Anyone else dealing with Mom vs Dad 2yo drama?

watercolor5 · January 2015

Sophia is so specific about which tasks only mommy is allowed to do, vs which tasks only daddy can do. It's becoming pretty annoying, esp at bedtime. ONLY mommy can brush her teeth, ONLY daddy can sing to her, ONLY mommy can read to her. If we try to do things together, like both sing her a song, she has a fit and cries. If DH walks into the room while I'm reading to her, she yells that she wants him to go away. Is this a phase that we just have to go through, or are there ways of encouraging her to let us do bedtime routine or other things throughout the day together? Or should we just put our foot down and deal with the crying for a day or two until her behavior changes? She does fine with one parent doing everything if the other isn't home- it seems to just be a control thing. She sees both of us plenty, so it isn't a case of I want to hog daddy because I see him less often.

BeebopandBuddy · January 2015

We deal with this a little. I usually just make sure to point out that if he wants X, I'm available to help now but, if he wants daddy to do it, he will have to wait until daddy is available.

If it is something that's really intrusive to our schedule, I'll say that I can do something, like read the book, or they can do without. Then I let them choose what they prefer.

It is a phase that will pass, so I think it's about picking your battles.

Flamingemu · January 2015

L does this, but we just tell her no. We do let her pick a couple nights a week - who is going to read to you tonight?

Other times we just get up and tell her the other parent can't. She wines, gets over it, and snuggles in for her bedtime routine. I think it is important to not always give in, it helps them deal a little easier with disappointment.

hmp1 · January 2015

We are in this phase too. The mornings are hardest because he wants DH to get him out of bed, but DH leaves for work before he wakes up. So he is sad and pouty for a bit. I just move along with our day and try to hide the fact that I'm dying inside because he wasn't happy to see me

He is firm about other things to like at dinner if he asks DH to get him down, I am not allowed to do it. Those things are not worth the battle and we just let him decide who does what.

Pokedot · January 2015

Our biggest thing is teeth brushing and bathtime. If DH is home I can't help brush his teeth or give him a bath. It gets me out of it which is nice BUT I wonder how great of a job those 2 are doing in there.

AlinnJo · January 2015

Ugh we are in full swing of this here. She was sick and clingy on vacation and since we've gotten home she wants me to do EVERYTHING. What helped was me leaving her alone with H. I had an appointment and he was actually not working so Q stayed with him. It made such a difference. Sometimes I say no, mommy is busy or tell her daddy can do it or she doesn't get what she wants at all. It's really hard to not give in but I've got to stay strong!! It's exhausting!

kelbel527 · January 2015

This happens to us sometimes too. The other night Aedan literally pushed DH out of the room while holding my hand. No! Mommy bedtime!

Secretly, I wanted to read big kid a book instead of reading Calm Down Time for the 15th time that week, but I love it when my kids show favoritism, but only when the favor me. When they pick DH it breaks my heart.

We let him have choice when it's feasible and when it's not, we put our foot down. Daddy isn't here to help you right now, so you need to let mommy help. Sometimes it means we have to ride out a tantrum, sometimes he gets over it. By giving him some choice it helps.

When possible - I'd let her have a choice of activity when you can't offer the choice of which parent helps. Like, "Daddy can't sing to you right now, but Mommy will let you pick which song you want"

MommaP12 · January 2015

Oh please do not tell me this is coming!! Right now she only says "I want mom" if dad tells her "no" and vice versa. 8-|

elizabethwig · January 2015

this happens to us, but not to any extreme (yet). she'll mostly just want the opposite of what has already been decided. i consider it a stall tactic, especially at bedtime. we're pretty firm about who does X once it's decided (she'll even pick sometimes, and then switch), but we'll let her know that the other person can do X the next time, or Y instead right now.

Nita2603 · January 2015

We have that to an extend with both kids. The deal is 'you can have it our way or not at all' - so if someone whines about mommy reading a story instead of daddy, there is no story at all.
Works for a lot of things, but I realize it doesn't work for stuff like tooth brushing. Though, we would do a 'mommy can brush your teeth nicely or hold you down to do it, your choice'.

bosha711 · January 2015

Yes! DD only wants daddy to put her to sleep at night. When she gets a boo boo, she cries for daddy, even though she's home with me & MH is at work.

When we're all in the car, the split second the car goes into park it's a pre-emptive, "NO! MOMMY gets me out!" lol. Like we haven't even taken our seat belts off & she freaks out.

