Newbie Birth Help. Please!

AlinnJo · January 2015

So I am really hoping for a VBAC this time around. As log as baby comes on her own, it should happen. Otherwise I will have a RCS on 4/6. When I was thinking in the shower this morning, I realized I have no freaking idea about giving birth. I never took any classes the first time around or read any books. I don't know what I was thinking. So help me out please!!

Any helpful book/website/video recommendations? I'd like to go med free but who knows.

Any tips for my H? What did you have your H do?? Any advice for him?

Recovery help? I'm sure it will be much different than a C-section recovery.

Seriously. Give me all of the birthing advice and any other info. I'm feeling all confident in the pregnancy department but the actual baby coming out department has me clueless.

willy_gert · January 2015

I have no advice! I just wanted to say good luck and I think it is awesome that you are trying for VBAC! I am a pansy and probably wouldn't.

tinyhumantoe · January 2015

I can't help you because I have no effing clue how I had a kid. I didn't take any classes.

H held my leg and I made him promise not to look, EL OH EL. He looked pretty terrified.

Recovery? I didn't know anything before it happened - they showed me how to care for the disaster. They give you heavenly coot ice packs when you're there, and amazing mesh underwear. You will destroy all of your underwear in the weeks after birth.

Colace stool softeners, warm water in a peri bottle to squirt on the area every time you go, tucks pads shoved up your cracks, dermaplast spray used in moderation (it can cause irritation), and big overnight pads. I slept on towels because I bled so much, even getting up to change myself every couple hours. I bled for effing ever and had DH look at my ass crack a couple times to see if I ripped something open (GROSS). I didn't, it just felt that way.

We had bilirubin tests every day with W and let me just say, getting in and out of the truck was ridiculous, and it was too much walking. I swear it slowed my healing down.

tinyhumantoe · January 2015

I had a rule that DH couldn't take out my lidded trash can I put in the bathroom. That stuff was so nasty. When I opened it and it had been emptied, it made me so embarrassed I wanted to die. Hence the rule.

BeebopandBuddy · January 2015

Well, I had an epidural both times so I can't help you with that part.

My H just pretty much sat there because I wasn't in pain. If you're doing natural you will probably need support from him. My H went through natural childbirth with his first two kids and says the experience was night and day different.

The recovery was just taking it easy, keeping it clean down there, dealing with bleeding, etc. there aren't as many restrictions as a C-section recovery so you'll probably find it easier.

Pokedot · January 2015

Honestly my best piece of advice is just go with the flow. Ha! I expected drugs, and angels singing when my child came out. Not.the.case. I didn't have drugs, there wasn't enough time. H was wonderful in there but he was completely silent. I really think if he said something I would have told him to "shut up."

Breathing was key for me. I found something I could confuse on and did just that.

Any way you'll rock it!

AlinnJo · January 2015

Oh God @tinyhumantoe‌ I feel like this will be me. I'll go into it thinking my body knows what it's doing and then I'll start freaking out because I'll have no freaking clue what to expect. My H has absolutely no idea either and will probably just do things that annoy me.

@BeebopandBuddy‌ what you wrote kinda made me want an epidural. You're all relaxed and eh about child birth. It's sounds glorious!!!

MommaP12 · January 2015

I'd just go with the flow. My deliveries sucked, epidurals didn't take, yadda yadda, I'll spare you. DH was a CHAMP holding my legs, not saying much so I didn't punch him, etc. He was so great through it all. Hope you get the VBAC and it goes smoothly. Definitely be prepared for major bleeding postpartum and have those tucks, stool softeners, and dermiplast ready!

tinyhumantoe · January 2015

BeebopandBuddy said:

The recovery was just taking it easy, keeping it clean down there, dealing with bleeding, etc. there aren't as many restrictions as a C-section recovery so you'll probably find it easier.

I would imagine it's easier to recovery from vaginal delivery than C-section and agree that if you take it easy, it's just keeping things clean

AlinnJo · January 2015

These answers are making me feel better. I feel FTMish like I need to read and learn EVERYTHING there is to giving birth. But my normal mantra is to go with the flow and whatever happens, happens. My main reason for wanting the VBAC is that I was SO out of it from the c-section drugs. I don't think I breastfed much at all in the beginning. I also don't remember the first few hours after surgery. I don't want that again.

bosha711 · January 2015

Breathing techniques I learned in my parenting class at the hospital the first time around really helped me work through contractions. It was really just a series of deep breaths that you hold & then let out slowly.

