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Is she the bad friend, or am I?

brighteyes33brighteyes33 member
in Infertility
how can i politely tell my cubicle-mate to PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING  HOLY stop complaining to me about her baby. Every single day, all day, she complains about her kid keeping her up, or wants my opinion on BFing, or needs to vent about what a chore it is to go buy a winter coat for the kid. I want to be a good friend and be there for her. But she knows i have struggled with IF for 2 years and she continues to bombard me with problems i would sell my soul to relate to. Keeping in mind that I have to sit next to her every day, how do i politely ask her to please give me a break.
Me: 32 years old, PCOS and low progesterone
DH: 34 years old
TTC since January 2013, zero BFPs: 3 cycles of metformin; 3 cycles with clomid; 3 cycles just injectables; 2 cycles of injectables with IUI.

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Re: Is she the bad friend, or am I?

  • maryanne007maryanne007 member
    Hello, I think at some random time (when she is not talking about her kid), just mention, again your struggle and that if she wouldn't mind, if you could discuss other subjects for a while.  I don't think that would be a big deal at all....  Good luck!
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  • ashleyat87ashleyat87 member
    If it happens that often, then I think you should say something. But like @maryanne007‌ said, bring it up when you won't blow up at her because she's currently doing it again. My sisters do this crap to me daily. One just had a baby last week (her 3rd kid) and my others sis is pregnant and has a 13 month old baby. They think because they're my sisters they have a right of passage to say what they want and it won't hurt my feelings, but it does. I've been trying to keep my distance to avoid confrontation and further uncomfortable moments. Since you can't get away from your coworker, I say talk to her about it.
    Me: 27 yrs old. Arcuate uterus, very short luteal phases (even with progesterone supp.), naturally long irregular cycles, poor response to all IF meds
    DH: 27 yrs old. Low morphology
    TTC since Jan. 2014. No BFPs ever :(
    8/14: 1st IUI w/ clomid, BFN
    9/14: 2nd IUI w/ clomid, BFN
    10/14: 3rd IUI w/ clomid, BFN
    12/14: 1st IVF, BFN. 6 eggs retrieved. 5 fertilized. 1 transferred. Two frozen embryos
    2/15: 1st FET scheduled. Cautiously optimistic.

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  • daniellewhitefielddaniellewhitefield member
    I can't even tell you the amount of times I've been around friends with kids, and they are doing something "bad" in the parents eyes and they look at me and say "don't have kids".. it makes me cringe. The hardest thing in the world is to watch someone take for granted, something that we would kill to have. Unfortunately there's not much you can do unless you're willing to tell her it bothers you. If she's your friend she will understand, and if she's not, there's no reason you should have to listen to her nonsense.
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  • brighteyes33brighteyes33 member
    Thank you, thank you, thank you. This is exactly the kind of support I needed to take action. It makes me so angry how careless people can be with their words (case in point - this same co-worker referred to me a few weeks ago (to my face) as "being broken" because i cant get pregnant). And i feel terribly that my instinct is to avoid everyone and everything - i am just afraid of hearing more of that! After 2 years, i guess i thought that it would get easier or i would find a new way to deal. I am trying therapy again, and Bump message boards. So thanks for the replies, they really did help! :-)
    Me: 32 years old, PCOS and low progesterone
    DH: 34 years old
    TTC since January 2013, zero BFPs: 3 cycles of metformin; 3 cycles with clomid; 3 cycles just injectables; 2 cycles of injectables with IUI.

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  • daniellewhitefielddaniellewhitefield member
    What kind of horrible person would tell someone they are broken because they're bodies aren't cooperating with conceiving a child. What a self centered piece of crap. I hope you consider just dropping her from your life.. nobody in our position needs that kind of negativity. You are not broken! She's broken. I hope everything works out for you. You deserve a child more than she does.
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  • przemosbabeprzemosbabe member
    She is insensitive. I suggest you politely tell her to please stop and explain why.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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  • jessnjuan07jessnjuan07 member
    Honestly, I would just tell her how it makes me feel and ask her to respect your feelings. I know that it feels like a knife in the heart and I have secondary infertility (my son is 13 from my first marriage). I can only imagine how hard it is for you.
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  • ALittleFishyALittleFishy member
    There is this article, too - https://infertility.about.com/od/familyandfriends/a/12-Things-Not-To-Say-To-Someone-With-Infertility.htm - that maybe could send to her/ask her to read. It's so hard, isn't it, when friends have kids and need to complain about it, too. Maybe just not to us?
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  • stacy&jeffstacy&jeff member
    In the interest of office tranquility you might try to beat around the bush a little bit.  Just mention that it is starting to be painful to listen to "other" friends talk about their babies because of what you are going through.  I definitely think you need to bring it up.  You might also want to make it clear that you do not want her to talk to anyone else about your situation.

    However, her calling you broken makes me want to slap her.  Are people that ridiculous?!  One of my "friends" told me, "come over here, I'm super fertile, maybe I can rub off on you."  My reply: "How do you know I'm NOT?!"  We have MFI.  Plus, this woman actually has zero children.  wth...

    PS I'm new around here, so can everyone kindly let me know if I'm doing anything wrong.
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