Baby Shower - Awful Sister in Law

aln624 · January 2015

Please offer advice! Would it be wrong if I don't invite one of my sister in laws to my baby shower? She is extremely rude and nasty and my husband nor myself have spoken to her in almost a year....since she tried to ruin our wedding. I am concerned it will impact our relationship with his family if she isn't invited, but I'm also concerned it will be upsetting to me and my family / friends if she is invited bc everyone knows how she acted at the wedding. I love my husband very much and don't want to cause a strain with his family, but I'm just not sure either of us can stomach the thought of even sending her an invitation let alone thinking she might show up. HELP!!!!

tjurado10 · January 2015

Don't invite her. You haven't talked to her in almost a year plus if everyone knows how she acted at your wedding friends and family shouldn't be surprised she wasn't invited. I wouldn't go out of my way explaining that I'm not going to invite her though If someone asked me why then I would explain to them my feelings/reasoning

Rosie3rd · January 2015

I agree with pp. don't invite her, and don't make a big deal about it. Only explain if explicitly asked. There's nothing wrong with leaving cruel people out of your celebrations.

blankenbakerh · January 2015

If neither your DH or you feel comfortable with her being there then don't invite. It's supposed to be about you, the baby and DH. Inviting her will most likely add unnecessary tension to your baby shower. I would only explain if asked. If for some reason you and your DH decide to invite her, I would make it clear to her that any rudeness on her part will not be tolerated. Tell her if she comes and starts to make things uncomfortable for you and your guests she will be asked to leave. I have had to deal with this situation myself unfortunately. We did not to invite the person and they were family as well.

swiftrr · January 2015

I wouldn't invite her, she sounds like a bitch. Your baby and your baby shower, invite who you want to be surrounded by.

MissRissx3 · January 2015

She doesn't need to be there.

supersarah77 · January 2015

This is a complicated one. I have a SIL I don't like, she's a total B. I invited her to my bridal shower and DD's baby shower because I felt it was the right thing to do. It's just a couple hours of your life and can avoid a potential lifetime of "you didn't invite me to your shower." Besides, other people will be at your shower, just keep your contact with her limited and cordial. My SIL didn't attend the bridal shower simply saying "I won't be there" with no explanation and I didn't ask for one. So here's hoping she wouldn't attend anyway. I'd invite her, but if you need to express concerns about behavior that might make other guests uncomfortable, do that.

CateOfChicago · January 2015

I think you have to invite her. That makes you look like the bigger person. Hopefully, she won't show.

MissRissx3 · January 2015

If she's that big of a nuisance, she doesn't belong there. Especially if she makes you feel uncomfortable. It's your day, as well as your DH. Do what you two think would be the best option.

cpage2211 · January 2015

I wouldn't want to invite her either. But the fact that she IS your SIL means that if you don't, you're the bad guy. If you invite her and she decides to attend and she starts acting like a fool, tell her to leave.

laurenbrnwed · January 2015

I wouldn't invite her! Enjoy the day without any crazies!

JuliaRL · January 2015

it's definitely a toss up. Is she your husband's sister? or his brother's wife?

I think that, in the end, she should be invited. Try to limit your contact with her, and ask her to leave if things get nasty. I wouldn't expect much in the way of a gift from a bitch either! lol.

Shanfrey82 · January 2015

Don't invite!! When she's ready to be a positive, contributing and supportive part of your life and your babies life, she will prove that and become worthy of being invited... For now... No way

sassymama15 · January 2015

Going to play devils advocate here, what about inciting her just to show that you are being the bigger person. It will make you look better in everyone's eyes and make her look like a fool if she doesn't act right again. That way you can say you did all you can. I understand your position though and hope you can work through it for the best outcome.

MissRissx3 · January 2015

Shanfrey82 said:
Don't invite!! When she's ready to be a positive, contributing and supportive part of your life and your babies life, she will prove that and become worthy of being invited... For now... No way

This!

saric83 · January 2015

Frankly, I wouldn't invite anyone I haven't seen in a year to my shower, so I would feel comfortable excluding her simply on that basis.

Although, the only exception for this would be if the relative hosting it wants to include her. I would consider it then, so you don't put the host in an awkward spot.