I had a great epi at 7 cm with DS, but a botched epi with DD. So with her, I had an unintentional med-free birth. There's really no helping you at that point. lol It's just a raging ring of fire. Legs burning & your body feeling like it's splitting in half.

MH just let me squeeze his hand & was there for moral support when things got scary.

When you push, you are supposed to kinda curl you upper body so your chin comes down toward your chest so you are pushing more with your upper body, rather than feeling like you're just pushing out a poop. ha.

If you have a slow labor & get an epi early, use that time to sleep before shit starts to get real.

For recovery, I had giant ice packs in the mesh underwear. I'd line the ice packs with tucks pads (witch hazel) & some Rx cream. I had a 2nd degree tear & episiotomy the first time. I had a minor tear the second time.

They gave me stuff for a sitz (sp?) bath, but I didn't find it helpful.

You can't really wipe at first, so you have to use a squirt bottle with warm water & then just dab.

Fun times. GL!

redneckmomma25 · January 2015

I know you don't really hang out on the A15 board but they do a VBAC check in. It's probably on proboards now. There are a lot of knowledgable women there.

watercolor5 · January 2015

I think what you need for support depends on your personality and what you won't find annoying haha. Some people love silence, some people want their husband talking to distract. I liked the hospital birthing class because it was free and gave us techniques to use or ignore as we saw fit. I liked the emphasis on moving around, and teaching DH how to massage and how to help me meditate. The thing that helped me the most in labor was just having DH hold my hand and tell me when a contraction was about to start, halfway done, and almost done.

I also used an epidural for both births. I will say that for Sophia's birth, I had to be put on pitocin after my water broke and labor didn't start on its own, and needed DH's coaching a LOT during that labor before the epi... and I got the epi at 2cm dilation. A lot of the pain management techniques were out of the question with that birth because I had to be on an IV from the getgo and couldn't move around as much because of it. With Julia I made it to 8cm dilated before the epi, so pitocin can make a huge difference on how much pain you can deal with. I'd keep my mind open as far as pain relief- having a goal of med-free is great, but don't let yourself feel that you've failed if you opt for pain relief.

When pushing, it helped to learn that it wasn't really useful to push as the contraction was just starting, but to wait until I really felt it to push hard- it helped me save energy. All that to say, if you go with the flow and listen to your doctors and nurses, you really don't need to study up ahead of time- they'll get you through it.

BeebopandBuddy · January 2015

AlinnJo said:

Oh God @tinyhumantoe‌ I feel like this will be me. I'll go into it thinking my body knows what it's doing and then I'll start freaking out because I'll have no freaking clue what to expect. My H has absolutely no idea either and will probably just do things that annoy me.

@BeebopandBuddy‌ what you wrote kinda made me want an epidural. You're all relaxed and eh about child birth. It's sounds glorious!!!

Lol, yeah, I kind of am. I slept the last 10 hours before Maya was born. They woke me to push. It was all good.

kelbel527 · January 2015

OK, so I was trying to remember how long I did pitocin before getting an epi, so I went and read Aedan's birth story. Now I'm crying. Birth is so emotional!

I used an Epi with both boys and was on pitocin both times as well. My body didn't progress very well without the use of pitocin. In my experience, I'm happy I had an epi and that I used pitocin, otherwise I'm afraid I would have labored for days. And I'm not that tough.

Talk to DH ahead of time about what kind of support you think you'll need. I made the mistake of not having that conversation before Brody, and DH slept during the first couple hours of labor in the hospital. I was too nice and let him. The second time around he was to do everything I told him and not to fall asleep (though that was easier because it wasn't the middle of the night).

Sounds like you already have a great attitude about going with the flow. I'd read up on pain management techniques to help you go med-free, but if you get an epi, don't beat yourself up about it.