She's a trip.

watercolor5 · January 2015

Yeah, she doesn't have a clear favorite for everything- all of her daily routine tasks are pretty well divided. If we say, our way or it doesn't happen, she'll pick "it doesn't happen and I throw a temper tantrum about it for a good long while."

She did tell DH "I don't love you Daddy" the other day just because she didn't want him to help her eat the last few bites of her dinner. I think it hurt his feelings a bit even though it's so obviously not true- she adores her daddy. Man, sometimes I feel like she switches back and forth between being a sweet little baby and a sullen teenager.

hmp1 · January 2015

dimples12 said:
CJ uses the line "we're best friends" to his advantage on the daily. "cj, go to time out for X". "Momma, we're best friends" and then pout. Parenting is tough, yo.

My kids use best friend too. And for the dig, "you're not my best friend, mommy". It is funny to me but I'm glad they don't use "I don't love you". That would kill me.

kelbel527 · January 2015

hmp1 said:

CJ uses the line "we're best friends" to his advantage on the daily. "cj, go to time out for X". "Momma, we're best friends" and then pout. Parenting is tough, yo.
My kids use best friend too. And for the dig, "you're not my best friend, mommy". It is funny to me but I'm glad they don't use "I don't love you". That would kill me.

Brody used the "I don't love you" once. I almost died.

It's offset though by the times that he asks to do something, I say no, he throws a fit, I say "I know, I'm a mean mommy" and he replies (while tantruming) "No! You're not! You're a good mommy!"

MRoxy0628 · January 2015

@kelbel527 That made me laugh. A little reverse psychology.

We deal with this too. It's the worst at bedtime. She wants me to do everything, but I'm trying to have my husband take on more so it's not all on me. I think you're right that it's them trying to assert themselves and control things. I do give her a choice with some things, like brushing her teeth since it's such a battle. Others, I just say "Dad's doing it." I usually have to get stern and count to 3, which seems to work okay for us.

MarisaKathleen · January 2015

Yea...this wouldn't be happening in our house. I'm sorry, we don't play games with Nancy. If she wants to cry about something that's a non-issue, that's fine. She'll be over it by the time she wakes up. For us too, this stuff happens at bedtime. I know it's because she's tired, but dude, at the end of the day, I'm tired too. Stop the shenanigans and go to bed.

Our most used phrase from 7-720 is always "Nancy, this isn't a crisis, stop whining about it."

watercolor5 · January 2015

MarisaKathleen said:
Yea...this wouldn't be happening in our house. I'm sorry, we don't play games with Nancy. If she wants to cry about something that's a non-issue, that's fine. She'll be over it by the time she wakes up. For us too, this stuff happens at bedtime. I know it's because she's tired, but dude, at the end of the day, I'm tired too. Stop the shenanigans and go to bed.

Our most used phrase from 7-720 is always "Nancy, this isn't a crisis, stop whining about it."

We're usually no-nonsense about things, but Sophia won't let it drop and bedtime would slide an hour or more in the wrong direction. The kid is strong-willed. I think for us it's going to be a matter of picking our battles. Now that I've had another couple bedtimes, I think she is favoring me a bit more, so maybe my trip to california influenced her more than I thought.

Hyaline · January 2015

watercolor5 said:

MarisaKathleen said:
Yea...this wouldn't be happening in our house. I'm sorry, we don't play games with Nancy. If she wants to cry about something that's a non-issue, that's fine. She'll be over it by the time she wakes up. For us too, this stuff happens at bedtime. I know it's because she's tired, but dude, at the end of the day, I'm tired too. Stop the shenanigans and go to bed.

Our most used phrase from 7-720 is always "Nancy, this isn't a crisis, stop whining about it."

We're usually no-nonsense about things, but Sophia won't let it drop and bedtime would slide an hour or more in the wrong direction. The kid is strong-willed. I think for us it's going to be a matter of picking our battles. Now that I've had another couple bedtimes, I think she is favoring me a bit more, so maybe my trip to california influenced her more than I thought.

I think "pick your battles" is fair here. Plus--if the preferences line up with how her routine usually goes, it does seem like a bit much for a lot of kids to remove that element of the routine if it's not necessary. I wouldn't just decide DD couldn't take her baby doll to bed with her; why would I decide she has to deal with Daddy doing bedtime song even though it's always Mommy? Depends on the kid, clearly--mine could giveacrap which of us puts her down as long as she has her Pandi Bear.

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