'm feeling you, mine keeps pawing me like a puppy! And at 9 months pregnant it's hard to keep up!! Ahhh men! Haha it's kinda cute though.
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  • WimcgrathWimcgrath member
    JessicaH1020 said:

    Props to anyone still having sex. I'm having trouble getting out of bed on the first try, and there is usually a lot of grunting that accompanies it. Trying to have sex just sounds hysterical at this point!

    All of this.
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  • StephanieLBergStephanieLBerg member
    edited February 2015
    chicagojackie said:

    StephanieLBerg said:

    You also have to take his hormones into account. You being pregnant and being around him all the time, your hormones begin to play off of each other. He may ne experiencing some Kuvad Syndrome, or sympathetic pregnancy symptoms, without even knowing it. Some researchers believe this is also why men tend to pack on weight with their pregnant wives, or girlfriends, because the sympathetic systems of the human body pick up on the hormones. I wouldn't take it too personally. The fact that he is stressed is most likely why he is tired. If this is your first child, it is likely your husband is nervous and afraid of the unexpected and his mind is just preoccupied with that. If I were you, I would try and talk to him about how he is feeling. Find out what's got him so stressed, maybe he just needs some reassurance. Though, I applaud you for wanting sex this late in the game. I do too, but it feels so uncomfortable right now with the baby sitting so low and pushing on everything, she seems to compressed my parts to almost nothing; so kudos to you. But like I said, don't take it personally, this time in pregnancy is the hardest on men because the reality of becoming a father becomes all the more real.

    P.s. Do change your screen name. You never know what kind of creep-tastics lurk around these boards.

    @StephanieLBerg‌ seriously with the terrible and inaccurate advice? Sympathize if you want but stop making stuff up.

    FWIW, Couvade syndrome is not a recognized medical condition. Its source is a matter of debate. Some believe it to be a psychosomatic condition, while others believe it may have biological causes relating to hormone changes.
    Wow, wasn't trying to make stuff up, it's seriously what I've been told. I never said it was a medical condition, just something some people believe to exist among pregnant couples; a potential explanation of his lack of interest if you will. But to each their own. I was trying to be supportive anyway. Its hard these days as I'm cranky and over it 99% of the time. Plus I was also extremely tired when I wrote this so it may sound weird and for that I apologize, but thanks for setting the record straight @chicagojackie‌ :-) I had no idea that it was more of a theory than a tested hypothesis. My bad yo!
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  • LilmanxLilmanx member
    Basically every PP has good input on this. I've been told if your relationship can survive all the changes that pregnancy and the first two years of parenthood can bring, you have a really strong chance of a long and happy life together.

    That being said, everyone will be different. My husband and I both go back and forth with our level of desired intimacy. I firmly believe the key to success is open, non-judgmental, and non-confrontational communication.

    You need to figure out specifically what you're wanting from him. Do you just want release? Physical closeness? Intimacy? Time together? Something all together different? Once you figure that out, you'll have a jumping off point for a conversation.

    Good luck!
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  • DucktapetherapyDucktapetherapy member

    This is a difficult transitional time for both of you. Would it help to have your husband visit with your doctor? try to maintain open and honest communication, you will get through this season. HUGS!

    ~Ducktapetherapy77

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  • yvskichick5yvskichick5 member
    I want sex and hearing him say "I'm tired" or "I'm sick of the same three positions" is B.S. in my opinion. I was tired during the first trimester and still gave him what he wanted, now the roles are reversed and he's not giving me what I want? Come on. What happened to teamwork. Especially since the midwife keeps telling me we should get it on, like it's being medically advised and he won't do it. I'm mad.
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  • slezpassslezpass member
    My SO tells me "I'm not attracted to pregnant people"...nice, since you knocked me up! He says maybe closer to the date (only 22 days left)...thank god for sex toys and alone time! :) But I feel exactly how you do, very unattractive & fat & sad because of it...but after his comment to me I felt worse...he also says he's freaked out he will hurt the baby...I get it it's awkward and weird for him too, but this prego has needs!! LoL...after taking care of myself I feel better and I'm not so sensitive to it...besides no one else knows how to take care of yourself best except YOU! :)
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  • HayleyBug55HayleyBug55 member
    edited February 2015
    slezpass said:

    My SO tells me "I'm not attracted to pregnant people"...nice, since you knocked me up! He says maybe closer to the date (only 22 days left)...thank god for sex toys and alone time! :) But I feel exactly how you do, very unattractive & fat & sad because of it...but after his comment to me I felt worse...he also says he's freaked out he will hurt the baby...I get it it's awkward and weird for him too, but this prego has needs!! LoL...after taking care of myself I feel better and I'm not so sensitive to it...besides no one else knows how to take care of yourself best except YOU! :)

    @slezpass‌ 1) your SO's comments are rude! I wouldn't tolerate that one bit, especially when I'm carrying HIS child.
    2) Masterbation is comepletly normal and healthy but you went a little far when talking about it. Simply say "sometimes a woman needs to take care of herself."
    Edit:words
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  • HayleyBug55HayleyBug55 member
    slezpass said:

    @HayleyBugg85‌ you need to edit yourself and chill...it's 2015 and most people are more open now about things such as masterbation...masterbation IS taking care of yourself...it's not like I went into explicit details...how about you edit yourself and not worry about what others post...if you don't like what I had to say do yourself a favor and don't read things I post or post on my threads...have a good weekend! :)

    @slezpass‌ I need to edit myself? What?
    Also, I was in no way being rude or demeaning but you got really defensive and rude. Not sure why you reacted like that but what I said did not warrant a response like that.
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  • mle106mle106 member
    *Masturbation

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  • HayleyBug55HayleyBug55 member
    aletto30 said:

    @Xoxolicia how many times are you going to tell people that your husband can't keep his hands off you? This thread was started by a woman asking for advice because hers is not interested. Maybe some advice or support would be more appropriate or start another thread about your situation.

    @aletto30‌ were you purposely trying to start something? Who are you to come and attack @Xoxolicia‌ like that? She said absolutely nothing wrong.
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  • JessicaH1020JessicaH1020 member
    I tried to report her for violating TOU for specifically attacking a poster but for some reason I can't report on my phone. It keeps freezing
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  • HayleyBug55HayleyBug55 member
    slezpass said:

    @HayleyBugg85‌ telling someone how to post and to their edit themselves is rude...look how you are talking to @aletto30‌...and you aren't trying to start something yourself? Smh....

    @slezpass‌ I did not tell you to "edit yourself". You obviously don't stay around enough to know when I said "Edit:words" it's because I had to go back and edit my post because of misspelled words. No, I'm not trying to start anything. She came on here and singled out @Xoxolicia‌ when shes not the only one who said something.
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