Recovery was the worst part for me with Brody (#2 was easier). I chose not to take anything more than advil after Aedan because the pain pills caused constipation the first time, despite taking stool softeners. That was painful. Use everything they give you in the hospital (spray, ice, water bottle) and take extras home. Witch hazel is also a good soother or you can buy hemorrhoid pads that already have them.

You'll be awesome.

hmp1 · January 2015

I could not push when I had James. They had to vacuum him out. So when I was pregnant with Leo, I really concentrated on how I pooped. Really, I did. Because they kept telling me to push like I was pooping but I just couldn't do it. I mainly blame my epi being too strong because I got a booster about an hour before I started to push. It took a couple tries with Leo for me to figure it out, but I was really focused on pushing the poop and it worked. 3 pushes later and he was out. Much better than the 60+ minutes it took for James.

I had an epi both times, I asked for Leo's as soon as I was admitted. No question in my mind if I was going to do it or not. I did puke both times (I think or maybe just with James and felt like it with Leo?) just before hitting 10cm. DH's job was to give me ice chips. Man, I was thirsty. And to not look. He did great.

I tore with both deliveries. The hospital gave me a sitz bath to do at home and I enjoyed them. Helped make me feel really clean without having to take an extra shower and I also used the peri bottle provided by the hospital.

AlinnJo · January 2015

I'm so glad I posted this. I honestly thought you all were going to post all of these blogs and websites and books and videos that I was going to have to read. Phew! I'm not so stressed now.

I can not have Pitocin so I know that will not be a factor. I think it's a good idea to look up some pain management techniques. I'm so nervous! I just really hope she decides to come on her before the 6th. Fingers crossed!

pharmer78 · January 2015

My only wisdom for an epi-free birth, is that when you feel like you are just about to die, and like @bosha711 said, "your body feeling like it's splitting in half" that means you're almost done! And recovery is seriously breezy! Good luck!!!!

Holly_1007 · January 2015

I went med free with Colby, be prepared, it's a lot of work. It's a lot of "mind over matter" stuff. I literally was taking things one contraction at a time. I used the shower in the hospital room, having warm water on my back really helped. I also found making low moaning noises helped as well. It sounds weird but you have to fight your body to stay relaxed during contractions. the contraction hits and your natural reaction is to tense up to brace for it, but that will delay your progress, you have to keep as relaxed as possible. H was useless so I have no helpful tips on that front, but really I don't think there was much he could have done. TMI: I pooped while pushing Colby out and he teased me about it for months afterwards.

pharmer78 · January 2015

@Holly_1007 what a jerk thing to do!!!! It is filed under "that which will never be mentioned" in our household!

And I fully agree on the mind-over-matter attitude. When things got really bad, I had to keep reminding myself, this has to end sometime, and each contraction can only last so long...I guess I just rationalized myself through the process!

AlinnJo · January 2015

@Holly_1007‌ That's just mean. That is definitely not something to joke about. I agree with @pharmer78‌ and if it happens to me it will never be mentioned again! Thanks for sharing, it helps so much with what I need to expect.

TiffanyT85 · January 2015

I had a lot of back labour with DS, and I found that the tub with very warm (almost hot) water was very helpful. I was warned that it could pause labour, but I was lucky that it didn't.
Once I got out of the bath, they broke my water and everything got very intense. I use nitrous oxide gas, and phentanyl.
In the end I needed forceps to help with delivery, so I was wheeled into an OR and given an epi.
I second everyone who said to listen to the doctors and nurses. I didn't ask why I was supposed to do the sitz baths, and let them lapse, which caused my recovery to take longer than it should.
All that being said, I'm sure you will do awesome!

ellebee2 · January 2015

I don't have much advice that hasn't been mentioned, but good luck with the vbac.

I went med-free with both kids... I found standing, leaning on dh shoulders and swaying with him worked well during contractions, but everyone is different. So move around, see what works, dont be afraid to look/sound ridiculous.

Also, what @Holly_1007‌ said about low moans... really helped me relax when I really just wanted to scream.

And listen to the dr/nurse/ob/midwife/whoever is there for pushing stage. They will do their best to keep your vag in tact so long as you can follow their directions (which may include not pushing which is so so so hard).

smb+jab · January 2015

have you looked into taking a birthing class at your local hospital? I know its not your first time around but since you mentioned you wanted to do a natural birth they go over Lamaze breathing, the natural child birth process etc. Our class was given by one of the RN's in the maternity ward and it was a maybe a 2 hours on a week night and there were other offerings. I would check with your OB's office they might be able to help with finding out timings. I found it to be useful.

