LGBT Parenting

Homonormativity Article

I mentioned this in my TTT, so here is the link to the article:

https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/01/homonormativity-101/ 

There is A LOT in here.

In case you didn't read my TTT, this is an article that a friend of mine posted on FB, and I have mixed feelings about it... I re-read it before posting it here, and I think my take-away after reading it a second time is different than my take-away from reading it the first time. I also think that there is a disconnect between the key points made at the beginning of the article and the "drill down" section that follows. At any rate, I also think my reading of the article the first time was tainted by my own defensiveness based on the person who posted it and some other comments she has made about "normativity" previously...

OK, read it. Talk about it. Don't throw rocks at me.

Me - 30, My wife - 31 , Together for 10 yrs - Married August 2012

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Re: Homonormativity Article

  • I get frustrated sometimes at these kinds of articles too because it feels like it is attacking people. That being said, while I was in grad school we talked about all these issues all the time, the intersectionality of oppression and they are important things to be aware of. I think the message gets lost though when the author shames other folks. 

    I wanted to get married and have a family. Maybe because the heteronormative world we live in told me that, or maybe that's just who I am, probably both to be honest. I am 150% in support of people not getting married though. Way too many people do it because they think they have to to fit into society. And it's terrible for the kids they have (myself included). 

    I also think the racism and transphobia in the LGBT community is awful and need to be address and should be more important issues than marriage. Unfortunately, not everyone agrees, or else they wouldn't be problems right? 

    In my opinion, the answer isn't to get rid or marriage and families, but to make room for all people in our society whatever life they choose. It certainly doesn't help to anger and alienate certain types of people though. Now I'm rambling so I'll stop. But thanks for sharing. 


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  • I think this article is....interesting. Everything in life is based upon stereotypes. The way we think, feel, react, etc. But saying that being visible only hurts us is not entirely true. While I am probably considered to be in this stereotype (white, married, with children) I have faced my own bouts with discrimination and find it refreshing to see things that support what isn't NORMAL. If we are normalizing gay, what is wrong with that? I don't need to be pointed out as different. I don't want my daughters to feel that they are different. Maybe I am truly missing the point here

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  • Well, the way I see it is we had to start somewhere, right?  The Stonewall riots blossomed from GLBT folks who were tired of being criminalized for the sexual orientation.  Then came the repealing of sodomy laws (which were plentiful in the olden days).  Then came the desire for acceptance in general in American culture.  It was a huge controversy when Ellen DeGeneres simply outed herself on her own TV show in the 90's.  Her show was canceled shortly after that.

    Then we started seeing caricatures of GLBT individuals, as in Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.  "Hey, gays are alright if they're our style icons and humorous mascots!"  Gradually, gradually straights started to see gays as human beings with similar emotions, hopes, and dreams as themselves.  It took a lot to move past the Will and Grace era or My Best Friend's Wedding where the gay man is the good-friend-side-kick who loves shopping, shoes, and interior design.  As lesbians I'm sure we all have close gay male friends - none of mine fit that stereotype.  They're simply men who are attracted to other men with their own distinct personalities and tastes.  In fact, most of MY gay guy friends are obsessed with super heroes.  That, to me, makes them geeks more than anything but I digress.

    Point is, we can't go charging at Straight America in our rainbow feathered boas, glitter thongs, and assless chaps and expect to be well-received.  To be accepted we have to be relatable.  Over time I'm confident the fringe outliers of the GLBT community will find acceptance but we have a ways to go before polyamory and pansexuality become mainstream.  It's a constant fight.  For a long time, only white gay men were in the spotlight.  It took lesbians a while to find their voice.

    Just my two cents.  I think the "homonormative" movement is good for the GLBT community in general in terms of acceptance but we shouldn't stop there.  We need to fight for our trans* folks (who I believe are still by far the most marginalized) and fight for greater visibility for GLBT minorities. 

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