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daycare probs-HELP

nschuetz01nschuetz01 member
in Toddlers: 24 Months+
my son is almost two and a half. he is on his third daycare. never really went through separation anxiety in the baby stages but I think he is going through it now which I heard is very common. he has done at the daycare since September. he has always cried when we drop him off, but it only lasts a minute Butor so and he seems to be fine throughout the day. he's always happy to see us when we get there, but ready to leave. within the last 2 months he has told us that his sitter spanks him. now I know he knows what that is because we threaten him with it but don't actually use it. more and more he is saying he does not like her as well. I'm freaking out because I've already talked to her about the spanking comment and she said she does not do it. I know she could lie, but lots of parents and kids really like her. I don't know what to do. it kills me to hear my son like this. he whines the whole way to daycare and will stress about it the night before. there are so many factors that I just don't know what to do.
1. he does not have a fixed schedulE so he has no routine to go off of. I feel really bad but it is just impossible to get him out of routine. DH works 3rd shift and has rotating days off. we can't afford to have him in daycare when he doesn't need to be.
2. separation anxiety?
3. new baby coming in june...He Seems Excited
4. he got a new house and a new daycare around the same timE...August/September. Prior I was only working part time and staying home part time. different daycare during this time, still cried when I left but never said he didn't like her.
5. current daycare has anywhere from 4 to 8 kids including a baby. too many kids for him?
6. when I asked him if he had fun he says yes. when I asked him what he did the only thing he says is clean up. he can never tell me any of the kids names and my Son is very Verbal. if I ask him about the kids before daycare he says he doesn't like them.
7. his spanking comments. he has said this on multiple occasions. at random times. he never has any physical signs.

sorry this got so long. I just wanted to make sure all the information that out there. I really hope someone can help or make me feel better at least. I am just longing for him to one day really love going to daycare!
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Re: daycare probs-HELP

  • BabyHope2013BabyHope2013 member
    First you might try reposting this on the working mom board too. Most of us there have kids in daycare.

    I think you have a lot of concerns. Kids can make stuff up. My son for example lately keeps telling my husband that I fell down and got hurt, when I never fell. My two year old also has gone in phases of anxiety when being taken to daycare over the two years he's been going. However, I think you need to trust your instinct. Have you talked to your provider about how she disciplines? Could you talk to other parents who've had kids there longer than you and see how they think or know she disciplines? I would try and ask a lot of questions. There have been a lot of changes for you LO but I would think by now they would have transitioned to a new daycare setting. I think schedules help. DH will keep DS home when he is off, as will i. I try to maintain the same schedule as the daycare so that he does have a routine and I think that helps to a degree too. Overall I can understand your concerns, I think the spanking part would bother me the most. If you son continues To bring it up I would bring it up again with your provider. What does your gut instinct tell you? I think sometimes that is something to trust.
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  • nschuetz01nschuetz01 member
    Thanks! I did Talk To Her the Day I Posted This. I Found Out The Last Few Days He Has Been There He Just Sits On The Couch Starring AT The Door Asking When Mom Or Dad Will Be There. She Was Only Able To Distract Him For 15 To 30 Min At A Time. HoW Heart Wrenching :(

    I Feel Logically it Makes No Sense That She Is Spanking Him. But My Mommy Gut Obviously Tells Me Something Has To Be Wrong Cuz Of His Reactions/Actions. I Do Think He Is STory Telling/Manipulating To A Degree.
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  • smileybabyboysmileybabyboy member
    Has this happened at other daycares? Maybe she is just stern and he doesn't like that so is making up the story that she spanks him. 
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  • Ya Never KnowYa Never Know member
    edited February 2015
    DD has never told me that the daycare provider spanked her, and that would be a major concern for me. DD will tell me if she herself hit someone, or if another kid hit her at daycare, or if someone got a timeout and why they got it (and I always confirm what she says with the daycare provider if I'm concerned about it), so if DD told me that her daycare provider spanked her, I would believe her. I guess it depends on your kid too, but it would raise a red flag for me. Has your kid ever been spanked? Does he know what a spanking is? Where would he learn about it if he never has been if not there?

    Your daycare provider certainly isn't going to tell you if she spanked your kid because she knows it will get her in trouble. You really do have to go with your gut on that type of thing. If I had any suspicion at the possibility that my kid was being spanked, I personally would change care because I don't believe in spanking. (And that's not to be judgmental of parents who do use spanking, it's just not our style).

    That being said, we are changing DD's care on March 2nd, because our daycare provider hasn't listened to us when we've told her we don't want DD left in the house alone even for a minute!! DD and the other daycare kid she's with don't get along so great, and the daycare provider has left them alone on several occasions when she goes to let her dog out, or rearrange people's garbage bins outside. DD comes home with a bruise on her face because the other kid hits her with something, and the daycare provider swears she's there when it happens, but I don't believe her. Despite being told multiple times, she leaves the kids alone anyway, we've seen her do it when we've had a day off and put DD in care. (Daycare is across the street from us) There are other things she does too that I just won't tolerate anymore, like complain about everything, and judge my parenting skills when I pick up and drop off. No one has time or energy for that. We're putting DD in a daycare centre where we'll have to worry less about this stuff.
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  • maye25maye25 member
    My daughter started daycare center at 13 months she was fine and happy when I drop her off and when I picked up but when she turns 18 months they move her in to another room but she started crying when I drop her and when I pick her up she was so excited to leave the place she didn't do that in the other room (she said lets go multiple times and cried that she wants to leav) I feel that something was wrong but I see things that I didn't like from the teachers thank God I stared working an extra day and they didn't have space available for the 3rd day and I move her to another center and now she is happy and she say bye happily and blow me kisses and when I picke up she is so happy and excited at home
    The best advice that I can giving is follow your instinct whe are moms and we know when something is wrong and is Better to take an action know

    Good luck
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