I ended up having a c-section so most I cannot offer any first hand tips but my BF was had delivered her two boys naturally and I had pumped her for info. the one tip that i don't think was mention that I had prepared for was she said to keep the large maxi pads on hand, fill them with water and witch hazel and freeze them. they can then be used as ice pack to sooth your lady area afterwards.

and good luck!

Flamingemu · January 2015

I had really bad back labor since L flipped to the sunnyside up position the night before she decided to grace us with her presence. I labored at home until I couldn't take it any more. I was a little more than 5cm when I went to the hospital and immediately asked for an epi. I was told it was hit or miss that it would work with back labor - it worked thank goodness.

I pushed for 10 minutes, we told I was doing it wrong and gave up. I told the nurse she had to turn off my epi if I was going to push properly. So they did. We waited about 30 minutes or so until I could feel the ring of fire, fun times. Then I started pushing again. It was much easier once I could feel everything again.

The only thing I can offer that wasn't already mentioned is to make sure your placenta is delivered properly. Mine is still causing me issues today thanks to a super fast delivery.

tinyhumantoe · January 2015

@flamingemu I didn't know sunny side up had anything to do with back labor. W was sunnyside and I had major back labor - makes sense.

If you feel like sharing, how was the placenta delivered? I'm curious as to how that gets screwed up.

tinyhumantoe · January 2015

p.s. this thread is fucking scaring me, but I am so miserable I think I'll just take whatever comes, even if it's the ring of fire.

Flamingemu · January 2015

tinyhumantoe said:

@flamingemu I didn't know sunny side up had anything to do with back labor. W was sunnyside and I had major back labor - makes sense.

If you feel like sharing, how was the placenta delivered? I'm curious as to how that gets screwed up.

From what I understand, it should come out shortly after the baby. L & my placenta both came as a surprise to the Drs. The Drs did not deliver my placenta at all, it just kind of slid out during a post baby contraction. So of course that left some major retained placenta behind. The nurses did a couple of uterus massages (from the outside) to help make sure nothing was left but it didn't help.

I should have known better when I had so little bleeding after birth, and no clots at all. That was due to it all still attached to my uterus. That caused some PP hemoriaging and a middle of the night D&C. Being a holiday and not having my normal OB on top of things just made for a clusterfuck of a delivery for me.

AlinnJo · January 2015

@Flamingemu‌ I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. I didn't know or maybe I don't remember hearing about the reasons why you were having trouble. I appreciate you sharing your story. The whole delivering the placenta is also foreign to me so this info helps me feel more knowledgable.

AlinnJo · January 2015

@tinyhumantoe‌ I get what you mean. I think everyone gets to a point where they just want the baby out and they don't care how it happens. You are getting so close! How far along were you when you delivered W?

Flamingemu · January 2015

AlinnJo said:

@Flamingemu‌ I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. I didn't know or maybe I don't remember hearing about the reasons why you were having trouble. I appreciate you sharing your story. The whole delivering the placenta is also foreign to me so this info helps me feel more knowledgable.

Yes, well emergency surgery at 3am is never a good thing. The D&C is what is causing all of my issues.

Hyaline · January 2015

The Birth Partner--book. I gave my copy to a friend. It's geared toward the partner, but I found it really helpful as the birthing woman. A lot of good info on approaching pain management informed.

I think so much of a positive birth experience is knowing what *you* want, educating yourself on the options, and knowing what "tools" are in your toolbox. Plus being prepared to advocate for yourself or having someone who will do that for you. I wanted a totally med-free birth and ended up with an epi and pit--but those were my informed choices and I was comfortable with them. For me, birth wasn't something I wanted to have happen to me--I wanted to be an active participant. And I was, the whole way through. There's nothing wrong with taking a less active, more "I'm putting myself in my doc's hands" approach, but be aware that that will probably be the default unless you make the conscious choice otherwise.

