March 2015 Moms
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"Well it's completely normal..."

As a FTM, I don't take medical questions to forums online for everyone to weigh in on since I think I pay my Dr good money to answer my questions. But today I called and got sent to a nurse for his partner in his practice. She totally blew me off and it was the first time I was truly "pissed" that I got my question shafted. I thought I had started showing early signs of labor which is alarming at 33 weeks (in my eyes). And I got "well it's completely normal... Of course." Uhm... Well that's cool because as a FTM I have no idea what normal is... And then a rude "is that all you needed?!" Anyways...

Is there a better way to advocate for myself and my baby other than telling them off?!?Because I chose the telling off route and the nurse was pretty miffed at me... I guess she didn't appreciate the whole "I thought I pay the practice to provide care for me and my baby" comment.

Re: "Well it's completely normal..."

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    I'm a little confused. What did you want her to tell you? "Go to L&D right now because you and your baby are in grave danger!" I think I would feel relieved and thank the kind lady if she told me something was normal. I might even be a little embarrassed that I hadn't looked it up on my own first.
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    Yeah, most healthcare workers (or people in general) don't respond well to being told off, even when it's well deserved. The whole "I thought that's what I paid you for" attitude is often lost on the receptionist or medical assistant who is often overworked and underpaid and makes a teeny fraction of what the practice brings in or what the OB makes. But I know it's hard to stay calm and reasonable when things are handled callously or unprofessionally. Not that this helps at all for your current predicament but for future reference if the practice you go to is small enough to get to know the nursing staff on a first name basis you at least might be able to ask to speak to a particular person you are more comfortable with. If this is not an option you can always take a breather, collect yourself, then call back and ask for the clinical/nursing manager (or the office manager) and (calmly) describe your experience and the how the nurse/CMA/receptionist handled it, then request they discuss with the staff how to be more clear and compassionate in explanations to patients. In the heat of the moment it's hard to think like this. One good question to ask if they tell you everything is normal and not to worry is "well what should I look for and when should I call back? If my symptoms are XYZ currently and it changes or gets worse should I be concerned? If not, what should I be concerned about?" (and a good doctor or nurse would tell you what to look for and when to call back this without you having to ask)
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    *** the nurse will still be miffed, maybe even moreseo if you complain to the manager but it will probably get you a swift response. Also PSA: don't assume that someone in scrubs at the hospital or doctor's office is a nurse. An ob nurse at that. You could have been speaking to a new grad, a new hire, a medical assistant or a receptionist filling in for the actual nurse. i.e. someone who is potentially less knowledgeable and experienced which is why I recommneded politely expressing your concern higher up the chain in case you did get bogus advice. Or even if the advice was completely legit, the managers and higher ups need to know if staff is being unprofessional ( or maybe just uncaring). Sometimes we never know if we don't witness it.
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    I think I was highly overwhelmed sitting at work trying to get a call in on my plan period. Thanks for shedding light on me being a highly hormonal basket case! :) I just didn't know what to think or truly how to respond.
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    I'm going to go ahead and say I sort of understand where you're coming from. I would be upset if I called my doctor and anyone told me "of course" my symptoms are normal and asked me "if that was it". It's a very condescending way of being addressed. 

    However, you shouldn't really get snippy with your OB's office. Usually these people are all pretty close to each other. I know MH would be upset if one of his patients told off his favorite nurse, and at that point its your word against someone who's been working with your OB for maybe years. 

    In the future, the best way to handle it would be when you call back or go in person to talk to your OB or the office manager about how the situation made you feel. I had something similar happen to me when I passed out twice in one day and my OB's receptionist gave me an attitude and inaccurate medical advice. I nicely told him what happened, and I haven't had any issues with the office since. 
    BabyFruit Ticker

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