Does anyone else in his immediate family still have relationships with her? Was she around during holidays?

aln624 · January 2015

I'm just concerned my mother in law and other sister in law would be upset with me....even knowing how strained things have been for the past year

aln624 · January 2015

Last minute she and my brother in law decided not to come this way for the holidays but invited the family there...not really us....it was just implied that we could come too if we wanted. We sent gifts and cards but didn't get anything in return....not even a Merry Christmas.

Shanfrey82 · January 2015

Maybe let your husband fight this battle. You're pregnant, you don't need the stress and it's his mother and sisters. Have him take the stance for you both and I'm sure they will respect the decisions

aln624 · January 2015

I cannot put into words how rude, disrespectful and down right trashy she was at our rehearsal dinner and how she and her husband behaved the day of and after our wedding. I have no doubt that IF she were invited to the shower and IF she showed, she would either behave the same way or try to talk to me about what happened at the wedding. Either way, she would ruin the shower

blankenbakerh · January 2015

I agree @Shanfrey82‌ . After you have described the situation more , I think you should let DH handle it. If she is invited he should make it clear that her drama will not be tolerated and if she starts she will be asked to leave. I would let him make the final decision on this one.

elee84 · January 2015

Don't invite her but let your husband deal with this. You've got enough going on. Who's hosting/planning the shower? Perhaps they wouldn't mind taking the flack for 'accidentally' forgetting the invite her. That's what my bridesmaids did for my hen do so I took no responsibility at all!

aln624 · January 2015

Neither his sister nor mother know exactly what occurred at the wedding. We have spared them the nasty details. Up to this point, his mother has sided with my sister in law, so we are concerned this will happen again and make us look like the bad people

blankenbakerh · January 2015

aln624 said:
Neither his sister nor mother know exactly what occurred at the wedding. We have spared them the nasty details. Up to this point, his mother has sided with my sister in law, so we are concerned this will happen again and make us look like the bad people

I understand. I have had to deal with the same type of situation with my SIL. She doesn't like me and has often been rude. I finally just put it my DHs hands. IMO it's his family and therefore should deal with it. If my family were to be rude and disrespectful to him, he wouldn't even need to say anything because I would address that with them. They are my family. Just like if his family is rude and disrespectful then he should address with them because they are his family. It's hard thing to do sometimes when you married. It's not fun having to address family members about their lack of respect towards your spouse but sometimes can not be avoided.

aln624 · January 2015

She and my husbands brother have been horrible to both of us and have also been mean to my stepson. My husband has tried many times to address their actions but they see next to nothing wrong with how they've acted.

saric83 · January 2015

Who is hosting the shower?

sb184 · January 2015

I agree with everyone else, I wouldn't invite her and I wouldn't feel bad about it! Especially if you haven't talked to her in a year. You and LO do not need any stress and you should be able to enjoy your shower.

aln624 · January 2015

My mother is hosting the shower

aniquinter1 · January 2015

It's definitely a tough one. Have you talked things out with your DH? If you both feel strongly about not inviting her then I would go with that. If you both aren't sure then I would send an invite out and hope she declines the invitation. Do they live far away?

Sunshine4020 · January 2015

If it were me, I wouldn't invite someone like that, family or not.

aln624 · January 2015

She lives about 2 hours away

aniquinter1 · January 2015

aln624 said:
She lives about 2 hours away

Maybe there is a good chance she decides not to inconvenience herself then if it would be a 4hr round trip to go to a shower.

aln624 · January 2015

There's a good chance she would come just to cause yet another scene

MommyMel81 · January 2015

It sounds like you've made up your mind. Sticking with and going through with it will be tough, but ultimately it's your decision. Good luck with whatever route you take!

pauladuran763 · January 2015

Don't invite her. You need love and support and not extra stress

BBS! · January 2015

Send her invite right before the shower so she doesn't have time to plan to come but you can say she was invited. Or just don't invite her.

aln624 · January 2015

OMG! That's a great idea!!!!

ashby83 · January 2015

I'm having a separate shower for family, in laws and friends for this reason. My SIL will be so nasty and I don't want my friends or family around that. So I will grit my teeth and sit through an in-law shower IF they can manage to throw me one. she is my hubs fav sis and doesn't see the evil behavior that I do. If you aren't having separate showers then invite her last minute and cross your fingers she doesn't show. Good luck!

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