Tour the L&D unit you'll be birthing at with a list of questions. Even if you've birthed there before. Going in and talking with a nurse and seeing the rooms through the perspective of what I wanted to aim for in a birth was really helpful.

But my two cents on the specifics from my experience:

1) Spend as much time at home as possible in labor. Much more relaxing environment, and you're a lot more likely to end up stuck in the hospital for-e-ver than to be that woman who delivers in a cornfield because you don't make it in time. Sounds nuts, but try to enjoy early labor.

2) If you get an epi, and don't want pushing complications, have them shut it off before you start trying to push. I didn't try to push for real until I could feel the contractions. It's a lot easier when you and your body understand each other!

3) Pooping will terrify you post-delivery. It's ok, you'll be fine. But everyone is terrified right along with you on teh first baby poops. Colace.

4) Tearing and stitches hurt, but they really do heal quickly and aren't as war-zone horrible as people make them out to be sometimes. It's a wound, it heals.

5) You may feel like you were hit by a truck. No one warned me about the full body aching, but after 24 hours in labor, no duh.

6) Don't feel like you have to spring to and be on your feet a ton just because it was a "natural" delivery in stead of c-section. Your body went through a lot. Take it easy. I did too much right away and a) felt like crap but b) and more importantly, ended up bleeding for about 10 weeks and I'm pretty sure I did it to myself.

7) If you have Nurse Ratchet who tells you you "need to learn to take care of your baby" when she's been crying for hours and you haven't slept in two days, tell that bitch to please take your child to the nursery for a couple hours because moms need postpartum care, too--and not just the ones recovering from c-sections (which Nurse Ratchet told me was the only reason to send your child out of the room). Rooming-in is an awesome concept, but see point 6--you went through a lot, and if you need rest, demand some.

MRoxy0628 · January 2015

Flamingemu said:

I had really bad back labor since L flipped to the sunnyside up position the night before she decided to grace us with her presence. I labored at home until I couldn't take it any more. I was a little more than 5cm when I went to the hospital and immediately asked for an epi. I was told it was hit or miss that it would work with back labor - it worked thank goodness.

I pushed for 10 minutes, we told I was doing it wrong and gave up. I told the nurse she had to turn off my epi if I was going to push properly. So they did. We waited about 30 minutes or so until I could feel the ring of fire, fun times. Then I started pushing again. It was much easier once I could feel everything again.

The only thing I can offer that wasn't already mentioned is to make sure your placenta is delivered properly. Mine is still causing me issues today thanks to a super fast delivery.

Me too! We have a few similarities when it comes to our children that make me do a double take. Born on the same day, with the same name (albeit spelled differently) and now both born sunny side up. Also, I think both our LOs had hip dysplasia? I feel like I'm in that episode of Seinfeld where they meet those characters that are very similar to them, but different. Sorry if that was weird, just had to say it.

Flamingemu · January 2015

MRoxy0628 said:

Flamingemu said:

I had really bad back labor since L flipped to the sunnyside up position the night before she decided to grace us with her presence. I labored at home until I couldn't take it any more. I was a little more than 5cm when I went to the hospital and immediately asked for an epi. I was told it was hit or miss that it would work with back labor - it worked thank goodness.

I pushed for 10 minutes, we told I was doing it wrong and gave up. I told the nurse she had to turn off my epi if I was going to push properly. So they did. We waited about 30 minutes or so until I could feel the ring of fire, fun times. Then I started pushing again. It was much easier once I could feel everything again.

The only thing I can offer that wasn't already mentioned is to make sure your placenta is delivered properly. Mine is still causing me issues today thanks to a super fast delivery.

Me too! We have a few similarities when it comes to our children that make me do a double take. Born on the same day, with the same name (albeit spelled differently) and now both born sunny side up. Also, I think both our LOs had hip dysplasia? I feel like I'm in that episode of Seinfeld where they meet those characters that are very similar to them, but different. Sorry if that was weird, just had to say it.

No hip issues, but she did have weight issues at birth. Since she was so big, she lost a bunch and it took nearly a month to regain and surpass her birth weight. Now she is a giant, so there's that.

Eastie156 · January 2015

So, I've done both epidural (Ethan) and natural (Abby). Honestly? Pain was a b**ch with Abby's natural birth, but recovery was way easier and faster. I'll say when your uterus contracting without meds is awful though.

