intro and comfort

nana0602 · January 2015

Hello I'm new to this board I've been on the bump since I found out about my pregnancy in aug 2014...

I'm a FTM who met my daughter Anilah on the 5th of this month at 8:02 am. She came into this world sleeping via c-section at exactly 24 weeks. Around this time on the 4tg I really bad stomach pains being a ftm I didn't know to go to the hospital at 2am my water broke I went to the hospital and at 7am they were telling me things weren't looking good. I did everything I was supposed to do during my pregnancy right. I went to my appointments, took my meds ate right, tried my best not to stress, and didn't smoke or drink.

Night time is always really bad for me my SO is really distant my family is hovering and I feel so alone due to me being the only one to have gone through this that I know. I need advice I'm not sure how to handle this or how long I'll last with this feeling.

justyhaunani · January 2015

First I want to say I'm so sorry u found yourself in this board, but I'm glad you found us. This group is really supportive, I mean we all understand what we are all feeling and going through.

The best advice I can do is take care of yourself , cry as much as u need to (a good cry session always helps me), talk about it with whoever Ur comfortable with, I know a lot of people don't have much to say but it's always nice just to have someone to vent to.

Time heals. I lost my son two months ago and the first month was definatley the hardest, but there will be a day soon where u can think about ur daughter and smile, then there will always be hard days. Just take the time u need to grieve.

Ur in my thoughts *hugs

shandorfml2 · January 2015

**siggy

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. She has a gorgeous name. Do they know why your water broke? Was in incompetent cervix? Take care of yourself, allow yourself to cry/scream. It will get easier with time, but it is a very hard road.

dadalou · January 2015

I'm so sorry for the loss of Anilah. It is really hard at first. Are you having trouble sleeping? I was for weeks and weeks. I talked to my doctor and actually was on medication for it for a month or so. That really helped.

I'm sure your SO is grieving too. Everyone grieves differently. It can be very isolating. I know that at first I felt very far away from my husband as we each grieved alone in our own ways. It's been about a year for us and things have gotten a lot better in the past 6 months or so. I had to talk to him about it to know that he was grieving too.

msunshine123 · January 2015

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter Anilah. You did everything right and there is nothing you could have done differently. Be kind to yourself. It's still very early for you. My local support group has been a big help in addition to this board. Most local hospitals have support groups - see if your local hospital has a perinatal bereavement group and I encourage you to check it out.

lexusolsen · January 2015

I'm so sorry for your loss. Therapy and a support group have really helped me to feel more normal. I also recommend the book "When Hello Means Goodbye". So many grief books are huge which at 10 months out is still daunting to me. But that book is small and has chapters that you can skip around in. That made it less intimidating for me. It also helped me realize my feelings were normal.

Maybe Joleisa · January 2015

Sorry to welcome you here and for the loss of your daughter, Anilah. I, too, was the only one I knew to experience a loss. I found comfort in finding this wonderful board full of lovely ladies, reading "Empty Cradle Broken Heart" and I attended a grief retreat through Spark of Life Foundation.

Sleep did not happen for me very much; my doc who delivered me gave me a prescription for 7 Ambien. Seven. I was afraid of running out, so I used them sparingly and I think I still have 2-3 left. It kept me asleep for about 3-4 hours; definitely recommend if you are having issues with your mind not stopping when you go to bed.

stefuge · January 2015

I am so sorry for your loss of Anilah. Just take it moment by moment, day by day, just let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. Set little goals for yourself - like today I will get out of bed, or today I will take a shower and pick up the mail - and just let yourself grieve. Cry, scream, whatever that is.

I also recommend therapy - MH and I met with a grief counselor the first few months after losing our son and it helped to have someone there to facilitate the conversation and have an intentional space to talk about our grief and our marriage and everything. I also spent time journaling and blogging, just getting my emotions out really helped.

And I personally don't believe that time takes away the pain. I think that with time, you learn to live with the pain. The grief and loss doesn't shock you or punch you in the stomach like it does in the beginning, but it also never goes away. You will learn what your new normal is and learn to carry your grief.

I'm so sorry you find yourself here. Know that we are all here whenever you need us.

ikrystal · January 2015

**ticker warning**

I am so sorry for your loss. The previous ladies gave great advice, and agree with them... let yourself cry, read, write (probably helped me the most), and of course lean on us... this is a wonderful group

of women. Thinking of you and sending strength.

nana0602 · January 2015

Thank you ladies all for your advice it immediately feels better knowing that there is hope. I'm was so lost and still am in a lot of ways but today my mother brought me a journal and I wrote everything at least six pages. Afterwards I felt a great release so thank you all for that one.

He tells me I cry to much I'm weak and cuts me off before finishing my sentences, its so hard I find my self complying and comprising I went to the doctors today and I have anxiety. I cant even handle a simple disagreement I'm scheduled to talk with a specialist tomorrow and I really hope I can get some help I feel as if my whole body is failing me all at once.

They say I had a placental abruption with no cause no reason. Some times It just happens and my unlucky lil body couldn't hold up... but again thank you, you ladies kind words and insight is greatly appreciated.

shandorfml2 · January 2015

*Siggy

You are not weak honey, you are mourning your child. Crying, anxiety and depression are all normal feelings. I agree with PPs about therapy. Im still in therapy and it has been very helpful

MCH77 · January 2015

I'm so sorry for the loss of Anilah (very pretty name). I lost my son in Jan 2014 at exactly 24w.

My hospital has a support group that I found very supportive. I also realized that my DH and I grieve VERY differently, it has taken time to work through that. And it's still far from perfect. I wish you the best with everything.

((Hugs))

nana0602 · January 2015

@MCH77‌ Thank you this whole thing is very spirit breaking some days our grief causes us to avoid all contact with each others and others we are perfectly normal its so confusing to me.

Morena Mama · January 2015

I'm so sorry for your loss. Anilah is such a beautiful name and I'm sure she was just as beautiful. Big hugs!

jonahsma · January 2015

WhAt a beautiful name! I am so sorry to have to welcome you here and I hope you find comfort and support . Nights were the worst for me as well and it took awhile for me to realize that dh and I grieve waaaay different. Grieve how You feel is necessary, scream, cry, write, do whatever you feel . ((Hugs)) we know it is very, very hard and we are all here anytime you need support.

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