Everything was faster the second time around and I'd do natural again given the opportunity. But really ever y detail @tinyhumantoe‌ said about it all is true...

Also-I really think the epi slowed E's delivery down. If I knew then what I know now, I would've done it differently, I think.

tinyhumantoe · January 2015

Flamingemu said:

tinyhumantoe said:

@flamingemu I didn't know sunny side up had anything to do with back labor. W was sunnyside and I had major back labor - makes sense.

If you feel like sharing, how was the placenta delivered? I'm curious as to how that gets screwed up.

From what I understand, it should come out shortly after the baby. L & my placenta both came as a surprise to the Drs. The Drs did not deliver my placenta at all, it just kind of slid out during a post baby contraction. So of course that left some major retained placenta behind. The nurses did a couple of uterus massages (from the outside) to help make sure nothing was left but it didn't help.

I should have known better when I had so little bleeding after birth, and no clots at all. That was due to it all still attached to my uterus. That caused some PP hemoriaging and a middle of the night D&C. Being a holiday and not having my normal OB on top of things just made for a clusterfuck of a delivery for me.

This all makes me so sad, I am sorry

tinyhumantoe · January 2015

AlinnJo said:

@tinyhumantoe‌ I get what you mean. I think everyone gets to a point where they just want the baby out and they don't care how it happens. You are getting so close! How far along were you when you delivered W?

I *think* I was 38w4d, but now I'm questioning if I was 39w on the nose. I can't remember if my initial due date was 9/22 or 9/25. I am pretty sure I never made it to the 39w ticker.

I thought I was going to have her soon but the contractions have died down and I kid you not, she moved back "up" 2 days ago after feeling like she was going to fall out for 1.5 weeks.

Flamingemu · January 2015

Eastie156 said:

So, I've done both epidural (Ethan) and natural (Abby). Honestly? Pain was a b**ch with Abby's natural birth, but recovery was way easier and faster. I'll say when your uterus contracting without meds is awful though. Everything was faster the second time around and I'd do natural again given the opportunity. But really ever y detail @tinyhumantoe‌ said about it all is true... Also-I really think the epi slowed E's delivery down. If I knew then what I know now, I would've done it differently, I think.

My docs said this is true in a lot of cases.

willy_gert · January 2015

tinyhumantoe said:

AlinnJo said:

@tinyhumantoe‌ I get what you mean. I think everyone gets to a point where they just want the baby out and they don't care how it happens. You are getting so close! How far along were you when you delivered W?

I *think* I was 38w4d, but now I'm questioning if I was 39w on the nose. I can't remember if my initial due date was 9/22 or 9/25. I am pretty sure I never made it to the 39w ticker.

I thought I was going to have her soon but the contractions have died down and I kid you not, she moved back "up" 2 days ago after feeling like she was going to fall out for 1.5 weeks.

Luci did this the day she was born. I labored for 8 hours and then ended up in an emergency C because she didn't want to come out and neither of us were handling that plan well.

@flamingemu I'm sorry with all that you have had to deal with! I thought it was common knowledge that the placenta came shortly after the baby and was to be examined thoroughly to ensure that there weren't any pieces left inside.

Big hugs lady!

hmp1 · January 2015

Eastie156 said:

So, I've done both epidural (Ethan) and natural (Abby). Honestly? Pain was a b**ch with Abby's natural birth, but recovery was way easier and faster. I'll say when your uterus contracting without meds is awful though. Everything was faster the second time around and I'd do natural again given the opportunity. But really ever y detail tinyhumantoe‌ said about it all is true... Also-I really think the epi slowed E's delivery down. If I knew then what I know now, I would've done it differently, I think.

I only have my experience to speak to, and while the epi may have slowed down delivery for James, I doubt it had much impact on Leo. If it did, I would have delivered way fast because it was pretty fast compared to James and both were medicated. I even got my epi earlier with Leo because no reason to go through any of that pain, lol, so I got it before I was even having painful contractions. I feel like (zero research has been done to back up this statement) my body just knew what to do this time and spit that baby out. My recovery was way easier/faster too. But that doesn't help for a VBAC post, sorry!

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